Math Professor Quotes

The absurd things math professors say. Submissions accepted. See a random quote Browse quotes by subject Submit a quote!

[mathprofessorquotes]

Mother's day is coming up. If you're looking for a present you can just pick a weight function, create a series, and name it after your mother. Of course, this is not incredibly useful in mathematical physics.

Series and Transforms lecturer

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I don't care about those people.

Physics professor on electrons outside of a magnetic field

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That's a good guy. That's someone everybody wants.

Physics professor on Uranium 235

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You can use this at a party if the person you're talking to is someone you're trying to impress, or if you're trying to get them to go away. It works in both cases.

Analysis Professor on proving the real numbers are not countable

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Every time I climb Mount Everest, I eat a pizza.

Topology professor on vacuous truth

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Oh, I forgot to row reduce to echelon form. My father told me not to smoke, but I did anyway. Class is done. Please go.

Linear Algebra Professor 20 minutes into solving a problem and realizing he made a mistake right at the start, extremely distressed

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I remember being a kid and learning about protective duality.

Symplectic geometry professor

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You can do it by playing Poohsticks or using the curl operator. Whatever you prefer.

Physics professor on rotational flow

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e^x is God's function. ln(x) is the Devil's function.

Calculus professor

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Sometimes I finished the class too early, sometimes too late. I am a statistician, so on average I was always perfectly on time.

Statistics professor

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I'm a mathematician. When I hear someone say a pun is the lowest form of wit, I take that as a minimization problem. How low can I go?

Discrete Math professor, about to show us a Hamiltonian graph in the shape of Lin-Manuel Miranda's face

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The f word of mathematics is 'fractions'

Math teacher

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Student: We will conjure dark spirits from the other side to harm you.

Math teacher: The dark spirit is already here, and it's teaching you maths and physics.

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I've had 18 teeth pulled. This silence is more painful than that.

Linear Algebra professor when the class could not answer questions about a basis

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You might be wondering why we are doing this. It’s because it works.

Differential Equations professor on the Laplace transform

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Student: Um, I'm confused by your notation. Is this just an abuse of notation?

Algebraic Topology Professor: No. Well, not in the way you're asking. It IS an abuse of notation, just, in a different way.

[mathprofessorquotes]

Everything I say is based.

Algebraic topology professor