[some-pers0n]

TWO FACTOR AUTHORIZATION

light thats not how the book works

MICROSOFT TEAMS

[toskarin]

last night, I had a cartoonishly primal dream. I was just tracking motion, following a small animal around with my eyes for a few hours, and then suddenly dilated pupil big cat eyes flash in my face and I woke up in a panic. why the fuck would it do that. you know that's what wakes you up! that's like the one hard wired thing!

[toskarin]

next time I see a dog kicking its legs in its sleep I'm gonna think about how it's fully possible we've shared the rough outline of a dream now

[disgustinggf]

[anchovy]

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

[anchovy]

I’m so fucked

[disquiet-dream]

crazy how kusanagi motoko is literally just the coolest woman ever made and hasn't been beat

like, i've only seen the first GitS movie and (right now) the new show (that i know is closer to the manga), and she's pretty different between those. but either way she's still The Coolest Woman Ever.

[the-wolf-emoji]

Counterpoint: Ryougi Shiki

[captain-price-returns]

[queer-as-city-folk]

That bitch is like dead dead isn't he...

[eattheschoolboy]

[weaver-z]

It's hilarious to me that Al Capone was an amazing tipper. I get why it took so long to catch him.

[weaver-z]

Me and the other caddies watching Al Capone beat a guy to death with a golf club after he gave each of us the 2022 equivalent of $1600

[jibunbosh]

refers to my alter as a tulpa for post clout the same way trans girls gotta call themselves femboys for sex work

[jibunbosh]

really bad post

[jibunbosh]

sorry

[jibunbosh]

genuine answer: No, like, emphatically, resoundingly, I cannot stress this enough, no

[rabbit-inwonderland]

really really good bait post that i wanna have on my blog

[dogpuppy]

[shortcircuit908]

then it's worthless to me

[flareonfloof]

you best be talking about GTA, girl, otherwise we need to have some words

[shortcircuit908]

i've been gaming on my trusty antikythera mechanism for years and you can pry it out of my cold dead hands

[crowns-of-violets-and-roses]

This is literally misinfo:

[shimejimee]

🍺🚬.

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[kilncreatures]

being a fox party at the mossy wood at 10 dont be late

[neurodecadence]

In the new touhou game Reimu gets long covid

[midnightssea]

Why do I kind of want them to. They have the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

[best-bird-tournament]

I get a lot of asks complaining about people blindly choosing the most colorful bird. My inbox is like if birds had the internet and the less colorful males started an incel message board.