[arlana-likes-to-write]

My Kids

Part 2 of Show Me A Sign (but can be read as a standalone)

Summary: The 4th of July is always a hell of a shift but with a potential cyber attack, a waiting room filled with patients, and even more in the ED, Dana has a lot to take care of. With all the chaos, one of her kids will always come first.

Warnings: self-harm, relapse, mention of Frank's addition and stealing, Trinity needs a hug and gets that hug, Dana loves her kids, mention of past sexual abuse, mention of past abuse, mention of Pittfest

Relationship: Trinity x reader, Trinity x Dana (platonic), Dana x daughter!reader

Word Count: 3.2K

Dana liked to believe she knew her people well. Yes, she took some time off to recover from being physically assaulted and to help with your recovery, along with Trinity, Samara, Victoria, Mel, and Dennis. So it really wasn’t time off when she saw them at least once a week. Eventually, the itch to return overpowered her, and here she was commanding the ED as if she had never left.

Even with the break, she knew her people. She was watching Samara and Jack dance around their feelings with each other. Robbie, God bless him, was five seconds away from her mental breakdown, maybe three. There’s a new attending she had to learn. She liked Al-Hashimi. The woman was stubborn and desperately wanted to better a system that was equally stubborn. Frank was back, which was an odd thing to sit with, but she trusted whoever was in charge of that mess to make the right call.

Then there was Trinity, who was drowning in charge, the punching bag for Robbie’s bullshit, and getting into petty fights with Frank. She understood why, though, especially when the R2 cornered her and asked if she knew he was coming back. Of course, she didn’t. Today was her first day back in months, but she was doing her best to keep an eye on the girl without showing favoritism. Trinity made you happy, and that was all Dana wanted for her girls. So she was gonna look after your happiness when you couldn’t.

Which led to Dana’s second belief. She had really good fucking eyesight, even though she was pushing 60; nothing got past her. That was why she was staring at Trinity, who was standing by the emergency room cart. “Come on, kid,” she mumbled. “Don’t do anything stupid.” If anyone else were watching her, she would have gotten away with it. But it was Dana, and Dana knew and saw everything, even with her eyes closed. The movement was so subtle as Trinity grabbed a disposable scalpel and slid it into her scrub pocket.

Dana closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. When she opened them, Trinity was gone. Shit, double shit. Another shift from hell because of the potential cyber attack, and now her daughter’s partner was taking a scalpel to do God knows what with.

Maybe Benji was right; she should have waited another day.

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All she needed was a two-minute fucking break - from Al-Hashimi, who wasn’t breathing down her neck about charting, Robbie, who had to have a stick up his ass and where no one was looking at her like she was the villain for doing the right thing on her first fucking day, no less. It pissed her off that Langdon was allowed to come back to work. Because if it were her, Samira, or Cassie in his position, they would have been fired and their licenses revoked. But he was Robbie’s golden boy, so he had been given a slap on the wrist and welcomed back with open arms.

Sighing, she stood up from the toilet, flushed, and left the bathroom stall, where she wasn’t expecting to run into Dana. “Jesus Christ,” she yelled, placing her hand over her heart. “You scared the shit out of me, Mama D.” The charger wasn’t amused as Trinity walked around her to wash her hands. “I’m still waiting in labs for my patient in Bay Three.” She glanced at your mom through the mirror, who was staring at her intently, like she was trying to figure her out. It was unsettling. She grabbed paper towels, dried her hands, and turned around to come face-to-face with Dana, her hand outstretched.

“Give it to me,” Such a simple sentence that turned her blood cold. There was no way Dana saw her take it. It was impossible. The charge nurse was just fucking with her.

“You want a high five,” Trinity teased, but Dana remained standing. “Dana, I got charting I have to catch up on.” But the nurse refused to move.

“You have two options, kid. One, you give me that thing in your pocket that we both know is there.” Trinity’s stomach drops like she was on a roller coaster. “Or I call her, and you give it to her, your choice.” You were working today, still finding your footing after returning from your recovery. She couldn’t pull you away from that, but she couldn’t admit to your mom what was in her pocket.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Dana.” She walked past and bumped her shoulder against your mom’s. She wasn’t going far when Dana grabbed her wrist to stop her.

“Trinity, please.” Dana pleaded. That was Trinity’s undoing. The R2 turned around slowly and faced her. She was pleading, begging for Trinity to trust her. Her throat started to burn, but she went into her pocket to pull out the scalpel. She dropped it in Dana’s outstretched hand. “Thank you, baby.” The term of endearment shattered Trinity’s already fragile heart. Dana slipped the scalpel into her pocket. The nurse grabbed both of Trinity’s hands. “Did you use it?” She opened and closed her mouth like she was a fish out of water, but Dana was patient.

“No,” Trinity lied. She could still feel the sting of the two simple lines on both of her thighs. They rubbed against the fabric of scrub pants. Dana kept her face open, unguarded, as she looked at Trinity up and down. Dana stood in front of her with a soft look that Trinity had seen her give to you and your sisters. During family game night, while the three of you bickered over rules. When Elizabeth had her son on her hip. This look appeared when you went off on a tangent about a case. It was soft, warm, and so full of love that she had never received from her own mother.

“I,” she shook her head to stop herself from lying. “Yeah,” her voice shook, her throat burned, and her head started to pound from holding back tears. “Yeah,” she started again. “I wasn’t supposed to, because I promised her I stopped and would call if the noise got too much.” She couldn’t stop talking if she tried. Dana took it all well, kept her face unchanged, and gently rubbed her thumbs across Trinity’s hands. “But the noise is loud, and everything hurts, Mom.”

Now Dana’s face changed. It crumbled as Trinity let the tears fall, and she was quickly brought into Dana’s arms.

There was one thing Trinity hated more than anything, and that was crying. But crying in front of others, that was her 13th reason. She hated the vulnerability, the attention it brought to her. It made her skin crawl, happy tears, sad tears, and angry tears. She hated it all. She only cried in front of you twice, once on the anniversary of her best friend’s death. Every year, she requested it off, but she got called in and had to work on a really hard peds case that brought up too many memories.

The second time was more recent. After you were cleared from the hospital and back in your shared bed, she allowed herself to cry. You allowed her to lay her head on your chest, listening to the sound of her, of your heartbeat. She felt so stupid for crying against Dana, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop when she thought the tears had settled. Dana hugged her tighter, and more tears fell. Dana smelled of bad hospital coffee, nicotine, and vanilla, everything Trinity associated with home.

“Okay.” Dana pulled back slightly, cupping Trinity’s face in her hands. Trinity almost whined from the loss of warmth. “Okay, sweetheart. Here’s what we’re gonna do.” Dana’s thumb pushed away her tears. “We’re gonna go into the locker room, and I’m gonna make sure you’re okay.” Trinity opened her mouth to protest, but closed it when Dana gave her a look. “Do it for me, kid.” Dana placed a hand on her heart. “My heart isn’t as good as it used to be.” Well, Trinity couldn’t say no to that. She nodded her head. “Good.” Dana smiled, kissing Trinity’s forehead. “Come on.”

Luckily, they made it to the locker room without an issue, and it was empty because everyone was running around the ED. Dana grabbed a simple first aid kit. “Okay,” the nurse smiled. “Can you show me where they are?” Trinity hesitated. Her hands turned into fists at her side. She was desperately trying to ground herself.

She was standing in the locker room at the PITT, not in the locker room at her gymnasium, where she fell in love with and out of love with the sport. She wasn’t a little kid anymore. She was in control.

Sighing, she undid the tie of her scrubs and pulled them down to just below her knees. She sat on the bed before Dana could say anything. The charge nurse pulled over a chair and sat in front of Trinity. The R2 couldn’t look at her. She closed her eyes as she heard Dana put on the gloves. She tried not to flinch when the nurse’s hands touched her thighs. “They don’t need stitches.” Trinity knew that she knew the correct amount of pressure to feel the hurt without cutting too deep.

Her hands have been steady during chest compressions, IVs, and stitches given to little kids. They were also steady when she placed that scalpel to her skin. The slow hiss escaped past her lip as the disinfectant hit her skin. “Are you gonna report me?”Trinity opened her eyes at Dana’s sigh

“No, not going to help you.”

“Are you going to tell her?” Dana glanced up to see Trinity already watching her.

“I’m not gonna lie to her, but I won’t outright tell her.” Trinity nodded. That was good. That meant Trinity had time to come up with a story. “But,” Dana said slowly. “I wouldn’t keep this from her. That girl loves you, every part of you.” The last bandage was placed.

“I love her too.” Trinity pulled up her pants, not tying them yet, as she sat back down. “Uh, thanks, Dana.” The nurse smiled.

“Of course, you are one of my kids, okay? My job is to look after you and make sure you’re all right.” Tears started to swell in Trinity’s eyes. She was so tired of crying.

Then the door opened. “Mama, Trin.” Their heads snapped to look at your sudden appearance. Well, this is awkward.

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You stepped through the ambulance bay on your own two feet. It wasn’t the first time you walked in since Pit Fest. Mostly just to see Trinity and your friends. It sucked the wind out of your lungs. “Look at what the cat dragged in.” Donnie was the first to see you through the chaos. “How have you been?”

“Good.” You hugged the man. “A lot better than you guys here, I see.” Donnie huffed out a laugh. “Mercy is equally a mess.”

“Feel like I’m back in the Stone Age when your mom first became a nurse.” You punched him lightly in the stomach.

“I’m telling her you called her old.” He shrugged like he accepted his fate.

“See you around, sound bird.” he went back into the chaos with the ED. You looked around for your two favorite people, but couldn’t spot them. You figured they were working a case together. Sighing, you walked towards the big room when a voice stopped you.

“Hello, do you need help with something?” You turned around to see a woman with curly hair held back by a clip and a Lululemon jacket over her scrubs. She looked put together, but you could see the toll the day was having on her.

“No,” you remembered, Trinity texting you about a new attending starting today to cover Robbie’s sabbatical. “I’m looking for my mom, Dana Evans.” Realization dawned over the woman’s features, and her shoulders relaxed slightly. She nodded.

“You must be Songbird.” You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Dr. Robinavitch mentioned you in passing.” She held out her hand. “Baran Al-Hashimi.”

You introduced yourself and shook her hand. “How’s your first day?” You followed her to the nurses’ station, waving at Mel and Samira as you walked by.

“It’s been challenging. The potential cyber attack has not helped.” You nodded your agreement as your fingers tapped against the counter. You were getting anxious. There was still no sign of Trinity or your mom. “I saw your mom with Dr. Sanchez headed to the locker room.” She looked at you over the report, which she was reading.

It was a mix of feelings that raced through your chest, all of it masked with worry. Why were they in the locker room? “Thank you.” You smiled. “It is nice meeting you, Dr. Al-Hashimi. I look forward to seeing you again.” You meant it, especially since she was going to be your girlfriend’s new supervisor.

“Likewise.” You waved goodbye and headed to the locker room, squeezing Princess’s shoulder as you walked past. You swung the door open. The greeting stuck on your tongue as you saw the scene in front of you. Trinity was sitting on the bench with your mom in front of her. “Mama,Trin,” their head snapped like they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar. There was no hiding the discarded medical supplies and the dry tears on your girlfriend’s cheeks

“Are you okay?” You rushed over, looking for any signs of injuries.

“I’m fine,” Trinity gritted, which you had a hard time believing. You heard your mom cleaning up the discarded medical supplies.

“I’m going to check on your patients; take all the time you need.” Dana kissed the top of your head, but you weren’t paying attention to her, which you would apologize for later. Your attention was on your girlfriend, who refused to meet your gaze. You sat in the chair that had previously been occupied by your mom.

“What are you doing here?” Trinity asked.

“I had a half day. I’m not cleared for full shifts yet at Mercy.” Physically, you passed all tests, but you weren’t cleared on the psych level yet. Trinity nodded. “Can you tell me what happened, baby?” Your hand took hold of hers. She allowed it. Trinity’s jaw clenched. You could see the struggle she was facing.

There was no injury to her face or arms. That meant whatever Dana cleaned up was hidden. Without thinking, your eyes look at her thighs. Trinity watched you the entire time. “Baby,” you said softly. “Did you hurt yourself?” Trinity’s lips started to tremble, and all she could manage was a small nod. You almost missed it. Your heart shattered, but you had to focus. This wasn’t about you. This was about the girl who looked utterly destroyed. You’ve never seen her so small. Rationally, you knew she was safe. Your mom would have made sure of it. Still, you were terrified. “Okay,” you said.

Finally, Trinity locked eyes with you. “You aren’t mad?” You shook your head.

“No, baby, I’m not mad. I’m,” you sighed. “I’m sad you didn’t come to me. And today made you feel like you had to do this.”

“It’s been a really shitty day.”

“I know.” You pulled her into a hug, and she slumped against you. “I’ve got you. Everything is gonna be okay.” You let the hug go on as long as she needed it. Do you want to go home?”

“No,” Trinity said, ending the hug. “Today’s been a mess, and I can’t leave them short-staffed.” You glared at her. “Besides,” she said. “I can’t let them win.”

“Okay,” you pulled her to your feet and kissed her cheek. “Then I’m saying, too.”

“What? No, absolutely not.” You giggled at her reaction. “I’m not having you stay here in the break room.”

“Who said I’d be in the break room?” You tilted her head. “Looks like you guys could use some help out there.” You walked towards the door.

“No.” Trinity grabbed your hand. “You aren’t clear for full days of work.”

“Technically, it would be a half day at the PTMC, which I can work half shifts.” You smiled. “Besides, Gloria has been trying to poach me from Mercy since my R1 days.” Your girlfriend groaned, and her head hit the wall behind her.

“I’m not winning this, am I?”

“Nope.” You popped the ‘p’ for extra emphasis. “I love you, though.” Finally, Trinity smiled.

“I love you too.” And she kissed you. You’ve missed the feeling of her lips all day. “However, I’m not protecting you from your mom.” You laughed. The sound filled the quiet room, and Trinity’s smile only grew.

“I’ll handle my mama.”

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“What do you have for me, boss?” Dana looked up from the chart she was reading to you, a smile on her face that screamed trouble. You looked like you got away with something. Then her eyes flickered to the badge around her neck. It was a PTMC bag with a visiting doctor on it. She could see your name and picture on it. Dana frowned.

“Absolutely not.” Your smile remained.

“Gloria has already approved it.” Dana scoffed. Of course, she had. That woman had been trying to get you to work here since you started medical school.

“You’re only allowed to work half days.”

“Half days at Mercy,” you clarified. “Which I did, and now I’m working a half day here.” Dana narrowed her eyes at you, and you matched her glare. Dana faintly heard Princess and Perlah talking in a language she could not understand, but she knew it was about the standoff. “Besides, wouldn’t it be fun to work with your favorite daughter?” Dana rolled her eyes.

“I’m telling your sisters you said that.” She handed you the chart she was reading, giving in to a fight she knew she could not win.

“They’ll get over it.” You opened the chart and began to familiarize yourself with the case. Dana had to admit it was nice to see you in your element in the ED setting. She had seen you stressed about a case at the kitchen table or on the phone. You were at ease with the chaos around you.

“You realize she’s never going to give you back to Mercy.” You laughed.

“Heard from the grapevine that Samira is taking a position at the VA.” You said all this without looking up. “Garcia may have offered me the open spot.” Dana raised an eyebrow at you. The option to work at the PTMC was always there for you, but you wanted to pave your path without your last name giving you special privileges. Dana respected that.

“Are you thinking about accepting it?” You shrugged. Instead of looking at her, your eyes fell on Trinity. She was working a peds case with the kid who broke his arm.

“It wouldn’t be so bad to have all your kids under the same roof, right?” You looked at her.

“Get to work, Dr. Evans.”

“Right away, Nurse Evans.” And you walked to your patient. Dana laughed softly with a shake of her head. Yeah, she was pushing 60, with more work kids than biological, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Show Me A Sign

Summary: Trinity wasn't expecting her first day as an R1 to be easy. But she was ready for it, what she wasn't ready for a mass casualty event to take place and you were there.

Relationship: Trinity x reader, Dana x reader (family)

Warnings: angst with a happy ending, Pitt Fest, medical inaccuracies, blood, Mama Bear Dana, mention of shooting, bullet, canon divergence, no usage of Y/n, no physical description besides reader being Dana's daughter, reader goes by Songbird.

Word Count: 4.9K

The only way Trinity was surviving her first day of residency was by looking through your text messages. She made it a habit of taking a quick two-minute bathroom break to look through the thread between you and her. It mostly consisted of you asking how her day was going, and you reminding her to take care of herself and eat. Being an R1 was something you knew too well, since you were in R2 at Mercy. She was surviving the best she could, trying to learn and absorb as much as she could. Sometimes she felt like she was drowning more than surviving.

Stay safe, Trinity type, don’t work too hard. Even though today was your day off at Mercy, you decided to volunteer as a medic at Pit Fest. You wanted the experience, which Trinity thought you were insane, because if it were her day off, she would be bed-rotting. You sent her a selfie, already decked out in your medic gear and Pit Fest badge. You looked cute with a bright smile on your face. Trinity saved it to her camera roll.

Love you, you text back. Make sure you eat something. My mama usually has protein bars in her bag.

Love you too, Trinity responded. She was hungry, but there was no way she was going to ask your mom for food. Your mom was a glue to the emergency room, the heart of the pit, the charge nurse who had been barking orders that Trinity knew she was going to hear in her sleep. But no one knew that Trinity had spent weekend dinners at the Evans house, helping Dana in the kitchen or helping you clean the table. No one knew that she’d spent summers off during medical school at your childhood home, studying a textbook with you and Dana’s help; no one knew that Trinity saw the charged nurse as a mother more than her own. It was one of the reasons you picked your residency at Mercy: to avoid the pressure and favoritism of working with people who had seen you grow up. So, yes, people knew you as Dana’s daughter, but not that Dana’s daughter was dating Trinity.

Sighing, she slipped her phone into her pocket and walked back into the chaos of the pit. “Dr. Santos, need you in bay three.”

One step at a time.

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The intercom announcement startled her, but she was lucky no one noticed. “Code triage, emergency department now. Code triage.”

“What’s that mean?” she asked. “Has something like this happened before?”

“We’re locking down the hospital,” someone responded. She wasn’t sure who. There have been too many faces and names today. “Setting up the command center in administration.” Trinity was always walking towards the nurse’s station. She looked at Dana, who was answering questions thrown at her, but she looked as white as a ghost. Trinity promised you she would keep an eye on her because you worried so much. Hell, she was already going to get an earful from you about the brew she neglected to tell you about, but it took one pointed look from Dana to keep the news of the assault to herself. Right now, something was wrong. Trinity had never seen Dana scared, sure, angry, pissed off, and upset, but never scared. She was itching to go to the to go and ask her what was wrong.

Then she heard McKay ask, what was going on. Three words sent a shiver of panic and fear down Trinity’s spine. Mash, mass casualty at Pit Fest. As soon as those words left Robbie’s mouth, Dana’s eyes locked into Trinity’s. Everything went mute around her, which was bad because what was being said was important. There was a mass casualty with multiple GSEs. None of that mattered because you were there. You were there on your stupid day off, and Trinity felt trapped.

“Call your loved ones”, Robbie said. That was all the confirmation Trinity needed as she made a beeline to the stairwell. Her phone was already ringing by the time the door slammed shut behind her, and it kept ringing and ringing until she was sent to your voicemail.

“Hi”, your voice almost sent Trinity to tears. “You’ve reached my voicemail. I can’t come to the phone right now, but your message would totally make my day. Leave your name, number, and a little sunshine after the beep.” The beep sounded louder than necessary.

“Baby,” Trinity’s voice shook. “I need you to call your mom or me as soon as you can. We just heard the news. I love you,” She hung up, sent you three messages, and called you again. Just text or call me

Trinity spun around when the door opened, an explanation on her tongue on why she took off, but she relaxed when she saw it was Dana. “I’ve called three times.” She hung up when she heard the voicemail again. “I’ve texted. She,” she hated how her voice cracked. “But she’s not answering.”

“Okay.” Trinity stared at the woman in front of her. She looks calmer than before, like she’s come to terms with what Trinity failed to accept.

“Okay?” The R1 repeated. “Okay, how are you okay with this? She’s out there with some crazed gunman, and we’re stuck here.” Dana’s face remained unchanged.

“Because I trust my daughter to take care of herself and keep herself safe.” Trinity let out a dry laugh.

“What your daughter is is stubborn, like her mom, and would gladly put herself in harm’s way to help someone.” That got a reaction, a slight clench of Dana’s shawl. Trinity wasn’t wrong; she had seen it firsthand. You were so eager to help others that you didn’t think about your own safety.

“Do you need to go home, Dr. Santos?” The usage of her last name caught her by surprise. Dana and I called her Santos all day because they were in the presence of others, but here they were alone.

“What? No, no,” she looked at her phone again. Nothing from you. “What I need, she turned her attention back to your mom, for the person I love more than anything to call me back, so I know she’s alive.” That singular statement cracked with her facade. Dana was wearing Trinity. Watched her crumble.

“Come here, sweetheart.” In two quick steps, Trinity was falling into Dana’s arms. The charge nurse held her tight, whispering gentle reassurances into her ear. I got you. You’re okay. Everything’s gonna be okay. A part of Trinity felt stupid. You were Dana’s daughter, and she was comforting her. “Now listen to me,” Dana pulled back to look at the art too. “She will let us know she’s okay. I have faith in her and the big man upstairs.” Trinity chuckled. “Say a prayer with me.” Dana grasped Trinity’s hands.

Trinity wasn’t religious. She lost faith in God long before she met you and your family, but before every meal, a prayer was said, and your family spent holidays at church. You were more relaxed about your beliefs, unlike your mother, but you wore a cross around your neck and prayed when you lost a patient.

Dana closed her eyes, and Trinity closed hers. “Heavenly Father, grant me this sincerity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.” Trinity opened her eyes.

“Amen.” She repeated, she watched the charge nurse kiss the cross she wore around her neck.

“Are you okay to work this?” Trinity nodded. Dana cupped her face and looked her over. “Good.” The door burst open, and Trinity stared at Robbie with Dana’s hands on her face.

“Santos, he said slowly. His eyes were pinched if he was trying to figure out something. “You good?”

“Yeah”, she took a step back from Dana, even though she missed it. “I’m good.” She could tell he wasn’t convinced.

“Okay, I’m assigning you Whitaker and Javadi to raid Central Supply and bring back all the chest tubes, e-tube tubes, and normal saline.” Trinity tilted her hand at him.

“I thought that was all in behavioral health.”

“We will go through that in the first hour.” Trinity nodded. “West basement just passed nuclear medicine.”

“Got it.” She headed for the door.

“Wait,” she spun around. “Take one of the empty disaster bins, so you can grab everything again.” Trinity nodded, locked eyes with Dana one more time, and went back into the chaos.

One sign was all they needed to know. You were okay.

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Dana watched the door close behind Trinity and let out a staggering breath. “So,” Robbie said slowly. “Do I want to know what that was about?” They were so close to getting away with it. Trinity wanted to wait at least a few months into her residency, and Dana respected that, but when she saw the doctor rush off with her phone in hand, she had to follow. She was going to leave her alone with this. Dana sighs, hands on her hips.

“Songbird is at Pit Fest,” Dana had to look at the wall instead of the man next to her. Hell, Jack and his girlfriend were there. This is one less thing he needed to stress about. But her coworkers were her family. They watched you and your sisters grow up. “She and Trinity have been together for a few years now.” Your second year at medical school, and her first. You tried to tell her that you and Trinity were just friends, but Dana could spot a lie when a patient was being dishonest, and that went for her daughters, too.

“Jesus,” she glanced at Robbie, who was running a hand through his hair. “Little songbird is old enough to date.” Dana chuckled.

“Not so little anymore.” Dana pulled out a pack of gum and took out a piece. She was trying to cut back on cigarettes. You were in your second year of residency, still trying to figure out your path in the medical field, and now you’re at a festival with the gunman. Robbie placed a hand on Dana’s shoulder.

“We’re here for you,” he said. “For both of you.” Dana smiled. She appreciated it, but all she needed was a sign from you that you were okay.

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The smell of blood was going to be stuck with Trinity for days. She moved on to survival instincts that she wasn’t sure she had. Gauze needed, she was running for it, chest tube needed to be placed, she, she was volunteering for it, blood was already donated, anything to keep her mind off of you and your safety, any time she took off her gloves to change them, she checked her phone, nothing, Dana kept shaking her head whenever their eyes locked, your mom had your sisters and father trying to get a hold of you too, silence was killing her, but she needed to focus, because the chaos of the ED wouldn’t stop for her, even though she wanted it to.

“Who wrote this?” She heard Walsh ask with a patient’s arm in the air. Her eyes squinted to see black writing, most likely Sharpie. A few went over to check, but no one claimed responsibility. So Trinity walked over, and her stomach dropped, because she knew that handwriting, it was yours, explaining the infield procedure that you performed.

“I know this handwriting,” Trinity mumbled.

“Can we trust it?” Walsh asked.

“What?” Trinity looked at the surgeon.

“Can we trust this information?” Walsh asked again. “This could make or break treatment.”

“Yes,” Trinity answered. “Yes, it’s Dana’s daughter.” She ran over to the nurse’s station, slipping on the blood, but she caught herself.

“Easy, kid,” Dana said. “What do you need?”

“A sign.” The charge nurse’s eyebrows went to her hairline. “She’s okay. I saw a sign.” Trinity told Dana about the message on the patient’s arm. As Trinity explained, a smile grew on Dana’s face.

“Atta, girl,” Dana mumbled, kissing the cross on her neck. “Get back to work, Trinity.” She felt warmth fill her at the sound of her first name coming from your mom.

“Yes, ma’am.” Now there was hope as she walked back into the mess.

The note Walsh found wasn’t the last. They were written everywhere: on arms, legs, stomachs. Crash even saw a note on a forehead. Every piece of information you provided was one less thing they had to figure out. You helped save countless lives while you weren’t even there. Then she heard Robbie say the incident command was sending out all ambulances back to the scene for more victims. That meant this shift from hell was never going to end, and they were nowhere closer to knowing if you were okay.

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Robbie was bone tired. Maybe it was selfish, but he was annoyed when the ambulance pulled into the bay just as he wanted to leave. The paramedic jumped out of the driver’s side and looked at him. There was no hiding the look of sympathy on his face. “Sorry,” he apologized. “She asked to come here.” It wasn’t a surprise. Patients, if they were coherent, would pick which hospital they would go to.

“What do we got?” Robbie asked.

“28 female.” Everything went silent as the paramedic opened the back of the ambulance, and his eyes landed on you. You looked exhausted and drained, but had a smile on your face.

“Hi, Uncle Mike,” you smiled.

“Songbird,” Robbie rushed to your side as they pushed you into the ED.

“This is ridiculous,” you mumbled. “I’m fine.”

“You were grazed by a bullet,” one of the paramedics said. Robbie almost laughed as you rolled your eyes.

“Dana!” The charge nurse was luckily still working. Robbie knew she was sticking around to see if you stumbled him when her eyes landed on you. The tough wall she had built up crumbled.

“Sweetheart,” she rushed over to you as you moved into an empty room, and you were able to move yourself to the bed. Dana tried to put her hands on your cheeks to look over you, but you stopped her. You squinted at your mom, a look Robbie had seen many times as you analyzed this situation in front of you.

“You’re hurt,” you said simply. The energy of the room clearly shifted, but Dana waved you off.

“I’m fine,” she smiled, the first real smile Robbie had seen since the mess had happened. “Let’s make sure you are too.” You huffed, but leaned, but learned to pick up and choose your battles with Mama Evans.

“I’m fine,” you said as you removed your jacket. “It’s just a graze.” Sure enough, there was dried blood on your arm where you got hurt. It looked like you roughly cleaned it before you kept moving. Still, you allowed the nurses and Robbie to check you out. “Is she still here?” You glanced at Robbie as you spoke. Dana chuckled. She moved some of the hair out of your face and kissed her temple.

“Cat’s out of the bag, sugar,” Dana said. “Everyone knows. Mohan.” The doctor stopped at the mention of her name. You waved at her. Mohan’s face lit up at seeing you. “Go get Santos.”

“On it.” Kim placed heart rate monitors on her chest.

“I can’t believe you’re dating and hid it from me.” Robbie rolled over a stool next to you.

“I was gonna tell you, but then she got accepted here for her residency.” You hissed as the disinfectant touched your skin. Dana whispered something in your ear and kissed your head again. “And I was gonna call, but when the shooting happened, my phone disappeared.” The monitors next to you started beeping as your heart rate increased. Slowly, you tried to breathe through the panic. Robbie continued, once your heart rate had returned to normal. “It all happened so fast.”

“You did well, kid.” Robbie glanced over his shoulder to see Jack. A couple of them were headed to the park to drink and forget this awful shift. He must have stayed once news of your arrival spread through the ED. Although the news of you and Santos dating was new information, you and your two sisters were welcome sights, especially when you brought food for the day shift. He smiled.

“Hi, Jackie.” Robbie could hear his friend’s eye roll. “I learned…“ your voice trailed off. Robbie looked at you; your eyeballs were pinched together, and you were staring just past Jack.

“Songbird.” That got your attention, and you looked at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just…“ Again, trailed off. The heart rate machine you were hooked up to stumbled. Beep….beep

“Sweetheart.” Dana’s voice was tight with concern.

“I,” Robbie watched you try to swallow. “Feel weird.” The color drained from your face.

“Pressure dropping,” Kim said. Robby was already moving as you head rolled to the side. The monitor gave a long, uneven tone before breaking into a rapid series of alarms. Dana said your name, but it went unanswered as Robbie lowered the back of the bed.

“Songbird, are you still with me?” Robbie took out a small flashlight, opened your eyes, and shone the light in them. Your pupils were enlarged, gazing over. “Shit, pupils are enlarged.”

“Mama,” your voice was slurred. “Mama,” you whimpered, and the sound almost undid Robbie. Dana moved to the head of the bed.

“Your mama’s here, baby,” she whispered. “Mama’s right here.” Jack took Dana’s spot on your side. You were coherent, which was good. Suddenly, you started coughing, and blood poured down your cheek. What was happening? You were upright, having a conversation, when your heart started dropping fast.

“We need more hands in here,” Robbie called out. Shen and Ellis came rushing in.

“What do we have?” Ellis asked.

“Help me flip her on her side,” Jack ordered. Robbie knew better than to question him. “On my call,” he said, and waited until Robbie Shen and Ellis had solid points of contact with you. “3,2,1, flip.” You were turned on your side, and there was the culprit.

“We got a GSE,” Robbie said.

“No exit wound,” Jack added. “Kim. Get Walsh and Garcia in Trauma One. We gotta move.” But then everyone froze as they heard Mohan and Santos approaching the bay.

“Shit,” Dana mumbled. “Stop her.”

“On it,” Ellis said, but it was too late. Santos stopped walking as they wheeled you off to surgery.

“Whoa, wait, wait,” Santos yelled. Then Robbie heard the distinct sound of a body colliding with another. “Get the fuck off of me. Let me go, let me go.” It was a strange feeling that bubbled in Robbie’s chest. A resident that he just met today, who answered with more sarcasm than anyone he had ever heard, was breaking his already fragile heart. Her screams would haunt him.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

Trinity found Dana at the OR door. The charge nurse was lost in thought because she was unfazed by Trinity’s appearance. “What the fuck happened?” That got your mom’s attention as she tore her gaze off the door,

“GSE to the back, no exit wound.” Her voice was bland, like she was speaking about a random patient, not her own daughter. “Was coherent, but pressure dropped.”

“GSE,” Trinity said slowly. “She had spent all of Pit Fest with a bullet in her.” Dana nodded.

“Abbott thinks the adrenaline blocked her pain sensors said,” Dana paused. “He’s seen it before during wartime scenarios.”

:Jesus Christ,” Trinity placed her hands behind her neck and squeezed, but before she could go on a rant, Trinity looked at the woman in front of her. Dana was shaking. All of Trinity’s anger disappeared because, yes, you were her girlfriend, but most importantly, you were Dana’s daughter. “Hey,” Trinity placed her hands on Dana’s arms. “I got you,” she promised. “I got you.” The charge nurse folded against the doctor.

“I gotta call Benji,” Dana said, shaking against Trinity. The doctor had held onto her, held onto her tighter. Gotta call Elizabeth and Sarah.

“I can do that,” Trinity said. “Let’s sit down. Okay,” she wasn’t waiting for a response, and she led Dana to the family room. The charge nurse went without a fight or argument, which scared Trinity even more than you being in major surgery. Once Dana sat down, the fight seemed to drain out of her. She slumped in the chair, grasping Trinity’s hand so tightly she was losing feeling, but she wasn’t going to tell Dana that. If Dana needed to hold her hand, she was going to let her,

“There was so much blood,” Trinity looked at the nurse, who was staring at the floor. Trinity wasn’t sure she was talking to her. She liked to believe she was getting better with her emotions. Vulnerability was not something she was great at. She kept her emotions and fears locked away in the box, but your family worked hard to earn her trust. Still, she was unsure how to comfort Dana while she waited for any news.

“Sing with me,” Trinity whispered. She wasn’t sure if Dana heard her, but she continued anyway. “Come, stop your crying, it’ll be all right. Just take my hand, hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you. I will be right here. Don’t you cry.”

While your family found faith and guidance in religion, Trinity found it in music. It’s how a friendship came between you and her that transformed into something more. Mostly her singing came from therapy sessions at the karaoke bar, but she could carry a tune. You were the better singer, though, spending a majority of your Sundays in the church choir as a kid, Dana chuckled. “‘Cause you’ll be in my heart,” Trinity continued, bumping her shoulder against the charge nurse,

“Yes, you’ll be in my heart,” Dana sang, her voice shaking, raspy from all the years of smoking.

“From this day on, now and forevermore,” they sang together. Tarzan was your favorite movie, which left Trinity very confused. She liked the movie, but when she compared it to the other Disney movies, it wasn’t in her top five. Then Trinity learned that Dana would play the soundtrack for you and your sisters when she had to work a night shift.

“I’ll be here always,” Trinity ended the song. The hug was a little awkward because of the chair arms, but they made it work.

“I love you, kid.” Trinity closed her eyes tight. She was not going to cry now, even though she’s been desperate to hear those three words from her own mother.

“Love you too, you.”

Benji and your two sisters arrived 10 minutes after Trinity got off the phone with them. Benji and your older sister, Sarah, went straight to Dana, as expected, to make sure she was okay. What Trinity wasn’t expecting was Elizabeth to make a beeline to her, pull her from her seat into a bone-crushing hug. The air was squeezed out of her lungs. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Once the hug was over, she managed to say,“Yeah, I’m okay.” Trinity wasn’t sure if she was okay, but that was all she could say. Then Benji hugged her, and then she was whisked away into Elizabeth’s arms. It was very overwhelming.

“Have we heard anything?” Benji asked, sitting on the empty seat next to Dana.

“No,” Dana said, opening and closing her hands and fists. “But sometimes that’s okay.”

“How was your first day?” Elizabeth asked as she sat next to Trinity. “Hell of a first day to deal with the Mass Casualty event.” Trinity let out a dry laugh.

“Yeah,” she sat back in the chair with her eyes closed. “Been a hell of a day.” Even in her family here, Dana took Trinity’s hand and squeezed it.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

“Huckleberry, Crash,” Trinity said as she stared at her fellow residents. “What the hell are you guys doing here?” Their arms were filled with plastic bags from the closest convenience store.

“We come bearing food.” Sarah was the first to move and help the two.

“You did not have to do this.” Dana protested while Dennis handed her water.

“Of course we did,” Victoria said. “You kind of become trauma-bodied when you experience the day we had together.” Victoria laughed. Sarah handed her Gatorade from the bag.

“Besides,” Dennis flew down into an empty chair with a lunch bowl in his hands. “Trinity is my ride home.”

“Fuck,” she groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I totally forgot.”Dennis waved his hand.

“You’re needed here.”Samara was next to appear. She offered everyone a warm smile, but was quick to settle into the corner with a blanket. She was asleep in minutes. Robbie stopped by when he could. Same with Jack. There was no shortage of visitors to make sure everyone was taken care of, which was strange. For the longest time, Trinity hated the idea of relying on others. Now she had a village of people by her side.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

Two hours, 16 minutes, and 45 seconds since you went into surgery and Walsh came out. “Dr. Walsh,” Dana said. “How is she?”

“Surgery was long. We were able to remove the bullet, and she’ll be moved to a room shortly.”

“But she’s okay?” Trinity questioned. Emery nodded.

“Yes,” the surgeon answered. “She will make a full recovery.” Somehow, that was all Trinity needed to hear to release a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding. Because you were okay. The surgery was a success, and Walsh was going over the next steps, but to Trinity, it was all white noise. Because you were okay, and yet there was no relief. You were in bed, still knocked out due to the anesthesia, and alone. You were right where you were needed to be, but Trinity felt trapped.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

There was a heaviness that covered your body. No matter how much you tried to move, it felt impossible. You tried to catalog your body; you could move your toes, and your fingers were flat against the mattress and a thin blanket. The steady beep sound reminded you that you were in the hospital, right? You took a bus to the PITT, and you were being treated for a bullet graze. Then something went wrong. It took a lot of effort, but you opened your eyes. You blinked a few times for them to adjust, but you weren’t in the ED, but the ICU. The sun was pouring in through the windows, which were poorly covered by the curtains. The windowsill was covered with baskets and flowers, balloons that said get well soon.

Then it hit you. You weren’t alone, moving your head slowly. You saw Trinity sleep in the chair next to you. She was still in the clothes you laid out for her on the first day. She claimed you didn’t have to, but you wanted to give her one last thing to worry about. God, she looked exhausted and uncomfortable. “Trin,” your voice hurt like hell, even though it was soft and quiet. Trinity jumped up wide awake. The chair fell to the ground. Shit, she picked it up and turned her attention to you.

“You’re awake, God. I don’t know whether to slap you, hug you, or start making out.”

“I would prefer option two or three if I had a choice.” You deadpanned. Trinity laughed carefully. She cupped her hands on either side of your face.

You felt her shake. Usually, her hands were so steady. She would be a great surgeon, but the shake in her hands unsettled you. “Easy, “ you mumbled, placing a hand on top of hers. “I’m safe.” You picked your words carefully because you were safe, safe in a hospital with painkillers that were in your IV, but you weren’t okay, because you’re missing time. One minute you were talking with Jack, Robbie, and your mom, and then nothing. You had no idea how or why you got here.

“Scared the shit out of me,” she admitted. Her green eyes were glossy from tears. She refused to let go. “Next time you have a day off, take it. My heart can’t handle it.” You giggled, leading up to kiss her softly.

“Deal.”

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

When you woke up again, your mom was sitting by your bedside with Trinity next to her. Your mom looked freshly showered and in different clothes when you first entered the ED. A fit memory of seeing her hurt rushed through you. You made a mental note to call them out on not telling you, but that was for another time. Now you watched two of your favorite people bicker over hospital field food.

“Look, I’m just saying hospitals should have better food.” Trinity said, “We preach healthy habits and feed people radioactive sludge.”

“Please”, Dana rolled her eyes. “They can barely afford to staff this place. I don’t think getting better food is on the list of priorities.” Trinity scrunched her nose in disgust.

“I’m not eating that.” She pushed the tray away. You chuckled. The sound got their attention.

“Hi, Mama.” You smiled. Dana moved quickly, kissing your face repeatedly. You giggled. “Mama, stop. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Damn right”, she said and sat back down in her chair. “Never letting you out of my sight.” You rolled your eyes, but grabbed your hand and squeezed it tight. “Love you both.” You said so much. Life was too short and uncertain for you not to tell them over and over again.

[witchwolfwriter]

'Rate Your Pain'

AO3  | My Stories MasterList  | Tip Jar💰| The Pitt MasterList

Warnings: Doc Cassie McKay X Patient Reader / Chronic Pain / Cassie's Temper / Found Family / Hurt Comfort / The Pitt Family Dynamics /6K words oneshot / No Beta We Die Like Season 2 Pitt Computers / Hurt with Angst / Happy Ending I promise / 5150 Discussed but not used / Reader in Pain / Nerve Pain / 18+

“Could I, by any chance, ask not to be seen by a certain doctor?” You request, realizing too late how much of an asshole you sound. 

“Do you have a problem with someone in the ER, Ma’am?”Perez is already on the offense for the team, working to save lives behind her desk. 

You are sounding like an asshole. 

“No, sorry, never mind. I just-I know someone, and I was hoping-” You try as the pain shoots up and down your arms and makes you wince. Grinding your teeth, but all it looks like is you got anxious and quiet. 

“You’ll be called back as quickly as we can. Please have a seat and wait for your number.” Perez insists, probably considering you to be a tweaker. 

You nod and give a forced, friendly look, and make your way to a chair in the corner. 

You plop down and try to sink into yourself in the crowd of people in pain, you never felt in more mutual company. 

It’s the afternoon by the time you get brought back, after getting your blood drawn, and some basic questions. Your pushed back to the waiting room. There’s no longer seats available so you stand against a wall and try to dissasociate from the way your body feels on fire. 

The sunsets and your called back once again. You wobble a little but make it to an angry junior doctor who’s about to break from the stress. 

You eye her badge but don’t give her any attitude, you understand better than anyone in that waiting room what her day means. 

“So the pain, can you put it on a scale on one to ten?” Mohan asks, you feel bad for her. 

“It’s a five,” you sorta lie. 

Pain tolerance skewed at this point in life. 

Dana is walking by your room, and she makes a comical twist of her neck snap, giving a double take to see your face. 

The charge nurse barges in with her maternal smile.

It used to be comforting but now it just fills you with dread. The pain shoots through the back of your skull, you want to throw up again. 

But now you have to be pleasant. 

“Hello, cutie, haven’t seen your face in some time. I’m guessing it’s a bad one?” Dana questions, she’s not looking at Mohan's annoyed face or your chart. 

“It’s fine, I just need a little sleep.” You admit, not having not slept in six days. 

“You tell Mohan you're at a four or five?” Dana asks, not believing how well you conceal the intensity of your pain. 

You shrug, good-natured, a gentle disposition, another kind face going through the ER rounds. 

You're just a number to Moahn, and that’s fine with you, you just needed a little a refill of Zofran and a strong sleeping pill. 

Then you’d be out into the evening, having started waiting for a bed at seven am this morning. 

“Any chance you can keep my name to a minimum?” You squint at the nurse, who falters a little. 

“Why don’t you want a reunion?” She questions not used to your cagey attitude, and Mohan seems curious now. She may need to grab Santos and see if anyone could identify you. 

“Just the Zofran and a friendly Ambien, and I’ll be out of your hair.” You insist a little anxiously, and Dana narrows her eyes, disbelieving at you. 

Dana steps forward, she doesn’t touch you like she would have not long ago. But her love still oozes out of her like a kind mother figure who just wants what’s best for you. Her closer proximity has your mind reeling from memories. 

“Ya know there’s a lot of people here who love you?” The nurse reminds you and you hate how that makes your insides twist with guilt. 

“I know that’s why I used my maiden name and not my legal one.” You give back sass, and Dana snorts at that. 

“I hear you kiddo, alright. I’ll get the scripts filled. You still going to-”

“Yes, yes, and I even do acupuncture. My range of motion is still shit, and I’m doing fine. I promise.” You push back, and the blonde doesn’t like how hard you are trying to avoid this. 

“I’ll get your script, but I’m going to demand your current phone number. You ain’t no jane doe here babydoll.” Dana says and twists to Mohan, who is typing rapidly into the computer. 

It’s three hours later, and you are in horrible pain. 

You should have asked them to draw the curtain in front of the window. 

Because you see her, and your heart aches. 

As cheesy as it sounds, some people were just magnets to one another, and your ex…well, your separated wife and you - you were those assholes that could find one another in any lifetime. 

In any space, no matter how much time had passed. 

So when her eyes lifted, you knew you were in deep shit. 

In her scrubs, with that long hair falling out of her ponytail. She’s trying to figure it out. 

You can see her sixth sense turn up, she furrowed her brows and scanned the ER. 

Like when you know something is off in an area but can’t figure out just what it is. 

That’s when her eyes found you through the glass door - bingo. 

So many emotions pass through her features that you can’t even begin to unpack it. 

Cassie walks to your room so fast that you see the confusion on Robby. He’s taking off his glasses and watching what was more important than whatever medical marvel he was about to impart on his resident. 

But your wife was already zoned in on you.

Doctor McKay opened the door to find you sitting up. 

“Hi.” You say lamely. 

And Cassie's face shatters into rage once more.

“Hi? That’s it?” She questions, and you really wish you had driven the extra time to another ER. 

There’s a reason you said 5 on your painscale. 

It’s because leaving Cassie, your wife, your best friend and soulmate. 

That was the real 10. 

The pain, the nerves exploding like fireworks and then burning like acid. Making it impossible for you to do basic tasks, to hold objects, to sleep. 

Well everyday of that was nothing over a 5.

The upset you see reflected in the woman who refused to give you a divorce, not that was real pain. 

“Cassie, please let's not do this.” You say weakly, you're so tired. 

But she’s grabbing her badge and scanning it into the computer to pull up your chart. Her jaw grinding, just like you remembered, keeping all that tension in her neck and jaw. God, you wondered if you were the reason she would need PT. 

Her eyes scan your chart as if you’d cheated on her. 

“I’d love to do this later, but you changed your phone number and moved, so I’ve been trying to track you down for three months like an idiot. You- you used your maiden name to check in? God! I can’t believe you!” Cassie shouts and people outside are curious now. 

Robby seems to be debating going in and breaking this up, but it seems the part of him that really believed you two were perfect for each other was holding him at bay. 

“Cassie, please, I just need some Zofran and some sleeping meds. I’ll be out of your hair.” The dark rings around your eyes and shaky frame don’t make Cassie back down. 

If anything, it amps her up. 

“I don’t want you out of my hair, I never did! You're the one who moved out! Harrison sets a god damn placemat for you for dinner every night. I can’t bring myself to wash the sheets. I’m still in our marriage, holding my breath until you come home!” She insists, wearing the gold chain you bought her on your first anniversary like they were dog tag, a way to identify the wreckage of your love. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at the two rings hanging loosely at the bottom. 

“Cassie, please.” You close your eyes and try to keep yourself steady through the constriction in your hands. 

“I’m your wife - I’m supposed to take care of you! What are you doing here without-”

“I don’t want your medical insurance, I don’t want you to watch me like this-I just want-”

“That’s not how love works!” Cassie shouts so loud that you feel queasy. 

Dana and Robby walked in with fear, and you wondered which one was assigned to Cassie. 

Dana’s hand fell onto her shoulder, and she twisted out of it. 

It seemed Cassie hadn’t allowed anyone outside of Harrison to touch her, hug her - go near her since you. 

Cassie McKay, who had witnessed carnage and despair every shift, hadn’t been able to cry since you’d left. 

Harrison had taken to making his mother food in bed, but she didn’t eat, and couldn’t sleep. 

You look away from the dramatic show of your failed marriage.

“Robby, I just need my meds refilled. It’s a weekend, I can’t get my provider to do it. I’ve been throwing up all last night, I can’t keep liquids down, and I can’t sleep. Please,” You insist, and your former mentor is looking at you more like you a father. He’d been so proud of you when you’d become a doctor. 

Now look at you. 

“Where’ve you been?” He whispers, like things could go backwards, and they can’t. 

Mohan walks in with a white baggie with your scripts. 

You reach out to grab them, but Cassie is faster, and not in the physical pain you are. 

“Mrs. McKay, it seems we are having some issues with your paperwork.” She snarls, and your head is pounding, but you still drop it down regretfully. 

“Cassie, you can’t keep me here.” You whine back. 

“I think this is a place I can actually, since I can’t keep you in our home or marriage.”

“McKay,” Robby warns, but your wife would rather lose her medical license than let you slip out of her grip again. 

But you bring your chin up indignantly. 

“What’s the plan, Cass?” You fight back. 

“I can think of a few things.” She warns, a fire in her eyes, and you actually laugh maliciously and the whole room is afraid. 

“Cassie, why can’t you just let me go? You take care of people all day long, and you see the whole world in pain. Is it not a kindness to save you one more patient?” Your face contorts, and your wife is shaking her head. 

A hollow shell of her former self, you’d carved out all of her insides, and now all she had left was this wilted part of a person. 

“You weren’t my patient, you never were.” She whispers, and whatever was left of your heart sinks into your empty, sour stomach. 

“It’s not fair to Harrison or you to do this. To watch me struggle to open a can of soda or write my name. I was a surgeon and now I can’t even write my name! Do you get that? Why can’t you two live a big, beautiful life? And let me shrivel up and die in mine? I’m giving you an out. I release you! I’m not holding you to your vows! Don’t you see that? You can’t save me now! There’s nothing for you here! So go!  Go fix cars, tell Harrison he can’t watch scary movies, and-and take him to baseball games! You still have a life worth living! Books and bath nights and bad Chinese food in bed! You are the easiest person in the world to love. And it’s the best thing in the world to love you! So let me do this for you! Let me go!” You shout back, spit flying and tears rolling.

A need for her to understand now, begging like you negotiating a terrorist exchange. One soul for another. 

And all of that is somehow so much worse to Cassie.

Who’s staring at you like she’s never been more terrified in her whole life. 

If you told her you’d hated the way she made pancakes, or that she was inconsiderate to the way you sorted books by color not author - well all of that she could work on.

As Cassie trembled in front of you.

At a complete loss for what to do next. 

 If you told her you’d fallen out of love with her - that would be fine. 

Cassie could love you enough for you both.

“Mohan, let’s give them a moment please.” Robby says, unable to aid in this fight. But able to do what he does best, and give his patients a little dignity.

He uses the door open, and Moahn scurries out with a new lease on what love looks like.

Dana, however, stands there, tears she can’t hide fall. No matter how much she gives a stiff upper lip.

And none of them are in your peripheral.

Because Cassie is unblinking, gaping at you. 

You stare at each other in this moment that can’t be undone. 

“Sign the papers, let me go. I never would hold this against you. You didn’t do this to me, none of this is your fault.” You reason, you are repeating the things you say late at night when you scream into the pillow.

When all you want to do is grab your phone and dial the love of your life’s number.

Beg her to come to you.

To hold you until you can’t tell where her body begins and yours ends. Somehow in that hole - your pain won’t feel so colossal. 

But instead just a thing that Cassie can help hold with you, because pain shared by two isn’t so heavy. 

Cassie’s face twitches, and you see something charge.

“Nurse Dana, I believe we might need a psyche hold. Can you get a social worker in here for a 5150?” The way her tone turns icy has you laughing.

“Cassie, come on, don’t do this.” Dana tries to ease into the conversation. 

But Cassie’s not afraid of the repercussions. No, she’s seen what scares her most, and it’s not gonna happen again. 

“You don’t get to quit! You have a life still! A little boy who asks me every day where you are! You have a full life! I’m not being selfish, stop it!” Cassie screams at you as you shake your head.

“You are!” You shout

“No you are!” Cassie talks ontop of you.

“Why because I want you to-“

“To live without you! YES!”

Robby comes back in and claps his hands to stop you both.

“Doctor McKay, you cannot treat this patient. Because you are still legally married, it’s a conflict of interest.” He says, and Cassie looks ready to hit him so Dana comes closer.

Then Robby turns to you, ready to lose his shit.

“I’m not afraid to-” He stops himself and seems to reconsider. Going to grab the privacy curtain to the entire ER unit staring at the show instead of working it seemed. 

Yanking it closed so that there was the illusion of privacy. 

Then he collected himself and turned to you once more. 

“Let’s pretend for a moment that you are in the room with the woman who ordained your wedding, the old man you made go into therapy - who gave you away I might add. And your wife who loves you and who’s falling apart at the seems without you. Now let’s all take a god damn breath. No more threatening,” He points his finger at Cassie who’s not afraid of him. 

Then spins it to you in that pale hospital bed with just as much strength. 

“And no more running away. You guys gotta work this out, and you are the asshole who told me to open up and sort my shit. I’m your mentor, with or without a scalpel in your hand. You might not be a doctor at this hospital anymore, but I’m still the boss of you.” He says in that Dad way that actually warms you if it wasn’t so damn annoying right now. 

“If you put me in a psych ward, Robby, I will come for you.” You mean it too.

“Don’t make me do it, and we’ll all be fine. I’m gonna pull the oldest trick in the book.” He puts his hands up like he’s done with this, and Dana immediately understands the plan. She pushes the curtain back and twists the knob. 

The two of them walk out of the room, and just as you thought it couldn’t get more juvenile. 

Robby waves at the security guard and pushes a rolly-chair to the door. 

“Zidan, these two are officially on lockdown. You are to stand guard until they play nice.” He says and the security guard actually has the nerve to smirk in. 

“Sorry, McKays,” he says but looks nonapologetic. As he plops down to keep watch. 

Dana knocks on the glass and then eyes Cassie. 

“Fix this, nobody's leavin’ this room until you do. Ya know how badly we need beds and Docs. But Robby and I are out here savin' lives while you two gotcha head up your asses! Fix it!” She says, and the two practically look ready to high-five one another while they walk off. 

The clock on the wall is loud. 

You sign and start to problem solve. 

“Tell me Baran is on shift?” You ask, and Cassie twists with so much venom to you that you think she might actually implode. 

“You on first name with Al-Hashimi now?” It’s like she’s a dog with all her hackles up. 

You roll your eyes, but lie back in the seat and try to ground as the nerve pain makes it feel like pins and needles all down your side. 

“You were always so jealous; you never had to worry.” You say taking a deep breath in and out for ten. 

Cassie eyes the white Chucks you wore here, the ones she bought for you last summer. They’re worn and beat up, and a little too gruny now. 

You reached into your pocket for you phone and started to scroll through your texts. You admittedly don’t have to go far.  

“You are not about to call me overly jealous and ring Al-Hashimi in the same moment.” Her hands went up in an absolute possessive posture. 

“Relax, she helped get me consults with different Occupational Therapists.” You reason and start to type. Your thumb is shaking and it’s hard to hold the phone, but you don’t ask for help; you can’t. Not now. 

“I know plenty of occupational therapists, just so you know,” Cassie says, resentful as hell but grabs the physician chair in the room and sits on it, her sneakers rocking just enough that she inches towards your bed. 

You put your hand on your stomach and feel the nausea move again. Locking your phone halfway through the text. Unable to finish it. 

You shut your eyes tight and will yourself not to dry heave; you have nothing left to puke. 

Cassie is rustling around until she finds the bag she’d ripped from poor Mohan’s hand. Opening the orange bottle and peeling back the silver foil is not meant for anyone with a physical limitation like yours. 

Still, her fingers move skillfully until she grabs two Zofran tabs, and stands up over you. 

You crack open one eye to see her closer than she’d been in months to your face. 

“This isn’t a snow white thing, you're in the wrong fairytale.” You joke and normally, she would have laughed at something so dumb, but her humor left when she found your note on the kitchen table. So not even a small grin came from your older wife. 

“Zofran, open up.” She tells you and you stall for a moment but you are desperate. So you open your mouth and she drops it under your tongue. 

You make a grossed out face at the taste, never one for it, and Cassie already has your water cup in her non-dominant hand. 

“Small sips,” The Dr says, like you don’t already know the drill. But still she helps you sit up and take a little bit of water in. 

You swallow and shiver; it’s just an instant reaction, you can’t hide it from her.

So when Cassie grabs the bunched-up blankets at the end of the bed and lifts it over your closed body, you don’t fight her. 

Fuck you want to, if you were stronger, you would. 

“You don’t have to do this.” You mumble, hating how much you miss this. 

“It’s literally the only thing I’ve wanted to do in the past three months, so can you just let me?” Cassie's tone is tired; she doesn’t want to fight you anymore. But she also won’t back down an inch. 

Your phone vibrates under the covers, and you lift it up just enough to see Baran text you.

“Is that your girlfriend?” Cassie’s not joking; she’s actually turning green real time. 

You open it and see ‘I’m not letting you out, so don’t even try.’

“Yeah, looks like we broke up.” You say back and close the phone. 

Cassie doesn’t find that funny; her hands linger on the edge of your bed, she doesn’t sit. It’s too far from you now. 

“Are you….” She stops herself, and you open one eye again. 

“Please tell me you weren’t about to ask if I was-”

“It’s not an unfair question,” Cassie interjects, seeming a bit rushed in her defense. 

“You think I leave you because I’m too much to take care of, and then what? Start on Christian Mingle the next day? Farmers Only? Plenty of Fish?” You fight back, and Cassie is grinding her jaw again. 

You don’t hit the nerve, you tongue fuck it. 

You two have never fought like this, not this long, and not this hard. The biggest fight you ever had was over Harrison watching Chucky. Because you were sure it wasn’t that scary, and Cassie had been very right. So very right. 

 And the three of you had all slept out on the sofa that night because you and the middle schooler were not about to go it alone. 

“I’m your wife I get to ask.” Cassie insisted, but seemed to be hating the question more and more the longer it was discussed. 

You put your arm over your eyes, hiding in the crook of your elbow to block out the massive headache. 

“No, Cass, I’m not shagging a senior attending of the hospital, nor am I looking for hot singles in my area. I just want some sleep and not to feel like I’m the star of the film Vertigo. That’s it.” You say back a little too harshly. 

You had never spoken this way to her, and it wasn’t easy to keep the sweet woman at arm's length. 

Cassie had this butch mommy vibe that made her both strong and able to fix anything from the sink to your bruised knee. While being a completely warm place to land and always knowing what to say. 

It was the perfect combo.

It made it impossible in the past to keep secrets from her, because the second you learned something in the Pitt’s gossip ring, you had to tell her. 

Cassie was your best friend, your home, the person you would hide the call to hide the body. 

And trying not to crawl into her arms and weep after three months of working so hard not to break was taking Herculean strength that you didn’t have. 

The clock on the wall ticked on. 

“They can’t keep you in here for the rest of your shift.”

“I was off in twenty minutes; it’s actually very easy for them to do this.”

“They’ll need the bed.”

“You do remember who we’re discussing right, Mr. Break the Rules and Mrs. Hula Hoop over there would pick up this hospital on their backs and move it ten feet if you needed them to.”

You didn’t mean to smile into your elbow but you could so see them doing it. 

“Anyone here would for you…” Cassie said so softly you swore you hadn’t heard her right. 

Cassie’s footsteps make you panic, and you jerk your face out of your elbow, only to see her walk to the door and flick off the lights. 

But she saw you too quickly for you to hide; her hands lifted a bit. 

“Hey, easy, it’s just you and me. I know the lights are a lot.” Cassie reasoned and then pulled the privacy curtain again. Eyeing you, she questioned, “Better?”

You sighed and lay back down. 

“How long have you been without liquids?” Cassie tried to be a doctor now, and you almost wanted her to. At least that had questions and answers, easier than what you two were being asked to do. 

“I tried to drink a Pedialyte this morning, but I couldn’t keep it down.”

Cassie waited a second, but she wasn’t strong enough not to keep going. 

“What about those vanilla shakes?” She pressed more gently this time

“The Ensure ones are gross.” You remember but Cassie is shaking her head, sitting back down on the small stool. 

“No, the ones I got with the cow on them? Fairlife or whatever, those and the chocolate sea salt aloha ones? You drank those.” Cassie insists, and you think for a second. 

“Those were good, I couldn’t remember their names.” You admit, a bit shy now. Cassie thinks for another moment. 

“Any food in the last twenty-four hours.”

“I, I didn’t have the energy to make anything.”

Cassie tries not to comment or make it worse, but her face is so easy for you to read. 

“Where are you staying?” It’s the question she’s been dying to ask, but only knew you might actually answer. 

You look at the door and then back at her. 

“You promise to not go all ankle monitor on me?”

“No.” Cassie says back so quick you actually want to laugh. 

“It’s not anything for you to flip about.”

“I’ll decide that when you answer; until then consider me flipable.” Cassie’s answer is so fast you hate how witty she can be. But you see the fear still there. 

“Garcia has a furnished in-law unit in her basement and-”

Cassie stood up so fast the chair scooted across the room with it’s wheels. 

She pushed past the curtain, went to the door, and pounded on the glass. 

“YOLANDA! SOMEONE GET ME YOLANDA!”

You wince and try and sit up. 

“Cassie oh my god stop!” You really don’t want the cops to come in. Cassie and cops didn’t ever mix. 

Her hair flips as she turns to you again. 

“They are going to need a god damn straight jacket for me when i’m done with her, the ankle monitor is going to look like child's play!”

You rolled your eyes but Cassie turned back to pounding on the glass and making a fuss. Even the security guard seemed sorta scared, he waived the nurse over but she was already taking her glasses off and walking towards the angry Doctor. 

“YOLANDA GARCIA, COME AND FIGHT ME YOU HOMEWRECKER!” Cassie said, showing she had been raised to fight for what she loved with more than her intelligence. 

Dana walked up to the glass like you two were in some sort of aquarium for lesbians gone wild. 

She pounded on the glass and it scared the butch lesbian fish enough for her to make a face. 

“Do not make me come in there! I got all night, McKay!” Dana said and you felt for the woman, someone probably called out. And she didn’t need two insane lesbians in her unit. 

“Down girl.” The security guard said sitting back down. Loving the drama he was overhearing. 

“Cassie, come over here, please?” You asked, and it stopped Cassie from mean-mugging Dana in their little stare. 

She pushed the curtain closed again and walked back to you. 

“So you and-”

“No, oh my god - if anything, you should feel sorry for me. I’ve been hearing her hook up and then do her like primal scream workout stuff.” You cringe at the memory of it all, and Cassie’s shoulders lower just an inch. 

“Sleep,” she says through gritted teeth, trying to get the basic questions done. All while planning a murder in her mind. 

“I can’t…I can’t sleep without you.” You admit, and it’s too honest. But your so tired, and you can’t keep this up right now. 

Cassie does her little head tilt, her bangs falling just a bit in the same way Harrison did when he told you he loved you. 

You missed your home, you missed your family. 

You don’t know you are crying until Cassie boldly reaches out and wipes the tears away. 

Like it’s her job to do so, and you’d tried to fire her, but it came so easily. 

Cassie loved to take care of you, and you’d put up such a stink even before your health declined. 

“I won’t be a burden to you.” You retaliate, but Cassie’s leaning over your bed with hope for the first time, and you can’t figure out why. 

She must see how you're running out of steam, running out of fight. 

“You never were. You can fight me as much as you’d like. I’m not signing those papers, I’m not giving up. And I will never take an out. I meant my vows-” Cassie says, and you twist to try and get away from her but she’s just as stubborn as you. 

“I promise to be your best friend.” Cassie’s voice is strong and you hate that she is really going to recite your vows while your laying in a hospital bed. 

Cassie is practically crawling on top of you, trapping you under her strong body. 

“Stop.” You whisper, but the tears aren’t listening and neither is your wife. 

“To always help you when you can’t see the way-”

“Stop.” You say again, but her hands fall to your hips, and god you hate how good it feels to be touched so gently. 

“-To cherish you for all of my days-”

“Cassie, stop it.” You insist, but your face turns to see how much she means it. That her own tears well with the undying love she is trying to tell you she has. 

“-To be your rock in a storm, to always keep you warm.”

You're both unable to hold back tears, and it’s so god damn good to have her holding your sides now. You can’t lie anymore, or be selfless - Cassie’s trying to say the words. But she’s struggling not to lose her damn mind with how hard she aches for you. 

“I promise to love you-”

You can’t take it, one of her tears falls onto your face and it’s got the weight of the ocean behind it. 

“-in every way……” 

You close your eyes, and you can see her so pure. Standing at the alter, in her white button-down suit. Beaming at you like you hung the moon just for her. 

You open your eyes and it’s the same Cassie. 

She’s struggling to speak, but she powers through her promise.

“In-n-in every day.”

You break. 

You sit up through the pain and wrap your arms around her neck. 

Cassie doesn’t wait a millisecond before her arms wrap around you like she can carry you out of this hospital and walk right home. 

“I-I’m so scared.” You whimper into her neck. 

“I’ve got you, baby, be scared with me. Be scared and let me help.” She insists, and her hold is just right. Just like the doctor is, she’s cradling your body, and it’s not too tight that it hurts you. And not so soft that you feel made of glass. 

You're trying to breathe in her scent and it’s mixed with hospital, but you can still inhale her. 

“I-I don’t want to lean on you too much, I don’t want to make it harder for you-you worked so hard to be a doctor, to be a mom-I don’t want to take too much.” You say honestly, but Cassie’s right hand comes to hold the back of your head in that way that makes your whole body relax. 

It does the trick, damn her. 

“You don’t see how much you help me. How I feel invincible when I stand next to you. How much you help me be a better Mom. How much Harrison soaks up your love. How much he finds confidence in your praise. I know you can’t do surgery right now. But there’s so much more to this life, I know you loved it. But fuck baby we’ll find you a new dream.” Cassie promises you with such conviction that it feels attainable. 

You need her to never stop holding you. 

“I wanted to be good for you..”You whisper, and she makes an angry tisk.

“Don’t be good for me, be with me. Be sad or mad, be fucking in pain. Tell me, I spent three months imagining all the worst-case scenarios. Let me schedule the occupational therapists, let me fight with you. Don’t ever hide from me.” Cassie’s so fierce in her desire to walk this path with you that you don’t know how to say no. 

“I’m so tired, I-I don’t want to work so hard anymore.” You hate how defeated you sound, but it’s true. 

Cassie makes an odd movement and you pull back just enough to see her climbing on the tiny bed. 

But she maneuvers you easily, all muscle and love for you. 

That somehow you're being lifted until you lie on top of her chest. She grabs at the blanket again and you're being covered. 

Your eyes feel heavy, no longer nauseous from the Zofran and physically exhausted from the heartbreak. 

“Close your eyes.”

“We’re in timeout.” You remind her, but your eyes shut on command. Cassie always had that power over your body. 

“I’ll wake you in a bit, once the Zofran is in you enough for me to drive you home.” Your wife reasons, so you don’t feel too guilty for keeping the bed. 

“Why are you so comfy?” You grumble. 

“I was made to be your big spoon,” Cassie says in your hair and then kisses your head. Her hands work under the blankets towards your lower back, where you try to compensate for the pain. She’s able to work at the knots just enough to get you to melt further. 

“You play dirty.”

“You’ve been gone three months, you should see how dirty I’m gonna play.” She reminds you, and you giggle a little. You're getting too close to sleep now. 

“Clean the sheets.” You mumble into her boob. 

“Promise to sleep naked again in our bed, and I’ll buy a new goddamn mattress if you want.” Cassie's voice is lower; it rumbles in her chest and you are practically purring. Her breathing makes your body rise and fall so soothingly. 

“I want Chinese.” You say, but your lip is already drooling a little, you don’t have long for this conversation. 

“We’ll eat it seven nights a week when you're home.” Cassie’s touching your body, and even though the nerves in your arm are still uncomfortable. And you didn’t even get your Ambien. 

You feel more at ease than you have since you left. 

“I want my ring back.” You say and yawn, and Cassie's smiling in the dark. She’s never heard a better sentence in her whole life. 

“It’s yours.” She promises.

“I think it’s a two now.” You murmur against her scrubs. 

“Yeah, not so bad?” Cassie asks, knowing the pain was probably still a seven, but at least you could sleep. She always knew the real number it seemed. 

“S’not so scary now.” You admitted, and your wife's heart beat faster. 

“Yeah?” She asked, but you were already out. 

The monitors and hospital moved outside, people in pain, and people in their worst moments. 

But as Cassie held onto you with all her strength, it was clear that pain was a matter of perspective. 

As she kissed your head and you dreamt of sweet things, Cassie eyed the pain chart on the wall. Smirking at the green simile face, yeah, pain shared was much easier indeed. 

Lol hi friend, tell me what number you are on the chart 😂😂😂

AO3  | My Stories MasterList  | Tip Jar💰| The Pitt MasterList

[meluneira]

[tvseries-writings]

Love your Marvel stuff! Could you do one that is Wanda x Nat x reader. Reader doesn’t know what going on with herself. She feels different than normal. Unknowingly depression is setting in. In a room full of people she feels so alone. She hides her self harm from Wanda and nat for as long as as she can. She slowly pulls away from everything and everyone. Wanda bad Nat try to reach her, but reader pushes them away too. Reader is in denial anything is wrong bc nothing really triggered these feelings of isolation. Wanda and Nat are desperate to save reader from herself. Nat or Wanda walk in in reader self harming and reader fights with all her strength, so desperate to cling to the one thing that gives her control, while Nat or Wanda calls for the other lover to help.

Better than before

TW: depression, self-harm

Marvel Masterlist ~ buy me a coffee☕️

You're in your bed, in the room Tony assigned you when you, Natasha and Wanda got engaged. You are in "your" room, at two in the afternoon, curled up in those tons of blankets while the only thing you want to do is sleep.

You don't know when you started feeling this way. Perhaps the first symptom was a lack of appetite or perennial fatigue. But you don't know when it started to get worse.

So all the feelings that you started to feel: the sense of loneliness, the awareness of how insignificant your life was are starting any day and have not stopped yet.

Hiding how you felt from your girls wasn't too hard, or rather, they'd been so busy over the past couple months that you hardly saw each other which didn't help you hide your mood.

You huddle in the blankets and look at the ceiling, a sigh leaves your lips as you run your thumb over the cuts on your left arm.

A slight sting rises up your arm as you touch a particularly deep one.

You are tired, you do nothing and you are tired. You don't eat, sleep late or sleep at all and don't get out of bed except to take a shower every two days.

You pull the blankets away from your body and throw them on the floor, sit up and take another look at the clock hanging on the wall. Wanda and Natasha are about to return from the mission, they told you something about it a few days ago and, that morning J.A.R.V.I.S. he had kindly reminded you.

Five minutes and your girls would have seen you like that. You cannot allow it.

You do not know where you find your strength but you manage to fix the room and also to fix yourself before the Sokoviana and the former Russian spy enter the room. You are sitting on the bed, your legs crossed, and you have put a smile on your face praying that they would not notice how fake it actually was.

"Hey, you're back," you get out of bed and are immediately surrounded by the arms of your girls.

"We missed you." Natasha smiles at you and kisses her cheek as Wanda grabs you by the hips.

"How are you? What have you done in these days?" Wanda and Natasha sit on the bed and look at you with a smile.

How the hell did you deserve them? They are divine, they are literally goddesses and they are with you! How do they stay with you?

Although they are perfect, you feel weird. You still want to curl up in bed and never go out again. You want to sleep and you don't want to talk to anyone; not even with the loves of your life. What the fuck is your problem ?!

You release the lump in your throat and force a smile.

"The usual things, nothing special"

Your gaze falls on your bare wrist and, unnoticed, you pull down your sleeve. They don't know that you cut yourself and you want everything except that they find out by looking at your arms. During sex you only managed to hide it from him thanks to industrial amounts of foundation but you haven't put any on in the last week and the cuts are more visible than ever.

You give them a little smile, you are praying that they have not seen anything and their serene looks make you calm. They motion you to get on the bed with them before lying down.

You lie down in the center, Natasha is on your right and Wanda is on your left, and as soon as you do they wrap you in their arms.

You should feel happy, safe ... but instead the only thing you feel is that weight on your chest that doesn't seem to want to go away for months, that sense of loneliness that makes you feel alone even in a room full of people ... you should be happy yet you are barely holding back the tears. You hate feeling like this, this thing sucks.

You take a deep breath and try to relax, to clear your mind while enjoying that contact that has been denied you for more than a week, to no avail. Your heartbeat increases and your breathing shortens as your panic begins to rise.

Air, you need air.

You extricate yourself from the embrace, almost falling out of bed for the haste with which you do it. You don't want to have a panic attack and you don't want them to see you like that.

You hear their voices screaming your name as you leave the room and run to the only safe place your panic attack would accept at the moment. After four flights of stairs, done in less than a minute, you open the door to the roof and collapse to the ground, your back against the wall as you squeeze the shirt between your fingers, right above your chest, to try to slow down your breath.

Look up; the sky is clear and faint rays of sunlight hit your face. The noise of New York is a distant memory up there, the only noise you hear is the light wind hitting your face.

In a few minutes your heartbeat slows down, as does the rising and falling of your chest. You close your eyes and stay like this for a few minutes, in silence, while the thoughts in your head and the voices seem to have disappeared.

You don't even hear the sound of the roof door opening and flinching when someone puts a hand on your shoulder.

"It's just us dorogoy," Natasha's voice makes you relax and you open your eyes.

The two young women are kneeling in front of you and are looking at you with concern.

"Are you okay honey?" Wanda reaches for her hand to take yours and squeezes it briefly as her gaze is fixed on yours.

You nod and stand up giving them your best smile.

"I'm fine, I just needed some air"

Before either of you can say anything, get off the roof while your girls follow you; almost running after you.

"Y / n, wait!" Natasha stops you by taking your pulse. The brawl spy looks you in the eyes of her, she knows that something is wrong and the fact that you are hiding it from both of them makes her worry even more.

"That was a panic attack and we all know it ... talk to us love," Wanda whispers as concern grows on both of their faces.

“Girls, I'm fine; really, "you shake off Natasha's grip and keep walking, you're heading for the common room and you're hoping someone will distract them, even though you know it's impossible.

As soon as you enter, Peter comes towards you with a toothy smile.

"Y / n! You finally left your room !! Can we now play that game I asked you to play over a week ago? " the spider boy asks you and you want to kill him. Obviously the information did not go unnoticed by Natasha and Wanda m, who exchange a glance, before looking at you. You have to find an excuse and you have to do it fast.

"I'm a little tired Peter-" the sense of guilt grips your stomach when you see the disappointed look of the young man: "maybe tomorrow?"

You suggest and immediately the boy smiles again as he nods frantically.

"Thanks y / n" he yells at you waving at you as he leaves the room.

Only the three of you remain, the silence hovers between you and for once, you hope it will last forever. Obviously, someone up there wants you badly.

"Y / n ... have you really been in our room since we left for the mission?" Wanda whispers as Natasha looks you in the eye, ready to catch any hint of a lie in them.

You have to think of something quickly, very, very quickly.

"Yes, I haven't been very well."

You shrug and smile.

Your face hurts from all those forced smiles; you're so tired, the only thing you want to do now is lie down in bed and stay there.

Neither Natasha nor Wanda believe you and you can't help but sigh as you look away.

"Y / n you can talk to us," Wanda murmurs, reaching out her hand to take yours.

"Anything detka, I hope you know." Natasha approaches you, taking your other hand and giving you a small smile.

You walk away shaking your head.

“I'm fine, okay? I'm just tired and I'd like to go to rest "

You try to ignore the hurt looks on their faces, due to your estrangement, with poor results.

You sigh and run a hand through your hair.

Natasha opens her mouth to say something but she is interrupted by Tony.

"GENTLEMAN! What a pleasure to see you ... there will be a party tonight; it has been a long mission and we are entitled to some alcohol "Tony winks at you before leaving.

No, you absolutely don't want to see other people and you don't even have the strength.

You look up and see that both Natasha and Wanda are staring at you, unable to hide their concern in their eyes.

You are tired. Tired of seeing them suffer because of you, tired of suffering, tired of not recognizing yourself when you see yourself in the mirror, you are tired of the voices, you are tired of the dark circles that surround your eyes, you are tired even though you sleep constantly ... but maybe, it's not that kind of fatigue. Perhaps it is that fatigue that kills you slowly, that that wears you out from within and that leaves you on your knees.

Maybe it's that thing you kept inside all those years, held back as much as you could and then it finally exploded. That thing from which you want to keep the loves of your life away, as much as possible, thus forcing yourself to distance yourself from them.

They deserve better, they deserve to be happy and you ... you can't give them that happiness when you can't even love yourself.

So do the thing you do best, pull up the mask and rebuild the walls that the two Avengers tore down so hard long ago.

"I have to talk to you," you say, your voice is firm and if only they could hear your heart ... they would know that what you are about to say hits you worse than a bullet in the heart.

"We have to talk to you too," Wanda says, referring to both herself and Natasha, who just nods her head.

You wait for them to sit on the sofa before you start talking.

"The last period was not easy" you pause meeting their gazes, you're doing it for them, they deserve better: "and I don't think our relationship can continue"

There is a minute of silence before Natasha and Wanda look at you in shock.

"What?! Y / n you… we will be there more, I promise you »Wanda's suffering voice makes you almost waver, almost. Remember y / n you are doing this only for their own good.

Natasha remains silent and just stares at you.

“Nat, why aren't you saying anything? She-"

“Wanda has already decided, there is nothing we can do to change her mind. Look at it "

Obviously Natasha noticed that you had raised the walls, it was stupid to hope that it would go unnoticed even in her eyes.

"We love you," Wanda whispers, her tears dripping from her cheeks and your heart aches to see her like that.

You are a coward and you run away from your problems. But now you're doing it for them, right? Or are you doing it because you don't want to see them suffer because of you?

"Y / n, you can't keep running away indefinitely. One day you won't have breath to run anymore »Natasha looks at you with shining eyes, she is trying hard, she doesn't want to cry. She refuses to do this but it is getting difficult.

You give her a sad smile before you answer.

"I'm afraid I've finished breathing for quite a while Nat"

As soon as those words leave your lips, you turn your back on them and walk out of the room. And they let you go, with a heavy heart; giving in to tears and sobs as soon as they think you are far enough away.

Two days go by and you feel even worse than before. You can't believe you've let them go, you can't really believe you've abandoned your people… the loves of your life, your soul mates. But you convince yourself that you did it for them, even after Nat's 12th call and Wanda's equally numerous messages. And all the times they stopped in front of your door talking to you through them, without being able to open it since you were locked.

You hide in your room, a dormouse under the covers, hoping to close your eyes and never open them again. And the disappointment you get when they open up every blessed time… fuck, it's one of the worst feelings you've ever experienced.

And after the umpteenth time you open your eyes and breathe again, you can't take it anymore. The voices in your head don't stop, your heartbeats seem faster and faster and the noises get louder. And greet your old friend, travel companion, suffering, quiet days ... endless minutes and second abysmal. And for the umpteenth time in your life, you place that blade on your skin. One cut, two, three, four… in you make so many that you stop counting them. As if enchanted by the blood dripping shortly after seeing the white of the cut fat, and then again and again.

You don't even hear the phone ringing three times or the keys stuck in the door. And you don't even hear the footsteps that stop on the threshold of the bathroom.

"Fuck" Natasha slings onto you and tries to rip off her razor blade but you hold it tightly in her fist, cutting her palm too. Natasha stops immediately when she sees more blood coming out of your body from that cut. You don't think you've ever seen her so desperate and worried and panicked.

"No! Stop! y / n you have to stop »Natasha tries again to take away the razor blade but you walk away. The bathroom is now a pool of blood and Natasha quickly thinks about what to do.

It is as if there were only you in the bathroom, you are not aware of what is happening and the only thing you can think about is the razor blade that you hold tightly in your hand.

"Wanda! WANDA, COME HERE !! I NEED HELP!" the ex Russian spy screams and begins to squeeze the towels against your wounds, trying to stop the blood.

"Nat what-"

Wanda freezes, standing still for a few seconds before falling to Natasha's side, on her knees, with tears in her eyes as she sees what you've done to yourself.

"She's lost too much blood," Natasha murmurs to Wanda. The two girls glance at you and their concern increases when they see the glazed look in your eyes.

Wanda walks over and before you can do anything, she gets into your head.

The sokovian winces and you blink a couple of times looking around.

"Why didn't you tell us how you felt?" Wanda says between sobs while Natasha squeezes the towel around your arms a little tighter.

"I-I .." you swallow looking at the ground, not wanting to meet their eyes: "I'm so tired"

A sob shakes your body as the blade slips from your hand and falls to the ground. Natasha grabs her and pulls her away before taking you into her arms.

"You have us, you have a lot of people who love you and if you don't want to talk to us you can talk to a specialist, okay?" Natasha leaves you a good amount of kisses on the temple before Wanda joins her embrace.

"We love you so much detka. We will always be with you, always" Wanda rubs her nose against your neck, tightening her grip a little tighter and a small smile, a real smile, she purses your lips.

And for the first time in months, you feel safe in their arms; It will still suck some days but they will be by your side in every single shit moment.

Thanks for reading! I hope this isn't too terrible and leave a comment if you want, I'm always happy to read them <3

P.s: send requests people :)

[mamasbestgirl]

THE WEEK: day 2

It had been hours since I tried to sleep, lying on bed looking at the ceiling. I can't help but sigh and rub my face with my hand tired. It had been such a long tiring day and I could feel the cold penetrate my bones, making it ache badly, as if every bone cell was being frozen. I let go a sigh and forced myself to sit up, rubbing the back of my neck as I put my slippers on. “I should go get something warm..” I mumbled before getting up to go to the kitchen, but as soon as I was about to enter the kitchen.. I saw it, that same smile. Wide eyes, filled with maniac energy, and that wide smile, sharp teeth with what seemed to be blood on it. But now, right in front of me. It had popped out of the door frame, millimeters away from my face. My blood went cold, I could feel my breath hitching, and cold sweat running down my spine. My heart was beating like crazy, and I could feel my ears hurt. I forced myself to not look away and turn the light on. And that thing had disappeared, I let out a relieved sigh, but to my ignorance that peace wasn’t going to last long. After I've done my tea I decided to go take a look at Elio and Isabel, to see if they were okay. I hummed to myself walking through the corridors, thinking that maybe I’d see them shivering, already planning that maybe I'd give them my covers so they were okay, even though it meant I’d freeze. But to my surprise, they weren’t shivering, not even moving or stirring. “Damn, they must have been really tired” I chuckled to myself and went to my room. As I sit on bed, with the cup of tea on hand and the TV control on the other hand, scrolling through the canals, searching for something to see and I saw something, just not what I would like to. A shadow, not the face from before but a whole body, all dark but facing me from the corner of the room. I closed my eyes thinking it might be the tiredness of the day having a side effect.. but when I opened them again it was still there. I didn’t want to take my eyes away from it, I didn’t want to take that risk. I silently tried to open the light, but it didn’t work. “Fuck, you gotta be kidding me, power had to go out now?! Seriously!?” I groan, annoyed and anxious at the figure that wouldn’t go. Hours had passed, I just stayed curled in bed, from the anxiety of the strange figure I couldn’t even feel the cold anymore, all I could think of was how many hours was left until sunrise, until the light would finally make that thing go away. With each hour passing, I would feel my eyelids getting heavier, It was becoming harder and harder for me to stay awake. Without noticing I had started to fall in a light sleep, but before even some time go by, I felt that cold breath right on my neck, from behind me, and a stranger voice calling my name.. “Jhonathan..”. Out of costume I rubbed my eyes and answered “Mh? yes?” But there was no one, not even the shadow. And then it hit me what had happened, a cold shiver invaded me. But at least the sun had already set up. I looked around the room, when I found nothing, I sighed relieved and slumped into bed exhausted, closing my eyes for a bit, before it would get time for me to get up and deal with the day. Especially because today I was the one walking Elio to school.

[randomgirlduh]

Lawfully Acquired Spouse - Natasha Romanoff

pairing:  Natasha Romanoff x Reader

summary: one drink turns into several. you accuse a very patient stranger of kidnapping you. unfortunately, she’s your wife.

tags/warnings: established relationship, married couple, drunk reader, funny drunk, chaos night out, protective Nat, Wanda is TIRED, accidental flirting, domestic fluff,reader has no survival instincts.

author's note:  hi 🤍 i’m supposed to be studying for my exam on thursday (as i said, supposed), but somehow this turned into me projecting my inability to drink responsibly onto reader. that one’s on me. Wanda being done with everyone and Natasha having infinite patience felt inevitable.

english isn’t my first language, so please be kind. i’d love to hear what you think, comments always make my day.

You’re halfway through putting on your jacket when Natasha looks up from the couch.

“You’re not wearing heels.” she notes.

You freeze mid-zip. Slowly turn. “Why does that sound like an accusation?”

“It’s an observation,” she says calmly. Too calmly. “When you don’t wear heels, you drink more.”

“That is fake data.”

Natasha smiles like she has spreadsheets.

You narrow your eyes. “You cannot possibly have—”

“I have charts,” she says. “Trends. A very upsetting bar graph.”

You laugh, walking back toward her. “I am going out for one drink.”

She raises an eyebrow.

“Two,” you amend. “Max.”

Nat stands, steps into your space, and fixes your collar with unnecessary precision. “Text me when you’re done,” she says. “I’ll pick you up.”

“I can Uber.”

“Absolutely not,” she says. “I’m picking you up.”

You grin. “You’re obsessed with me.”

“You're my wife, so yes.” she agrees easily.

You lean in, kiss her—soft at first, familiar, then deeper because she hums against your mouth and her hand slides to your waist like it belongs there. Because it does.

She pulls back just enough to murmur, “Behave.”

You smile sweetly. “Never.”

Two hours later, the bar is loud, sticky, and absolutely not designed for the amount of chaos currently occurring inside it.

Everyone said just one round.

Everyone lied.

One drink becomes two. Two becomes celebratory. Wanda is sipping slower than everyone else, Maria is already laughing too loud, and Carol has decided tonight is a physical challenge night.

“Carol,” Wanda says, blinking slowly. “Why are you on the floor?”

“For pride…” Carol says, already lowering herself.

“I can do twenty push-ups!” Carol announces.

A group of random men at the next table perk up immediately.

“I’ll do thirty.” one of them says.

Carol cracks her knuckles. “Count me in.”

You’re half-slouched on the couch, cheering with full confidence and zero balance.

You clap weakly from the couch. “GO MUSCLE LADY!”

“FIVE—” Carol shouts.

Wanda? absolutely done.

She’s seated at the table, nursing the same drink she’s had for an hour, eyes glazed with the resigned patience of someone babysitting a disaster.

You’re on your third—fourth?—drink, perched dramatically on a barstool, telling a bartender a very emotional story about how your wife once reorganized the entire spice rack alphabetically and you’ve never recovered.

“And she smiled,” you whisper, hand over heart. “Like it was normal.”

The bartender nods solemnly. “That’s terrifying.”

“It was hot.” you correct. “But terrifying.”

Then, across the room, Wanda watches you stand on a chair to cheer Carol on.

“Ten! Eleven! Twelve! CAROL YOU’RE A NATIONAL TREASURE—”

Carol collapses onto the floor, laughing. The men look like they might pass out.

Wanda sighs, pulls out her phone.

Natasha is halfway through paperwork when her phone rings.

She answers immediately. “Is she okay?”

Wanda doesn’t bother with greetings. “Well…she’s not hurt.”

“Wanda...”

“She is, however, extremely drunk.”

Nat exhales through her nose. “Where are you?”

She gives the address.

“I’m on my way.”

“She says she’s married,” Wanda adds.

Nat pauses. “…Yes.”

“And that she’s waiting for her wife.”

Nat closes her eyes. “I’ll be there in ten.”

You’re mid-sentence—something about proposing to your wife again because she deserves it—when Wanda touches your arm.

“She’s coming.”

You blink. “Who?”

“Wife.” Wanda says flatly.

“No,” you say, shaking your head. “My wife.”

“Yes,” Wanda replies. “That one.”

You frown. “You’re confusing me.”

“I know.”

Wanda glances at the door, then at you.

“Okay. Show’s over.”

Natasha walks in.

Nat laughs the second she sees you.

“Oh, you’re funny drunk,” she murmurs. “I forgot about this version.”

You spot her immediately. You always do.

Your face lights up like she personally invented electricity.

“Ooooh,” you breathe. “She’s pretty.”

Nat steps closer. “Hey, baby. Ready to go home?”

You recoil like she’s crossed a line.

“Absolutely not,” you say. “I’m married.”

“Yes,” Nat replies patiently. “To me.”

You gasp.

“Nonono,” you say, shaking your head. “My wife is hot.”

Nat smirks. “Correct.”

“And intimidating,” you add. “And she would never approach me like this.”

Wanda points at Nat. “That’s literally her.”

You shake your head. “Nonono. Don’t confuse me. She’s blonde.”

Nat’s smile turns wicked. “You’re married to a redhead.”

You lean closer, squinting harder. “That is exactly what a stranger would say.”

She sighs fondly. “You’re impossible.” “I will scream.” you warn.

Before you can react, she grabs you—efficient, practiced—and hoists you over her shoulder like you weigh nothing.

Maria chokes on her drink. Wanda laughs so hard she has to grab the counter. Someone whistles. 

“HEY—” you protest, dangling upside down. “Put me DOWN. I don’t KNOW you.”

Nat pats your leg. “Relax.”

“I’M BEING KIDNAPPED.” you announce to the room. “BY A… VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.”

“Your wife.” Wanda says.

“I will be reporting this,” you insist. “To my wife!”

Nat starts walking toward the door, unfazed.

You squeal.

“HEY—” you smack her back weakly. “Wanda! WANDA I’M BEING TAKEN.”

Nat gives your ass a firm pat. “Behave.”

You gasp. Loudly. “SHE TOUCHED ME.”

“That's my ass,” Nat says calmly. “I’m allowed.”

“She’s gonna be so mad,” you continue. “She doesn’t like strangers touching me like that.”

Nat adjusts you higher on her shoulder. “She’ll survive.”

“I don’t know that.” you argue, upside down.

Carol waves happily from the floor. “Bye!”

The car ride home is… a lot.

You’re slouched in the passenger seat, gazing at Natasha like she hung the moon.

“You drive so well,” you say.

“Thank you.”

“You’re very strong.”

“I know.”

Five minutes pass.

Then you turn your head.

“…You’re very pretty,” you say thoughtfully.

Nat smiles without looking over. “Drink your water.”

“And your arms,” you continue. “They’re… disrespectful.”

She laughs softly. “Careful.”

You lean close, lowering your voice like it’s confidential.

“If I wasn’t married,” you say, “I would absolutely flirt with you.”

“Oh?” Nat glances at you.

“Yes. But I’m a faithful woman.”

“Good to know.”

You lean closer. “Are you single.”

She laughs. “No.”

“That’s a shame,” you say sadly. “My wife would hate you.”

Nat glances at you. “Why?”

“Because I’m flirting with you.”

You suddenly freeze. Eyes widening.

“Oh my God.”

Nat raises an eyebrow. “What.”

“I cheated,” you whisper.

She blinks. “You did not.”

“I emotionally cheated,” you insist. “With… you.”

Nat bites her lip, trying not to laugh. “Baby…”

You clutch your chest. “She’s going to be devastated.”

“I think she’ll survive.”

“No,” you say solemnly. “She loves me.”

Nat reaches over, laces her fingers with yours. “I love you.”

You stare at her hand. At her face.

“…Wait.”

The realization hits you like a freight train.

“Oh.”

She smiles gently. “Hi.”

“You’re my wife.”

“Yes.”

“I flirted with you.”

“Yes.”

You think for a moment. “That’s okay then.”

Nat laughs so hard she has to pull over.

At home, she changes you into comfy clothes while you narrate everything.

“These are my pants,” you inform her. “They are very soft.”

“I know,” she says. “I bought them.”

You pause. “…You’re incredible.”

She tucks you into bed.

You immediately sit up. “Wait...”

“What?”

“You still haven’t proven you’re my wife.”

Nat arches an eyebrow. “How would you like me to do that?”

You think hard. Way too hard.

“…Show me your scar.”

She lifts her shirt just enough to reveal it.

You gasp. “MY WIFE.”

She smiles. “Sleep.”

Morning comes with consequences.

Your head is pounding. The light is offensive. Your mouth tastes like regret.

Nat is already awake, sipping coffee, watching you with entirely too much amusement.

You groan. “Why are you smiling?”

“You told a stranger you’d report me to your wife.”

You bury your face in the pillow. “Did you… did you carry me.”

“Yes.”

“And then?...”

She smirks. “I patted your ass.”

Your eyes fly open.

“You did WHAT??????”

She leans down, kisses you slow and smug. “You didn’t complain.”

You groan again. “Next time I’m wearing heels.”

Nat smiles. “I’ll update the chart.”

[scarnatlover]

Sleeping is hard

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader (future romantic)

Summary: After a little argument with Natasha over a mission she didn't know you had, you try to find a way to cope. This time it doesn't go as planned

Warnings: drug use, alcohol, overdose, swearing, a pissed Natasha, mention of medications, insomnia(?)

A/N: I'm sorry if anything is spelled incorrectly, but English is not my first language. I apologize in advance for my grammar and spelling

Y/N POV

It was 3:00 in the morning.

3:00 a.m. and I was lying on the bed looking at the ceiling, thinking about a girl with red hair and emerald eyes. My family that I found out wasn’t so perfect. The missions and the stress they cause. The past and millions of other things. It was as if my mind was no longer controlled by me, but had a life of its own.

After another two hours of watching the drugs on my desk, watching TV, and lying on the floor looking at the ceiling, I picked up the phone and went to Fury’s contact who finally answered after several attempts.

"What do you want at 5 in the morning?" he replied with a mixture of fatigue and anger in his tone of voice

"Well, I was hoping that maybe I could-" he interrupted me just as I was proposing

"No, go to sleep," he continued, and I heard noises in the background that sounded like someone was getting out of bed

"You didn’t even let me finish the sentence, Fury" I kind of whined after his answer

"You want a mission. But I won’t give it to you. You have to sleep. At least try, Sergeant."

I could hear the concern in his tone of voice. Ever since I told him I couldn’t sleep, he started worrying more and more, and he wouldn’t let me go out without someone else with me. Most of the time it was Nat. This was a bit of a problem for me most of the time, as I’m not very good with feelings I always try to push them into a remote part of my mind. He and Maria were afraid that I would faint at any moment and no one was there to take me back to the tower.

"Do you want to hear words that will make you feel even more anxious?" I asked him. More than asking, I was threatening him

"All right, you don’t have to do it. Simple mission. Go into the base, engine room, and lab, get in there, and get everything we can use. I just sent you the files on the rest".

"Wow, you’re not as old as I thought you were. You can use a computer better than Steve. I didn’t know you could do it"

"Y/N, I’m serious. Anyway, you should have the mission file. Then I want you to go straight to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters where you and I will have a nice little chat" he told me seriously

"Yes, sir"

"I’m not joking and you know it. Now go. Our conversation is waiting"

And with that, he hung up. I immediately opened the computer and looked at all the details of the mission. I couldn’t concentrate, and as a result, I would do as usual on my own. Anyway, I realized that the place I was supposed to go to had already been searched by other agents who couldn’t get all the paperwork they needed. I got dressed and left my room, only to find Natasha with wet hair and running in front of me. As soon as she saw me, she looked at me confused as I watched her blushing, praying to all the gods that she hadn’t seen it.

"Hey, where are you going?" she asked confused, grabbing my face as my head, grabbing my face in her hands as my head was turned sideways.

"I’m going out. I’ll be back around 6:30. Why? Are you worried about me, Romanoff?" I told her jokingly hoping she wouldn’t say she was.

"It’s raining" She ignored my sarcastic remark and walked into my room, leaving me out trying to pull myself together again after she put her hands on my cheeks. "At least get something to cover you up," she said looking in my closet

"Nat, no need. I’m going to Trent's house. There is also Harry and we'll sleep there" I said hoping that she would convince herself and let me go on a mission so the chat with Fury would pass faster.

"Okay, but you still have to cover yourself. You’ll catch a cold, and that’s not what we need right now. I don’t know if you realize how you are when you’re sick. I think I only saw you like that when you were using it. It’s a good thing you stopped," She continued with a sigh of relief.

Yeah, I’m done with…

"Nat, I have to go. I’ll see you at 6:30," I told her by kissing her cheek walking out, and leaving her there, like she was immobilized.

I ran down to the garage because I was super late and I took my car to go to SHIELD, made a stop at Trent's house, and parked in his driveway, so at least the tracker would report that I was (my car was) at Trent's. Then I started running to the safest building in the world.

As soon as I went up to the roof, I saw the jet with Maria next to it tapping her foot impatiently against the floor, like she’d been waiting for me for hours.

"Hill" I greeted her, but she just looked at me sideways.

"I was in bed sleeping blissfully and strangely calls me Fury saying I had to accompany you on a mission. You owe me a round of shots on Friday night I’ll tell you" she said as she drove behind me towards the controls.

"Wait and hope for Maria. Wait and hope," I said, smiling, as she continued to look at me with a murderous look.

"Y/N, Fury has already given you all the information, right?" she asked me and I nodded while I got up to go get ready.

"Maria, is Coulson’s offer still valid for the suit?" I asked after a while that I got out of the bathroom after I changed.

"Why?" she asked, turning around, and as soon as she did, she laughed.

"Don’t you like the HYDRA style?" she asked joking and laughing.

"You suck, let me tell you" I mumbled to myself while the one kept laughing.

"Better question. When are you gonna ask the famous Black Widow out?" continued with a smile printed on my face as she watched me blush.

"Probably never" I answered by opening the back door ready to jump down without a parachute, because let’s face it, where would the fun be otherwise?

"Too shy or too scared?" she asked looking back.

"Too busy!" I yelled so she could hear me before jumping and landing on the roof of the base a few seconds later.

"You know, there are parachutes" I heard Maria's voice coming from my right ear.

"That’s exactly what I was thinking about in my head. Then I told myself that it’s funny so why not do it" I replied whispering in case there was someone on the base that maybe he had hidden.

"Move your ass and go to the east side of the building. That should be the engine room," she ordered me and I immediately went to the point she told me to go.

"Okay, but don’t be so rude" I complained and then increased the speed of my pace.

When I got to the engine room, I immediately started backing up all the data that Fury had asked for. They have computers a little different from today’s since it seems that this box was manufactured by the Huns.

"Sergeant, JARVIS just warned me that Agent Romanoff is on the phone," I suddenly heard Hill calling me. Well, I’m in deep shit.

"Tell her I’ll call her back later," I tried to cover my ass.

"Agent Romanoff is continuing to insist, Sergeant. She is threatening you with a slow and painful death. Are you positive that ignoring her is the case?" She playfully asked me again but I knew that Nat’s words were true.

"You know what, give it to me," I finally decided since I still didn’t want to die.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" She immediately yelled at me and I had to pull out the earpiece for how loud she was shouting at me.

"What do you mean," I tried to play dumb.

"I mean exactly what I said. You’re not at Trent's. So I’ll ask you again. Where the fuck are you?".

Fuck. She must have called Trent and he told her I wasn’t actually at his place. Snitches end up in ditches Trent, remember?

"Ah, we went out".

Here you can see an example of wild Y/N trying to escape from her hunter to survive.

"MAYBE TELL ME NEXT TIME? Where are you?" She asked me a little calmer than before.

"Central Park" What a bullshit Y/N.

"So if I go there I find you right?" She continued.

"Of course" let’s try.

Move faster shitty data, that if Nat finds out I’m not in Central Park, she really is going to kill me, and technically, I’d like to live a little longer. At least let me get home.

"Well, then I’ll see you there in 15 minutes".

She hung up. I’m dead. I don’t even have a will. I’m gonna die. Meanwhile, by the grace of God, the computer of 1500 b.C had finished with the data and I left, jumping from the roof and landing on the door still open. I went to the bathroom and started taking the fastest shower in the world. Jesus thank God for giving Tony Stark the idea of putting a shower in the bathroom. As soon as I got out, I quickly changed and dried my hair.

"Wow, I’ve never seen someone so scared".

"Shut up Hill. I’m going to die and you’re joking," I answered, opening the door ready to jump down again.

"Well, if you die, you can finally sleep," she said, still laughing, while I gave her a dirty look.

As soon as I saw our position, I quickly said goodbye to Maria and jumped off, as I did at the base. I wandered around a bit until I saw Nat sitting on a bench. I approached her and she raised her head feeling a presence near her. She looked at me for a while, got up, and slapped me, powerful if I say so.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" She told me and I tried to talk, but did not even have time to open my mouth when I felt her lips on mine and almost automatically my hands went to her hips to bring her closer, while hers were in my hair.

"Now the two of us go back to the tower and you tell me what’s going on with you. Am I clear?" She said sternly and authoritatively that she left me room only to nod.

"Words darling," she said firmly, putting her hands on my cheeks, making me see her face, as I held my head low.

"Yes m'am" I whispered.

"Good" She kissed me and took my hand, heading for her car.

The ride, most of it at least, was quite tranquil. Up to a certain point when the redhead started talking.

"I don’t want to force you to talk to me, and I couldn’t answer the question before. Yeah, okay. I’m worried about you. You do pretty stupid things. Sometimes you look like a genius and you do mature things, like a mix of Tony and Bruce; but sometimes you look like a little girl, and all she does is act out. You don’t have to keep complaining to Fury until he gives you missions. Maybe you’re not trying as hard as you should or not qualified for that kind of thing, but you have to stop-" I interrupted her before she could say more words to convince me even more that I could never be enough for her.

"Okay, Nat. I understood. You can stop now, thank you," I told her as I kept looking out the window, and as soon as we got to the garage, I opened the door and went to my room.

Natasha POV

Okay, maybe I went too far. I shouldn’t have said these things, but it’s true. I leaned my head against the steering wheel and I took a deep breath before I got out of my car and closed it, then I went into the elevator and crushed the floor where me, Y/N, and Wanda were staying. I hope Wanda didn’t hear anything because she has to rest since she has just returned from a long mission, in which frankly I would have seen better Y/N. We all confronted each other after the meeting, except Y/N, who was pissed because she couldn’t go, and Wanda, and we agreed that she was the best choice. So no one understood the reason for Fury’s choice.

When I arrived at her door I knocked, but no one answered and after several attempts, I tried to call her, but she kept going to voice mail; however I felt that she was in there, so I decided to leave a message.

"Y/N, I know you’re not well. Can you open the door and we can talk a bit together, please?" In this case, I knew the only thing that could make her feel better was inhaling crap so she wouldn’t feel anything.

I heard my voice on the other side of the door, so someone was there.

"JARVIS, open this door," I said after a while more as I had enough of waiting. I knew she needed me.

After the fourth time, I begged Al to open the door unsuccessfully, I sat on the floor and leaned my head against the wall, trying to stay alert about whatever was going on. In the end, however, fatigue took over and I fell asleep.

I woke up in someone’s bed. I stood up, ready to attack, when I realized it was Y/N's room. The posters on the wall and our photos together were on the black wall of her room. The desk was a mess, the closet was half open and the trash was full of tissues.

I heard the bedroom door open and saw Y/N enter with a tray of two sandwiches and two glasses. When she saw me, she smiled at me put the tray on the bedside table, and then lay on the bed, waiting for me to do the same. As soon as I lay down, she turned and put her arm around my waist and gave me gentle kisses on the neck. After a while, she took the food and handed it to me. Mine was a jam and peanut butter sandwich with coffee, hers was a Nutella sandwich and orange juice. I swear that girl could die if we didn’t have Nutella in the tower anymore.

After breakfast, our day went on regularly, we did not see each other much. Only briefly for lunch, but not for dinner because she didn’t come to eat with us. She didn’t show up after that, and when I texted her that the movie was about to start, she said she wasn’t feeling very well.

At 2:10 in the morning, I had to wake up because my phone was ringing and I realized only now that I had not charged it and that it was 10% battery, so it would not last long. I looked at the screen of the phone and noticed that Y/N was calling me; I answered quickly, worried that something had happened to her.

"Y/N, it’s two in the morning, why are you awake?" I asked her, but the only things I could hear were whispers and an irregular breath.

"Honey, are you okay?".

"N-Nat?".

"Y/N, it’s me. I’m here, what’s going on?" I asked her getting out of bed.

I put the phone on speaker as I started to get dressed to go to her room; in doing so I didn’t even notice that I was wearing her clothes.

"I-I don’t. I need you" she whispered trying to get more air in her lungs without much success.

"Hey, I’m coming, just… Please stay on the phone" I begged her while I was looking for my socks.

There were moments of silence, where the only things I could hear were her hiccups and her attempts to get more air into her lungs. I already had an idea of what was going on, but I was hoping I was wrong. I opened the door and ran quickly to her room, but when JARVIS opened the door, the room was empty.

"Y/N, can you tell me where you are, honey?".

"I see a-a picture of us at the parade l-last year umm….".

I figured she was in the lab she was sharing with Tony since I suggested she try to create something to try and get her to stop taking drugs. For a while, it also worked, but I don’t think she ever stopped. Maybe she took them but in small amounts.

"Okay, I’m on my way-" I heard the line was down, and I started to panic more and more.

I ran out of the room to the elevator, which unfortunately for me was already going down, so I headed down the stairs and started running down them as fast as I could. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears like the percussion you hear in horror movies.

When I finally arrived, I practically broke the door as hard as I made it slam against the wall and I immediately saw Y/N curled up under her desk.

I approached with caution since I didn’t want to scare her, "Love".

I saw her eyes full of fear, but mostly I noticed her dilated pupils. I looked quickly around the room and saw a razor blade on the desk, next to a ruler. My suspicions continued to increase, and so did my concern.

She kept trying to take breaths, but it was like I could see that her lungs were closed. It was terrifying. Her body kept shaking and her short hair was all messed up.

"Hey, it’s okay. I just need you to start taking big deep breaths. You can do it okay?" I told her slowly and gently, but when I took her hand, I noticed she was all sweaty.

She just shook her head fast, kept crying and saying she couldn’t but I kept breathing slowly and made her feel my heartbeat, hoping that somehow she would calm down.

She finally looked at me and I nodded my head that she could do it. She was looking at me like a scared puppy. She finally tried to copy my breath as I approached her slowly so she wouldn’t panic anymore.

In the end, I came to practically hold her in my arms, and after a while, she stopped trembling, only a few tears fell on her face, but I did not stop whispering sweet and comforting words in her ear.

"Can you please tell me what you took? I just want to help you, my love," I told her calmly once she had completely calmed down.

"Cocaine I think" she whispered.

After that, we remained silent.

"Nat, I’m not feeling well," she said, sitting down fine. I could see she was shaking and sweating even more.

I immediately got up and walked over to Tony’s desk quickly to find the pulse oximeter to measure her heartbeat. With a bit of difficulty, I was able to put it on her finger, and in the minute she was measuring her heartbeat I tried to calm her down a little, hoping she wasn’t overdosing. As soon as the numbers appeared on the thing, I noticed the heartbeat was too fast.

I called Bruce right away to tell him to start preparing the MedBay because I was gonna take her there, and I explained how I found her and what happened before. But while I was on the phone with Bruce, I saw Y/N start to close her eyes

"No, Y/N, no" I put down the phone and sat down next to her again, starting to stimulate her a bit by pinching her cheek so she could hear me and stay awake until Bruce arrived.

At one point, I noticed that she was trying to throw up, so I barely had time to turn her around so she could throw up better and not on herself. But she kept holding on to nothing, and she was practically choking on her own vomit, so, almost crying at the sight, I opened her mouth more and stuck two fingers down her throat trying to get everything she took out.

"Come on, love. Get out of your body that fucking shit" I kept repeating her and finally, after a while, she started vomiting and letting out the alcohol and the substances she had taken, while I kept reassuring her.

I continued to stimulate her slowly but in such a way that she felt that I was there and that I was close to her. After a few minutes Bruce rushed in, followed by Y/N's best friend, Bucky, who immediately picked her up and took her to the infirmary, but as soon as she was put on the table we noticed that she could not breathe well. I immediately ran to her side, tilting her head back so that the airways could work.

When she finally started breathing again, Bruce immediately started checking her heart rate and blood pressure. After he gave her a dose of lorazepam, which he explained was supposed to be one of the best remedies for cases like this, and attached her to machines to monitor her condition, he left, left us alone. That night I fell asleep with her in the chair next to her bed, our hands entwined.

The next morning I woke up with someone stroking my hair. I looked up and saw Y/N looking at me gently. I slowly got up and kissed her, trying not to touch any cables or anything like that. As soon as I came off, she saw that she was going to throw up again, so I ran quickly to get a basket or whatever to make her throw up there.

Once she finally finished, I cleaned her mouth carefully, trying not to hurt her. We were interrupted by Wanda who entered the room like lightning, a murderous look on her face.

"I'm be back after a stressful mission. I came down to have breakfast expecting my sister with open arms and instead" she started to walk fast around the room. "They tell me she overdosed last night for some reason," she finished and turned to look at us, realization had now taken the place of anger.

"Sorry, I didn’t know anything about you two," she said afterward.

"Believe me," Y/N said. "Neither did I," she continued, laughing a little.

"The fact remains. You are a moron," the witch said seriously coming closer to hug her.

They talked a little before Wanda left because she had plans with Vision, leaving us alone. Y/N looked at me and motioned me to lie down next to her. As soon as I lay down she leaned her head on my chest. We kept quiet until she decided to start talking.

"I don’t sleep. I can’t sleep at night. I have no idea when it was the last time I slept for more than two hours. Melatonin, chamomile, all the ways to sleep I tried them, but not even one worked " she said and looked down.

"Okay, I get it. I also had trouble sleeping when I got here, but I didn’t take alcohol and drugs to make me feel better," I started saying. "I learned to ask for help. First Clint and now you. How many times have I come to you to ask if we could sleep together because I couldn’t sleep alone?" I asked her and she answered with a little "many".

"I want to be there for you like you were there for me, okay?" I said and she nodded.

"Do you want to go out with me tomorrow?" she asked me this time, out of nowhere and I was immediately surprised.

"As friends, friends who have had a few kisses, or is it a date?" I asked with a smile.

"Date" she whispered blushing.

"Sure, but now try to get some sleep. That’s all that matters" and with it, she fell back asleep while I watched her swearing on my way that I would help her until my last breath.

[scarnatlover]

Back to December

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Electrokinesis!Reader

Summary: Years ago, Natasha Romanoff and Y/N Y/L/N, a Red Room guard, shared a forbidden love. Y/N helped Natasha escape, but was captured and brainwashed by HYDRA, losing all memory of their love. Years later, they meet again as enemies, but Natasha still recognizes Y/N as the woman she once loved. Determined to uncover her lost memories, Natasha begins a painful fight to awaken Y/N and free her from HYDRA's influence. Will Natasha be able to rekindle the spark between her and Y/N or will theirs be forgotten hearts forever?

Warnings: dark themes, violence, torture, restraining, gagging, kidnapping, cutting, blood, killing, throat cutting, gore, death, HYDRA.

Masterlist

Taglist

Natasha was in the Avengers gym, she was the only person in the room. The thumps of her movements were the only sounds that resonated in the air, but her mind was elsewhere. On the wall in front of her, the image of a young woman with dark hair and an intense gaze appeared, stealing her attention. She was tall, with two scars that crossed her lips, creating a disturbing smile, almost like a joker. That figure, who once promised her adventures and laughter, was now just a distant memory. Natasha felt lost, the weight of her absence weighing on her as she continued to hit the bag, trying to push away the pain.

The music in her ears did nothing but remind her of you. Of how she shouldn’t have listened to you that December night. Of how she should have helped you up instead of turning around with tears in her eyes to look at you for a few seconds and start running again in the snow. Of how she should have stayed in the Red Room and not come up with a plan to escape with you, even though she didn’t know that only one of you would get out of that hell.

She slowly stopped punching and kicking the bag in front of her and leaned her forehead against it for a few seconds, trying to regulate her labored breathing. She then collapsed to the floor, knees to her chest and her head in the middle of them, and let out a few tears. If anyone had walked into the gym at that moment, they would have wondered if they had gone crazy at the sight of Black Widow sitting on the floor, sobbing silently as she always did.

Suddenly she jumped as she felt a hand gently rest on her shoulder, blaming herself for not having noticed another presence in the room with her. She turned toward the other person, immediately noticing the worried look in those green eyes that she had learned, after so many years, to trust.

The redhead looked away and very calmly took off the headphones she had in her ears and put them back in their case, then took a long sigh and looked once again into the eyes of the person there with her and gave her a small but sad smile. With an encouraging nod, Wanda gently guided the older woman’s head into the crook of her neck, and Natasha let her do it, also because the only thing she seemed capable of doing at that moment was crying.

They continued like this for what seemed like hours for Natasha, even though in reality only a few minutes had passed. The redhead continued to cry, only stopping when she heard the gym doors open and slam behind the person who had just entered. Immediately, both women turned to the third presence in the room.

“Sorry, but Fury sent me to look for you both since you were unreachable” Bucky said to the two, looking at them in disbelief given the situation he had just found them in. Natasha nodded at the supersoldier's words, putting some distance between her and Wanda. Natasha ran her fingers under her eyes, trying as much as possible to dry her tears. Both women stood up and approached the gym exit, passing by the soldier when he gently grabbed the widow's arm, looking at her intently with eyes filled with compassion.

“Maybe you should stay out of it” whispered the man, letting go slightly of the arm he had grabbed to stop her earlier. Natasha frowned, confused at Bucky's suggestion. In her head she was trying to find a good reason why she should take the advice, but one in particular formed that made her eyes widen and almost gape. The super soldier, seeing that the redhead understood, nodded.

“Is it really her?” she whispered in disbelief. The man nodded again, taking her in his arms immediately after seeing Natasha's eyes fill with tears again, but this time she didn't shed a single one. She remained silent and, after breaking her embrace with Bucky, they both walked side by side toward the meeting room. 

The whole time of the journey, Natasha couldn't stop the thoughts in her head. What would she have done as soon as she saw you again? What condition would she find you in? Would you recognize her? Would you hurt her without thinking or would you hesitate? And in the worst case, would she be able to hurt you or worse, kill you?

For these questions she had no answers, she couldn't find a single one. And that troubled her. She'd always been the kind of person who often had the answer ready for all the questions asked, but this time it was completely empty. Like what she felt inside herself every time she woke up after dreaming of you, or when she was constantly looking for you among people every time she left the complex.

Finally the two arrived in the meeting room and immediately settled into their pre-arranged seats, Natasha with Tony on the right and Clint on the left, Bucky next to Sam. The redhead could hear the murmur of voices from her companions around her in the background, but she didn't join in any of the conversations, she just kept her gaze down at her hands resting on the table. Only when she heard the voices quiet and a door open and close did she raise her head. Fury approached the screen toward the head of the table, holding several files in his arms, and gave one to each. He then turned on the screen behind him and a photo from a still from a surveillance camera immediately appeared.

“She's Void” said the man, seriously looking into the eyes of every single Avenger in the room. “I think you're old enough to read to yourself who she is. The fact is that late last night, she and other HYDRA agents infiltrated a steel company and cleared out, no survivors” Natasha and everyone else started staring at the photo. The blank stare of your eyes, the maniacal smile on your face, the two scars on either side of your mouth smeared with red, the bloody hands suggesting someone's death, the knife placed on the throat of the guard on duty, his eyes filled with tears and terrified at the mere thought of his sad fate. 

Natasha had to shift her gaze to Wanda's cup placed in front of her to avoid looking at the photograph offered by Fury. 

“I know your skills and abilities well and I firmly believe in them” Fury continued. “We have multiple reasons to believe that she and the other agents are still camped within the company. Your mission is very simple. Take her and bring her here, I don't want any questions. I'll explain to you later. In the file I gave you you will find all the useful information about her and a video to watch carefully” he said looking them seriously in the face and then placing his eyes on Natasha. “If anyone for any reason thinks they can't do it and doesn't feel like leaving, they shouldn't feel guilty about abandoning the mission and staying home” silence fell in the room, everyone was looking at the redhead even if only some knew the real reason. Fury sighed, shaking his head, and then finished his speech. “The mission is in two days. Remember, you must not kill or mortally wound her. She is a highly unstable and unpredictable individual. Be careful” and with one last look directed at Natasha, he left the room. 

One by one, the Avengers emptied the meeting room, all holding their files and a few worried expressions carved into their faces. Eventually Natasha found herself alone again with her thoughts and a heavy file in front of her. After staring at the yellow cover for ten minutes she finally found the courage and strength to open it. 

Name: Y/NY/L/N

Alias: Void

Approximate age: 106 years old

Nationality: Italian / Greek

Special features: covered in tattoos, prominent scars on the sides of the mouth

Abilities: Electrokinesis, slightly weaker than a super soldier, skilled with the sword

Wanted for: targeted killings, infiltration, possession of sensitive information

Affiliations: HYDRA, Red Room

Threat Rating: High / Avengers Level

Priority: CAPTURE

Natasha was about to check the other information in the file, but as soon as she turned the page, a flash drive slipped out. She quickly picked it up and inserted it into her computer. A video immediately opened, which she quickly clicked on. She could see a dark room, lit only by a small light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Under this light, a man was tied to a chair with very thick ropes, a belt over his mouth to silence him, tears streaming down his cheeks, and a cut on his forehead dripping blood. Behind him, slightly hidden by the darkness, were two men, both holding rifles and wearing helmets to avoid being recognized.

After about two minutes of silence, where the only sound was the soft sobs of the man sitting in front of the camera, Natasha heard a heavy door open and close, followed by heavy footsteps and the prisoner's terrified look. Another chair entered the frame, and the red-haired woman had to hold back tears at the sight. Y/N, also dressed all in black, with a sword sheath the spy knew well attached to her belt, a mask covering only her mouth, allowing the rest of her face, red with blood, to be clearly seen, just like her hands. She sat and stared at the weeping man before her, casting a sinister look at the camera.

“This is Billy,” she said loudly and clearly, addressing anyone watching the recording. “Nah, just kidding. His name isn’t Billy, I gave him a name because I don’t give a shit what his name is,” she chuckled to herself. Natasha continued to watch the scene, sitting still, trying to understand the reason for the man’s kidnapping and why HYDRA would want to clear out a steel company.

“See, Billy here works for this amazing company that makes millions and millions of dollars a year. If only they only worked with iron and metals like that, right, Billy?” she said, looking at the poor man in front of her. “They also work with things that shouldn’t concern them, things they don’t even know the name of, things they don’t even know the potential and power of.” She stood up, walked over to the camera, and, picking it up, moved it closer to her hostage. Then, she positioned herself behind him, removing the belt from around his face and saying something in his ear.

“Y-Yes, I'm Billy. Let's just say that in this company, um, we don't just work to produce the usual things,” the man began, staring intently at the camera. Natasha frowned in confusion. “Um, we receive supplies of celestial bronze every two months, a metal that we basically don't need, so…”

“Good boy, Billy,” Y/N said, her torso out of the frame. The man breathed a sigh of relief, thinking he was out of danger. “Too bad what you said wasn't exactly correct.” She laughed again, while the man felt as if his heart had stopped.

“No, n-no, that's not true!”

“Billy, Billy, Billy. But what am I supposed to do with you…” she said, shaking her head, picking up the camera again and moving it back just enough to be seen, this time without the mask on her face. Natasha jumped at the scars on the sides of her mouth. She didn’t remember them being so pronounced and disturbing, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still find them beautiful on her ex girlfriend. “There are two fundamental errors in your brief explanation,” she continued, taking a knife from her belt, making the Russian woman’s eyes widen.

“First, your supplies don’t arrive every two months,” she said, and she made a cut on the man’s left leg, not deep enough to bleed to death, but deep enough for him to feel the pain. “Second, you know exactly what you need them for,” and she made another identical cut, but on his right arm.

“I was starting to like you, buddy,” she said to the man screaming in pain. “I was even thinking about sparing you the fate of your colleagues, but then you started lying to me, even though I warned you not to. Fuck, Billy, I’m sorry.” She started banging her fist on her own head, ruffling her neatly combed hair. Natasha could already imagine what was coming next and clasped her hands together, almost as if she were beginning to pray. And this time, Y/N dropped the knife to the ground and unsheathed her sword, emitting a faint golden glow, bringing it close to the man’s throat. “Say hello to your heroes,” she whispered.

“Please, Y/N, don’t do this. Please, angel…” Natasha whispered to the video, wanting to cover her eyes so she wouldn’t see the love of her life commit such a cruel act. But her prayers were in vain. With a clean, precise cut, the other woman slit the man’s throat, watching him die and gurgling in his own blood with a smug smile plastered across her face. “So you weren’t so mortal, Billy. Another lie,” she untied the man’s lifeless body, letting it fall to the ground with a thud before smoothing her hair back into place. She finally looked at the camera. “Bye-bye Avengers,” she waved, then her expression suddenly changed and she became a little sad. “Bye-bye malenkaya lisichka (little fox),” and blew a kiss to the camera, which then turned off.

The black screen that followed could clearly capture Natasha's devastated look, tears now streaming down her face. As false and disturbing as the final sentence might have been, Y/N had blown her a kiss and called her by her usual nickname, the one reserved just for her. But that didn't erase what she'd done. She'd just slit the throat of an innocent man, without even an identity anymore, since she'd given him a new one and had probably already made the body disappear God knows where. And all this with an amused and satisfied expression. This wasn't her Y/N, the one who, after killing someone, cried for hours and wrote their name and surname in a little book to remember the life she'd taken.

No, this was someone else. This was a version of her angel that Natasha had never seen. Someone she didn't recognize and never thought she'd meet. But this was just another excuse to get her girlfriend back, give her a second chance, and prove that she, too, is capable of doing something good.

Hey...

Taglist: @transparentflapfarmsludge, @kloy344, @wandanatlov3r, @2silverchain, @taliiiaasteria, @unexpected-character, @gbab09, @spiderx18, @nanou4204, @lovelyy-moonlight.

[marvel-posts]

IM SO TIREDDDDD AHHHHHHH

[marvel-posts]

holy fuck I’m gonna bust. Why can’t people move on. Like even mentioning anything remotely tied to that situation is bullshit. Nothing can be changed from anyone’s actions but everyone can move the fuck on.

:(

[marvel-posts]

https://www.tumblr.com/marvel-posts/822596017020125184/okay-this-is-actually-just-ridiculous-i-know-what?source=share

oh don't you know, if they haven't moved on from it, they won't let you move on from it (sarcasm btw) & in my opinion 19 is still considered being a minor, 3 years is not a big difference.

I know i messed up but they keep dragging it and i cant even do anythin more bout it but I just wish that it would stop

[marvel-posts]

Okay wait ik you don't like people (me) smoking so I'm curious, what's your opinion of vaping?

I dont like anyone smoking, specially the people I care about.

Vaping is just as bad. Say whatever you want. You're literally inhaling smoke from a battery. I dont like smoking or vaping or any of those. That's just it

[marvel-posts]

Okay this is actually just ridiculous.

I know what i did was fucked up, and the lying all that shit.

But OH MY GOD.

Is your life so fucking boring, that you still have beef with a minor? It's been over a month and you're still doing this bullshit?

Atleast say it to my face.

You have every right to be upset. All of you do. But talking about not "outing" me even tho you "want to"? Cmon girl.

"You dont get to delete everything after a month and hope people move on"- I did nothing?! Like for fuck'sake. I changed my fucking blog theme. I didn't even change the name of it? You think if i was trying to "delete everything" I would keep the same name? Get a grip.

For as much as i was wrong and hurt people, which i know i was 100% wrong and fucked up badly, and I do sincerely apologise. Still making posts about the situation and just beefing with a 16yo just shows that you're probably as immature as I am, aparently.

Yes I was wrong. Yes I hurt people and i will never forgive myself for it. Yes I fucked up, bad. But is it that hard to just fucking BLOCK and move on? Is it really necessary to keep making posts after a month?

Like you said. It's been a month. I dont expect people to have moved on or not be hurt. But if you even wanted to move on, making posts like that isn't the way to do it.

[marvel-posts]

does mother Nena know the dance of doom?

Uhm... no. Sorry kid.

Mother isn't aware of this so called.. dance of doom.

[marvel-posts]

Slept for basically 2h and still feel exhausted. WHY. I literally slept. WHY. AM. I. TIRED.

[mamasbestgirl]

THE WEEK: day 1

It had been some months since we all three had moved to the new house, my wife Isabel and our little son, Elio and me. Or had they been weeks? I don't even know anymore, time has been moving weird lately, or maybe it was just me. I just sighed with the now warm beer in hand sitting on the couch looking at the celling, too lazy to get up and turn on the TV, eitherways it didn't work quite well.. So why bother and get up? It was pretty cold aswell, so I just drank to warm myself up. As the old wood of the floor creaks behind me my blood runs cold before I jump and quickly turn arround, bottle in hand ready to fight. But I only see Elio's big eyes staring at me from the doorframe. I sigh relieved, and release the deadly grip I had on the bottle. "You okay? What you want?" I ask rubbing my sore shoulder. "I.. I- I'm hungry.." Elio stutters, I look at the old clock on the wall but it was stuck at 5 pm, I look from the window, it was all dark "I'll have to buy some new batteries for that tomorrow" I sigh as I turn to the kitchen to make dinner "Spaghetti's good?" I ask to Elio, but after some moments of silence I shrug "Spaghettis will be I guess". As I enter the kitchen, I scrunch my nose at the smell "what the hell is this smell?" I gag, it smelled really really bad but I pushed myself and forced myself to grab the old almost rusty casserole and go to the sink, to fill it with water, I hum to myself an old song, while watching the water slowly fill the casserole. But I freeze, I could sense I wasn't alone.. As I look up infront of me, to the window, I see the refleze of a face. Some big dark eyes, too round to my liking, and a really wide and creepy smile, with pointy teeths, covered in a red liquid. The face was right on top of my shoulder, towering me, my blood runs cold and I turn arround fast and punch. But I was welcomed by nothing. My breath was getting heavy as I looked everywhere I could see it on the corner of my eye, staring at me, yet every time I turned my head and stared directly I would see nothing. I could almost hear it, laughing, giggling like if it was just a sick joke to whatever the hell was that. I walked until i was in the corner, my back pressed against the wall at least like that there wouldn't be the option of that thing being behind me. "It's not real.. it can't be real, Jhonathan, come on." I told myself, before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. But I didn't even finish getting the deep breath when I felt it. A cold breath right next to my neck, I jump and open my eyes. Yet once again, nothing. After that, it felt like If I was alone again, no creepy faces would appear from the corner of my eyes, nothing. I took a shaky breath and put the spaghettis to cook. Still checking every now and then the kitchen and my surroundings. After the dinner was ready i served it in plates and went to the living room. "Dinner is ready!" I yelled so Isabel and Elio would listen and come over, as they silently sit down, I just start to eat, deciding not to tell them about the.. "incident", to not scare them. They both just sat in silence, until Elio broke it and whimpered "D..Dad It's ..it's really really cold-" he said with his little voice and shivering, I finally snapped out of my thoughts and looked at them, both of them didn't even had a taste of dinner, they were just silently sitting. Their lips were blue. "Get jackets on, and tomorrow i'll call to get the heater fixed" I said before go put the plates on the sink, and finally go sleep.