❝ 𝐈 𝐎𝐖𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 ❞
⤷ ࣪ in which, your boyfriend tries to change, but he’s just wired the way everyone else is.
warnings : swearing, eating disorder, angst of course, mentions of a miscarriage
❝ It’s hard to love you, cause every time I’ve ever tried, all you ever do is find a way to make everything about you. ❞ ; ִ 𑁤
This place wasn’t always going to be on Laurie’s radar. Of course it wasn’t. But when he first stepped through with a man he worked with, a man named Clark, he had never actually thought about the consequences until now. How it would make him feel…different.
Why did Laurie have to feel different? Why did he have to be wired differently? Was it weird the way he looked or how he was opposed to it…? Well, there was a time his father had called him all kinds of names because he looked like a girl one time, and he thought it was weird. His mother at some point in time braided his hair, said he was beautiful, claimed that he looked just like the child she wished she had.
It was sad, really. How she never wanted him. Never wanted a boy.
His mother had made that clear to him the very first day he was born into this world. Why exist in a world that never wanted him in the first place? He always questioned.
“Laurie please…we can get out of here. We don’t have to stay.” You pleaded with Laurie, watching him sit across from you. Mary was seated next to you, still staring at Clark’s limp body lied on the ground.
Watching from a corner was a distorted captain Clark version of him. As if it was trying to mimic the way Clark looked before.
Laurie’s trembling hands reminded him of the way he had to sit in the backseat and listen to his father belittle him. His long, black colored hair falls over his shoulders as he leans forward to get a better look at his reflection on the empty plate. For a moment he doesn’t even recognize himself, maybe now he understands why his plate is empty. Because he’s never actually took the opportunity to eat before. He was so afraid to even touch a speck of food due to his father’s criticism.
“I can’t leave.” Laurie claimed as he leaned back in his seat, eyes welling with tears. He had to take a look at you through the strands of his hair, hands still continuing to tremble. “It’s - it’s like home here. Don’t you see? You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything.” He tells you.
“No, oh god - Laurie no! When have you felt obligated to do anything?! Why don’t you talk to me about these things?” You questioned as you tugged at the ropes attached to your wrists, letting out a frustrated cry when you couldn’t move. “I can’t help you if you keep things from me! I’m never able to tell your truth from your lies.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore!” Laurie shouted,
That was the first time he’s ever raised his voice at you.
Laurie closes his eyes, the pain in his chest beginning to worsen. As if someone had stabbed him. A sob escaped his throat, a trembling hand placed over his heart. “I can’t do this anymore. As much as I tried finding a place in the world - feeling as if I mattered? It’s clear proof that I don’t. I never have. Can’t you see that, (name)? I don’t matter.”
“You matter. Everything you’ve ever done has put some good into this world, Laurie. Believe me.” You tried to reason. You’ve never seen Laurie look so…heartbroken.
Mary carefully unties the rope around her wrists, taking a glance at your own tied wrists. She had to get herself out first, and then she’d help you.
But the question was, did Laurie want saving?
“I’m so hurt.” Laurie mumbled hoarsely. “So tired. So sick. Constant cycle of wanting to change myself, needing to change, when nobody wants to fucking change for themselves! I have to do all the changing but honestly? I believe it’s how I’m wired. Like Clark said, there is no change. I don’t have to change.”
“Laurie -.” This time Mary spoke up. “You don’t have to stay here, you can’t change. You - you aren’t like Clark. You have so much of your life ahead of you.”
“I just want to die.” Laurie inhaled deeply, rubbing a tired hand over his face. Behind him, something shifted out of the corner.
It writhes in pain as it crawls over to him, its eyes immediately landed on you, hands trembling, mimicking the way Laurie was sitting earlier.
It looked exactly like him. But its face was distorted. Like there were three faces, but in one clumped together.
“C-Change.” It croaked out. “W-Want to change. Wanna change…”
You recoiled in your seat and it mimicked you. Mary hurriedly untied the ropes around your wrists and she rushed over to Laurie. “Come on. We can’t get you out of here. Please -.”
Laurie stays seated in the chair, not wanting to move, he shook his head. “No. No no, I can’t. I just can’t -.”
“Please. Don’t leave me to do this without you!” You exclaimed, rushing over to his side. “It’s hard to love you, cause every time I’ve ever tried, all you ever do is find a way to make it about you. So no! Don’t do this now! You can change! Just - just work with me!”
Laurie doesn’t reply, taking in your words. He looks at Mary who kept looking for a way out, his fingers thrum against his lap and he looks at the thing that resembles him.
“Get out.” Laurie says, closing his eyes.
“What -?” You tried to protest but Laurie jumped out of the chair just in time, pushing you out of the way before the thing could attack.
“Find me.” Laurie tells you.
Mary reaches for your wrist to tug you back. “We have to go! We don’t have much time!”
“Find you? What do you mean? Laurie!” You shouted his name again as Mary continues to tug you away.
“I’m in the hospital. This - this isn’t my body. Not physically at least. Now - go!”
——
Inside the hospital room, Laurie lays in his bed, tubes and IV’s alike attached to his arms. His mother sits next to his bedside, holding his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. You hurried down the hallway, wearing a new changes of clothes after escaping out of the depot. You weren’t sure where Mary went because the both of you had gotten separated, you really hoped she was okay.
The heart monitor next to Laurie’s bedside beeps loudly, the only sound inside the hospital room giving his mother some sort of peace.
The second you stepped inside the room, though, Laurie’s heart monitor spiked through the roof, for a moment, as if he was acknowledging that you were here.
Present.
“Oh, laurie? It’s been a while now. Please wake up.” His mother pleaded, reaching a hand up to his hair to caress the silky texture.
You hurried over to Laurie’s bed side. “H-He…he’s breathing. Right?”
“Yeah.” His mother answered. “But something is wrong. He hasn’t woken up like he usually does during sleep.”
“M-Maybe he’s just resting? L-Laurie, if you can hear me, and I know you can, please wake up. You don’t have to stay there. You hear me?” You squeezed Laurie’s hand. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier, please don’t do this. If you’re in there, fight. Okay?”
Underneath Laurie’s eyelids, you could see them moving back and forth. Trying to find a way back to you.
How was his body there in that place but not visible? Had he been trapped there the entire time and you were just now finding out?
If that was the case?
Laurie had been suffering for a long, long time.
And if that was the case, you were so scared. So fearful of it. You never wanted Laurie to suffer.
After all her miscarriages, his mother was deeply afraid of losing her son. He was her miracle baby, and deep down even though she didn’t show it as much, she meant what she said about loving Laurie to the fullest.
“We miss you honey. All of us.” His mother spoke calmly. Trying not to show how scared she was.
Even though that was the case, it made no changes to Laurie’s condition.
Something was wrong.
The silence in the room was too - well, loud.
The first thing you saw come from Laurie’s nose was blood. The corner of his eyes having blood run down his face, his fingers twitched a few times.
“What’s happening…” his mother stepped back, eyes wide. You didn’t move though, still holding onto Laurie’s hand.
You know what this meant.
Laurie tried fighting as best as he could.
Still trapped in there.
But it was a lost cause. He would’ve never won. And deep down, you knew that.
And Laurie knew that, too.
The nurses rushed inside Laurie’s hospital room, they made no sort of effort to move you away from his side. Laurie’s heart rate continues to go down, more and more and more.
30 BPM.
20 BPHM.
5 BPHM.
Then the flatline.
Laurie was gone. And the words you had spewed to him so angrily before, it made you realize one thing.
You really do regret what you say once they’re dead. And that was the case with Laurie. He wasn’t even able to live his life because that place, his mind had kept him trapped. Trapped somewhere he was never supposed to be in the first place.
With his eyes closed, you walk over to his bedside one last time, ignoring the cries of his mother. You place a kiss to his forehead.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered. Pressing your forehead against his after pulling back for a few minutes. “I love you. I have always loved you, Laurie.”
For a moment, you could’ve sworn you felt him move. Pulling back you attempt to get a better look at him, and once you finally do, you see how peaceful he looked.
Cause just as much as you were coming to terms with the fact he was gone?
He was as well.
You were just happy he was at peace now.
note: hope you enjoyeddd, first time writing up here and it isn’t probably as good but I figured I write this since I loved the movie so so so much </3 !!