haven't seen you since who knows when || andy & morgan
WHO: Andy Pierce & Morgan Weson @morgan-weston
WHERE: bar in Helena, MO
WHEN: Sometime in 2019, after 7pm
WHY: A normal day at work leads to a meet up in a bar that neither Andy nor Morgan saw coming
OTHER: this is being posted incomplete due to a lot of information now being outdated. Also, to keep character related continuity, she/her pronouns are used exclusively for Andy.
ANDY PIERCE
Andy had wondered if the man who she'd helped that afternoon was the same Morgan Weston she'd once called her best friend. And a quick glance at a chart dating back to his childhood was all the confirmation she'd needed. She'd seen the way he'd looked at her clearly trying to place her in his memories. He'd never been the brightest and she'd realized after coming back that a lot of people thought Neal Dixon had murdered his daughter when he'd murdered his wife, so she'd started going by Drea at work, just to maybe distance herself further from her past in this down. So it was no surprise he couldn't connect the baby faced nurse with the pin straight black hair to the curly haired girl he'd known. So, she'd set the bait, told him to meet her at the bar, that she'd be there after seven if he wanted to know why she was familiar. Then, she'd texted her plan to the bartender, said for him to text her when Morgan had come in.
Once she'd gotten the text, she made her way inside. She made her way up behind him, mouth right by his ear and whispered. "Your mama give you a kiss on the cheek when she dropped you off tonight, Morgie?" She then pressed a kiss to his cheek, pulling away, doing her best to suppress her laughter.
MORGAN WESTON
A hit to the head had sent Morgan off to urgent care in the middle of a show that he’d spent ages training for. But after having seen Paul Judson and how well he had done with his horse, Morgan already knew that he could wave goodbye to the first prize at the annual Big Timber rodeo show, and so it didn’t even really matter if he was injured and missed out on winning anything. It had really helped that the nurse was gorgeous though. There was something about her that seemed oddly familiar, but Morgan really couldn’t put his finger on what it was. But after she’d slapped a bandaid on his forehead to stop the little amount of bleeding, and had made sure he hadn’t gotten a concussion, he'd been told to meet her at the bar after seven o’clock.
Morgan had quickly gone home to freshen up, not wanting to smell any more of horse than he already did, and had shown up a few minutes before seven. Was this girl somebody that he’d made out with once in high school? Was she a friend of his grandparents? She had the upper hand here, because she knew. He’d glanced around for a while, trying to see if he could spot her, but she was nowhere in sight. Instead, Morgan made his way to the bar and ordered the usual, from the bartender that he’d gone to high school with. He’d only just managed to take a sip of the liquid gold, when he felt a body right behind him, and a pair of lips next to his ear, shooting shivers right down his spine. That teasing tone, the embarrassing flashback, the nickname; it could only be- “ANDY?!” Morgan immediately turned to look at who it was, and then it hit him! It was like his brain suddenly clicked, and he could see those soft child features behind the sharp grown-up ones. “Is that really you?! I can’t believe that’s you!” He instantly moved to wrap his arms around her, pulling her in for a big embrace, the way he hadn’t done in what, twelve years?! “Tell me it’s really you, Andy!”
ANDY PIERCE
Andy grinned as recognition hit him. His excitement was palpable, it always had been. She let herself be wrapped in his arms, returning the gesture. "Do you let other people call you Morgie now!?" She feigned offense as she buried herself against him. It was so familiar yet not at all. So much had clearly changed for them both since they'd last seen each other. Pulling back she looked at him, squinting at his head, double checking that the bandage still looked good. It hadn't been too long, so she didn't expect it to need changing, but when it came to Morgan one never could be sure. "I'd say it's been a long time, but I did technically see you a few hours ago."
MORGAN WESTON
The feeling of Andy's petite body was familiar, yet completely new. He hadn't hugged her since he'd left for LA when he was 14 years old. They lost contact, shit hit the fan, and when Morgan returned to Montana, everyone was saying one thing or another. Rumors spread like wildfire in Helena, and he never quite knew what to believe, but he knew that there was a small hope inside of him that he'd see her someday. And here she was! The only person who would ever call him Morgie. He laughed hard and shook his head. "I haven't heard that nickname in twelve damn years!" He proclaimed happily - he'd missed it. "I must've hit my head much harder than we thought - how the hell did I not recognize you, you look like yourself!" She did. Sure, her hair was different, she was taller, and her shoulders were broader. She was all grown-up. But she was still Andy. How she recognized him wasn't a surprise - she was always much better at remembering things than Morgan was. Even if the dark five o'clock shadow made him seem slightly more adult, he was still like a kid. "How the hell have you been? You're a nurse now, huh? Are ya back here, in Montana, permanently?"
ANDY PIERCE
Andy grinned as he said that he hadn't heard the nickname in over twelve years. Which meant that it was still something sacred between them. There was something nice in that knowledge, a comfort she didn't know that she'd needed. "You ain't ever been the sharpest crayon in the box, Morgie, but you're cute, so it's alright." He'd always been a little on the slower side, but in a way that was forever endearing. "Barely anyone around here recognizes me, and it's how I think I prefer it." She pressed another kiss to his cheek before moving to take a seat next to him, mouthing 'thanks' to the bartender as a glass of coke was sat down in front of her. She didn't drink too often, but she liked the atmosphere of the bar. "I've been good, real good. I mean, it was rough there for a few years, but that's what happens when what happened to me happens, but I'm good now. And yeah, nursing just kinda called to me, so I followed it and as for Montana, yeah. It's always been home, y'know? Seattle was great, but then the twins went off to Cali for college and I just wanted to come home." Andy loved her siblings, still talked to her dad on a weekly basis, usually more often than that, she was a daddy's girl at heart, but some part of her knew Seattle would never be home. It was where her family was centered, but it wasn't home.
MORGAN WESTON
"Nah, I've always been the prettiest colored crayon, the kind that everyone fought over to use," Morgan teased back, the stupid grin never leaving his face. Andy was his best friend throughout his entire childhood. She was there when he rode his first tractor alone, she'd been there for his first facial hair - even if it was just that only one poking out for a whole year - and she'd been the one he told every secret of his to. The other kids used to tease them, saying they'd be dating and getting married when they got older, but it never went that far, even if Morgan did have a crush on her back then. But as a 12-year old boy, it was cooler to revolt at girl cooties, than admit anything like that. Seeing her lean in and feeling her lips on his cheek for a second time had the boy beaming with happiness, he couldn't control it. She was right there in front of him! He sat down next to her, and started listening to her story, a hand coming up to rest under his chin. Throughout all of those years, he'd mostly been in Montana, with a few years in LA, but it hadn't been the same without Andy. "Ya gotta tell me 'bout your family. Twins? Seattle? How are they treatin' you? You know you're always welcome back at the ranch, with granny and granddad, right?" Morgan placed a hand over Andy's, squeezing it lightly in an attempt to tell her that she, out of everyone else, could come and go as she pleased in that house. "Whereabouts do ya live now? Are ya close?" He had so many questions, and he wanted to know it all - he wasn't about to let her slip through his fingers one more time.
ANDY PIERCE
Andy chuckled, she'd missed him. Morgan had been everything to her growing up. The one friend Neal hadn't entirely been against her having, because he was a good, hardworking boy who came from a good family. Though he had been part of the reason Neal went off the rails, not that she'd ever tell the man that, he didn't need to know because Neal's instability wasn't his burden and she worried he might. Morgan had been her best friend, sweet and cute, and many people, especially the older kids and a few of the older folks at church were convinced they'd grow up and get married. It hadn't ever bothered her, she kind of liked the idea, but that had been before the trauma and life being life. But she'd be hard pressed to say she wasn't feeling a certain way with him now back in her life. "One question at a time, one at a time." She chuckled, shaking her head. "I'm close, yes, have a place between here and the hospital, not too far in either direction, and yes, I know, but... I don't know if I'm ready for that reveal just yet. I go by Drea at work for a reason." Andy shrugged a little. "Yeah, when Neal fled from here he headed west, out into Washington. Eventually, when it was time to start school and he thought he'd wasted enough time, we settled in Seattle so he could enroll me in school. Then I met the twins. Kennedy and Sam. They realized something was wrong, told their dad, the authorities were told and next thing I know I was waking up in the hospital and was told Neal had been arrested and dad had been granted emergency custody. I was essentially taken in like a stray dog, but I couldn't have been happier. I don't know how familiar you are with pop musicians, but Whitney Pierce? That's my mom now. Which, wild thing to adjust to, I will tell you that much."
MORGAN PIERCE
Morgan couldn't help himself. His mind was racing and his mouth could barely catch up. Throughout all of those years, he'd built up a whole book of questions, needing to get them answered, in order to sleep peacefully at night. Now, he maybe probably could! Letting his head fall and hit his arm, he laughed at Andy telling him to slow down and only ask one question at a time. He knew he needed to chill a little bit, so instead, he raised his head again, and just listened. Morgan was normally a quiet kid - unless it was around Andy. He felt comfortable with her, and she was really the only person that he allowed himself to just ramble on with. As he was quiet, he got to really take her face in. She had the same chestnut-colored eyes that he so vividly remembered, because they'd somehow printed themselves onto the small part of his brain that memorized things. But her lips were rounder, fuller. Her cheeks were more defined. Her hair was straight - he'd been so used to it being curly. He wondered if she straightened it every day, to make sure she was seen as 'Drea' and not Andrea or Andy. The way she spoke, the way she was sat straight up, the way she carried herself; she'd certainly matured and grown into a truly gorgeous person. "Whitney Pierce? You probably don't remember, but my mom is obsessed with her!" Morgan finally spoke up, and chuckled. "That's- wow." Rarely was the cowboy speechless. He was good at not just saying the first thing to come into mind, but rather think and give as good an answer as he could. But this time around, he was tongue-tied. "Are you okay?" Was all he could think to ask, giving her hand another squeeze after remembering he still had a hold on it.
ANDY PIERCE
Andy's head tilted when he mentioned that his mom was obsessed with Whitney. She'd honestly forgotten that. There had been a lot of things it semed she'd lost to time and trauma. She was told she might never get all of it back and she'd had to accept that. But she laughed when he did, because it seemed like the right response. "I'm..." That was a tough question. More days than not, Andy was fine. She dealt with the occassional nightmare, was still triggered by certain sounds and sights, but she was fine. But fine and okay were not entirely the same. "I'm better than I was. I still deal with a lot, they say I probably won't not deal with certain things. But I'm being treated for what can be treated. I have a loving and supportive family. I text the twins daily, talk to dad on the phone at least once a week, if not more. Hear from mom less, same with my younger siblings, but we're still close. On paper, most would probably say I'm great."
MORGAN WESTON
When Morgan came back to Montana at the age of 17, he'd searched every place he could, all to find Andy. He'd asked around, been told so many different things, and was left even more confused than ever. But mostly, he'd been worried. Some nights, he didn't even sleep, because of how worried he was about her. Worried if she'd been in pain, if she was suffering, if she was simply just breathing. It was so good to finally have an answer, and to know that she was right there, in front of him. She'd kissed his cheek, he'd hugged her, he was feeling her soft hand underneath his calloused one - she was here! But Morgan quickly found himself changing out the worry about Andy's whereabouts, and her physical health, to her mental troubles and whatever kind of trauma had left scars on her soul. He furrowed his eyebrows, the concern visible on his face as he listened. He didn't know what to say. Instead, he just stood up from his barstool and moved in to embrace the girl once again. His arms wrapped around her so easily, and he buried his face in her hair. "There are no words to describe how happy I am to know that you're here." He muttered, squeezing gently, and not really wanting to let go. He suddenly felt incredibly overprotective of the girl. After a moment, Morgan finally let go of the girl and stepped back, only to put his hands on her cheeks and look directly into those chestnut eyes of hers. They lingered, probably for a moment longer than he should've, before he spoke up. "You don't know how much you mean to me."
ANDY PIERCE
Andy didn't know what to say at the concern in his face or the way he stood and wrapped her in his arms. So she said nothing, burying herself against him, arms wrapping around him in return. It reminded her of hugs from her dad or Sam or Ken. The kind of hugs that just consumed you. Reminded you that you were safe and loved. His words only reiterated that. The way he then held her cheeks had her blushing, the prolonged eye contact deepening her. "I've missed you, Morgie." Was what she finally managed in a voice softer than her typical demeanor these days.
MORGAN WESTON
As Morgan was standing there, it was like a whole slideshow of memories flashed through his brain, from them running around playing catch, to investigating bugs and climbing trees, and to them walking the hallways at school making fun of the teachers. Treehouse dates and stargazing on Morgan's dad's pick-up truck in the summer. They were all things that made their friendship so innocent, but so full. They had shared so many things together. And Andy telling Morgan that she'd missed him was enough to get his little heart skipping a few beats. She sounded so soft, so sincere, and the slight red nuance on her cheeks proved to him that none this could have been easy. "I've missed you too, Andy." Morgan told her back, his body staying in that position for probably too long, and his eyes not wanting to tear themselves away. Clearing his throat from the emotional build-up, Morgan pulled away and sat back down. "What've you got planned for the rest of the week? We need to catch up. Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow?"
ANDY PIERCE
The memories of Morgan were the ones that kept her from feeling too lonely on her worst nights. Even with her siblings and parents that actually cared, it was the memories of time spent with him that did the most good for her. They say you never forget your first, but he'd never gotten the chance to truly be that. But sometimes she considered him that anyway, just not to anyone's face. The way he looked at her, held her face, it was almost too much to take. Thankfully he managed to collect himself and sit back down. "Given I am freshly single and mostly just play video games if I'm not at work, I think I can swing dinner tomorrow night."
MORGAN WESTON
Morgan's eyebrows raised as the newly revealed information about Andy rang into his ears. 'Freshly single?' A part of him couldn't comprehend that. She was a catch, and anyone would be lucky to go out with her! Knowing her though, it was most likely a deliberate choice. "What happened? Who was it? D'ya need me to beat 'em up for ya?" Morgan instantly felt protective, hoping that it had been a peaceful break-up, and not the type that had caused any heartbreak. "Do you remember the O'Driscoll's, up by East Road? Well, they obviously still have their diner here, but they also started a new restaurant out in Big Timber. Some fancy Italian food, nothin' like Olive Garden. Could you eat some pasta tomorrow?" Morgan smiled, already getting excited by the thought of them sitting down and eating. He was getting ahead of himself again, in his brain. He needed to pick up a new shirt, polish his boots, trim whatever stragglers of facial hair on his cheek that had grown since the last time. Maybe he should get her flowers? Did she like flowers? Morgan didn't know, but he was all for figuring it out!
ANDY PIERCE
Andy couldn't help but roll her eyes as Morgan immediately jumped to questioning about her relationship. "Down boy, it's fine. Just wasn't working out so we ended it." There was no hard feelings between them, she still talked to them regularly, there just wasn't enough other feelings to justify a relationship. They were better as friends, maybe with benefits, but not dating, but they'd given it a shot anyway, just to see. "Do they really? And I can always go for pasta."
MORGAN WESTON
A quiet 'ahh' came out of Morgan's mouth as he nodded understandingly. He'd attempted several relationships with people back in high school, and once they all went to college, he started just focusing on trying to break into the rodeo scene. There'd been a few one-night stands, and hook-ups, whenever he travelled around for shows, but nothing that ever truly caught on. "I know ya can," Morgan chuckled and took a sip of his beer. That had really been one of the main reasons why Morgan had even learnt how to make his granny's famous chicken alfredo with angel hair. "How 'bout 7pm?"
ANDY PIERCE
Andy chuckled at his comment. Pasta was probably her favorite food of all time. Didn't matter what kind, sauce, no sauce she liked it all. Which, looking back, she was pretty sure she'd eaten pasta almost exclusively for the first year or so of being adopted. It was her comfort food, she was pretty sure her therapist called it. It made sense. "I could do seven, for sure. Gives me enough time to get off work and clean up." Maybe she'd even break out a dress, it'd been ages since she wore one, but it might be nice. At minimum, she'd wear her good jeans, maybe a pair of heels. He was too damn tall these days.
MORGAN WESTON
Smiling, Morgan was incredibly pleased with himself. It was probably too much to feel that way, given the fact that Andy seemed just as pleased about this whole situation. A big part of him hoped that this meant that maybe she'd be interested in seeing if there could be more to their friendship, because there was a feeling within Morgan that wanted to explore that. It was all based on his happiness in reuniting with her after all these years, and how attracted he was to her. "Clean up?" Morgan raised an eyebrow. "Please, I'm sure you wake up, roll out of bed, and have this instantaneous beauty to you." Was he a little too much? Perhaps. But she'd been gone for so long, and he wasn't about to lose her again, or waste any time for that matter! "Or d'ya mean clean up at home?" Morgan wiggled his eyebrows with a cheeky smirk on his face, hoping she'd pick up what he put down. Yes, he was flirting, but there was a reason; undeniable attraction and chemistry for Andy.
ANDY PIERCE
Andy rolled her eyes. "Mornings maybe but after a shift? Absolutely not. It took me a good half hour to get fixed up after work today, and it was an easy day." Andy hadn't ever been one to care too much about beauty and the like, but she did enjoy looking nice. Enjoyed getting dolled up every now and again for a date or a hang out. It made her feel human. Something that was rather important these days. Her eyebrow raised as he continued, rolling her eyes with a sigh at the way his eyebrows wiggled. "You think you can take me on one measly date and get in my bed? Boy, who do you think you are? I know your grandaddy taught you not to count your chickens 'fore they hatch."
MORGAN WESTON
"Well, if it helps, then I've always thought you looked gorgeous," Morgan admitted, a slight blush creeping up on his lips as he revealed the truth. "I mean, the years that I saw you! I obviously can't speak for your teen-stage in life, but I can only imagine you still looking great," he chuckled and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He couldn't believe that he was there, flirting with the person who was his best friend for his most formative years! Laughing at her comment, he nodded. "You ain't wrong 'bout that!" That accent came out thick and clear, when he was around her, it just happened organically. "Don't worry, I'm not expecting anythin' but dinner, Andy!" He reassured her, and gave her a look of honesty, with that signature smile on his face. "Promise."
ANDY PIERCE
Andy blushed slightly at his words, looking away for a quick moment. She was used to compliments, don't get her wrong, but they could still be hard to take at times. Neal had certainly never been one to allow her those moments and while her dad did his best to train that back out of her, it hadn't exactly been successful. And, besides, Morgan was different. He'd been her best friend. He knew things about her no one else did, or likely ever would. "I had a nose and a lip piercing, wore a lot of black and a lot of leather, it was... a choice." She chuckled, shaking her head. He was so cute, he always had been, and while he was certainly also handsome, it wasn't his looks she'd ever liked best about him, though they did not hurt. She squinted at him playfully when he promised. "I was just teasin' ya, Morgie. I know you ain't the type."
MORGAN WESTON
In a lot of ways, Morgan wished he could’ve been around Andy when they were both in high school. There was so much he’d missed out on, a lot of firsts that he wished he could’ve been in on. He also wished he could’ve been around, when all of the stuff with Neal had taken place. Not that he was a hero in any kind of way, and had the power to swoop in and “save her”, but to at least support and be there for her, when she was going through such tough times. But at the end of the day, he was happy that they’d reunited. “That sounds hot!” Morgan grinned, and crossed his arms over his chest, listening to her. He could just picture it. It was probably what she needed to do at the time, after everything that had happened. Besides, he truly meant it. The piercings, the leather? It almost sounded too good to be true. “Good! We can’t have anyone out here doubting my granddad’s abilities of teaching his kids and grandkids about being a gentleman!”
ANDY PIERCE
"It was, or so I'm told." She'd definitely had people flirt with her because of that look. And she'd kept it up for a while into college but when she considered going for nursing she took out the piercings and let her wardrobe lighten and become more comfortable and her. She chuckled, shaking her head. "No, we certainly can't."
MORGAN WESTON
"I wanna see pictures!" Morgan demanded with a grin. It was so easy to fall back into the teasing and easy-going routine he'd once had with Andy. Almost as if the last time they'd hung out had been yesterday, as two 14-year-olds. He sat there for a little while, just looking at her, taking her in. He was determined not to lose her again. "It's so good to have you back, Andy."
ANDY PIERCE
She rolled her eyes with a laugh at his demand. Knowing he meant well. "You have to be a good boy to get those pictures." Or know how to find her on social media, though she didn't use it much and she couldn't entirely remember when she'd last posted something, but it had probably been when that look was still her primary attire. "It's good to be back." And it was, even if she still didn't know how to process some things, having him back would be good.
sipping cold coffee on the phone with damaged goods ⇌ kitana
WHO: Kit Stark & Santana Lopez @psusantana
WHERE: Their individual homes
WHEN: Thursday, August 29th
WHY: Kit takes Eva's advice and calls Santana, what follows is the start of the long road to reconciliation and understanding.
WARNINGS: brief mentions of childhood (implied sexual) assault
KIT STARK
Kit wasn't sure this was smart. But they also didn't really know what else to do. The only thing they had a strong enough grasp on lately was their feelings for Santana. And that wasn't exactly the best thing. And Eva suggesting they drunk call her… well, they weren't drunk, but anyone would be hard pressed to say they were sober. So, they did the stupid thing. They hit call. They weren't sure what they were going to say if she actually picked up, but they figured they'd figure it out. Besides, what was the chance she'd actually pick up anyway?
SANTANA LOPEZ
After one hell of a busy day, Santana had come home and decided to indulge in some much needed rest and relaxation. Well, the relaxation part anyways. She didn't know where her sister was but after ordering dinner and scarfing it down, she had just poured herself another glass of wine when she heard her phone ringing. Expecting it to be literally anyone else, she furrowed her brows when she read a name she hadn't been expecting. And before she could talk herself out of it, she decided to answer it. "Is this a booty call?" She asked.
KIT STARK
Well fuck. "I thought we already agreed I wasn't supposed to do that?" The retort came easy because it was the only thing they knew they could say. They didn't know why they'd bothered to call, but it certainly wasn't for that. They weren't in any place to do that, much less with her. This was certainly going to be one of those nights where they were winging it all the way. Didn't even need to hope for the best, really. Could even hope for the worst, probably. "Not that I would even if we hadn't."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana bit back a smile as Kit confirmed that this wasn't a booty call, meaning that they had meant it when they agreed not to do that. At least they were on the same page, mostly anyways. Taking another sip of her wine, she was a little more confused when Kit went on to clarify that they really weren't trying to cross the line. "Good to know, but..what is this then?" She questioned. "For once, this isn't me being a bitch, I'm just surprised that you called me."
KIT STARK
Kit sighed. Why were they calling? Because Eva had said to? Because some part of them wondered if she'd agree to actually punch them and follow through with it? "I don't know. Just… felt like I should or needed to or…. something." Maybe it was the same reason they'd once called her while things were still good. Because talking to her just made things make sense sometimes. "This was stupid." They muttered, more to themself than to her.
August 30, 2024
SANTANA LOPEZ
"You felt like you should or needed to?" Santana repeated, and if she hadn't already been insanely confused before, she sure was now. They hadn't exactly been on bad terms right now, but were they at the talking on the phone as…friends stage? She didn't really think so, but they were here now. "Are you okay? Or is tonight like a bad night or something?" She still had no understanding of whatever was going on with them, but it felt like a fair place to start.
KIT STARK
"I-" Was tonight a bad night? At first thought, it wasn't. Not any worse than usual anyway. But, it still wasn't great. And thinking about her and everything as of late certainly hadn't helped the way they felt. "Maybe? I guess I just feel more disconnected from myself than usual." Which was saying a lot, given their state of existence. "Talking with you used to mitigate that. Guess some part of me figured as stupid an idea as it was that it couldn't hurt. Worst you could do was hang up or decide you'd rather hit me." They shrugged a little, unsure why they'd actually said all that, even if it was true.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Without knowing exactly what the issue was, Santana didn't know how she was supposed to understand any of this enough to be of any real help, yet she still sighed when Kit tried to explain themselves anyways. This wasn't how she expected things to be between them when she'd heard they were back on campus, but she could tell they were struggling, and she wasn't going to kick them while they were down. Not entirely anyways. "I could hit you if you were here." She pointed out. "But since you're not, why don't you tell me about this Jill bitch?"
KIT STARK
Kit bit their tongue when she mentioned hitting them if they were there, deciding it was best not to comment on that. They wanted to. Void certainly wanted them to. But they wouldn't. "Dr. Jill Murphy-Stevens, was Jill Montgomery when I met her but that's mostly irrelevant. We were neighbors while I was at Carnegie Mellon and she and her roommate were at U of Pitt. Six foot one on a bad day. Sassy as all hell and knew what she wanted and how to get it. And what she wanted, was to be treated like a princess. Taken care of and spoiled. She didn't have the bite of later partners, didn't have as much spunk and defiance in the bedroom, but that's a more recently acquired taste anyway." Not wholly because of Santana, but they imagined now that it would be something of a requirement in later partners, because of Santana. "Without getting into her specific kinks or what she's doing with herself now, there's not much more to say. She was my first serious partner, who I realized I liked service with. She set that foundation for me. That the few other serious partners and in some days the simply sexual partners I've had since have simply built on." They'd only had one or two other relationships besides Jill and Santana, because of how they lived life in NYC, but their sexual partners were numerous enough.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana didn’t know what to expect by giving Kit something to talk about that wasn’t their relationship or whatever was going on with them, but clearly opening the floor for more Jill talk was..progress. She refilled her wine glass as she let them ramble, sipping on it more and more as she somehow managed not to get jealous as she listened. Normally she probably would have, but the woman was married and Kit wasn’t hers anymore, so she didn’t mind it. Once they finished, she hummed dramatically. “She sounds lovely, really. Glad you two stayed friends after you broke up. However, that ask you responded to still wasn’t about her, so are you ready to just admit that it was about me?”
KIT STARK
Kit sighed. "Of course it was about you. You're special and I fucked it all up but I'm not stupid enough to not know what I lost. Or think that I'll ever actually get over you." Well, in time they might, but, "it's hard enough getting over a relationship as one person, much less two." The words were out of their mouth without even thinking, but they just prayed they'd been quiet enough that she didn't hear anything more than mumbling. Because that was not the conversation this should be, even if it was constantly eating them alive, her not knowing. Everyone else it was so easy to keep that from, but she'd been their safe space and they wanted so desperately for her to know and understand that none of it had been on purpose, that it had nothing to do with her, even if that didn't fix anything between them.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Pausing at Kit's revelation, Santana was sure that she'd misheard them. They had gone around in circles trying to insinuate that it wasn't exactly about her, just to come clean now and even say something she hadn't been expected. And then they added onto that, and although she'd wished she hadn't quite heard what they'd said, she did. Gulping the wine in her glass down, she had to take a minute or two to process what Kit had said before she was stretching out on her couch. "Well, at least we can agree that I'm a fucking limited edition." She teased, deciding that maybe a little joking would calm both of their nerves a little bit. "As for the other stuff…I answered your phone call, didn't I?"
KIT STARK
"And I'm a stubborn pain in the ass on a good day, what's new?" They played into the teasing, because it was comfortable, it was something they knew, and it was the truth. "Sure, but… Did you hear it? And are you willing to hear that out right now? I can't force you and I'd be lying if I said I hate that you don't know, but it's not the kind of thing I want you to agree to listen to just because it's eating me alive. I know you don't owe me shit and yes you answered my call but that doesn't mean you have to hear me out."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana smiled at Kit played right into her teasing, which at least seemed to help just a tad bit, which was better than nothing at this point. But what she hadn't expected was for them to try to open that door tonight. Maybe she should have foreseen such when she hadn't flat out ignored their comment, but it wasn't like she could run from it forever either. "Kit, it's okay." She stated, inhaling and then exhaling a small breath. "I did hear you, and although I have no idea what I'm about to hear, we can do this now." Would she ever truly be ready to make sense of what went wrong with them? Probably not. Yet it was killing Kit so she figured now was as good of a time as any. "I'm ready."
KIT STARK
Kit sighed, sitting up in bed, moving to prop themself up against their headboard, grabbing one of their stuffed sharks, resting their head on it. "The reason I seemed like a different person at the end is because, I was. Sort of. I'm what they call a system. It's a disassociative disorder thing." They knew they needed to do this slowly. Go bit by bit. Let her decide if she was ready for more of it, because they didn't want to overwhelm her, or themself.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Listening intently as Kit slowly started to explain what had happened, Santana couldn't help but feel somewhat sorry for them. It did answer her own question as to why they'd switched up on her in the end, and she was relieved to know that it wasn't her own fault at least. "Dissociative disorder? Is that like..the same as multiple personality disorder? Or close to it, I guess?"
KIT STARK
"It's the same family of disorders, yes. Multiple Personality Disorder is now more commonly referred to as DID, which is Dissociative Identity Disorder. Most people with dissociative disorders typically get an OSDD diagnosis, which is Other Specified Dissociative Disorder, due to there being extremely strict guidelines for being diagnosed with DID that most don't fit fully into." Kit explained, glad that she seemed to be willing to continue, at least for now.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana nodded along as she listened, trying to piece all of this new information together now. Her knowledge of the disorder was limited, and she couldn't even recall anyone she'd ever met that had it, so she was at quite a loss for how to even deal with this sort of thing going forward. "So you fully fit into the DID guidelines?" She asked. "Or do you not fit the guidelines but you still sort of fall under the category anyways?"
KIT STARK
"Given Void's nature, as well as a few of my other alters, I was diagnosed with DID. Had Void not been primarily who was fronting at the time of diagnosis, I imagine I wouldn't have been, since the biggest key difference between DID and OSDD 1b, is blackouts. Memory loss. I have total memory loss anytime Void fronts on its own and all or some when others front, except for Guardian." Kit wasn't sure any of this would make sense to her, but they couldn't entirely stop now. They were just trying to answer her questions the best they could.
SANTANA LOPEZ
As soon as Kit started to name their dissociative identities and symptoms, Santana was sure that her head was spinning now as she tried to keep up with them. She could at least make sense of why Kit had stopped being Kit and why she'd felt like she was dating a different person sometimes. "Okay, whoa, wait — is Void..is that who I was dating when shit got bad?" Did she really want an answer to that? Probably not, but she'd been wanting answers since their break up so this was her chance to get them.
KIT STARK
"That is a simple question with a complicated answer. Void is who you broke up with, the one who didn't like being touched, who pulled away and panicked every time something tried to go anywhere. But, I was still there, at times, when I couldn't remember things you'd told me or places we'd been, things we did. Guardian started taking over then too, because they could sort of remember and them fronting, either fully or with me, kept me safe. It wasn't until I couldn't front at all, that my life actually imploded. When people couldn't deny that I wasn't me." Kit rubbed the fin of their plushie between their fingers, not at all surprised to find Hel pressing her snoot against their leg, indicating that they were approaching an anxiety attack if they weren't careful. They gave her head scritches, trying to reassure her they were okay. Even if they weren't sure of that.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Sighing as she took everything in, Santana had more questions now, but she didn't want to bombard them since she was sure that this was already a lot for them. Hell, it was a lot for her just hearing all of this now, so she couldn't imagine what living with it was like for Kit. "I don't want to overwhelm you, but how many of them are there? Do they all have names, did I like..witness them all before we broke up?" She started rambling before shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I'm sure this is a lot for you, and I'm not trying to be pushy or force you to explain everything in one night, I'm just..trying to understand."
KIT STARK
"I like that you're trying to understand." Was the first thing Kit said, the softest of smiles on their face. They knew she didn't have to, but they appreciated that she was. It helped them feel better about this. "As far as how many, myself included there's either six or seven of us that are fully formed enough that the rest of the system is aware of us, and us them. We aren't sure on that number because one swears he split, but we can't prove that, because that supposed other alter hasn't show himself. We aren't sure he's not just lying, he's a dick like that. As for how many you've met, just the three of us. Kit, Guardian, and Void. Guardian's the bite-y, kind of possessive one." Kit explained, moving so Hel could lay her head in their lap. "Paras didn't return to headspace until after I was getting help, same with the one who says he split, and the last one, I pray you never have to meet her, because it will mean something very bad has happened. Not that I want you to meet the dick, either, but you could take his ass any day."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana was thankful that Kit seemed to be okay with her wanting to understand, but she still didn't want to push them too much. Honestly, this was too much for her to even be dealing with after a long ass day and two, or three, glasses of wine, yet they had opened this door and she wasn't gonna run out of it now. Running was her usual plan of action yet considering how long they'd avoided this talk, she had to deal with it. "So I can handle all of them except for this one? And what do you mean something bad has happened? Something like what, Kit?" She asked, trying to hide the slight panic in her tone. "You can't just say that and not tell me what that means or what signs to possibly look for if this one is..fronting?"
KIT STARK
"It's not that you couldn't handle her, but I don't know if she'd respond well to you. We don't really know who she'd respond to. Maybe our brother, Charles, but we can't be certain." Kit took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Her name is Katie. Physically, she stopped aging at ten. Mentally, best guess is five or six. Around when Guardian first formed. She's our core. Who the worst of the trauma actually happened to. I got the tail end of it. We've only had her front once in all this, when Jeremiah, or the Rat or whatever his fucking name is, first tried fronting. Void attacked him Katie found out that Void had those memories, which she gave to me but apparently I couldn't handle them so Void got them, and… she kicked all of us out of the front, kept us out, therapist says it was hours before she calmed down enough for anyone to make it back to the front. I was out for three days after. Katie doesn't understand what we are, I don't think so, anyway. But if she fronts it means that the body has been trigged so badly that even she is lashing out."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Whatever Santana was imagining this other identity to be, the way her jaw dropped as she listened to Kit's explanation proved that she had been so far off base here. Sure, all of this was insanely foreign to her anyways, but this thing sounded like it was practically a kid who didn't know how to handle their emotions and threw somewhat of a tantrum when they had been triggered. "And now I see why you don't want me to meet Katie. Anything kid-adjacent is not my forte and I'd probably just go full Diabla on it, so yeah, let's not ever have me meet that one." She sighed. "This is…a hell of a lot to take in. I knew you looked like hell for a reason, but I didn't know you were practically living in hell. Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
KIT STARK
Kit chuckled a little. "Yeah, no one should meet Katie, for the sake of us as a person. and I pray Paras can be kept back as well. They're not as young and are far more easily dealt with, but they're still little at the end of the day and we don't need to scare them, more than they scare themself by trying to front during horror movies." Paras was entirely too curious for their own good, but now that they knew how to schedule time for Paras to front it was easier. But anytime dinosaurs were mentioned things got hairy. "I was completely unaware of any of this. I knew I had blackouts, that I had weird memory loss, but I chalked it up to bad habits and stupid decisions. Anything to keep myself in denial about reality, I guess. Void's job was to keep me functional as a human being, it didn't know how to explain to you what was happening, so it didn't. It had more important things to focus on, like keeping the body alive and minimizing damage to things like our career. And it tried its best with you, but it just wasn't able to give you what you needed and it didn't know if it could tell you and how that might come back to harm me and the rest of the system."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"But you can't control them, right?" Santana hummed. "Or you can't control when a different one is trying to front?" That could sort of explain what happened with them and why things hadn't made much sense back then, since she'd assume that if Kit had the option to front and could push the rest of the back then they would have fought to save their relationship, or even their friendship at least. The plus side right now was that she knew the truth about what had gone wrong with them, and she was relieved to know that it wasn't her…for once, anyways. "Right, but..you're Kit now, aren't you? Does this mean Void gave you those memories back, or did it just tell you what happened back then?" Santana didn't know if freely talking about their past was going to trigger anything, or anyone she should say, but she was trying to be calm about it anyways. "And other than Void, how does anyone know who's fronting? How do you even know at the time? Are you just kinda present, but then also having some sort of out of body experience type thing?"
August 31, 2024
KIT STARK
"Correct. But we know what triggers most of us. At least enough that we can try and keep that from happening. Guardian is the best at this. At keeping others at bay, or fronting with them to minimize damage." Kit hummed a little. "I won't ever have those memories, I have to rely on what Void and Guardian have told me. I know we fucked up with you. Whether I had control or not, we fucked up. I fucked up. And I want to be able to apologize for that, in a more direct way, but you would have to be willing to walk me through the end. Not now, mind you, but eventually, if you so feel up to it." Kit knew it was asking a lot, but they did want her side of things. "We don't always know at the time, actually. When you came by, I was co-fronting with Void, primarily letting it take the lead. Until it started acting up, then I pushed it back. But, yes, if we are aware of what's happening but not fronting, it's watching yourself say and do things and not being able to do anything at all about it. There's ways to force others from the front, but it can be very hard. And sometimes, you just leave the front of headspace on purpose because everything is too much and someone else should handle all that. Not nearly as relaxing as it sounds, mind you, but useful."
SANTANA LOPEZ
The more Santana took the information in, the more she was sure that she'd need Kit to spend days walking her through all of it, through what a detailed moment was like when a different one was fronting, but she knew now wasn't the time. She was feeling a handful of emotions now that she had an idea of what had been at fault for things playing out like they did, and she was only getting more and more curious as Kit continued clarifying things, but she didn't need to keep throwing all of these questions at them in one night. "I'm sorry." She muttered. Even if Kit had been going through the worst kind of hell with all of this, apologizing was still hard for Santana, still leaving a bitter taste in her mouth the few times she'd ever managed to get the words out. "One day, I'll walk you through the end, but…I don't know, maybe we should just take all this a little slower, or only cover so much in a day? I don't want to keep blurting out a hundred questions and send you spiraling, or trigger one of the others, but there is just so much here that needs to be unpacked." She whined.
KIT STARK
"Thank you, but I promise you have done nothing to warrant being sorry." Kit knew those words were hard for her, they didn't wish to simply dismiss them, but they also didn't think she needed to be. She had done what she deemed was right for the time, with the information she had. Kit could not fault her for that. "It doesn't have to be now, or anytime soon, or even ever. You're allowed to protect yourself just as much as I am. You're allowed to tell me to stop. You're allowed to say it's too much for you. I thank you for even hearing me out this far." They smiled softly. "I know how to end things I'm not ready for. I've got Hel on standby. Knowing you want to understand has helped more than I know how to express. You were always such a safe space and I never told you that enough. But you've certainly reinforced that tonight." They hummed a little. "Do you want to be done for tonight or is there something else you feel you need?"
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana sighed as Kit reassured her that she didn't need to be sorry. While she knew that everything she'd done then had been a reaction to Kit, or Void, pushing her away, she still felt slightly awful that she hadn't been able to stick around to get this side of the story back then. Nodding along as Kit gave her a vocal appreciation just for taking this all in and giving them a chance to start diving into this, she felt butterflies forming in the pit of her stomach when they mentioned her being a safe space for them. "This is all gonna take sometime to fully digest, but I'm open to trying to understand as much of this as possible, just in small doses." She admitted. "But yeah, I think we should pause here for tonight, just to let us both breathe and adjust to even some of it being out there in the open now."
KIT STARK
"I'm still trying to digest it some days, so you're not alone in that." There we days Kit still struggled with their identity, with being a system. With everything that had been discovered to be wrong or different with them since. There were so many things that no one could tell which came first. But the general consensus was that being a system certainly hadn't made this things any better. "I think you're right. Do you want to stay on for a little bit, tell me about how you're feeling about this or even just what you've been up to? I just want to know you're okay." It was after care, really. Wanting to know she was okay. Wanting to help her through it. Didn't matter if this wasn't sex, it was something heavy and a lot and that was taxing. Kit wanted to make sure she was safe before they hung up.
SANTANA LOPEZ
This was way too much to be trying to digest in one night, but hearing that Kit was still trying to get a handle on all of it too was…reassuring? Maybe that wasn't the right way to look at it since Kit had been battling this for a while now and they were still struggling, but Santana didn't feel as bad being so damn clueless about it all now. Even the explanations were going to take a full day or two to sink in, so she'd try to make more sense of it tomorrow. She found herself smiling as the self care side of Kit kicked in again, which she felt like she hadn't experienced in far too long so it was nice to have that again, even if it were just for tonight. "Thank you for asking, but I'm not okay. I mean, I wasn't entirely okay before this conversation, but finding out all of this and learning that you didn't push me away because of something I did is only adding to the mess of emotions I'm already dealing with. And I'm not blaming you right now, I'm just…I have so much shit I need to sort out too."
KIT STARK
Kit nodded as she spoke. "You wanna talk some of it out? Or is there anything I can do right now, in this moment, to make it easier? I might not be able to fix it or make it better for long, but I gotta know you're not gonna get off this call and break down. Even if we don't talk about any of that, even if all we do is talk about meaningless shit for a while." They didn't like that they'd added to her stress, even if she wasn't blaming them for it. They wanted to do something to alleviate some of it. Even if only for the moment. "And don't be a brat and try and argue that I don't need to. You're not going to convince me of that."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana had been struggling for weeks now with her own shit, and keeping it in the family, or families, had only been adding to her spiraling. And Kit was being genuinely concerned, that much she knew, and she could only roll her eyes playfully when they called out the brat thing. "You don't need to, just so we're clear." She whined, sitting up on her couch now. "You also can't fix it because that's my job to do, I'm just..afraid of fucking it up or making things worse." She admitted with a shaky breath. "Only the families involved know this, but..I have a kid. A daughter. And before a few weeks ago, I hadn't seen her or her father since I gave birth and handed her over to him and his mom, but now they're right here and she wants to get to know me, but I'm not fit to be a mom. That's why I gave her up in the first place, and I've already managed to fuck it up once so I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
KIT STARK
"Yes I do, hush." They tilted their head a little, listening as she explained the situation. Santana having a child was shocking but not her giving it up. "That is certainly a lot to be dealing with. But, you do know you don't have to be her mom to be in her life, right? You aren't being asked to be her mom, I imagine. But… how did you fuck it up? Walk me through that."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana was probably expecting some sort of judgment in response yet Kit hadn’t done any of that, which somehow settled her nerves a little bit. “Puck invited me to his birthday cookout, and I thought I could handle seeing her again for the first time — but I don’t know, I also thought that maybe he kept my identity a secret and she didn’t know I was her mom. But the way that kid looked at me when she saw me just…I panicked and I left without saying a word to her. Apparently now she thinks there’s something wrong with her since I can’t even be around her, and Puck chewed me out before demanding that I apologize to her in person. But I can’t promise that I won’t just run away again.”
KIT STARK
Kit listened quietly, but wasn't all too surprised they felt themself gently pushed to the side. Guardian was good with kids, had formed exclusively to protect Katie. They knew a decent amount about a lot of things, actually. "You went in blind. That's not wholly on you. And while I can't say I fault him for being upset with you, he also plays a hand in that." Guardian reassured. "Now, would it be easier in a setting where you could have support? Where the ground is far more equal? Where it's not you being forced into a place where fleeing is your only option?"
SANTANA LOPEZ
Listening to Kit, Santana was sure that this was hands down the best advice she'd gotten thus far. Puck's advice hadn't been that bad either, but it was also from the perspective of a protective dad so it had only added to her negative feelings about herself. "Oddly enough, I don't blame him. I chose to show up knowing she'd be there. And I've been sending her gifts every single year for her birthday and Christmas so of course she'd want to know shit about me. And I'm not afraid of anything else, so why does a 15 year old scare the shit out of me?" She asked, though she knew why facing the consequences of her actions scared her. "I offered, or more so demanded, that I take him and the kid shopping for school supplies, mostly so I can't just run away since I'm going to pick them up, but actually forcing myself to drive there is the hurdle I need to jump over first."
KIT STARK
Guardian hummed a little as Santana spoke. Simply taking in the information being presented to them. Letting her talk it out. "What if I drive you? Or you can have someone else do it.
But, what if you remove the ability to run completely and you can't make up an excuse as to why you didn't show, because someone else is holding you accountable?"
SANTANA LOPEZ
"You know I hate the accountability thing." Santana groaned. "But I don't know, maybe I do need someone else to be there to hold me accountable. To make sure I don't break my kid's heart more than I already have." She hummed. "But Kit, you don't have to do it. I can make Mari do it."
KIT STARK
"Yes, how dare a brat face the consequences of her actions." They teased. "But it can be good for you, especially in this case. As for not having to do it, you ask Mari, and if she can't or won't, then you tell us and we'll do it. Least we can do."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana smirked at that. "This is a different kind of consequence though. Having me as a mom can ruin a kid, or turn her into a mini Diabla, which no one needs." She pointed out. "And thank you, but you don't have to take care of me, you know? I can force Mari to drive me. You don't really owe me anything, Kit..or Guardian, right?"
KIT STARK
"You don't have to be a mother to her to be in her life. Unless you're looking to get back with Puck, then that's a completely separate set of scenarios. She can know you gave birth to her, she can even want you in her life, but that does not mean you have to be her mother, nor do I think it would be as disastrous and you're thinking it will be, especially not with her in her teen years already. Nurture plays a bigger part in life than a lot of people want to give it credit for." Which explained so much of the system's surface level issues, but that was entirely besides the point. Though was certainly one that came up in therapy often enough. "Maybe we don't, but that's what we do for people we care about, and you are still one of those people. Are you going to be good and not then force her to take you home if you have second thoughts? Not to discredit any willpower she may have, but she does still live with you, does she not?" Guardian smirked, chuckling a little. "It's a pleasure to meet you, officially, which feels odd to say, knowing our past, but… It is."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana shrugged as she took in their advice. "I was never with Puck like that, we just met and fucked around for a few days before I went back home and found out I was pregnant. And I don't know what the kid wants, that's what scares me. Even if I don't want to be a mom, what if that's what she wants in one capacity or another? Besides, I'm not 16 now. I'm an adult, I have a successful career and now I have a part time teaching gig. Clearly I've come a long way since my days of being a menace, so what if she expects me to be ready now?" The "what ifs" were exactly what had been eating at her lately, even if she didn't want to admit it. And as much as she loved her sister, she was aware that Mari would peel out of there if she sensed Santana being too scared. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you too, and you're not wrong. I can't rely on my sister to hold me accountable, so…you can drive me."
KIT STARK
Guardian listened quietly. "Breathe, San. You are not obligated to be anything more to her than you are capable of. You gave her up to give her a life you knew you couldn't give her yourself. As much as failing to live up to her expectations may hurt her, though I doubt she expects such from you, if we're being honest, you aren't obligated to fulfill that role in her life. And no one can force you to do so, either." Guardian knew this was a complex case and maybe the girl wanted for a motherly figure, but that didn't mean she'd go looking for it in the person who already long since admitted she wasn't such. "Good. When?"
SANTANA LOPEZ
Taking in the offered advice, Santana sighed. "Do you always tend to be right?" She whined, and now she was curious as to who was fronting any time she tried arguing with Kit, even over the dumbest shit. "We just said one day this weekend, but maybe Sunday? That way, if it all goes to shit, I'll drink the rest of the day away and then sleep in all day Monday." She decided. It wasn't the best plan, and certainly not the way to handle her problems, but it was her usual way of drowning her sorrows. "Thank you. Before you say it, I know I don't have to thank you, and I know you think that it's the least you could do for me after everything, but this really means a lot."
KIT STARK
Guardian chuckled. "I'm a knowledge and logic based being." They didn't know everything, but they knew a lot and they especially knew how to apply logic to situations where emotions were high. They weren't right all the time, but they were most of the time. "A questionable choice, but we're free either way. You get up with Puck and let us know for sure." Guardian wanted to comment on how unhealthy such actions were, but they knew it would fall in deaf ears and Kit often wasn't much better, so they didn't have room to talk. "You're welcome, San. And I'm not Kit, I don't argue for the sake of it. Even if I also believe such."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"Does that mean that you know a lot?" Santana questioned curiously. Should she be asking questions and getting to know one of the other identities? She wasn't entirely sure, but they all knew her so it was only fair, in her opinion. And when Guardian pointed out a way that they weren't like Kit, her curiosity got the better of her. "Noted. But being that you're not Kit, and I know Void was the one who broke us up, what exactly was your role in all of this? Besides the after care stuff, right?"
KIT STARK
"I do. We were a bit of a professional student for a reason. I also tended to do a lot of research about all sorts of things when I could get away with it. I fronted heavily when it was just Katie and I, and it was a lot of us reading above our age, because it seems I don't age traditionally. The more I know, the older I feel." Guardian explained, more than happy to answer her questions. "Kit mentioned the biting, wasn't always me, but… when they lingered longer. The name only we could call you, that was me. The possession, that was me, more than it was ever Kit. And, aftercare depended on which of us was fronting, though I was often present either way. It started more as curiosity, as it always has, but the longer I watched, the more I wanted to know. I'd met the previous partners, but you were different, especially for Kit and I wanted to know why."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"Good to know." Santana nodded, and she would keep that in mind should she need to ask Guardian anything that wasn't about their relationship or whatever. When they clarified which parts of the relationship were them, or mostly them anyways, she furrowed her brows as she tried to think back on certain memories. "But why was I different? And were you that possessive over the other partners, or was it just me? Oh, and the biting? You're definitely not getting any complaints from me about that. In fact, I kind of preferred it, after a while. But was that a just for me thing too?"
KIT STARK
"I cannot say why you were different, that is a question only Kit can answer. But, you are the only one I was ever with, intimately." Guardian had always watched. Had fronted when they could or needed to, but never in intimate moments. Not until Santana. Guardian wasn't sure what made this woman different for Kit, but that difference was felt for the whole system, or at least the three of them that were more often fronting. It was also why Void had still tried so hard and felt so bad. And it was why Guardian and Kit would be taking a really long time alone, before trying again.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana didn't know why she suddenly felt a warmth come over her when Guardian admitted that she was the only partner they had been with intimately. Did they know they were stroking her ego? Maybe, but maybe not. Kit would never live this down though, that she was sure of. "Okay, but why were you only intimate with me? I mean let's be real, I'm hot and amazing in bed, I know that very well, but what about Jill or one of the others? And wait, when I came by, Kit said they wouldn't be hooking up with anyone else so like..is that because of all of you?"
KIT STARK
"I never saw a reason to in the past. Whatever made you different for Kit made you far more interesting to me and, in time, I found myself desiring such. So, I did." Guardian shrugged. Santana was a puzzle that Guardian had wanted to figure out. And all that had done was get them wrapped up in something that now ached to think about, because it was gone. "You are part of that, yes. However, we can't guarantee Void won't slip to the front during those times, now that it is more active again and the poor dear doesn't need more of a reason to hate itself than it already does."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"Can Kit hear all of this or whatever? I need to know so they won't be surprised when I'm bragging about it later." Santana taunted, though she would honestly be mentioning it again, and again, so Kit better have been ready for it. "But it's good to know that you desired me too. Also won't be letting you live that down either, just so we're clear. But uh…have any of you tried unpacking why Void apparently doesn't like the whole intimacy thing?" She asked before shaking her head. "Actually, don't answer that. That might make me revert back to being a bitch to all of you, so maybe it's best if I don't know."
KIT STARK
"They are more than aware and I imagine are rolling their eyes." Guardian chuckled, the eye roll not entirely voluntary. Kit did have some control, after all. "Void holds the memories of the body being assaulted as child. And I know you told me not to tell you, but I'd rather we get that out of the way now, as it is no laughing matter and if it is something you'd be unkind about, it's best we know now." Their voice was steeled as they spoke, hand curling into Hel's fur for a few moments. Guardian didn't think she would, but it was a precaution that felt necessary, because this was not so far along that they couldn't back out safely now. It would suck, sure, but better to know than allow themselves to get close to her, just find that pain mocked or otherwise turned against them.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana's eyes widened as the mention of an assault, and she hopped up from her couch to go and refill her wine glass. "All of you should know me well enough to know that I'd never laugh about something like that, nor would I ever be an asshole about it later. But are you sure you wanna tell me about this? Right now?" She asked, filling the glass to the brim before she was starting to gulp it down.
KIT STARK
"I had to make sure. It's a hard topic for the system, but I refuse to allow Void to be mocked for how it is." Guardian took a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly. "This is not my story to tell, nor do I imagine it will ever do so, but it is why it does not enjoy physical touch, much less intimacy. And it'd be best if you were careful regarding such from here on out, even if it wasn't meant in a cruel or unkind way."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"That didn't really tell me much." Santana pointed out. "But I guess I'm just…confused. How did the intimacy happen before, but then it all just kind of stopped? Did I do something wrong? Or I don't know, did I somehow trigger some sort of bad memories without knowing that I did?" Again, she probably didn't need to be asking questions she was afraid to hear the answer for, but it wasn't like she could just put it off now.
KIT STARK
"It was never happening with Void. Kit and myself, yes. Either separately or while we were co-fronting, but never with Void around. You had nothing to do with Void coming to the front. But it did get stuck there. It wasn't able to switch out. At least not consistently. The body was unwell and the mind followed. Just, in our case, Void is who keeps us going. It is the autopilot, the last line of defense." Guardian knew they were getting back into deep territory, but they would continue because they had to.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana sighed as she processed the information, and while she didn't take any of it as her being at fault for Void fronting and getting stuck there, she still felt like she was guilty of something. "Why didn't Void just talk to me? Even if it didn't tell me about the assault, why not just tell me that something was up and it couldn't be intimate with me anymore instead of letting me think that there was clearly something wrong with me?" She huffed, and while she wasn't mad, she was feeling all sorts of emotions now, even if they weren't directly aimed at Guardian or Kit.
KIT STARK
"Last I checked, Void doesn't dislike anyone but itself and The Rat." Guardian didn't care to call Jeremiah by his name. Until he could prove what he swears is true they simply did not care. And perhaps wouldn't even care then. He was a danger to the system and that's all Guardian cared about. "Void's job when it first formed was survival. Survival included concealment. No one was to know Void wasn't Kit. Because Kit couldn't know what was going on. That same mentality is the one it held in all of this. And we acknowledge that Void did things under Kit's name that hurt you. It's why we all want to fix that, though our methods are all very different. And Voids are bound to be the least productive." Guardian sighed, head falling back against the headboard with a quiet thunk.
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana raised a brow at The Rat comment but decided not to press them on it right now. Maybe later, or never, but not right now. She listened as Guardian explained why Void had done what it had done, and she was at least grateful that all of the other identities seemed to feel guilty for Void hurting her, which kinda helped ease some of her anger and resentment towards them. "Okay, this is…a lot, but I guess it's a good start to trying to get me to forgive you." She hummed. "But I think this has been more than enough for one night, so maybe we should just pause here."
KIT STARK
"I agree. I certainly didn't mean to get back on this subject." Guardian was tired. The whole body was. These types of things always took it out of them. But, at least it was night and once they were sure they could get off the call safely, they'd likely be quick to medicate and sleep. "And, thanks again, for hearing us out, and while Void may wish for you to punch us in the face, and I'm still not sure it can be ruled out as something that may still happen, thanks for not doing so that day. I also hear you thought I looked good at the party."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"It's okay. This is a lot, for all of you and for me, so it's just gonna take some time to cover everything. And if I'm ever asking too many questions, you can always tell me to shut the fuck up." Santana offered, and while she wasn't sure Guardian would do such a thing, she figured that maybe Void would. Smirking at the bit about the punching thing, which still wasn't entirely off the table, she was sure that she would ask who was fronting before she did it if it came to that. "You're welcome. Whoever chose to dress you that day made you look pitiful, so I couldn't bring myself to do it then. We'll see how I feel next time I see you though. And uh…you picked out that outfit for that stupid party? But I didn't say you looked good, I said you looked better than you did when I stopped by. There's a difference." She lied.
KIT STARK
"We know how to stop things that go too far. Don't you worry about that." Guardian chuckled slightly. "That was Void. It likes its Sanrio and comfy clothes and it was certainly feeling sorry for itself, though that's not anything new when it comes to you." Guardian squinted as she spoke. "I was fronting for the party, and the only reason we went. Kit had some say in what we wore, because they're more into the astrology thing than I am, but yes. And sure, just like that ask answer was about Jill."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"You can't tell me not to worry about it. Now that I kinda know what's going on, I'm gonna worry about you. All of you." Santana pointed out. She didn't know why Void was still feeling sorry all this time later, but maybe her listening and being open to moving forward with them would help. "I guess you have some pretty decent taste then. As for Jill, that doesn't work anymore. It's one thing for Kit to have been attracted to me, but now that I know that even you couldn't resist wanting me, my ego is as big as fucking Jupiter. So thank you!"
KIT STARK
"Much as we worry about you, but we do know how to end things that are too much. Even if that means safe wording. Might be the weirdest time to use it, but we'd figure out a way to end the topic effectively." Knowing Santana would be worried for them made Guardian feel some such way, as most things involving Santana still did. But they pushed it down. This wasn't the time to think about that. "I am, if nothing else, a well dressed shark." Guardian smirked. "Doesn't mean I don't know you well enough to know when you're lying about finding me hot. Might work for simple minded fools who can't read between lines, but not me."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"You guys have a safe word for that?" Santana hummed. At Guardian's remark, she tried not to smirk in response. "Okay well dressed shark, you need to give Void some pointers. Looking like a disheveled mess is not a cute look." She hummed. "And so what? Even if I did find you hot that night, I was also drinking and hiding from you, so it doesn't matter anyways. And besides, weren't you flirting with other women or something anyways?"
KIT STARK
"No, but you happen to know our safe word for other things, so it's not entirely outside the realm of things we could use." Guardian pointed out. "Void cannot keep a single age for long and tends to slide more child like if left in front long enough outside a crisis. There's no point giving fashion advice to a dysphoric child, whose dysphoria is quite literally about being a shapeless and, technically, bodyless mass. We're lucky it seems to have found something other than oversized hoodies to wear." Void didn't have good days anymore. Didn't have days where it wanted to dress up, but Santana didn't need to know it even had those days before. "Oh, it more than matters. And no, I wasn't. I primarily stuck to playing videos with Sam and anyone else who wandered by and wanted to play. No point flirting, didn't need to have people take it the wrong way."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana nodded. "Right, so if it comes to that, you'll just use our safe word? Got it, I'll make sure to keep that in mind." It was smart, at least with her since she'd recognize the safe word and know to stop her interrogation, so it was a pretty good plan. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and Guardian gave another rundown of Void, and while she would have understood the oversized hoodie attire, she figured them wearing something other than that was…better? More suitable in LA heat? Something like that. She'd let that slide…for now. When they admitted that they weren't flirting with any other women, she shrugged. "Oh? Well, that's…totally boring. But even if you were flirting with other women, I wouldn't care because you can do that. You should do that, just when you're all in a better place and ready for it, you know?"
KIT STARK
"Yeah, can't imagine old Italian families should come up naturally in the conversations we need to have." Guardian still didn't know why Kit chose Medici as their safe word, but it was effective and something that was ultimately easily accessible to anyone who may need it. Guardian's head tilted as she spoke. They weren't sure what her angle was here, but it didn't entirely matter, they were sure. "Should we find the need or the want to do so, I imagine we will. But I don't see it being anytime soon."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana hadn't questioned the Medici when Kit had suggested it be their safe word because it was just fitting for them, and even if she'd nagged them about their long ass rant about art before, she did love how passionate they were about it and just went with it. Guardian implying the same thing that Kit, or Void, had done before only made her shrug, deciding she wouldn't press them on why they weren't planning on doing anything with any other women. "Got it. Anyways, we should get some sleep since it's late."
KIT STARK
"Agreed, even if I think Hel has perhaps beat us to it." Guardian wasn't sure if Santana could hear the dog quietly snoring away in their lap, but they weren't going to complain. It was calming and while she wouldn't like being woken up, she'd get over herself knowing they were going to bed soon. "Don't forget to let us know about when we're taking you."
SANTANA LOPEZ
"I can't blame the little watch dog for needing to get some sleep after this long ass phone conversation." Santana teased. "But don't worry, I'll tell you once I talk to Puck and get everything situated. And thank you again. I know I don't have to and you feel like you owe me, but this means a lot."
KIT STARK
Guardian chuckled at her teasing. "Neither can I." It certainly hadn't been planned, but Guardian couldn't say that it was a regretted conversation. Didn't happen the way they expected it to, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. "We care and it's clearly something you need to do for you, so you're welcome."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana was slightly annoyed that she couldn't bring herself to still be mad at Kit after this one phone call, but it was probably a good thing. Not that she'd admit it any time soon. "I'm glad you all still care about me." She found herself admitting instead, and she was already mentally scolding herself for it. "Make sure you get enough sleep." She quickly tried to recover with.
September 3, 2024
KIT STARK
Guardian raised an eyebrow at her words, but said nothing, knowing that while there were times and places to tease, this certainly wasn't one of them, maybe later, though. "We will try. You do the same." They smiled softly. "Have a good night, San."
SANTANA LOPEZ
Santana smiled softly. "Tell Kit not to dream about me." She teased. "Good night, Guardian."
WHO: Mack Puckerman and Shelby Corcoran (@mamacorcoran69)
WHAT: Shelby comes to Mack looking to face the truth
WHEN: 5/10
WHERE: Mack’s apartment
NOTES: mentions of dubious consent and violence
Shelby knew things needed to squared away. Shelby came to this place not knowing who she would find. Unlike Raven, she had no idea Rachel or Mack would be here. So this felt like it was the right thing, it was meant to be. She talked to her therapist about it and they were conflicted about this turn of events. But, said she should at least try and talk to Mack and Rachel and make amends.
Knocking on the door she made sure Mack wouldn't see her before they opened the door.
Mack was enjoying zir day off, as much as a person in a weird headspace could enjoy a day off where ze were left to the thoughts in zir head. This mostly meant listening to RENT, a couple edibles, and zoning out enough to ignore the passage of time. When ze heard the knock on zir door, ze groaned, pulling zirself to zir feet as ze trudged over to the door, hood of zir Baymax onesie just barely still on zir head. "I swear I haven't touched the volume," ze called out as ze pulled the door open, confusion settling on zir face when ze didn't immediately see anyone.
Shelby's stomach flipped a little when she saw them in their Baymax onesie. She let a tiny smile escape before stepping into view, "Good choice in music." After seeing Mack and Rachel chatting on Tumblr, she almost didn't come but knew it had to be done. "Overrated though?" Shelby leaned against the door frame and gave a sad sigh, "can we talk?" Shelby made sure she was there in case they tried to slam the door.
Ze narrowed zir eyes as Shelby stepped into view, arms crossing over zir chest. Though couldn't help but roll zir eyes when she brought up what they'd said to Rachel online. It wasn't entirely the truth, but they'd already said so much by then, sometimes it was just best to let someone else's words be enough. "What is there to talk about?" A lot, Mack knew this, but ze didn't particularly want to. Ze didn't want to face things ze didn't understand. It was bad enough ze were still recovering and couldn't just fuck zir way through Mother's Day like ze normally did. But to then toss Shelby in on top of it? Ze'd rather not.
"A lot," Shelby reached out and cupped their cheek. "but I would rather do this inside and not in the hallway. I will if I have to but I rather it be just us and not nosey neighbors who listen in." She could see Raven's shadow from under the door and motioned to it. She took another step forward just so she could take a better look at Mack's face. "In."
Mack sighed, looking away at the hand on zir cheek. Some part of zir knew Shelby was right, that talking about it in the hallway was asking for people to hear. And as much as Mack had gone one for like three hours about Shelby on Aussie's stream for anyone to tune in to hear, this was something different. This wasn't just zir being a mess and letting off steam. This was a conversation. One that Raven, and anyone else who might wander down the hall, shouldn't hear. Though, the way Shelby stepped closer, had zir stepping back. There were too many things circling zir head, thoughts ze'd pushed down for years now.
Shelby had knew that Mack wasn't ready for more touching, so she made sure not to once inside. "Come on," Shelby smiled and ushered them both inside without touching and closing the door behind. She let Mack lead the way, not wanting her to double back and make a break for the door. "I had no idea, none. Not to toot my own horn but I got all kinds of people staring at me often. I still have students looking at me the way you did, I chalked it up to first teacher crush." Shelby made sure the door was locked before moving further into the room. "Listen, you tell me what you need and I'll give it to you. Hear me? I'll push and pull as much as you want because I do love you, but I pushed those feelings down because I was your teacher and it would have been very wrong of me."
It was rare that Mack felt awkward in zir own space, but with it just being zir and Shelby, ze were suddenly very self conscious. Ze felt more like a animal than a person like this. Ze could feel her eyes on zir, watching, knowing that this had to happen now. That Shelby wouldn't just let it go. So, ze flopped back down on the floor where they'd been most of the day, the small pile of pillows, blankets and stuffies. Ze paused the music as Shelby spoke, looking anywhere but at her. "I don't know. I-" Ze sighed. "I don't understand what you make me feel. The way you've always made me feel. Everyone joked senior year, that we were fucking, and I hated them for it. i pushed them so much harder when they said that shit. Because sure, I wanted to but... It wasn't like that. Or just like that. You made me feel seen, cared for, wanted." Ze grabbed the squishmallow that ze had snagged from Sugar when ze'd snuck out of Aussie's apartment and hugged it to zir chest. "And then what happened, happened and it wasn't some dream my drug addled brain came up with. It was you and I didn't know how to feel or what to do so I just did what I'd always done and... and you didn't respond the way you had before. So, I tried to let it go, and I broke in the process."
"Not only the students talked but the teachers as well. They were concerned something else was going on and I assured them nothing else was- nothing but students crushing on their teacher. The school let it go, agreeing." Shelby moved closer and sat down on a chair nearby. "I saw you, I cared for you, and I did want you. I wanted you to very bad and I almost gave in senior year, but I was still your teacher. Then by the time you graduated I couldn't find you." Shelby continued to listen and sighed, "What? You expected me to yell at you for something that wasn't your fault? Even if that person paid you, you didn't deserve to be brutally beaten like that. No one deserves that, not unless they want it and you clearly didn't want that." Shelby's voice was stern but soft as she spoke to them.
Mack sighed as Shelby spoke. Ze'd gotten hints of that, the way other teachers would watch zir, certain things asked of zir and said to zir. Ze weren't dumb, by any standards, but the way certain people had treated zir, you'd think ze were. "I was out of Ohio as fast as I could. Went back to Texas for the summer before heading off to Boston." Ze shrugged. "I just couldn't deal with being around my mother anymore." Zir fingers toyed with the the squishmallow in zir lap, nuzzling into it for a few moments. "I don't know! I don't know what I expected the response to be but it wasn't what I got. It felt like you weren't even reacting. I-" Fingers tangled in zir hair and ze pulled. So much of who Mack had become was letting other people use zir, because at least if ze were useful ze could tell zirself ze were wanted. That ze weren't so fucking alone. "It's not like I told them no, or tried to argue with them. I let them do it because I was getting paid and when shit got to be too much I left. That's what I do. Sometimes people are fucking shitty like that but it's a risk I take because it pays my bills. It lets me save. It lets me- It lets me do what my mother never did."
"I thought it'd be best not to break down and cry in front of you. I had to keep strong and get through it, cleaning you up and making sure you were okay." Truth was, Shelby did cry and it was after Mack had passed out. "I held you for a long time after you slept and eventually I let you rest." Shelby could see them struggling, could see them going back and forth. Sighing as they spoke and shaking their head. "Mack, whether or not you said no, that kind of treatment without a yes-" Shelby remembered the marks on their body, it was beyond brutal. "You might not have said no but you didn't say yes either." Shelby sat on the floor now, next to Mack hand nervously shaking as she held her arms out. "Come here."
"And what of after? I pushed and pushed and there was nothing from you! I was pushing where I knew I could. So I did. And you did nothing! You just let me do it." And sure, some part of Mack knew that it probably hadn't been as obvious as ze thought, but ze didn't know how else to be. Ze just wanted her to show zir that she actually cared in a way that made sense to zir. And it never came. "When it stopped being worth the money, it became a resounding no. That's all that fucking matters." Ze looked over at Shelby as she sat beside zir, but shook zir head. Zir didn't want to be held. Or, maybe ze did, but refused to admit it. There were only so many lines ze could, or would, cross on zir own. For whatever reason, that was one ze couldn't.
"Listen, I'm not a mind reader. All these years I had no idea what was happening. I knew you were pushing my buttons and I had a temper and since I got a control on it. Trust me, when you started pushing I wanted to push back but I fought it. I didn't know," Shelby had a choice to make now, and that choice would effect how this went. "Mack," Shelby moved closer until she was next to Mack, "listen brat," She said in a teasing tone, before wrapping her arms around them. "I'm here and I'm pulling you right here in my arms and you will settle eventually. I got you." And she wrapped her arms around them and just held tight.
Mack sighed as she spoke. It made sense, really. Even when people knew the kind of things ze had been through, they often didn't understand how it had made zir a brat. How it made zir someone who got attention by force. Who pushed buttons until ze got a result. "You didn't always react with anger. Aggression, maybe, but not anger. I guess that's what I was looking for. But it never came." Ze shrugged.
Ze buried zir face in the Squishmallow as Shelby called zir a brat, though startled at the arms around zir. But ze didn't fight, didn't argue. And for a few moments ze didn't move either. "Go fuck yourself." Ze mumbled, even as ze turned and curled further into her hold. It was something ze'd often said in response to Aussie doing the same thing.
"Not exactly the best way to react-" Shelby just held onto Mack with a sigh, this felt right to her. Even if Mack wasn't ready to give back, that was until she felt Mack curl into her. Shelby held them tight and pressed a kiss to the top of their head. "I'll fight for you and I'll push and pull, aggressively if that is what you want but for now I want this."
Shelby shifted slightly to settle in more comfortably. Keeping Mack wrapped in her arms and giving them all the comfort they needed. Even if they were unsure of it, it was something they needed and Shelby knew that. "I got you."
Mack listened as Shelby spoke, slowly shifting to be more comfortable. Eventually, ze chose to swap the large Squishmallow out for the Figment plush that lay nearby and one of the many hand sized Squishmallows that Sugar had given zir. Ze also grabbed the remote and pushed play on the music again, but lowered the volume until ze could barely hear it, knowing it'd still be audible for Shelby but wouldn't interfere with zir being able to hear her if she spoke. Ze probably needed to find something else to listen to, but zir head wasn't clear yet. It always cleared eventually. Then ze would stop.
Shelby wanted to know where they would go from here. Wanting to know if things would just continue as they had been or if this marked the moment of change? Either way, she had hold on Mack and refused to let them go. "Heard you've been driving poor Raven crazy with Rent?" Shelby chuckled, running her hand up and down Mack's back carefully. Unsure of how they were healed yet and not wanting to hurt them. Shelby hummed along with the music, it brought back a lot of great memories. "is this a figment plush? I had one as a kid, loved that thing."
Mack sighed as Shelby brought up zir driving Raven crazy, a blush taking to zir cheeks. "It wasn't on purpose. I wear earplugs all the time and I forgot that, that means anything I listen to at a high volume is going to be even louder for everyone else. She literally paid me when I turned it down..." Mack did actually feel bad about it, because it hadn't been on purpose. As much as ze knew Aussie was having issues with Raven, ze weren't going to do anything without being asked. Ze whimpered and hissed slightly as Shelby's hand moved across a portion of zir back that still hadn't healed all the way. "Yeah. Aussie got it for me when they were at Epcot on Sunday. Never really had stuffies as a kid, at least not ones that weren't associated with trauma." Mack still kept them all in a box, too sentimental a person to get rid of them, but they acted more like trigger objects now. So to have new ones associated with the people who loved zir, it meant a lot. "All the Squishmallows are from Sugar." Ze held up the small one on zir hand before pointing at the others nearby. "But I should probably be nice and try to give the big one back." Ze knew Sugar probably wouldn't let zir, though. Probably wrote off the loss and bought a replacement.
"Has anyone helped you clean up, you don't want these to get infected?" Shelby wanted to look at them and check them out to make sure. Though wasn't sure pushing- then she stopped herself mid thought. Push and Pull, this would be necessary to making sure they were okay. "Come with me, I want to check and make sure they're not infected." Shelby carefully got up and scooped them up, bringing them to the bedroom where she had last checked over Mack. "I think if she missed it by now, she would have come asking for it." Shelby now had plans to get Mack a Squishmallow, she would have to look into that and see about finding them a special one.
"No, but I'm good at caring for myself. Always have been." Didn't mean the ones on zir back weren't in need of more than ze could manage, but ze tried zir best. It just also meant that zir back was going to heal a lot slower. Ze grumbled, but didn't put up a fight. It would help in the long run and ze wanted to get back to work sooner rather than later. "Probably." Honestly, Sugar was one of those people who you expected to turn up their nose at someone like Mack, but she didn't. She cared about zir and she did so in a way Mack couldn't ignore. Which was to say, ze had little choice in the matter.
Shelby laid them down on the bed and went to the bathroom to grab some things. She found the supplies and brought them back to the bedroom. And much like she had before, she helped Mack out of their clothes and checked over their back. "A little raw but the rest are just fine. I'll be taking over and making sure these get cleaned properly." Shelby left no room for argument on that, she started to carefully clean them out. "These could easily turn if not cleaned." Taking her time, she cleaned them up with warm water and disinfected them before covering them up to keep clean. It was clear Mack had cleaned themselves up, since the old bandages were gone. Cleaned, Dried, and back in the Onesie. Shelby wrapped her arms around them again and smiled. "One step at a time." Another kiss to their cheek with a smile.
Mack had sat and waited for Shelby to return, playing a little with Figment in zir lap. The soft fur of the plush made zir happy and it helped keep zir calm. Ze'd been trying to ignore that Shelby had already seen how bad the damage was and zir nerves were trying to get the better of zir. Ze'd winced at the removal of the undershirt ze wore, it having briefly stuck to zir skin.
However, as Shelby spoke, Mack shook zir head. "No." The tone wasn't that of a brat being defiant simply to be such, or to get a reaction. It was a gut reaction, laced in fear. And Mack had to take a deep breath to find the words ze were looking for. This wasn't the first time Mack had been in a situation where someone definitely needed to help care for zir, but ze were too stubborn and too scared to ask for it. However, the loss of zir body autonomy in situations like this was also a trigger, because it had been used against zir as a child.
"Ask. Don't tell. Don't force such upon me." Mack's words were measured, as they had been when zir uncle had taught zir to say them. He'd been on the receiving end of a violent temper tantrum the first, and only, time he'd tried to tell zir he would just take care of zir. He'd always been one of three in that house that had truly cared for Mack. His mother, and his middle son, had been the others. Who had seen Mack as a scared, traumatized child in need of love, and gave it to zir without question. Even now, Mack still spoke frequently with zir uncle and cousin, had even received an inheritance when zir uncle's mother had passed, despite being no blood relation to her. An inheritance that the financial portion of which, ze had put into an account for Xander. Ze had her handwriting tattooed on zir side. She'd been the first person to teach Mack that family was choice and not blood.
"Thanks." Ze smiled at the kiss to zir cheek, leaning against her. "Pedro used to tell me you were a saint for putting up with my bullshit." And those had been zir stepdad's words. "That I was lucky you didn't decide I was going too far and actually put me in my place. 'Course, he also called me on it being a trauma response, so..." Mack shrugged. Pedro had always been firm but lenient with zir. Called zir out when ze got too close to a line. But he had known Mack's trauma, Shelby hadn't. Sure, people talked about certain things, whispered rumors that may as well have been true. But it was never actually directly expressed. Mack was just made out to be a smart student who had a troubled past and issues with authority and a lot of anger at zir mother. Which ze had been, technically. But it was always a far more complicated situation.
"Hey," Shelby looked at them in their eyes and smiled. "I will always ask first, you'll have a say in your own body. I just want to make sure the ones on your back are well taken care of. It can't be easy to reach there yourself, right?" Shelby was soft but firm as she spoke, letting Mack know they had the choice- as long as they took care of themselves.
"You're welcome," Shelby placed another kiss on their cheek before settling them back in. "Pedro, he was always checking in. At the time I didn't understand but now I do, he wanted to make sure you were being treated okay. He kept tabs the best he could until I kicked him out, I regret that now."
"Okay." Mack shrugged. "I mean, I've done alright. But, the help is appreciated." Ze weren't sure how open ze would actually be to her helping, because even now it felt hard to let her, but it would be a start, at the very least.
"Him and my uncle Xander were always talking, got on like a house on fire. Unlike my mother and my aunt who, as far as I'm aware haven't talked since the day I left Texas for Ohio at 14. Not that I can blame either party, but... Is a bit odd. That the two people with no blood relation to me care more about my well being than the two who are related to me by blood. If I wasn't convinced they were both straight I'd suggest Pedro divorce mother and marry Xander." Mack chuckled. "He knew I was worse with you than I was anybody else, because I saw you so much more often than anyone and you'd become this safe space for me, so he worried somethin' might happen and you'd set me off. I didn't know my triggers as well back then." Even now, Mack was wary of zir own triggers, still finding new ones ze hadn't known existed before.
"You should be good for the next couple of days. I'll check on your back then, if you're okay with that around then?" Shelby knew this would be hard for Mack, they hated asking for help and she was the same way.
"Sometimes it's the most unexpected bonds that mean the most. I don't really talk with my family much these days. I barely see my parents but I do get a call from my little sister once in a while." Shelby didn't have friends, she never really took the time to make them. She had focused on work most of her life.
"Okay." Ze could do that, or at least give it a try. Ze weren't necessarily going to promise anything, of course, but it was something.
"My uncle was the first positive male figure I'd ever had in my life. He convinced my aunt to take me in, to look after me. He saw me as the abused kid I was and acknowledged that I needed to be taken care of differently, without being made to feel different. Then, he passed that knowledge on to Pedro. I'm lucky to have both of them in my life, to know they'd do anythin' for me. Hell, my uncle announced his divorce at his own mother's funeral cos my aunt was upset I was there and that I'd been included in the will. Then he made sure I knew it wasn't my fault, even if I was 23 at the time and more than aware of the kind of woman she is. I hear from my cousin a lot too, he's like a brother to me. Same way Aussie and Sugar are kinda like siblings to me." Mack was lucky to have the chosen family that ze did, but ze would be the first to admit ze didn't entirely have too many more friends and even the ones ze did have weren't necessarily close.
MISSION: 423*PROMETHEUS
TIMEFRAME: any time between 2045 and 2200
PAGING: Agent Hades @reignofhades
The server comes around to their table with small, little baked somethings and West takes one. It looks like there is cheese on it, which means it should taste good, so West just pops the entire thing into his mouth.
A grave mistake. His noise scrunches up and a dry cough hits West’s throat at the awful, fishy taste. Who the hell made this food and why does it exist? West smiles at the next server that walks by, his mouth still obviously full of food. The second she turns West grabs the nearest towel and spits the entire thing into it. He conspicuously hides it under their table, kicking the napkin into a corner where he is sure that it won’t be found for days. It doesn’t fix the taste in his mouth, and West finishes the rest of his whisky.
“Why does the food always suck at these event?” West taps his fingers on the rim of his whiskey tumbler, begging for someone to answer him. Hel has since ignored West and his ridiculous antics at the VIP table. “Hades, do y’all have PB&Js up there? Mini grilled cheeses? Something that doesn’t taste like fish and sandpaper?”
Who: Adeline Finley-Jackson & Darcy Papatonis
When: February 19, 2021
Where: Some Restaurant in Milan, Italy
Notes: I just need Adeline proposing to Darcy on the blog, it’s not actually a full para
Adeline removed the bracelet-collar from around her wrist and her father’s ring from her finger. Smiled at Darcy and set them in front of her on the table.
“I need you to hold these for me, real quick,” Adeline explained as she pulled something from the inside pocket of the jacket she had chosen to wear to dinner. And then she was down on one knee. “Because I want to trade them for something more permanent.
"I have felt safe with you from the moment I got to know you. Even if it took me a really long time to realize that. To realize just how much I loved you. But you took a gamble on the long game with me. And I am forever grateful you did.
"You told me that you fell in love with me here, in Milan. A number of years after we met, over half a year before we got together, and two years ago, today.
"So, here I am, in the place you realized you loved me, asking you to legally give me forever. To give me the chance to trade my last names for yours. To be not just my madam, but also my missus. To do me the absolute honor of being your wife.
"So, Darcy Papatonis, my best friend, the love of my life, my madam, and my everything, will you marry me?”
Well dinner certainly could have gone better and if it was up to her Mary would have had the entire encounter erased and to place both her Queen and the new castle guest on clean slates, but alas, it was not up to her. And she knew there was no use in daring to talk to the Queen about the encounter. After all, Katherine was who she was and Mary had known the efforts she had made throughout the day were completely out of the ordinary for the Queen. It was only a matter of time before that facade faded.
Today was a new day and Mary was making her ways through the castle halls to lightly knock on the door to the Princess’ chambers. She was hoping the day would go better for the young girl, after all herself and other members of the servants were rather excited about having a new person around and she knew Florence had great potential.
“Good morning Princess,” she greeted as she entered the chambers. “I hope you slept well,” she added in for pleasantries, knowing it was probably impossible that Florence slept at all.
“You’ll be with me today, shadowing me and learning about the castle and what you’ll be doing here.” She explained. “Once you are dressed and ready we shall begin.”
Small towns talk. There’s gossip everywhere. And more often than not, Ainsley could hear people whispering whenever she and Carter walked down the street. They’d been attached at the hip for years and it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when people started making assumptions that they were going to eventually become an item. If she was being honest, the gossip just made her more adamant that she and Carter would not be getting together. Why give everyone the satisfaction of being right?
But she couldn’t help but notice that as they got older, feelings started to pop up. She probably noticed them and came to terms with them around their junior year in high school, the first time that they kissed. She’d never been kissed before, and had come clean to him in the old tree house in her back yard, left over from the previous owners. It was old and creaky, but it was their go to safe space, away from the world. It was a shame it’d been torn down after she and Madelyn, her older sister, had moved out and moved in with Mady’s fiance. She definitely would have made a point to sneak in there, just for old times sake.
But the first time they’d kissed, it had been in the tree house, and Ainsley had told him the truth, she’d never been kissed before. She’d wondered if it was because she just had no interest in dating, or if it was because of the truth: she secretly had eyes only for one person, but she was too scared to tell that one person the truth. But there they were, the moonlight streaming in from the hole in the roof of the tree house, lips connecting for the first time.
It wouldn’t be the last time they’d kiss. More often than not, their late nights of sneaking out together ended in a make out session or two. But never would they say anything about it. It would happen, and that would be the end of it. Never to be spoken of again. And if someone caught them, they’d just brush it off. They were bored, and neither of them had anyone else to kiss, so why not?
But those excuses were getting old the older they got. It was getting harder and harder for Ainsley to push those feeling she had down deep, deep to where they couldn’t surface. People talked more and more, and it was hard to tell the lies. ‘We’re just friends’ ‘There’s nothing there, we’re just bored’ ‘I could never do that’.
All these thoughts were going through her mind as the pair laid on a blanket in the park, close together as always, “just sharing a kiss”. And finally, Ainsley lost it. She pulled away, crossed her arms, and a pout formed on her lips. “I can’t do this anymore.” She exclaimed dramatically. “I can’t pretend like this is normal. Because this is not normal, Carter. It’s just not! Normal friends don’t lay in a park, making out!” She sighed. Those feelings she shoved deep down were bubbling up. “I pretend, day in and day out, that this is just something people do. That there is nothing between us, and we’re just friends. But we’re not, and I think we both realize this but neither of us are willing to say anything because we’ve done this for so long. But I can’t pretend anymore, Carter. Maybe people are right when they talk about us. ...maybe we would be better together. And maybe I do love you. ...actually, not maybe. I do. I do love you.”
Was this a date? This was definitely a date. Sure, Maverick hadn’t really made it seem like a date when he...well, he didn’t even really ask. He more like...told Hunter he was taking her out. But she’d gone along with it, so that was a step in the right direction! So this was definitely a date, and he was going to treat it as such. ...even if he didn’t have the chance to get changed into something nicer than a t-shirt and jeans, and he was pretty sure his breath smelled like the pizza he’d heated up for lunch earlier. But still! He was going on a date! With Hunter Gallagher! This was something straight out of his fantasy world. A date with the girl he’d had a thing for since third grade when she’d beaten his time on the monkey bars at recess.
Of course, he could never let Emmy know he was considering this a date. ...she’d kill him. This was uncharted territory. Hunter had always been Emmy’s friend, although she and Maverick had always been friendly. They hadn’t been ‘go out to dinner, just the two of you’ friendly. Yet here they were, in Maverick’s car, on their way to get Mexican food. “So this new place opened up across town by my place. The guys were saying it’s really good, so I figured we could check it out? I hear they make a great margarita.” He could really use a shot of tequila right now, that was for sure. Liquid courage.
