Love your Marvel stuff! Could you do one that is Wanda x Nat x reader. Reader doesn’t know what going on with herself. She feels different than normal. Unknowingly depression is setting in. In a room full of people she feels so alone. She hides her self harm from Wanda and nat for as long as as she can. She slowly pulls away from everything and everyone. Wanda bad Nat try to reach her, but reader pushes them away too. Reader is in denial anything is wrong bc nothing really triggered these feelings of isolation. Wanda and Nat are desperate to save reader from herself. Nat or Wanda walk in in reader self harming and reader fights with all her strength, so desperate to cling to the one thing that gives her control, while Nat or Wanda calls for the other lover to help.
Better than before
TW: depression, self-harm
Marvel Masterlist ~ buy me a coffee☕️
You're in your bed, in the room Tony assigned you when you, Natasha and Wanda got engaged. You are in "your" room, at two in the afternoon, curled up in those tons of blankets while the only thing you want to do is sleep.
You don't know when you started feeling this way. Perhaps the first symptom was a lack of appetite or perennial fatigue. But you don't know when it started to get worse.
So all the feelings that you started to feel: the sense of loneliness, the awareness of how insignificant your life was are starting any day and have not stopped yet.
Hiding how you felt from your girls wasn't too hard, or rather, they'd been so busy over the past couple months that you hardly saw each other which didn't help you hide your mood.
You huddle in the blankets and look at the ceiling, a sigh leaves your lips as you run your thumb over the cuts on your left arm.
A slight sting rises up your arm as you touch a particularly deep one.
You are tired, you do nothing and you are tired. You don't eat, sleep late or sleep at all and don't get out of bed except to take a shower every two days.
You pull the blankets away from your body and throw them on the floor, sit up and take another look at the clock hanging on the wall. Wanda and Natasha are about to return from the mission, they told you something about it a few days ago and, that morning J.A.R.V.I.S. he had kindly reminded you.
Five minutes and your girls would have seen you like that. You cannot allow it.
You do not know where you find your strength but you manage to fix the room and also to fix yourself before the Sokoviana and the former Russian spy enter the room. You are sitting on the bed, your legs crossed, and you have put a smile on your face praying that they would not notice how fake it actually was.
"Hey, you're back," you get out of bed and are immediately surrounded by the arms of your girls.
"We missed you." Natasha smiles at you and kisses her cheek as Wanda grabs you by the hips.
"How are you? What have you done in these days?" Wanda and Natasha sit on the bed and look at you with a smile.
How the hell did you deserve them? They are divine, they are literally goddesses and they are with you! How do they stay with you?
Although they are perfect, you feel weird. You still want to curl up in bed and never go out again. You want to sleep and you don't want to talk to anyone; not even with the loves of your life. What the fuck is your problem ?!
You release the lump in your throat and force a smile.
"The usual things, nothing special"
Your gaze falls on your bare wrist and, unnoticed, you pull down your sleeve. They don't know that you cut yourself and you want everything except that they find out by looking at your arms. During sex you only managed to hide it from him thanks to industrial amounts of foundation but you haven't put any on in the last week and the cuts are more visible than ever.
You give them a little smile, you are praying that they have not seen anything and their serene looks make you calm. They motion you to get on the bed with them before lying down.
You lie down in the center, Natasha is on your right and Wanda is on your left, and as soon as you do they wrap you in their arms.
You should feel happy, safe ... but instead the only thing you feel is that weight on your chest that doesn't seem to want to go away for months, that sense of loneliness that makes you feel alone even in a room full of people ... you should be happy yet you are barely holding back the tears. You hate feeling like this, this thing sucks.
You take a deep breath and try to relax, to clear your mind while enjoying that contact that has been denied you for more than a week, to no avail. Your heartbeat increases and your breathing shortens as your panic begins to rise.
Air, you need air.
You extricate yourself from the embrace, almost falling out of bed for the haste with which you do it. You don't want to have a panic attack and you don't want them to see you like that.
You hear their voices screaming your name as you leave the room and run to the only safe place your panic attack would accept at the moment. After four flights of stairs, done in less than a minute, you open the door to the roof and collapse to the ground, your back against the wall as you squeeze the shirt between your fingers, right above your chest, to try to slow down your breath.
Look up; the sky is clear and faint rays of sunlight hit your face. The noise of New York is a distant memory up there, the only noise you hear is the light wind hitting your face.
In a few minutes your heartbeat slows down, as does the rising and falling of your chest. You close your eyes and stay like this for a few minutes, in silence, while the thoughts in your head and the voices seem to have disappeared.
You don't even hear the sound of the roof door opening and flinching when someone puts a hand on your shoulder.
"It's just us dorogoy," Natasha's voice makes you relax and you open your eyes.
The two young women are kneeling in front of you and are looking at you with concern.
"Are you okay honey?" Wanda reaches for her hand to take yours and squeezes it briefly as her gaze is fixed on yours.
You nod and stand up giving them your best smile.
"I'm fine, I just needed some air"
Before either of you can say anything, get off the roof while your girls follow you; almost running after you.
"Y / n, wait!" Natasha stops you by taking your pulse. The brawl spy looks you in the eyes of her, she knows that something is wrong and the fact that you are hiding it from both of them makes her worry even more.
"That was a panic attack and we all know it ... talk to us love," Wanda whispers as concern grows on both of their faces.
“Girls, I'm fine; really, "you shake off Natasha's grip and keep walking, you're heading for the common room and you're hoping someone will distract them, even though you know it's impossible.
As soon as you enter, Peter comes towards you with a toothy smile.
"Y / n! You finally left your room !! Can we now play that game I asked you to play over a week ago? " the spider boy asks you and you want to kill him. Obviously the information did not go unnoticed by Natasha and Wanda m, who exchange a glance, before looking at you. You have to find an excuse and you have to do it fast.
"I'm a little tired Peter-" the sense of guilt grips your stomach when you see the disappointed look of the young man: "maybe tomorrow?"
You suggest and immediately the boy smiles again as he nods frantically.
"Thanks y / n" he yells at you waving at you as he leaves the room.
Only the three of you remain, the silence hovers between you and for once, you hope it will last forever. Obviously, someone up there wants you badly.
"Y / n ... have you really been in our room since we left for the mission?" Wanda whispers as Natasha looks you in the eye, ready to catch any hint of a lie in them.
You have to think of something quickly, very, very quickly.
"Yes, I haven't been very well."
You shrug and smile.
Your face hurts from all those forced smiles; you're so tired, the only thing you want to do now is lie down in bed and stay there.
Neither Natasha nor Wanda believe you and you can't help but sigh as you look away.
"Y / n you can talk to us," Wanda murmurs, reaching out her hand to take yours.
"Anything detka, I hope you know." Natasha approaches you, taking your other hand and giving you a small smile.
You walk away shaking your head.
“I'm fine, okay? I'm just tired and I'd like to go to rest "
You try to ignore the hurt looks on their faces, due to your estrangement, with poor results.
You sigh and run a hand through your hair.
Natasha opens her mouth to say something but she is interrupted by Tony.
"GENTLEMAN! What a pleasure to see you ... there will be a party tonight; it has been a long mission and we are entitled to some alcohol "Tony winks at you before leaving.
No, you absolutely don't want to see other people and you don't even have the strength.
You look up and see that both Natasha and Wanda are staring at you, unable to hide their concern in their eyes.
You are tired. Tired of seeing them suffer because of you, tired of suffering, tired of not recognizing yourself when you see yourself in the mirror, you are tired of the voices, you are tired of the dark circles that surround your eyes, you are tired even though you sleep constantly ... but maybe, it's not that kind of fatigue. Perhaps it is that fatigue that kills you slowly, that that wears you out from within and that leaves you on your knees.
Maybe it's that thing you kept inside all those years, held back as much as you could and then it finally exploded. That thing from which you want to keep the loves of your life away, as much as possible, thus forcing yourself to distance yourself from them.
They deserve better, they deserve to be happy and you ... you can't give them that happiness when you can't even love yourself.
So do the thing you do best, pull up the mask and rebuild the walls that the two Avengers tore down so hard long ago.
"I have to talk to you," you say, your voice is firm and if only they could hear your heart ... they would know that what you are about to say hits you worse than a bullet in the heart.
"We have to talk to you too," Wanda says, referring to both herself and Natasha, who just nods her head.
You wait for them to sit on the sofa before you start talking.
"The last period was not easy" you pause meeting their gazes, you're doing it for them, they deserve better: "and I don't think our relationship can continue"
There is a minute of silence before Natasha and Wanda look at you in shock.
"What?! Y / n you… we will be there more, I promise you »Wanda's suffering voice makes you almost waver, almost. Remember y / n you are doing this only for their own good.
Natasha remains silent and just stares at you.
“Nat, why aren't you saying anything? She-"
“Wanda has already decided, there is nothing we can do to change her mind. Look at it "
Obviously Natasha noticed that you had raised the walls, it was stupid to hope that it would go unnoticed even in her eyes.
"We love you," Wanda whispers, her tears dripping from her cheeks and your heart aches to see her like that.
You are a coward and you run away from your problems. But now you're doing it for them, right? Or are you doing it because you don't want to see them suffer because of you?
"Y / n, you can't keep running away indefinitely. One day you won't have breath to run anymore »Natasha looks at you with shining eyes, she is trying hard, she doesn't want to cry. She refuses to do this but it is getting difficult.
You give her a sad smile before you answer.
"I'm afraid I've finished breathing for quite a while Nat"
As soon as those words leave your lips, you turn your back on them and walk out of the room. And they let you go, with a heavy heart; giving in to tears and sobs as soon as they think you are far enough away.
Two days go by and you feel even worse than before. You can't believe you've let them go, you can't really believe you've abandoned your people… the loves of your life, your soul mates. But you convince yourself that you did it for them, even after Nat's 12th call and Wanda's equally numerous messages. And all the times they stopped in front of your door talking to you through them, without being able to open it since you were locked.
You hide in your room, a dormouse under the covers, hoping to close your eyes and never open them again. And the disappointment you get when they open up every blessed time… fuck, it's one of the worst feelings you've ever experienced.
And after the umpteenth time you open your eyes and breathe again, you can't take it anymore. The voices in your head don't stop, your heartbeats seem faster and faster and the noises get louder. And greet your old friend, travel companion, suffering, quiet days ... endless minutes and second abysmal. And for the umpteenth time in your life, you place that blade on your skin. One cut, two, three, four… in you make so many that you stop counting them. As if enchanted by the blood dripping shortly after seeing the white of the cut fat, and then again and again.
You don't even hear the phone ringing three times or the keys stuck in the door. And you don't even hear the footsteps that stop on the threshold of the bathroom.
"Fuck" Natasha slings onto you and tries to rip off her razor blade but you hold it tightly in her fist, cutting her palm too. Natasha stops immediately when she sees more blood coming out of your body from that cut. You don't think you've ever seen her so desperate and worried and panicked.
"No! Stop! y / n you have to stop »Natasha tries again to take away the razor blade but you walk away. The bathroom is now a pool of blood and Natasha quickly thinks about what to do.
It is as if there were only you in the bathroom, you are not aware of what is happening and the only thing you can think about is the razor blade that you hold tightly in your hand.
"Wanda! WANDA, COME HERE !! I NEED HELP!" the ex Russian spy screams and begins to squeeze the towels against your wounds, trying to stop the blood.
"Nat what-"
Wanda freezes, standing still for a few seconds before falling to Natasha's side, on her knees, with tears in her eyes as she sees what you've done to yourself.
"She's lost too much blood," Natasha murmurs to Wanda. The two girls glance at you and their concern increases when they see the glazed look in your eyes.
Wanda walks over and before you can do anything, she gets into your head.
The sokovian winces and you blink a couple of times looking around.
"Why didn't you tell us how you felt?" Wanda says between sobs while Natasha squeezes the towel around your arms a little tighter.
"I-I .." you swallow looking at the ground, not wanting to meet their eyes: "I'm so tired"
A sob shakes your body as the blade slips from your hand and falls to the ground. Natasha grabs her and pulls her away before taking you into her arms.
"You have us, you have a lot of people who love you and if you don't want to talk to us you can talk to a specialist, okay?" Natasha leaves you a good amount of kisses on the temple before Wanda joins her embrace.
"We love you so much detka. We will always be with you, always" Wanda rubs her nose against your neck, tightening her grip a little tighter and a small smile, a real smile, she purses your lips.
And for the first time in months, you feel safe in their arms; It will still suck some days but they will be by your side in every single shit moment.
Thanks for reading! I hope this isn't too terrible and leave a comment if you want, I'm always happy to read them <3
P.s: send requests people :)
