° ★ — stuck on you

matthew montgomery ____________________________ picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor reaching for the phone 'cause, i can't fight it anymore and i wonder if i ever cross your mind for meit happens all the time it's a quarter after one, i'm all alone and i need you now said i wouldn't call but i lost all control and I need you now and i don't know how i can do without, i just need you now

[matthewxmontgomery]

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After everything that had taken place earlier in the day, she was exhausted — emotionally, mentally and physically. Chey was desperately in need of some rest and wanted nothing more than to get some sleep, but she knew that she couldn’t leave the male on his own. He was enduring nasty withdrawals, which would inflict horrendous pain on him mentally and physically while threatening to push him towards his emotional breaking point. Did she know what he would endure over the next few hours or so? No, but that didn’t keep her from being there. As painful as this would be for him to endure and for her to bear witness to, she knew that it was a step in the right direction. And that’s precisely why she was sacrificing her slumber. By staying awake and being by his side, she was helping him get through this. At least that’s what her hope was.

Hearing his question, the brunette found herself smiling softly as she gave a slight nod of her head. Matthew hadn’t been there during her pregnancy nor had he been there when their daughter was born, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t take him on a trip down memory lane and fill him in on all the things that he had missed out on. “I think I could show you better than I could tell you.” Her words left her lips as she carefully stood up from the floor, turning around to face the male before offering her hands to him as a silent offer to assist him up. She had always told herself that she had kept so many things and took so many pictures - so many videos - because she wanted Daisy to have something to look back on — something to one day show her own children. And while that was true, it wasn’t the only reason. Despite not knowing if he would ever be involved and not consciously acknowledging it, she had always hoped, deep down, that she’d be able to show him everything one day. 

Cheyenne knew that she hadn’t forced anything on him nor had she been the one who had made the poor decisions. He had been the one to make the choice to sell drugs and to do them, which had lead him down a dark path. And yet, she couldn’t help wondering if she had done something wrong. Maybe if she had done or said something differently, he wouldn’t have gotten so tangled up in things. Maybe if she had never entered into his life, things wouldn’t have fallen apart in the way that they had. It was foolish for her to think such thoughts and there was a part of her that knew she was being absurd, but that didn’t keep her mind from racing. “It’s not going to be easy and it would be really stupid for either of us to think that, but… I – if we both really want this family thing - this friendship, maybe more ship thing - to work out, then I think we’ll be okay. We just have to try and work at this, you know? Talk to each other and be honest and just… don’t give up.” 

Matthew had never pictured himself as father. Growing up, he hadn’t even been entirely sure if he wanted children, at least not after getting so tangled up in drugs. After finding out about Daisy, on the other hand, that had all changed completely. He didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much after only having known them for a little while, but the toddler warmed his cold heart. She was so much better than he ever could have expected, which was why he was having such difficulties with trying to live up to being the father she deserved. The little girl was a ray of sunshine, and she deserved so much better than a father that had missed out most of her life because he’d been locked up for an addiction he’d brought upon himself. 

"Okay,” he said, a faint smile crossing his lips as he let her help him back up to his feet. He certainly wouldn’t mind seeing pictures of Daisy growing up, even though he knew it would hurt. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he’d pushed Cheyenne away and spiralled deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole, he could have been there for her. For Daisy. There was nothing he could do to change that now, however, so he tried not dwelling too much about it. Normally that would be a close to impossible feat — his mind was his own worst enemy — but this night was different. Instead of fixating on all his mistakes and the time he’d lost with Chey and Daisy, his mind kept spiralling back to drugs. His throat was dry with want, every single inch of him itching to give in and feel the rush once more. Fortunately, he still wasn’t far enough into the withdrawals to forget what a terrible, terrible idea that was. If he relapsed again, that was it with him and his shot at a family, and he was not about to risk that. 

And a family, this family, was what Matthew wanted more than anything. He needed Cheyenne in his life, and the toddler, and he knew he’d be lost without them. Chey had always been his rock, no matter how badly he’d ended up treating her towards the end of their relationship when he was constantly high and influenced by drugs, and she was the only one he’d ever love. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind about it, and as she spoke about trusting each other and communicating and maybe being able to make it work, he couldn’t stop the rush of emotions surging through him. Before he knew what he was doing, his mouth was open, and three raw, honest words slipped out of him, “I love you.”

[matthewxmontgomery]

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“I didn’t think you’d be offended, but maybe a little disappointed.” Cheyenne replied quietly, turning her head in his direction to look at him for a long moment. He had told her time and time again to go to sleep – to get some rest. And she knew that he cared about her wellbeing. It had been a long, draining day and there was nothing more that she wanted that to get some rest, but at the same time, she could go without a little sleep if it meant aiding him through this. Having him get through his withdrawals and be clean? It was worth sacrificing a night of sleep. It was worth more than she could even begin to comprehend. 

“I appreciate you wanting me to get some rest and you caring about my wellbeing, but I know you. I know that deep down, you’d rather have me here to go through this with you than to be forced to deal with this alone. And no matter how bad things get, I’m here, okay?” Her words left her lips in a warm, reassuring manner as a genuine smile became slightly visible on her features. It was going to be hard enough for him to endure the withdrawals and for her to witness him suffering, but if they had each other, perhaps it would be easier to weather. “Just think, whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s probably not even half as bad as what contractions feel like.” Chey uttered with a small laugh, attempting to lighten the mood and help take his mind off of things. In all honesty, she hadn’t the slightest idea what he was going through or what it felt like for him, but she was hoping to get his mind off of what was happening and redirect his attention elsewhere. And for whatever reason, discussing childbirth just seemed to be the first thing that came to her mind. 

With her head back against the wall, her dark hues mindlessly stared at the ceiling as she found herself unable to look at him. His words had filled her ears and she had heard what he’d said, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe them. Did that mean she thought he was lying? No, but she just couldn’t help blaming this partially on herself. “It was your decision to get tangled up with drugs and I know that. I know that these were your decisions and yours alone, but… Maybe if I had just put my foot down and hadn’t been so lenient with things in the beginning, things wouldn’t have gotten this bad. Or… Or maybe I just put too much pressure on you, you know? On your first day out, I sprung a lot on you and things happened so fast… And I – I don’t know. Maybe I just missed the signs that you were stressed out or on the verge of a breakdown.” The brunette rambled softly, a frown threatening to curl onto her lips as she finally forced herself to look over in his direction and took hold of his hand. “I need you to talk to me, okay? If things become too much or if you’re getting stressed out or if someone from your past show up or… or anything. I need you to tell me and let me help you.” 

Matthew turned his gaze to the other side of the room, suddenly finding it difficult to look at her. Truth was, Cheyenne was right. No matter how much he cared for her and her wellbeing, part of him did want her to stay up with him, to hopefully make things a little easier for him. And here she was, doing exactly that. In fact, not only was she staying up with him, she was reassuring him that she would be there for him no matter how bad things got. How many times hadn’t he dreamed of hearing her say that? Of having someone be there for him despite all the shit he’d put the people close to him through? He supposed spending time in prison and not having anyone come visit had made him crave intimacy more than he realised. 

A small chuckle left his lips at her comment about contractions, and once again he looked over at her. He had no idea what giving birth must have felt like, and for probably the billionth time since he found out about Daisy, he wished he’d been there. “Will you tell me about it?” he asked after a few seconds of silence, a hint of hesitation evident in his voice. “What it was like with the pregnancy, holding Daisy for the first time?” Maybe it would help get his mind off his withdrawals, give him a better understanding of what Cheyenne had gone through while he was still locked up. 

Shaking his head slightly, Matthew felt surprisingly guilty about her feeling guilty. The last thing he wanted was for her to blame herself for everything he’d done; it had been his choice and his choice alone. “We can’t know that for sure, and there’s no need in dwelling over the past,” he replied, his gaze once more locked on her. “It happened, and there’s nothing we can do to change it now, so please don’t work yourself up about it. It never was and never will be your fault, what I did.” Even if he’d been feeling stressed, even if she had been lenient in the beginning, it was still Matthew that had made the choices he had. To this day he was still convinced that if it hadn’t been for Cheyenne, he would most likely have been worse off now than he actually was. Squeezing her hand, he gave her a nod, a faint smile crossing his lips. “I promise I’ll talk to you, let you help me.” Matthew hadn’t been very good at reaching out and accepting help before, but this time he would. He’d do anything it took to remain a part of Cheyenne’s life, a part of Daisy’s life. “I’ll be better this time.” 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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With her back leaning against the wall, her head tilted back and rested against the hard surface as her dark hues mindlessly stared up at the ceiling. Having the male back in life was a blessing, but she couldn’t deny that helping him get back to the right track was difficult. It wasn’t that he was necessarily proving to be difficult, but rather that it was her own worries and thoughts that were causing an issue. Could she really help him? Was she capable of being strong enough for the three of them? As much as she feared him relapsing again, she couldn’t help fearing that she would be the one to let him down this time – that she would be the reason things didn’t work out. And there was also that part of her that almost blamed herself for his relapsing.

Her thoughts had been interrupted by her ex-boyfriend exiting the bathroom and asking her what she was doing, a feeling of relief washing over her as his presence had kept her thoughts from wandering down a darker path. “I just wanted to sit here and make sure that you were okay – that I was close by if you needed me.” Cheyenne admitted softly, watching as he had taken a seat on the floor alongside her. It had surprised her that he’d sat down beside her and that he hadn’t insisted she climb back into bed. Although, perhaps he’d realized that insisting wouldn’t exactly get them anywhere; after all, she was a stubborn girl at times. And this would have definitely been one of those times. “Did you think I would just go back to sleep, leaving you to handle this by yourself? I told you that I was going to stay up and go through this with you, Matthew. And I meant that.”

After sitting quietly for a few moments, the female found herself emitting a sigh and looking back up towards the ceiling again. If they were ever going to move forward, they needed to be honest with one another and that meant talking about things that maybe wouldn’t be the easiest to talk about. “Had I put too much pressure on you? Did I miss the signs that things were getting bad?” She inquired quietly, nervously chewing the inside of her cheek as her hands fumbled together in her lap before continuing after a brief second. “Would we even be in this position had I not been so tolerant of things when you first got messed up with all of this?”

His expression softened at her words, at her proclamation that she wanted to be close in case he needed her. For probably the billionth time that day, he was reminded of how lucky he was to have someone like Cheyenne in his life. No, not just someone like her, but her. Had it been any other person, they probably would have given up on him ages ago. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he inevitably always seemed to make a mistake again. That was what had happened today, and yet somehow, she was still willing to give him another chance. It was more than he could ever have hoped — dreamed — of.

“I know what you said, but I wouldn’t have been offended if you did go back to sleep,” he replied with a shrug. He knew she had to be tired; he could only imagine the distress she’d been under when Daisy called her earlier and she realised what he’d done. As if that wasn’t bad enough, dealing with a toddler wasn’t always easy, even though Daisy was an amazing little girl. Cheyenne deserved to get some rest, and as much as he disliked the thought of her witnessing his withdrawals, part of him was also relieved she was still awake, that she still wanted to be there for him. Maybe it would be easier, having her there with him. His cravings hadn’t ceased, in fact they were only increasing by the second, but at least with her beside him he had something to distract himself with, if only for a brief period of time. 

The two sat in quiet for a little while before the brunette finally broke the silence. Matthew had been looking out into the air, but he quickly turned his attention towards her when he heard her inquiries. “No,” was the first thing that came out of his mouth, a little sharper than intended. “Don’t do this to yourself, okay? I won’t let you.” Shaking his head slightly, he dragged a hand over his face and sighed quietly. “None of this is your fault. I made the wrong choices and I did this to myself. If anything, things probably would have been worse if not for you.” She had always been the light at the end of his tunnel, he just hadn’t realised how badly he needed her until she was finally gone from his life. Still, in no universe would he let her think she was part of the blame. Matthew’s addiction was his own fault entirely, as was his relapse today.

[matthewxmontgomery]

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At the sound of his words, the brunette nodded her head softly and forced a small smile on her lips. He had said that he wouldn’t shut her out and she wanted to believe him, but she couldn’t help worrying that he’d end up doing exactly that. It was bad enough that there wasn’t anything she could do to ease what he was going through or to remove it from him altogether, but if he were to shut her out, it would only tie her hands that much more. And the thought of watching him suffer without being able to do anything was something that wounded her deeply. 

Her dark hues watched as he had left the room and had gone into the bathroom, a sigh escaping her lips as she had heard the shower turn on. It was exhausting having to be so strong for the three of them, but it was even more so exhausting to be in a constant state of worry and to feel so helpless – especially when all she wanted to do was help him. Cheyenne lifted her hands to run over her face, feeling her heart speed up as she’d felt herself grow anxious – overwhelmed. Her daughter was in the other room peacefully sleeping whilst her ex-boyfriend was in the shower enduring his own personal hell and she was left to sit their alone with her thoughts. And that in itself was dangerous. 

Matthew had turned to drugs when he found himself struggling to deal with the pressures of everyday life and the stressors from being a free man – a father, but what could she do? Drugs weren’t something that she would ever get mixed up in and she really had no way of releasing her frustrations or emotions. All she could do was bottle up the things that troubled her and find a way to push herself through them, which wasn’t the healthiest because it merely left her exhausted and stressed out. And yet, she some how always managed to conceal it. Unable to sit on the bed any longer, her slender frame climbed out of bed and walked over to the bathroom before sitting down on the floor next to the door.

Had Matthew made a mistake in coming back? In inserting himself in Cheyenne’s life again? As he stood underneath the cold water, he couldn’t help but wonder. He’d put her through hell once, and he was afraid he would end up doing the exact same thing all over again. For a brief moment he wondered if the best thing would be if he just disappeared, but he quickly pushed it away. This was the drugs talking, not him. Cheyenne was the best thing that had ever happened to him and Daisy wasn’t far behind, and being part of their lives was everything he wanted. All he had to do was get his act together and stay clean. When that happened, Matthew could be the father Daisy needed, and he could become the man he wanted to be. Just because he’d made some mistakes in his life that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve a chance. 

With a sigh, he finally started washing himself with soap. It was a quick affair, and as soon as he was done, he finally turned off the shower and stepped out. As he grabbed a towel to dry off the water, he couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He had certainly seen better days. Matthew was exhausted, and his condition was slowly turning worse. He wasn’t even near how bad it would be at its worst, and it worried him a little. The last thing he wanted was for Cheyenne to worry about him when she had other things to worry about, or for Daisy to see him all messed up. She didn’t know about his addiction, and he didn’t want her to either. 

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Matthew finished cleaning up and pulled on his clean pair of underwear before exiting the bathroom. He had hoped to find Cheyenne sleeping on the bed, but to his surprise, she wasn’t in bed at all. Instead she was sitting on the floor right next to the bathroom door. “What are you doing?” he murmured, raising his brows as he slowly sat down on the floor next to her. “The bed is much comfier, you know. Easier to sleep in as well.” The fact that she was willing to stay up for him and help him warmed his heart, but she really hadn’t needed to. And it didn’t matter that she was used to being tired from Daisy’s early days — he wanted her to be rested. Feel good. Staying up and watching him go through withdrawals was hardly the way to do so. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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After the two had split, the brunette had found herself feeling lost when it came to who she was or what she wanted to do. Her dream had always been to become a Veterinarian and that was still very much her dream, but being without Matthew had forced her to figure out who she was without him. And that had proven to be difficult given that she’d spent so much time with him. It had only gotten worse after she had given birth to their daughter because rather than taking time for herself, all of her time and energy had been dedicated to the little girl. Her social life had become pretty nonexistent and doing anything for herself had become a rarity, but she wouldn’t ever regret having Daisy. It wasn’t as if the child had forced her into living that lifestyle, but rather that she had forced it upon herself. Her priority was Daisy and in an attempt to make up for the lack of a father figure, she tried to compensate in other ways. And in the midst of that, she’d forgotten to take care of herself. For the past four years, they had lived very different lives, but they’d share similarities in that they had both changed and now needed to figure out who they were as individuals – who they were as a family, a couple. 

Feeling his lips press against the palm of her hand, a smile crept onto her lips and a feeling of warmth had spread throughout her body at his profession of love for her. Cheyenne would never grow tired of hearing those three words and despite everything, she actually believed that he did truly love her. “I didn’t think you’d have any complaints with going round after round.” She acknowledged with a faint grin, a small laugh escaping her lips. Given that neither of them had been with anyone in years, she was certain that they wouldn’t be able to last long and that once they started, there was very little possibility that they would be able to stop after one go. And whilst she hadn’t even touched herself in that span of time, she couldn’t help wondering if he had. Although, she didn’t dare ask. At least not yet. 

Watching his withdrawals begin to slowly progress, the female had felt bad for her ex-boyfriend and admittedly wanted nothing more than to be able to soothe him. It was her first time witnessing him go through such a thing and she couldn’t deny that it made her nervous, but she kept mentally reminding herself that he had to get through this rough patch if he were to ever get clean. “Please don’t shut me out.” Chey voiced softly, lifting her dark hues to look at him as he’d gotten off the bed and had started to head towards the shower. He hadn’t said or done anything that had made her think that he would, but she knew how he was and how he struggled with communicating. And she also knew that he would try to spare her, much like he’d done earlier with the sleeping ordeal. “I want to be here for you and to help you. And I need you to see that I’m not going anywhere this time, no matter how bad it might get.”

A grin spread on his lips at her comment and her laugh, a sheepish expression on his face. He definitely wouldn’t have any complaints about going more than one round, which wasn’t very surprising. After going so long without any sort of intimacy he was guessing he was going to want a lot more than just one round. Matthew could have hooked up with someone else after she broke up with him, he hand’t been arrested before weeks after things ended between them, but he hadn’t. Not only had he been busy drowning his sorrows with drugs, he also hadn’t wanted anyone else. Cheyenne had always been it for him, and the thought of even trying to move on and be with someone else? It wasn’t one he had liked nor wanted back then, and that hadn’t changed by now either. He would always love the brunette — she would always have his heart. She was the only one he wanted to be with, and he was going to make sure he wouldn’t ever have to think about that not being an option. 

That meant getting through withdrawals, which was easier said than done, unfortunately. He barely made it to the door before Cheyenne’s soft voice spoke up. It made him halt, and he slowly turned around to look back at her. He shook his head slightly, dragging a hand through his hair. “I won’t,” he said, offering her a small smile. He would have dealt with it alone if he thought he could make it, but seeing Cheyenne and Daisy was hopefully going to be a reminder of what he was giving up if he failed. Even though he thought they could help him, he didn’t want to be a bother. They were already going through a lot, Chey especially, with everything that had happened. The last thing he wanted was to push her even further and force her to have to deal with him in the state he would be in. 

“I’ll be fine, okay? Giving me a second chance is more than enough.” His gaze lingered on her for another few seconds before he exited the room and entered the bathroom instead. Matthew was burning up and sweating like crazy, so a cold shower sounded like the perfect thing for him right now. He easily pulled off his boxers and entered the shower. Turning the water on, he sighed in content as the cold water hit him. He stood underneath the stream and closed his eyes, trying to focus on how good things would be afterwards, when he was through this. It wasn’t as easy as he wanted it to be. With more symptoms of his withdrawal appearing, his craving for the heroin was only increasing. Without anything to take his mind off of it, the craving only increased by the second. He wanted it so bad he could barely think. The heroin was the only thing on his mind, so he didn’t even notice how much time was passing. The minutes ticked by, and yet Matthew wasn’t showing any signs of moving any time soon. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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Cheyenne had never been able to understand why her ex-boyfriend would say one thing and do another. In her mind, it had always been a relatively simple thing to say something and then keep your word by having your actions match. And yet, that was starting to change. Did she understand why he had chosen drugs over her? Not in the slightest. Had she come to understand why he had made empty promise after empty promise? Not really, but she had started to realize how difficult it was to have your heart fighting against your mind. It had started to dawn on her how hard it was to do the thing that your mind is telling you whilst your body - your heart - is telling you to do something else. Her mind had convinced her that taking things slow was the wisest decision, but her heart and body had other ideas in mind – her body craving for his touch and her heart still very much belonging to him. And it made her wonder if that’s what it was like when he was struggling with his addiction. Did his mind tell him that staying away was the better option, but his body crave it so desperately? Even if that was the case, had his heart wanted the drugs or her? And why did the drugs seemingly always win? 

“I know that getting through this and staying clean is something that you want to do because you know you’ll lose Daisy, and me. And I want you to have that incentive of knowing that… if you can do right, you won’t regret it because you’ll have the both of us – you’ll get to lose yourself in me. I just… I also want you to do this for you. I wish you could see how much better you are when you’re sober and all of the potential that you have. And I want you to want more for yourself than to just be an addict.” Her thumb brushed lightly against his cheek as she had softly uttered her confession, a sliver of a smile becoming visible on her lips. At the end of the day, she wanted Matthew to be in a better place for the sake of their little family, but she also wanted him to want better for himself. And she intended to do whatever she could in order to help him get on the right track. 

Hearing that he’d give her the best night of her life, the female couldn’t resist playfully rolling her eyes and slightly shaking her head in amusement. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he would give her an incredible night, but even she had to admit that it wouldn’t take much for either of them to find a release. “I think that night would be short-lived because I don’t see either of us lasting very long, but I’m sure we could go round after round to make up for lost time.” She murmured, a grin momentarily forming on her features before she noticed a slight shift in the male. Her slender frame sat up, slightly cocking her head to the side as she regarded him curiously. It was no doubt his withdrawals starting to set in and progress, which admittedly put her a little on edge. “It’s just you, Matthew. I – How about you take a cold shower to cool off?”

Matthew kept his gaze locked on her as she spoke, a warm smile crossing his lips. Truth was, he was mostly doing it for Cheyenne and Daisy. If it hadn’t been for them, he knew he would have given in a long time ago. They were what was keeping him afloat, even if they shouldn’t be his only reason for wanting to stay clean. When he had been on drugs, he had been a mess. Coming off them had made him realise how little he had done with his life, how little plans he had to do something new. Matthew didn’t even have a hobby. He had nothing. He was nothing. Or at least that was what had always been going through his mind until Cheyenne started convincing him otherwise. Just because he’d been a basket case before that didn’t have to mean he couldn’t change. Putting words to all the thoughts going through his mind was impossible, however, so he settled for something simple. Something he would never doubt or be confused about. “I love you,” he said, turning his head slightly so he could kiss the inside of her hand. 

Her truthfulness cause a small laugh to roll off his tongue. “You’re probably right,” he admitted with a grin on his lips. He couldn’t picture any of them lasting very long when they finally did give in, not with how long they had gone without having sex. Matthew had touched himself, sure, but that wasn’t the same thing. “We’ll just have to make up for it with more rounds,” he agreed, shaking his head with a grin. He wouldn’t mind that, so it didn’t really matter that he wouldn’t be able to last very long. 

Apparently he was the only one who was feeling warm, which only confirmed his suspicions that it had everything to do with his withdrawals and nothing to do with her. Sighing to himself, he sat up in the bed beside her. “Yeah, maybe I should,” he agreed, nodding a few times. Not only would a cold shower cool him down, it would give him some space from Cheyenne. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her staying up with him, he loved it, but he still didn’t like the thought of her seeing him go through withdrawals. What if seeing him at his lowest made her realise he wasn’t good enough for her and Daisy? “I’ll be back,” he promised, giving her a faint smile and leaning in to press a brief kiss against her lips before making his way out of the bed. He picked up a clean pair of underwear from the box on the floor before heading for the bathroom. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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Given the fact that she had managed to confuse herself, the female could only imagine the confusion that her ex-boyfriend must be feeling. And truth be told, it was a strange situation to be in. He was typically the one who said one thing and did another, but this time around, she was the one whose actions weren’t matching up with their words. It was the first time that their roles had been reversed and rather than view it as a form of payback like some people may have, she merely felt bad for sending mixed signals – especially given how sensitive the subject matter was, how sensitive they both currently were when it came to intimacy.

“You do?” Cheyenne inquired softly, her eyes lighting up as he’d claimed to understand what she was saying. It had all seemed to make sense in her mind, but when she had started to vocalize her thoughts, she hadn’t been certain if any of it had made any sense. And if she were being honest, it hadn’t been until that day that she’d realized all of this herself. Her reservations and fears had been something that she was aware of the moment he had shown up on her doorstep, but it hadn’t actually dawned on her that whilst she feeling these worries, she was fighting a battle that she couldn’t possibly win – a battle of keeping herself from attaching to him when she had never actually unattached herself to begin with.

Hearing him confess that he loved her, the brunette felt a smile slowly curl onto her lips and once he’d rested his forehead against her, she found herself leaning forward just enough to allow the tip of her nose to brush against his. It was such a small action and yet, it was filled with so much affection – so much love and adoration. “Hearing the word but after telling me you love me is nerve wracking.” She admitted with a faint laugh, lightly licking her lips before chewing on her bottom bottom and listening to the rest of his words. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he loved her, but hearing him say that they should wait? It had taken her by surprise, but his next set of words had surprised her even more. 

“If being with me could provide you relief and take your mind off of things, then I don’t mind.” Chey murmured, her thumb brushing against his cheek as she looked at him for a long moment and allowed her mind to really absorb everything he had said. His words had been appreciated and she couldn’t deny the fact that it warmed her heart to see that he cared about her. And the more she thought about it, the more she started to rethink things. “I understand what you’re saying though and it shows that you’re really trying – that you have changed. And as much as I want you, I don’t want you to be with me just because you need a distraction. I want you to be with me because you want me and want to show me how much you love me. I want to selfishly be the only thing on your mind and I want for us to be together when it happens, not just… having an emotion filled hookup. And maybe… maybe waiting will be another incentive for you. Get through the withdrawals, stay clean and you’ll get to keep the two of us in your life – you’ll get to have me.”

Matthew nodded, a small smile still resting on his lips at the way she seemed to light up at the realisation that he understood what she was trying to say. He understood exactly what she meant, and even more so that it wasn’t always easy to say one thing and hold yourself to that when you wanted something else. Cheyenne had reservations about getting attached to him again because of what happened the last time, but in a way, she had never managed to unattached herself from him. With Daisy being his child as well as hers, with the obvious features she’d received from her father… He understood what she was getting at, and he was just glad that she was willing to give him a second chance. 

A warm feeling burst through him when she leaned forwards enough to brush the tip of their noses together, his smile widening at her words. “I had to make things a little interesting,” he claimed, a soft chuckle escaping his own lips. He hadn’t realised until then that she probably felt as jittery and maybe even slightly nervous about this as he did. Neither of them had been intimate with anyone since the last time the two of them wound up in bed together, and they obviously had a lot of history together. Getting lost in each other again would be more than just hooking up, it would be so much more, and he didn’t want to taint that memory. She seemed to understand, even suggesting it as another incentive for him to get through withdrawals and stay clean. “I’m gonna get through it and stay clean,” he promised her. “And when I do, I’m going to give you the best night of your life.” He wanted her almost desperately, but he could wait a little while longer to make sure it wouldn’t just be a distraction, but because he loved her and wanted to show her. 

For now, that meant no more heated kisses or wandering hands, because Matthew wasn’t that strong. He couldn’t battle two cravings at once. And unfortunately, his withdrawals were starting to get worse. “Why is it so hot in here?” he murmured, a frown sinking into his features as he removed the sheets from his body. He’d assumed all the warmth and heat he was feeling had to do with Cheyenne’s words and the kiss, but he was starting to realise that wasn’t the case. It felt like he was burning up, and when he dragged a hand through his hair, he also noticed he was starting to sweat more profoundly. Things were about to become a whole lot harder for him.

[matthewxmontgomery]

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“I’m sending such mixed signals.” Cheyenne acknowledged quietly, a faint sigh escaping her lips as she felt an apologetic smile appear on her features. All of the events from earlier that day were still clouding her mind and tempting her thoughts to head down a negative path, but she kept forcing all of that towards the back of her mind. And whilst it had been a challenge, the male had proven to be quite the distraction – a little too good of a distraction. 

When he had shown up on her doorstep, the brunette had told him that she wanted to take things slowly and yet, she had ended up kissing him that same night after being overwhelmed by emotions. And once again, her actions weren’t necessarily matching her words. Kissing was as far as she said that they could go and it had been as far as they’d gone, but she knew that they were both wanting more – that they both needed more. How could this not be something that they needed? It had been almost four years since either one of them had found intimacy and truthfully, they both could use the distraction. He needed to find a new addiction and get his mind off of the cravings whilst she needed to feel close to him, to feel loved by him and to have her mind taken off of all the chaos from before. It seemed like a simple decision, yet it wasn’t simple at all. Or maybe it was. 

“I think we’re – I’m – over complicating things.” Chey admitted before lightly licking her lips, her hand moving to rest on his cheek as she looked him deep in the eyes. “I wanted to go slow because I needed to be sure that you would be okay and that you wouldn’t hurt me again. I – I was afraid to let myself become attached to you again because I couldn’t bear going through all of that again, but I’m already attached to you. I’ve always been attached to you… It was just a sort of distant attachment, I guess.” She murmured softly, her brows lightly knitting together as she tried to make sense of the words that she was saying. They made sense in her mind, but hearing them out loud, she wasn’t entirely sure if they were coming out as she’d intended. Leaning forward, she’d gently pressed her lips against his and shared a sweet, brief kiss before pulling back a tiny bit. “The point is that I love you, Matthew. And I know that you love me. And we’re… We’re going to make this work one way or another. So if we want to hook up like the two single adults we are, then so be it. And if, when, we’re back together, it’ll be so much more than just hooking up.” 

Matthew only shook his head slightly, though he didn’t say anything against her. She was sending out mixed signals, and he had to admit he was a little confused. Her words and her actions weren’t necessarily adding up, and it wasn’t easy to understand exactly what was going on between them. He understood her request to take things slow, but it seemed like the second they started letting themselves be mixed up in the other, things turned everything but slow. It wasn’t all her fault, he knew that. He hadn’t exactly been trying to go slow despite her wish, so she wasn’t all to blame. 

Looking down at her, he bit down on his bottom lip as she started explaining what was going on in her mind. Matthew once again couldn’t help but lean into her touch, craving it almost desperately. It was the simplest act, simply stroking his cheek, but it was such a soft display of affection and that wasn’t something he’d experienced much of the last few years. “I get it,” he nodded, smiling faintly. He understood her reservations, her fears. The last time they’d been together it hadn’t ended well and he’d pushed her to her breaking point, and he could only imagine how broken up that had left her. She didn’t want to go through that again — to let him push her to that point again. 

But things really were different this time, and he couldn’t help but soften as she kissed him briefly, as she said those three words again. “I love you,” he whispered, leaning in to simply rest his forehead against hers. “But maybe… Maybe we should wait.” He wanted her and he knew she wanted him, but her words had got him thinking. What if he was simply switching his cravings for the drugs with something else? Would he have been feeling any different? Matthew didn’t doubt that he still would have wanted her, he always did, but he didn’t want the moment to be tainted with the aftermath of the drugs. He didn’t just want her to be a distraction, and in that moment, that was exactly what kissing her had been. “I just… I want you, Cheyenne, so bad I can barely keep my hands to myself. But part of me also longs to get high again. I don’t want you and I finally sleeping together again to just be a way to keep my mind distracted, to hope I’ll be able to think about something else. I want to be with you, but when you’re all I can think about. Not as a second choice.” He wasn’t sure if that would make any sense to her, but he was trying his best to voice his thoughts in a way that would make her understand. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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Cheyenne had tried her hardest not to allow herself to reattach to the male so easily, but her efforts had seemingly failed. In her defense, she had never unattached herself from him. If anything, they had been on a bit of a pause – a break of sorts. Nonetheless, him being clean would mean that he would get to be apart of her and their daughter’s lives, which is something she wanted more than she had even realized. It was something that not only Daisy needed, but something that she found herself needing too. “Things will be different this time. And before you ask how I can be so sure, it’s because I’m not going to let you fail this time.” She admitted softly, a warm smile becoming visible on her features as she looked at him for a long moment. This time around, he wasn’t going to be facing things alone and they were both going into things knowing what the struggles were. They both knew that they needed to find a way to work as a team and to get better with communication. And they’d already established that the best thing would be for him to find hobbies – to find something to replace his cravings for the drugs. It was all steps onto the right track and it had started to restore her faith in them.

During the past few years, the brunette had thought about her ex-boyfriend quite frequently and whilst her thoughts hadn’t always been explicit, she had endured her fair share of inappropriate thoughts. And whilst she had desperately craved to have physical pleasure at times, she had never allowed herself to have any. Over the past three, almost four, years, she hadn’t slept with another man nor had she touched herself, which meant that the last time she’d ever had any sort of sexual release was with him – when their child had been conceived. Not only had she not been able to get over him emotionally, but she couldn’t get him out of her thoughts nor could she get over him physically. He’d been the only person to ever touch her and that wasn’t something she wanted to change.

Hearing the way that her name left his lips, it made her wonder if this was providing a distraction for him and if his craving for her was outweighing his craving to get high. Could she bring him to a different high? It had never been enough to keep him away from the drugs before, but maybe this time it was different. In the midst of being concerned about him, the female couldn’t keep herself from getting chills as his lips had continued to press kisses along her skin – kissing everywhere except her lips, the place she wanted him to kiss her most. “Don’t start if you’re going to stop…” She whispered desperately, admittedly uncertain if she would be able to handle the little teasing touches and nothing more. As much as she enjoyed his actions, it had been so long since the last time she had been touched by anyone and those small touches were slowly starting to get to her. And if they really weren’t going to go any farther, then she needed him to stop. Otherwise, it would be torturous for the both of them and she wasn’t sure either one of them could handle that.

They hadn’t worked together the last time they’d tried, but things had been different then. They had both changed over the last few years — they were no longer teenagers experiencing love for the first time. The last few years had been hard for them both in different ways, and although prison had been hell, it had made him realise something. He really didn’t want to be alone. Matthew hadn’t been visited or called or even written to by anyone he knew in all the time he’d been behind bars, and quite honestly, it had been miserable. It was first then, when he didn’t have the drugs to distract him any longer, that he realised just how badly he missed Cheyenne. After she broke up with him he had always missed her, always wanted her, but he’d drowned his sorrows with getting high, sometimes topping it all off with alcohol. Prison had been a turning point, and today even more so. Matthew knew now what would happen if he screwed up again, and he also knew what he could have if he didn’t screw up. And this time his need and want for a life and a family outweighed his need to get high. Or at least that was what he was hoping would remain true, even when his withdrawals would kick in for full. 

“Okay,” he murmured, a soft smile crossing his lips as he nodded a few times. “I won’t let you down this time.” With her help and his newfound determination, he was sure he could do it. Matthew just needed to get through withdrawals without messing up. After that it would be easier, even if the cravings didn’t disappear completely. But it wouldn’t be as bad then, and if he managed to get through the next period without slipping up when things would be ten times as bad as they normally were, then he could manage keeping in his lane. 

For now, though, his cravings weren’t too bad. They were still there, but Cheyenne’s warm body against his own was splitting his attention. And in that exact moment, he wanted her more than he wanted the drugs. He desperately wanted her, in fact, but her comment still made him pull away enough to look down at her. She looked beautiful and extremely kissable, but he also knew she had a point. Even if the desperation in her whisper was almost enough to make him forget what she was actually saying. “If I kiss you, I’m not sure I can stop,” he murmured, a little breathless himself. He tore his gaze away from her lips to look her in the eyes, swallowing hard. She had just said she didn’t want to go further than just kissing him, that she wanted to go slow, and he was trying to respect that. Matthew was also just human, however, and a guy that hadn’t had sex in over four years. His self control was not at its peak, and as much as he wanted to kiss her and take things further, he also didn’t want to push her. Maybe it would be best if they just stopped now, before it went too far. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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His words had earned a smile from the brunette, a feeling of warmth bubbling within her chest and spreading throughout her body. It had meant a lot to hear that he was glad to have her with him and despite everything, she actually believed him. Instead of leaving him to handle this alone, she had opted to tackle it with him and rather than giving up on him like everyone else, she believed in him – she was ready to help him get to where he needed to be. “I hope you keep your word on that.” She murmured softly, an inaudible sigh escaping her lips as her dark hues had momentarily searched his. It was something that she had heard before and something that had ended up being an empty promise, but she wanted so desperately to believe him. And her hope, more than anything, was that this little slip up would prove to be a wake up call for him. That this incident showed him how much the two girls meant to him and how easily he could lose it all – how much he didn’t want to lose them. 

For a few brief seconds, the female had forgotten about everything and had found herself lost in the way it felt to be completely pressed against him. To feel his hands gripping at her waist and their lips connecting. It was a feeling that she had missed and it was just one more thing that had reminded her of how badly she needed him to do right this time. “I didn’t think you would.” She replied with a soft laugh, opening her eyes and looking at him with an endearing expression on her features. Having him there, being a little family and finding their way to be together had been something she had wanted deep down, but it had never been something she thought would be possible. At least it hadn’t until he had showed up at her doorstep, but then she had found herself doubting the possibility of it all again. And yet, in that very moment, her hope was starting to be restored. 

Cheyenne hadn’t been surprised by his confession, but she had been surprised by the fact that he had vocalized it. “It’s something I’ve thought about too.” She confessed quietly, removing her hand from his cheek to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. It had been something that she had thought about and had wanted for quite some time. How could she not? He was the only person that she had ever been intimate with and the only person that she had ever given her heart away to. And the fact that it had been years since the last time she had any sort of physical pleasure? The fact that this wasn’t just her ex-boyfriend, but the father of her child? It had only given her more reason to desire him. “Matthew…” Chey whispered as she felt his mouth moving along her collarbone and neck, the feeling proving to be far more incredible than she had remembered it to be. It wasn’t the most ideal timing and she had said she wanted to take things slowly, but feeling him kissing against her neck? His little love bites against her flesh? It was wounding her efforts of self-control. “You have no idea how badly I want you.”

“Me too,” Matthew admitted softly, a sigh slipping past his lips. He had promised her to get clean and quit drugs once and for all more than once before, and every time he ended up right back to where he was trying to avoid. This time was different, though. It felt different. First of all he was more mature now — his last few years in prison had changed him. Furthermore, he had to think about his future. Not only did he want Cheyenne to still be in it, but he had a kid to worry about. He didn’t want to let down Daisy, and he desperately wanted to be a part of her life. He had already missed out on way too much of her childhood, he had no intentions of missing out on even more. Matthew was willing to do whatever it took, even if it meant giving up drugs. He just hoped he could actually do it — that he would be strong enough to withstand the temptation. 

A smile spread on his lips when he heard her laugh, his eyes opening to look over at her. There was nothing quite like the sound of her being happy — he loved it more than almost anything. Her comment brought a sheepish grin to his lips, an innocent look crossing his features. It wasn’t a surprise that he would take whatever he could get, and especially not if it meant actually getting to kiss her. Back in the day when they were still falling in love and before things started going bad, they had been close to inseparable. Always spending time together, touching, kissing. He had barely been able to keep his hands off her, and he would gladly accept any opportunity to feel that again, to feel her touches and kisses. It had been far too long since the last time. 

He swallowed hard when she admitted she had thought about it too. Had she been thinking about him a lot over the past few years? Had she touched herself thinking about him, remembering how he could make her feel? His head was spinning with thoughts that only seemed to turn him on. At least it was distracting him, though it exchanged one craving with another. Instead of desperately longing for drugs, he was desperately longing for Cheyenne. To be inside her, to hear her moan his name. Matthew much preferred this addiction, however. He would never grow tired of wanting her. “Chey…” he breathed, his voice slightly strangled. He wanted her badly, and to hear that she wanted him too? It wasn’t easy keeping himself in check. Swallowing hard, he continued his kisses up her jaw and along it. He didn’t actually kiss her on the lips again, though. Not yet. Instead he kissed her everywhere else; her cheek, her forehead, her nose, the corner of her mouth. Everywhere but her lips. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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Cheyenne hadn’t forgotten about their history or all of the things that had happened earlier in the day. It was something that was still very present in her mind and something that was constantly threatening to pull her thoughts into a negative place, but it wasn’t something that she was going to let control her. At the end of the day, regardless of how badly she wished that she could, there wasn’t anything that she could do to change their earlier days together and there wasn’t anything that she could do to change what had happened earlier in the day. And so, there wasn’t any point in harping on the past. Would it be something that she forgot about? Of course not, but she would one day forgive him. In the meantime, she had decided that she would be supportive and attempt to be more empathetic towards him – to be more understanding. Rather than forcing him out to handle things alone, she had decided to tackle this struggle with him and this time around, she wasn’t going to let the drugs take him from her.

A smile had curled onto her lips as his arm had encircled her waist and pulled her even closer towards him, the familiar feeling of his body warmth surrounding her. “I didn’t want you to have to face this alone.” She admitted softly, brushing the tip of her nose against his as her forehead remained pressed against his. It had been years since the last time she had been so close to someone - to him - and she had to admit that it was something that she missed. Being close to him. Feeling his warmth. Touching him. Him touching her. They were all things that she had missed, but what she had started to realize was that it wasn’t just specific things that she had missed. No, she had missed everything. She had missed him. “I need you to get through this and to stay clean.” Chey confessed in a whisper, a pleading look in her eyes as she realized that she not only didn’t want to lose him again, but also that she couldn’t lose him again. He completed her and their little family. And after going without him for so long, having had him back around for a bit, she couldn’t bear to think about being without him again. 

“Just kisses. Nothing more.” She murmured with a sheepish grin, her slender frame moving towards him until she was pressed against him whilst her arms wrapped loosely around his neck. Her lips had pressed briefly against his a few times before she had finally allowed herself to kiss him for a long moment. “I’m happy to distract you and make up for lost time.” Her words were mumbled against his lips, giving him another chaste kiss before slightly pulling back and continuing. “As tempting as it may be, kissing is as far as we can go. At least for now. Maybe once you’re through the withdrawals and are on the right track…. Maybe you can lose yourself in me.”

Matthew practically melted against her when she brushed the tip of her nose against his own, a warm smile spreading on his lips. “I’m glad you’re here with me,” he admitted honestly. As much as he was capable of going through this alone, he didn’t want to. Having Cheyenne back in his life again only reminded him of how badly he had missed her. She was the one thing that had kept him going for a while before the drugs ruined it all, and he was hoping that she and Daisy could help him back onto the right track. "I will,” he promised her, nodding a few times. “I will. I won’t let you down again.” The look on her face only made him more determined to stay on the right path. He had let her down too many times in the past, he wouldn’t — couldn’t — do it again. Matthew couldn’t lose her again, and he didn’t want to push her to her breaking point. No, he wanted them to work, to be a proper family. 

A flicker of surprise crossed his features when she didn’t object, when she actually grinned. Before Matthew could fully comprehend what was happening, she was pressing up against him and then her lips were against his. His eyes slowly closed, his hand around her waist tightening as he pulled her as close to him as humanly possible. “I’m not gonna object to that,” he murmured against her lips, happily kissing her back until she moved away. He opened his eyes again, swallowing hard and trying to calm down his thundering heart. Her words caused a small groan to escape him, his head lowering to place a kiss against her collarbone. Not going any further than kissing was a good idea, a smart one, but her comment about losing himself in her… There was nothing he wanted more. “I’ve dreamt about it,” he confessed, slowly trailing kisses from her collarbone and up her neck. They started out innocent enough, but he couldn’t help but nip teasingly at her skin with his teeth, soothe over the places with his tongue again. “About losing myself in you. I want to. Fuck, I want to so bad.” The fact that Matthew hadn’t slept with anyone or even touched anyone in years wasn’t helping, but he could do it. He could wait a little longer. “But you’re right. We should wait until things have calmed down more.” 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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“I’m sure you would have been just fine, but at least now, you can be a little more than fine.” Cheyenne murmured softly, offering him a small smile as her hand remained against his cheek, thumb brushing ever so lightly against his skin. She knew that he hadn’t needed her to be awake and that he would have been fine had she remained asleep, but that didn’t change the fact that she wanted to be awake for him. And truth be told, it gave her a little peace of mind. If she was awake, she could ensure nothing went wrong and would be able to be there to support him in the midst of everything he was experiencing. 

His words had earned a faint grin to carve onto her features, unable to resist playfully rolling her eyes. Despite the fact that she had made it clear that she wouldn’t be going back to sleep, he was still insisting to make it known that he worried about her wellbeing and that he wished she was getting rest. “I appreciate you being concerned about my sleep, but I’m going to be just fine. I promise.” She reassured warmly, looking at him for a long couple of moments before her slender frame had moved closer towards him and she found herself leaning in to press a chaste kiss against his lips. Her forehead lightly rested against his, chocolate hues scanning over his features before finally lifting to meet his gaze. 

Matthew had already told her a little bit of what was to come with his withdrawals, but she imagined that he had left out a few things and that seeing it would be far worse than simply hearing about it. Her hope was that she would be able to provide some sort of relief to him and that his withdrawal wouldn’t be too bad since he had gone years without drugs before this little setback. And most of all, she hoped that he would make it through this – that he would be able to get on the right track and stay there. “What can I do? How can I take your mind off of things? And please, don’t tell me there isn’t anything. It can be the simplest thing. Just… let me do something to help you somehow.” 

Matthew only smiled at her comment, shaking his head slightly. He couldn’t find it in him to object, though, considering she had a point. Had he been on his own he would have managed fine, he couldn’t have had much of a choice, but hopefully it would be easier with her. And even if it wasn’t, at least he wouldn’t be alone. It meant more to him than he wanted to admit, the fact that she was willing to stay up with him. He knew it was probably partly because she was worried he couldn’t handle the cravings, but nonetheless, he wasn’t alone. Matthew had been alone for years, and quite frankly, he was tired of it. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. 

He was about to open his mouth with a reply when she suddenly moved closer, and before he knew it, her lips were against his own. To say it surprised him would be an understatement. Matthew’s gaze didn’t stray from the brunette, his forehead leaning against hers after she pulled away. Once again that night he snaked an arm around her waist to pull her closer, his heart beating like crazy in his chest. Despite what he was about to go through, what he had already started having to go through, this moment was one of the best he’d had in years. He wasn’t alone, and with Cheyenne so close, he felt warm. Safe. He wanted to kiss her again, but he managed to keep himself in check. At least for now. He forgot all about what he was going to say, at least until she spoke up again. 

Surprisingly enough, her surprising kiss had diverted his attention from the withdrawals, if only for a moment. "You staying up is helping enough,” he murmured with a hint of a smile. Her company was making things easier, actually. He had something — someone — else to focus on than how badly he wished he could make everything else go away. “Although… If you really want to help, maybe you should kiss me again,” he suggested with a grin. Matthew was only joking, or at least partly joking. Truth was, he missed her touches. Her kisses. He missed them a lot more than he wanted to admit — now just wasn’t the best time to reconnect like that. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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It had taken her dark hues a few moments to the adjust to the darkness of the room and to be able to visually focus on the male lying on the other side of the bed. Her gaze watched as he had turned over to lie on his side and face her, giving her a better view of his face. Cheyenne heard him say that he was fine, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe him. Even in her sleepy state of mind, she knew that his symptoms were probably starting to set in and whilst he may not be at his worst, he certainly wasn’t at his best. “If you can’t sleep, then I’ll stay up with you and keep you company.” She murmured softly, a yawn escaping her lips just after she finished speaking before she flashed him a small smile. In that moment, it didn’t matter how exhausted she was. If he found himself restless, then she would go without sleep. 

There was a part of the brunette that had worried that going back to sleep would mean that he would end up leaving or doing something stupid. And there was always the possibility of him suffering alone, which wasn’t something she wanted either. When she had made the decision to not walk away from him, she was also signing up to tackle the hurdles with him and in her mind, this was one of those things. Perhaps there wasn’t anything she could actually do in that moment to help him or ease whatever he was going through, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t just be there for him. 

“I believe you.” She admitted quietly as her slender frame laid down alongside him after feeling him tug at her hand and silently urge her to lay back down. Chey genuinely did believe that things weren’t too bad, at least not yet, but that didn’t change the fact that she wanted to stay up. Her body had shifted to lie on her side, facing him as her hand had reached over and rested gently against his cheek before her thumb brushed against his skin. “I don’t think you’re going anywhere, but I don’t want you sitting up alone.” She confessed genuinely, her gaze remaining trained on his features as her face lightly nuzzled against her pillow. It was the middle of the night, which meant that it was dark and quiet. And the last thing she wanted was for him to end up letting his mind wander into dangerous territory – whether that be thinking about drugs or just all of the stressors that he had. “I survived having a newborn as a single parent. I think I can handle missing out on a little sleep tonight. Besides, there are these wonderful things called naps.”

Matthew sighed softly, though he didn’t immediately object. Although he felt bad at waking her up and having her stay up, he couldn’t deny the fact that it sounded a lot nicer to have her awake and by his side during the rest of the night. He still didn’t like the idea of her seeing him go through his withdrawals, but at the same time he knew there was no way around it, so he would just have to get used to it. Besides, even if he had to go through hell and back, she was at least still by his side. It was like a constant reminder of what he could get if he only made it through this rough patch. 

“I would have been fine on my own,” he said, looking over at her as she laid back down beside him. Matthew was still laying on his side and facing her, his expression softening slightly at her touch, along with his shoulders. He hadn’t even realised how tense he was until then, or how easily her touch could calm him down. Matthew felt safe with Cheyenne. Loved. With her he knew he could get another chance if only he got his act together. She knew what he’d been like before, and somehow she was still willing to let him have a chance at being part of her life, of their daughter’s. It was more than he deserved, and he would forever be grateful towards her. 

“Fine,” he eventually sighed, closing his eyes briefly before looking over at her again. “But I really do wish you would have gone back to sleep instead.” Cheyenne was stubborn, though, so he doubted he would be able to change her mind that easily. When she had first made up her mind, it wasn’t easy for anyone to change it. Biting down on his bottom lip, Matthew tried to focus on her instead. He took in her features, studied her face as well as he could in the darkened room. It didn’t entirely erase his thoughts, unfortunately, which were more frequently diving into the topic of drugs. He hadn’t been lying when he said it wasn’t at its worst yet, but that didn’t mean he didn’t crave it, because he did. Terribly. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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His efforts in untangling himself from her hadn’t been a waste because for a few minutes, her sleep hadn’t been interrupted. Surprisingly, it hadn’t been his movements that had caused her to wake up nor had it been any sort of sound made. Cheyenne had woken up simply because her body recognized the sudden lack of warmth and pressure for his body, which signaled to her mind that he wasn’t right there. And her worries about how far he had gone - what he was doing - had been what had pushed her to fully wake up.

Matthew had told her that he would wake her up should he need anything, but the brunette knew that he wouldn’t intentionally disturb her sleep. It showed that he cared about her and wanted to ensure she was well-rested, which she admittedly appreciated. Her own feelings towards him, however, had been what motivated her to check on him. If he was struggling with his withdrawals, then she wanted to be there for him and help him in any way that she possibly could. And truth be told, her being awake would ensure that he couldn’t leave. When she had said she would tie him up if necessary, she had been extremely serious and whilst she was ready to do whatever it took to keep him away from the drugs now, she knew that it wasn’t something she could do forever. There would come a time when she would have to trust him and let him resist the temptation of getting high himself. It would be something she would have to do not only for her own sanity, but also for his personal growth. 

Hearing that he was fine, the female couldn’t bring herself to believe his words and she certainly couldn’t go right back to sleep. Was she still exhausted? Most definitely, but she had told him they were a team and that meant that she’d stay awake to help him through this. “Talk to me.” She murmured softly, slender frame sitting up on the bed before her hands lifted to rub her eyes as a silent yawn escaped her lips. Chey moved her hand back over to grab one of his, looking at him closely before speaking up again. “What’s going on? What can I do?”

Despite promising her he would wake her up if he needed anything, Matthew hadn’t wanted to wake her, and he hadn’t had any intentions of doing so either. Truth be told, he’d actually been a little worried about her. The toddler was amazing, but taking care of a child was also a lot of work. A lot of worrying. And earlier that day, she had looked like a mess when she ordered him to leave. It couldn’t have been easy for her, what he’d put her through today, and the least he could do was let her get some rest. Even more so since he knew what was coming while she did not. He had told her a little of it in the park, but hearing it and seeing someone experience it were two vastly different things. Tomorrow wouldn’t be an easy day for either of the, so she really should get all the rest she could. 

Sighing softly, he noticed her slender frame sitting up in the bed as she faced him more easily. She was yawning, clearly still tired, but of course she wouldn’t just go back to sleep. “I’m serious. I’m fine, okay?” he murmured, turning to lay on his side so he could look over at her. The room was dark, so he didn’t see all that much, but the moonlight shining through the window was enough to illuminate her form. “There’s nothing to be done. I just… I can’t sleep. It’s one of the side effects,” he explained with a shrug. Not being able to sleep was annoying, but insomnia was still one of the less annoying side effects. He would much rather stay up without getting any sleep all night than the terrible shaking and vomiting he’d experienced the last time. And if Matthew could have chosen, he would rather have dealt with having trouble sleeping than having trouble thinking because he craved the drugs so badly.

“Just go back to sleep,” he added, tugging gently at her hand as a sign for her to lay back down. “It’s not that bad yet, I promise.” He was experiencing cravings, but it wasn’t at its worst yet. And although he wanted the withdrawals to go away, he wouldn’t even consider risking his future to shoot up once more. No, so far his mind was still clear enough to know what he wanted most, to what was best for him. Hopefully Cheyenne would realise that and go back to sleep — Matthew wasn’t going anywhere. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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Feeling familiar arms wrapped around her, the brunette had instantly been taken back to their younger days and when their relationship was new. It had started out so perfectly and had given her so much hope for the future. And in the blink of an eye, things had started going down hill. Her mind threatened to wander down a dark path, the fear of history repeating itself daring to creep into her thoughts and keep her awake. Just thinking about the possibility of history repeating itself and being worse than before had caused her heart to anxiously race. If things were to go badly again, it wouldn’t be just the two of them this time around. There was a little girl in the picture and that only put her on edge even more. Her slender frame snuggled into his larger build, trying to lose herself in his warmth and think about the positives rather than allowing herself to wallow in the negativity. And much to her surprise, she had managed to peacefully drift off to sleep.

It had felt incredible to be in a state of slumber rather than being awake because for a few moments, she had control of what was happening and wasn’t forced to face reality. During her sleep, her dreams were up to her and she would be able to find a temporary peace from all of the chaos. Despite the female resting, her sleep wasn’t deep enough that she wouldn’t hear nor sense anything going on around her. If there was any sort of sound made or movement, she would more than likely wake up; that was something she had developed after becoming a mother. And yet, when the male had untangled himself from her, she hadn’t initially woken up.

A few moments after he had distanced himself from her, she found herself stirring in her sleep as she had noticed the lack of his body weight and warmth against her. It wasn’t that she needed him there to sleep, but it had admittedly been nice and given the circumstances, him not being tangled in sheets with her had raised a mental alarm. “Matthew…” Cheyenne murmured sleepily, eyes still closed as she moved her hand around the bed to feel for him. As soon as she had felt him still lying in bed, her hand grabbed hold of his and she found herself slowly waking up. “Are you okay?” She inquired quietly, her throat dry from having been asleep. Her dark hues slowly opened, blinking a few times as her body turned to face him and she allowed her gaze to get a good look at him.

Matthew squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to block out everything else and go back to sleep, but there was no use. He was still exhausted, but his restlessness was outweighing his need for sleep. All he could do now was hope time would pass by quickly so that morning would finally come. Things would be worse by then, he knew that much, but the sooner it did, the sooner he’d get through this all. He just wanted it to end so they could move on from his terrible screw up and focus on being a family. Hopefully this would be the last time he would ever have to go through this again. Just one more time and he wouldn’t ever have to deal with it. Except for the cravings, of course. They wouldn’t go away just like that, and even years down the line, he still might find himself wanting it. By then he was hoping he would be strong enough to push it away, though.

He had tried being as careful and silent as possible while untangling himself from the brunette, but it seemed he had woken her anyways. Feeling her hand grabbing hold of his, he turned his head to look over at her. “Go back to sleep, baby,” he murmured, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m fine.” Or well, he was trying to convince himself he was. Truth was, he was really starting to feel the effects of not having shot up again. His mouth felt dry in his craving for the drugs, and no matter how hard he tried to steer his mind away from it, it kept going right back. To how much he wanted it, how good it felt. 

In the middle of his craving the heroin again, his mind wandered to Daisy. To Cheyenne, still right by his side. He felt bad for waking her up; he wanted her to sleep soundly and get some actual rest. Matthew would be fine. He wasn’t about to get out of bed and go looking for trouble, and he just had to make sure she realised the same thing so she could go back to sleep. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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“I don’t think there’s anything you wouldn’t do for her.” Cheyenne admitted softly, looking in his direction with a warm expression adorning her features. If there was one thing she had been certain of, it was that the three year old had managed to wrap the male around her tiny fingers and could easily convince him to give her whatever it was she wanted. Although, him being wrapped around her finger and the fact that he did love both of them had made her question what had triggered him to relapse in the first place. If he loved them both so much, why would he risk losing them? He had claimed his relapse to have been triggered by the expectations and all of the sudden changes, but had it really been that bad? Had he really been pushed to a point where the risk was greater than finding a different way to deal with things? It made her start to question if maybe she had missed some sort of signal or red flag, or if she had pushed him to the point where he felt as if he’d had no other option. And that had made her start to question if she had been foolish to give him a chance to begin with – if she had been foolish for taking such a risk.

With a slight shake of her head, she forced herself not to go overthinking things or dwelling too much on what had transpired. It wasn’t something that she would be able to forget nor would it be something that he would easily be forgiven for and it would take time for what was broken to be mended, but harping on it wouldn’t do them any good. And truth be told, as disappointed as she was, she sincerely hoped that this had been a wake up call for him. It had already been established that she wasn’t going to be giving up on him and walking away, which meant that they needed to try mending things and moving forward. And that wouldn’t be possible if she continued to focus on the matter. 

It hadn’t been a secret that the brunette had been head over heels in love with Matthew once upon a time and that she still loved him with her entire heart to that very day. Just as it hadn’t been much of a secret that he had always loved her, that he still loved her and that he always would. And it was beyond evident that the toddler loved both of her parents with her entire little being – that they both loved her with everything in them. Their little family of three hadn’t been lacking in love or the desire to make things work, but it wasn’t the strongest when it came to trust. Did the trust thing need to be worked on? Of course. They needed trust to build a good life together as a family and as a couple, but the fact that there was an abundance of love and desire to find a way to make things work? That was enough to keep her going. At least for now. If he ended up slipping up again, the was no telling what she would do or how she would react, but for the moment, she was all in when it came to making things work. And she hoped more than anything that they would work out – that her efforts wouldn’t have been for nothing.

After informing him that he didn’t need to stay on his side of the bed, she had expected him to move away from the edge of the bed, but he’d surprised her when he had encircled an arm around her waist and pulled her towards him. Instead of putting up any sort of protest, her slender frame moved at his desire and easily melted into his larger build. It felt incredible to have someone sleeping in her bed again and to be snuggled up to someone. And the best feeling was that it wasn’t just anyone. It was Matthew, the only person she wanted and had ever had in her bed. Aside from their daughter, of course. Feeling his lips against her neck, a soft smile had made its way onto her lips and she found herself snuggling into arms before producing a response. “Goodnight, Matthew.”

There wasn’t anything Matthew wouldn’t do for Daisy, Cheyenne was right about that. That included drugs, his old lifestyle. He couldn’t continue on like before and still have the two girls remain in his life. The brunette had already made clear that wasn’t an option, especially so after how things had gone down the last time. And deep down, Matthew agreed. He didn’t want to start prioritising heroin and getting high over the toddler, over spending time with his family. It had to stop, and so that was what was going to happen. He had just been high for the last time in his life. 

Matthew would much rather focus on the future, on what life he could have if he stayed strong. Forgetting about the drugs came surprisingly easily as he closed the distance between them in the bed; feeling Cheyenne snuggle into his arms, the warmth of her body against his own as he knew she was willing to try to make things work between them… It was far better than what any high could give him. It was a future, the possibility of being loved, and it was everything Matthew wanted. 

A faint smile adorned his lips as he closed his eyes, his face remaining buried against Cheyenne’s neck. After everything that had happened that day, he was utterly exhausted. Matthew could barely remember the last time he had been so tired. For the first time in a long time he also felt at peace and hopeful that he could do what needed to be done. The brunette snuggled in his arms also helped, and before he knew it, he drifted off into sleep. 

For a while Matthew slept soundly, but the withdrawals would be getting worse for every hour ticking by when he didn’t shoot up again. He woke in the middle of the night and immediately knew he wouldn’t be getting more sleep in a while. Insomnia was unfortunately one of the side effects of going through withdrawal. So was sweating and restlessness, which had already started kicking in. And the cravings… Oh God how he wanted another fix. His body longed for it, screamed for it, and Matthew knew it would only get worse. Clenching his teeth, he carefully untangled himself from Cheyenne so he wouldn’t wake her. He rolled over to his side of the bed and simply looked up into the ceiling. Despite how strongly he was craving the drugs already, he had no intentions of giving in. All he could do was let the two girls sleep on and hope for morning to come fast — Matthew was hoping it would be easier to deal with his withdrawals if he was in the company of both Daisy and Cheyenne, awake and diverting his attention from what he was going through. Maybe they would be reminders enough of what life he could have, so that his cravings for the drugs eased somewhat. 

[matthewxmontgomery]

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Given the toddler’s age and height, there weren’t very many rides that she was allowed to ride on. All of the larger, more extreme rides were meant for kids who were bigger than she was and that was something that often left her feeling frustrated. Time and time again, the brunette would have to explain to her that those rides would have to wait until she was older and bigger. As much as she hated disappointing the three year old or telling her no, there wasn’t much choice when it came to rides. And she always made up for it by riding all the rides Daisy could ride on multiple times. That and letting her play game after game whilst enjoying whatever treat she wanted. “I think it would be really cute to see the two of you riding rides together. And I can already imagine her face lighting up if you won her something.”

It hadn’t taken the female very long to fall head over heels in love with Matthew during their relationship together nor had it taken her very long to figure out that he was the one for her. Out of all the people in the world, there wasn’t a single person that she wanted other than him and to this very day, that still hadn’t changed. Despite their ages at the time, she had envisioned them one day getting married and having a family together. It was something she wanted and even now, it was still something that she deep down wanted. And that’s partially why it had pained her so much to let him go – to know that he couldn’t choose her over the drugs. He had always professed his love for her and told her the sweetest things, but they meant nothing when he threw it all away for the high. And yet, as he confessed that he still loved her, the words did mean something. Why? She wasn’t entirely certain, but she believed him and just having that reminder caused a feeling of warmth to bubble within her chest. “I love you, Matthew. Always have, always will.” Chey responded softly, a warmth in her tone as she leaned towards him and pressed a gentle kiss against his cheek before pulling away and offering him a small but genuine smile. 

Cheyenne wanted to believe that he would wake her up should he need her or need anything in general, but she knew that he more than likely wouldn’t. If he started to crave the drugs and genuinely wanted them, he wouldn’t wake her and risk being stopped. And if it were something else that was troubling him, he wouldn’t disturb her slumber. He knew how exhausted she was and she knew that he cared about her, which meant that she wasn’t falling for his little white lie. And yet, she didn’t call him out on it. Instead, she just gave a simple nod of her head and let it go. Why? Because his heart was in the right place and it made her happy to see him putting her needs first. That and the fact that having a child had made her a light sleeper, so she would detect any sounds or movement, but that wasn’t something he needed to know about. With a smile on her lips, her slender frame had moved over towards her bed before plopping down on her side and stretching out. It felt so good to be lying in her bed and to be so close to getting some rest. And it would have been a lie to say that she wasn’t looking forward to sleeping alongside Matthew. “You don’t have to stay to your side of the bed… Unless you want to.”

“I’m pretty sure I would go on whatever ride she asked me to, even those awful spinning things,” he admitted with a small laugh. Matthew turned queasy rather easily, and if there was one thing he hated, it was whatever rides that spun them around until you were so dizzy you could barely remember your own name. Of course, the children ones weren’t as bad, but they were still awful. It only took a few spins before he wanted to throw up instead of continue the ride. If they ever did end up going to a carnival and Daisy asked, however, he knew he wouldn’t say no. He was too weak when it came to the toddler, and he just wanted to make her happy. Nothing warmed his heart more than seeing the way her face lit up when she was happy, or her adorable giggles. He would do anything to make that happen, even if it meant doing something he absolutely did not want to do, like riding spinning tea cups. If he hadn’t been so smitten with his daughter, he might have been embarrassed at how easily it was to persuade him. 

If Matthew had felt any trace of warmth before, that feeling exploded in his chest as she emitted those three words, as he felt her gentle kiss against his cheek. He was hit by an undeniable surge of love for the brunette. There was no doubt in his mind that he would never stop loving her, and he also knew he would do anything to earn her love again, to earn her trust. This time he wasn’t going to lose her. He’d already lost the love of his life once, and there wasn’t a chance he was gonna let it happen again. Even if that meant staying away from drugs forever. Matthew could do it. He would do it. 

Laying down on the bed felt magical. Over the past few years he might have had a bed to sleep on, but prison beds weren’t exactly comfortable. And his little nap in the park hadn’t done him much good. Cheyenne’s bed, on the other hand, felt absolutely heavenly. It also made him realise just how tired he was, how good it would be to just get some rest. Matthew had a feeling he would need it, with everything that was inevitably coming. Turning his head towards her, a sheepish smile crossed his lips. He’d laid down as far to his side as possible, but that was more for her sake than his own. And hearing she wouldn’t mind him slipping over to his side… Matthew didn’t need any more incentive. He was still a little hesitant as he moved, closing the distance between them until he was as good as pressing up against her. Before he could second guess himself and wonder if he was stepping over the line, he snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her body flush against his own. It felt strangely soothing to feel the pressure and warmth of another body against his own, and even more so knowing it was Cheyenne. It felt like he was finally coming home, like he finally belonged. A pleased sigh escaped his lips as he buried his face against her neck, unable to keep himself from pressing a soft kiss against her skin. “Goodnight, Chey,” he murmured.