SENTENCE MEME ⟶ CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND / 1.08 –– 1.09
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
“Which one of you is right?”
“Work has me on double shifts this week.”
“Tell us what it’s like to be poor.”
“Man, the holidays blow when you’re old.”
“I’m not even allowed to sit on Santa’s lap anymore.”
“He’s killed people with his thighs.”
“They serve substandard cheddar and generic chocolate chip cookies, but the sharing and grieving is great.”
“I can’t believe I almost slept with that guy.”
“I’m not gonna magically change to please your mother.”
“She said I drive like the grandma she’s starting to think she’ll never be.”
“You’re a level five mom pleaser.”
“You will say anything to make that woman happy.”
“I’m not gonna lie to feed into her dysfunction.”
“You’re looking healthy, and by healthy I mean chunky.”
“I don’t mean that as an insult, I’m just stating it as fact.”
“I give you everything and you still want more.”
“Wouldn’t kill you to get a maid in here.”
“Are you sure that you’re not gay?”
“You don’t even have a bath mat. Who doesn’t have a bath mat?”
“For the life of me, I don’t understand why you moved here.”
“I already took my sleeping pill.”
“You got really drunk, and then slow-danced with that giant fish.”
“I’m gonna get her the same gift I get her every year: my presence.”
“Just to be clear, I didn’t invite you.”
“I’ll finally have a witness to the insanity.”
“I support all of your wacky decisions.”
“I need you to come to lunch and pretend to be someone, like, fancy.”
“Turns out my real life is garbage, but my fake life is amazing.”
“So, yeah, I had to break up with him.”
“You never made the most normal friends.”
“It’s so difficult to stop once you get started.”
“There is no lie that you can tell this woman that will get her approval.”
“You finally found a friend who’s not a loser.”
“Romanticizing the working class perpetuates economic disparity.”
“There’s nothing wrong with working at a bar.”
“I’m not taking money from you guys. I’m not a freeloader.”
“I really think we’ve turned a corner in our relationship somehow.”
“That sounds like secret lover language.”
“Is he a boob man or a butt man?”
“I would love another glass of wine.”
“She’s cool and you’re a dick.”
“I need you to sleep with my mom.”
“I bet she’s a real spitfire in the sack.”
“You’re a dramatic little girl who never thinks through the consequences of her actions.”
“I am tired of trying to bend over backwards to please someone who can never be pleased.”
“You got a lot of nerve, you know that? After all I’ve done for you.”
“I think I pulled my spine and may never walk again.”
“It might be time for me to grow up.”
“Your lack of social decorum saved the holiday.”
“I totally relate to him, the sensitive jock who eats clean and journals hard.”
“You didn’t feel any connection to the vain yoga instructor?”
“I promise this time I’m not gonna oversleep and miss it.”
“I don’t understand why she keeps popping up all over the place.”
“She banged her best friend’s boyfriend in the bathroom of that half-priced sushi place.”
“The answer’s clear now that I’m talking out loud.”
“You’re fooling yourself.”
“I don’t care how I got invited. The point is, I got invited.”
“You are just setting yourself up for another one of your disasters.”
“Those were unfortunate but random occurrences.”
“If the same bad things keep happening over and over, there is a reason for it, and in your case it’s denial.”
“This is why everything you do backfires on you.”
“You may be fine continuing on this way, but I can’t take it anymore.”
“Someday, I hope to become sentient.”
“I always like to start my beach trip with a live sex show.”
“I’ve always thought you deserve to be happy.”
“This day has been a nightmare.”
“If you people don’t eat this, I’m gonna kill myself.”
“I think I saw inside of her.”
“There’s only one reason she did that.”
“I don’t think you understand the female reproductive system.”
“I wasn’t doing this for a guy.”
“Why does she get a pass for every crazy thing she does?”
“That’s a weird way to phrase it.”
“He can’t tell me who to hook up with. I’m a grown-ass man.”
“I don’t bring my baggage with me to every date.”
“Underneath that laid back attitude, he’s really controlling and bossy.”
“I’m tapped out with the lying and the denial.”
“I’m gonna drink this last craft beer, even though it tastes like thick, soapy shampoo.”
“You don’t need a palate to drink beer.”
“We are always listening to your horrible music.”
“Just stop freaking talking about her.”
“He’s a sarcastic dick all the time, and still hasn’t grown up.”
“A part of me was hoping I was wrong.”
“I made the decision that I had to be where the happiness was.”
“The point is, it was the best decision I ever made.”
“Do you understand why I haven’t been completely forthcoming?”
“I don’t think you’re crazy at all.”
“He found out that I’ve been lying, but instead of turning his back on me, he just opened up more.”
“He was so warm and kind and understanding.”
“You can nap in the car.”
“Don’t ever lie to me again.”
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