Jeffrey Max Knoblock

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Rate my camera work. (not my singing) (at Lake Fenton, Michigan) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqMCnOpHanG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=m20vs8es4q4m

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I run into dogs

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Just horsing around €€ $$ #memes #horses (hier: Michigan State University)

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Name that body part #javelin (hier: Michigan State University)

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Good footwork drill by @nick_kramer44 (hier: Michigan State University)

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•Recommend a song to #remix •Get a free download in my bio •Stay #thirsty (at Michigan State University)

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Fearception

You have goals that you really rEalLY REALLY want to achieve but you just can’t get up off the couch to work towards them. What do you do?

Simply, you go outside and scream. Don’t even scream up at the sky. Scream bloody murder at the ground. I mean the actual phrase, ‘bloody murder’. But nonetheless scream as loud as you can.

If you attempted this. You probably failed and sulked back inside. You probably didn’t put on shoes and now your feet are covered in schmutz. If you put on shoes, you’re regretting it because you have to take them off now. Whether or not you’re wearing socks in an entirely separate rant.

But what stopped you from screaming at the ground is the same thing that is stopping you from achieving your goals: You’re afraid. But you’re not even afraid of what people will think of you; you’re afraid that you’ll get up off the floor and not do what you need to do because you’re afraid of what people will think of you. 

It’s Fearception, written by ChristoFear Nolan.

That’s all I have to say. Don’t take this advice because someone will call the cops.

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Steve Martin is My Dad [Script]

~Steve Martin is My Dad-Episode 01-The Incitement~

Open Scening scene is Steve Martin looking through a one sided mirror at a bunch of little steve martin looking kids in a large room. Main character is Stove, who’s point of view is the narrative.

Steve: My god. Look at them all.

Steve grabs his banjo and opens up a door that looks over all of them.

Steve: I knew they’d come in handy.

Steve begins to play his banjo and hollering vocals as the children begin to cringe and clamp their ears. Steve abruptly stops.

Steve: HEY! Listen to me!!!

Steve begins playing again, this time with more emotion. The children still try to block their ears. Stoven looks around at the other children and stops recoiling in fright and discomfort.

Stove: Hey Steve Martin! Let us free already. And for the last time, you’re not our dad!!

Steve stops and gives a crazed look to Stoven.

Steve: That’s impossible. All of your names sound like mine and I remember having sex with lots of girls your-age years ago. You’re all my property!

Steve backs into the darkness and shuts the door.

Stove:[to all the other kids] Guys we gotta get the hell outta here. Steve Martin has gone insane and I don’t think he plans on letting us go alive.

Styve: Ya, I think you’re right. Steve Martin has gone off the deep end.

Stahve: What do we do?

Stoven: Next time he comes out here, we gotta somehow get him on the ground so we can get his keys and get out of here.

Stuven: What do we do with Steve Martin?

Stoven: To hell with him. We’ll tear him to shreds. With all of us together, all 26 of his illegitimate children who’s names are all slightly altered versions of the name Steve, against one Steve Martin, we’ll take care of him in no time. Him and his shitty banjo too.

Suddenly the door opens back up and steve martin it’s Steve Martin.

Steve: My banjo is not shitty. It’s a reminiscence of America’s past time. You just don’t appreciate it because you’re all a bunch of half-wit, uncultured...

Steve Martin is cut off but a flying Stiv, who launches himself teeth first at Steve Martin

Steve: You mongrel!

Steve Strikes Stiv out of the air with his banjo, making a banjo noise and flinging Stiv across the room.

Steve: Now you colluding bastards have done it. I was planning on waiting longer to test my new creation on you all, but you’ve earned yourselves a sneak peek at my new game I created!

Steve slams the door and pulls giant switch that causes the floor to disappear and the all of Steve’s children fall into the darkness.

~End Episode 01~

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~Steve Martin is My Dad-Episode 02-The Turning of Tables~

Episode will begin with a quick recap of the last episode. Scene opens with Stove’s eyes opening to reveal that he’s in a shallow, rectangular well. He looks up and sees mostly clear skies. He looks down and sees a small, satellite television displaying Steve Martin slowly but diligently playing the banjo over his crossed knee.

Steve: Now that you’re all awake, I think it’s time to start the game

There’s a loud bang and Stove loses his footing. The room is rising. On the television screen, Steve Martin sets his banjo down and starts juggling oranges. The room reaches the top of the well and a grass landscape appears. In the middle, is a giant, metal, plucked chicken with Steve Martin’s head and a load of loot coming out of the rear of the chicken like stuffing.

Steve:[voice now chorused among the 26 satellite televisions] I bet you’re all wondering what you’re doing here. Why did I, Steve Martin, master of comedy, drama and music[he tickles a curt lick on his banjo] gather all of my illegitimate children just to play a game. Maybe I’m just insane. Or maybe I just wanted to catch up on a some father-son bonding. Or maybe…

The Steve Martin head on the Chicken cocks upward and Steve Martin, fully donned in safari gear and a remote in his hand, rises out of the its mouth like a snake regurgitating a baby dear.

Steve: Or maybe!..

Steve Martin is cut off again by a flying Styv, mouth agape, enroute to latch into Steve Martin’s head. Steve yells and ducks so fast his hat remains in the air to be chomped by Styv. His remote falls onto the back of the chicken.

Steve: God dammit again you fucker!

Styv lands and swallows the hat and lets out a soft growl. The entire pack of Steve Martin’s Illegitimate children rush the metal chicken in the center of the field, hellbent on murdering Steve Martin.

Stoven: Get the remote!

The children hoist each other up onto the chicken like ants and some are opening the loot inside the chicken which turns out to be weapons and food. Steve Martin jumps off the chicken head and onto the chicken back to get the remote, which seemingly controls the chicken head throat panel which Steve Martin arrived on. He needs to get the remote and get back in his mouth to escape. He grabs his remote and jumps back into his mouth but is grabs by a tangle of arms. The children are now using the weapons he left in the chicken butt and are throwing spears and hatchets at him. He squirms out of the children’s grasps and jumps into his mouth only for the remote to be destroyed by a thrown hammer just before he hits the button.

Steve: Fuck this shit!

Steve jumps off the chicken and runs into the woods being followed only by Styv. The rest of the children settle down and gather around the loot.

Stove: Why did he bring us all here?

Stlve: I don’t know. Why did he leave all of these weapons

Stove: Maybe he expected us all to fight each other or something?

Stave: Why would we do that?

Stove: I don’t know. Maybe he was only going to let the strongest, most fit Steve Martin

Child free after he defeated all of his other children.

Sterve[who’s wearing glasses so he’s smart]: That makes sense! He would be simultaneously be reducing his childcare bill and finding the most worthy child to pass on his legacy.

Stefe: But...but that’s evil!

Stove: But he’s Steve Martin. Arguably the most beloved SNL host of all time. He can do whatever he wants.

[concurring murmurs]

Stove: Anyway, we gotta get out of here.

Sterve: Chances are, he made a break towards the exit of this place. So if we wanna get out of here alive, we should follow his tracks.

There is mass agreement and the Steve Martin’s children all gather the valuables from the loot and head in Steve Martin’s direction. But there are a few children who straggle behind, depredating in a small circle behind the Steve Martin chicken. The leader of the small group Schteve, a tall, a handsome, very Steve Martinesque boy, contemptuously looks at the other boys.

~End Episode 02~

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~Steve Martin is My Dad-Episode 03-Schism~

Episode will begin with a quick recap of the last episodes. Scene opens with Steve Martin in a tree. He is hiding from Styv. From the trees, styv can be seen lurking in the low foliage.

Steve Martin:[Whisper] Why did I do this to myself?

Styv growls sniffs then leers into the canopy. Steve Martin has been spotted.

Steve:[still whispering] Oh fuck face shit mouth he saw me. Oh well, he can’t possibly reach me from here.

Steve looks down and Styv is peering up at the base of the tree with dead eyes and bared, squared teeth.

Steve: This is, like, the most dangerous game in the world. Fuck.

Scene cuts to Stove and the rest of the group.

Stove: C’mon guys, quick lagging behind! We’ll lose his trail!

Schteve:[In the back of the group] Hey why should we listen to you?

A wide shot of the entire group shows the back half of the group slowly break apart from the front. Stove turns around and tromps through the crowd, who have all turned around and are face to face with the other group. Stoven and Schteven are face to face in the midway of the schism.

Stove: Because I’m the one who’s got a plan to get us out of here.

Schteve: Well, what if we don’t wanna follow your plan?

Stove:What? Do you and all your cronies wanna die in this jungle?

Schteve: Maybe, or maybe we just think that there’s an easier way to get out.

Stove: Oh really? Then do share, big tough guy. Since you’re so big and cute and tough. You know, I bet Steve Martin would just love for you to pass on his legacy since you’re so tall and… wait a second

Schteve: Ya, maybe he would want me to survive. We all think that we should just play the game by the rules. And finish this game like Steve Martin meant it to be played!

Sterve: Wait a minute, we don’t even know if that’s the real reason why we’re all here.

Schteve:[stepping up to Sterve] You mean to tell me that Steve Martin, master of comedy, music and all that is entertainment, would gather all of us for no reason other than for the hell of it?

Stove: Umm ya. Did you see how crazy that fucker was? He made us listen to him play the banjo for hours! He would dress up an amalgam of the Avengers characters and pray to a sage bush and pretend to receive messages from god telling him what to do with us. That man has lost is shit. Cheaper by the Dozen? More like Crazy as fuck by the Hundred

Schteven: I’m not buying that. Hey, He was about to tell us something right before Styv bit his hat off. He was going to tell us that there will be one victor. And that victor[Schteve reaches into his bodice] is going to be one of us!

Schteve thrusts a twisted blade at Stove and barely misses. Stove swings a fist into Schteve’s face, knocking him and the boldness of Schteve’s gang back a few feet.

Schteve: this isn’t over, yet. I’ll be the one true son of Steve Martin. You’ll see.

Suddenly, a shriek comes from the woods. It’s steve martin, covered in small wounds and tooth marks and topped off with Styv dangling from his shoulder. Steve Martin grabs styv by the legs and rips him off of his shoulder with a blood curdling scream and throws him into a tree. Both Steve Martin’s children parties see Steve Martin and know what must  happen next.

Stove: Get him! We need him to tell us the way out of here!

Schteven: No! Don’t let them catch Steve Martin! Then we won’t know who the true best child will be!

Steve Martin shrieks when Schteven’s group surrounds him but is surprised when they turn around to protect him.

Steve: Ahh yes.. My... umm... plan is working!

The two groups stand still in battle position but now moving an inch.

Stoven: It’s no use. Let’s retreat for now. We need to gather ourselves. Then we’ll come back to kill Steve Martin.

Steve Martin: Try as you like, my child. But I’m Steve Martin, irrevocably SNL’s most celebrated host. And these are my jungles. You can’t touch me here.

Stoven: You say that now. Just wait.

Stoven’s gang backs into the woods.

Steve Martin: I’m Steve mother fuckin Martin, baby!!!

~End Episode 03~

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~Steve Martin is My Dad-Episode 04-Truth and Lies~

Episode begins with a quick recap of the last episodes. Scene opens up a campfire with Stoven tending a campfire with other children sleeping around him. Sterven sits down next to him.

Sterven: So why do you think we’re all here?

Stoven: You’re the one with the glasses. You’ve a better chance of figuring that out than me.

They laugh.

Stoven: But I haven’t the slightest idea. You’ve seen how insane he is.

Sterven: I know. But I still can’t imagine him doing this without any reason at all. I mean, Steve Martin; trailblazer of stand up and written comedy, doing something like this with no reason at all? It just doesn’t make sense.

Stoven:I was thinking. What is Schteven was right? What is we are here to see who’s the most fit heir to the Martin legacy?It would make sense. But why would he do it this way?

Sterven: What if there’s no other way? Think about it. He already captured us all and he’s not going to let us all go. That would be suicide. He has to take care of the evidence. But he doesn’t want us all dead. So he does this.

Stoven: I see.

Sterven: So I was thinking...Maybe we should, you know...get ahead in the game.

The two look around at all of the other sleeping children. Stoven looks back at Sterven with umbrage.

Stoven: How dare you even consider that! We are all leaving this forest as alive as were entered it and I am not killing anyone just to prove myself to some comedian nut job.

Sterven looks away in shame.

Scene cuts to the other group who are with Steve Martin, also around a fire.

Steve Martin: Hello, all. I see you have made the right choice and chosen my side. For that, I commiserate you!

Steve Martin raises a glass and everyone cheers.

Steve Martin: Now I bet you are all wondering why you are all here. Well, the truth is that I have brought you all here so that you can fulfill one deed.

Schteven: What is it? To prove our worth to you, right? So we can extend your legacy!

Steve Martin: HA! Nooo, silly boy. I have brought you here because I’m rich and I can! And there’s no way to escape! Haha. We’re on an island in the middle of the Pacific and no one can help any of us here!

The campfire goes silent. Everyone stares at Steve Martin. Everyone slowly draws their weapon and Steve Martin’s smile goes away.

~End Chapter 04~

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Thanks for reading. Any advise/critique is welcome/

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The Booty, an essay

When a man sees a booty, or anybody who fancies the booty sees the booty, his brain becomes the site of three rivers converging. One river of raw gestaltism, one river of gestalt perception and one river of hypothalami-tical interpretation. The state of mind of the observer will affect the ultimate destination of the rivers which will then tell us which of the three are tributaries and which one is the main river.

The river of raw perception is the one that sees the booty as the rendezvous of legs and abdomen. This river floats boats filled with people saying, "Hey this is a group of shapes and theses are things in a body that have thickness and density and whatsonot.” This river has high tide around times of soberness and reason.

The river of gestalt perception is the river that has lots of birds in it. These birds have a beautiful mating call that sounds uncannily like, “What I see has a name and that name is ‘booty’. The booty now becomes an idea and it poops and we know it. This state occurs when the moon looks like there is a picture of a guy that is doing charades and he drew a little slip from a hat that says, “SCHEMATISIZE” and has a picture of a man that could pass as Jewish. I really do hope that makes sense to you.

The third river is the most interesting. I’m tired of metaphors and analogies so I’m just gonna tell you. This is when you see a booty and you feel that it is more than idea because it taps into our monkey genes that make us want to do the dur-D with the boo-D and recreate. This certain reaction comes from a part in our brains that does it’s own thing. You can try to invite this part of your brain to a function, but he’ll already have plans and even if he did go, he would’nt hang out with you. He does his own thing. He does his job when your higher reasoning skills don’t.

So look out for the third river. Don’t tap those monkey genes or else you’ll have to wear them. 

As I always say: You can’t choose your genes, but Yukan chews your jeans. 

Yucan is my friend’s dog

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Ayy Follow me on Soundcloud

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The Origin of Rum Rum Tru Luv

As a child, Rum Rum Tru Luv journeyed the realm with his Aasimar tribe as they traveled door to door to spread the word of Sune, goddess of love and beauty. Rum Rum was born unfortunately homely and grew up to be especially ugly so his social rank was very low in the tribe. This led to him being bullied by the cuter and more lovely kids, but Rum Rum kept his faith in hopes that Sune would one day grant him the one things he desired most: eternal beauty.

One day, his tribe members agreed to hold a ceremony to grant him great beauty, as they thought he deserved it for being so devout. Everything was set up for Rum Rum to become just as beautiful as the rest of the tribesmen but something went horribly wrong. Rum Rum was rejected by Sune and the ceremony spell backfired and made the entire tribe ugly as fuck. The reason for his rejection was because Rum Rum was not a virgin.. Although he lacked in physical allure, his words got him the tail. Anyway, the entire tribe was cursed to be ugly so they captured Rum Rum and planned to sacrifice him to command z the entire fiasco. On the night of the sacrifice, the Sune worshipers were attacked by Orcs and slaughtered. Rum Rum was the only survivor because the orcs mistook him for one of their own. Because he was so ugly.

For some years after that event, Rum Rum lived among the Orcs where he was regarded as quite beautiful. Here, he learned the ways of seducing the lower races. Saying that he got around would be an understatement.

A few years back, Rum Rum left the orc tribe and now travels the realm with a vendetta to have sex with every single species in middle earth so that he can petition Sune for eternal beauty.

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#arianagrande 's Into You #live #remix. What are some other good songs to mess around with? (at Ann Arbor, Michigan)

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Eating Shit and Liking It

The time has come where I need to find what am good at and quadruple down on it. I’m pretty good at a lot of things and it’s always been that way but I’ve never been amazing at one particular thing. Actually, I was a prodigal drawer when I was 5 but upon entering preschool my brain decided, “hey maybe I need to be good at something other than drawing.” And then I lost my creative ability and learned how to communicate with words and such. Although, my brain couldn’t fully get rid of it. I am still an above average drawer and, in turn, I have trouble keeping track of numbers and I lack the urge to assimilate in some social situations. But I find these traits advantageous when I owe someone money are when I am being coaxed into drinking some kool-aide. The point is that I’m not particularly good any anything but I am kinda good at a lot of things. And I think it sucks.

Imagine that everyone is a tree on a river bank and the water is success and happiness. Some are closer to the river so it’s easier for them to put a root in the river if they work hard enough. Others are farther away and need to work harder. If I were a tree on that riverbank, I think that I would have many roots that all stop just a the edge of the water. I have so many things that I enjoy doing and am good at (and could be great if I committed to it), but something stops me from furthering my growth and committing to a single root. I am afraid to make the sacrifices. I’m afraid of regret. “Maybe I should have just followed the script like everyone else.” “Why did you do what everyone else was doing when you are a different person with different goals and motivations?” These are some questions that I imagine I would ask myself in my later life.

But why am I so afraid of regret? If I have a passion and I follow it, what would I ever regret about that? Well, what if what I think is my passion actually isn’t? What I’ve learned from being a somewhat adult is that nothing in life is ever as smooth and enjoyable as it seems. I’ve been taught that you can’t be rich and happy at the same time. You can’t explore the world while you’re young and have health insurance. You can’t fully express how you feel to someone without them misunderstanding you. Behind every ideal is a catch 22 that I won’t know about until it’s too late. To bring the root idea back into things, each root is like one of those flavor straws and you don’t really know how the success is going to taste until you’ve abandoned all other options and commit to one. You just have to hope that the one you chose fits your taste. But maybe they all suck. Maybe there’s no such thing as a delicious flavor straw and the distaste is the consequence of being successful. But I know that’s not true.

I think that it’s possible to be successful at something that you genuinely enjoy doing. I’m almost positive that people have been successful at achieving success while still loving every moment of it. When you love doing something, you consciously and subconsciously embellish all of the shitty things that you have to do in order to maintain that activity. If you were given 50 thousand dollars every month but had to eat a turd before you got it, that turd would start tasting pretty good. The same thing goes for the long hours and the anxiety that comes with following your dreams. I think that if you have the passion and you follow it, you become a masochist. You willingly give up the life of comfort and take on the life of intrinsic fullfillment and turd eating but that turd is gonna taste good because you’re gonna make it. 

So I guess the main take away from this post is that if you want to follow a passion, you’re gonna have to eat shit and you’re gonna like it.

Sincerely,

JMK

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Follow @johnpiatek for more of his guitar stuff - - - #edm #remix #guitar #futurebass #bloco #blocop #tagsomeone #maschine #music #popular #good #max #knoblock #piatek #dj (at University of Michigan)

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If this vid gets 50 comments, I'll post a full version online for free. Tag your friends, like and share~~~~~My #remix of the #thundercats #themesong on my #maschine #edm #music #cool #tagafriend #tagsomeone #party #wild #cats #kitties #meow (at Spider Lake)

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Tag someone who can't keep their d*ck in their pants. - - - #xxxtentacion #justinbieber #maschine #remix #ultrafloe #edm #music #lookatme (at University of Michigan)

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Thanks @Ethan_pilarski for the request to #remix Crash Into Me by #DaveMathewsBand. CHECK MY STORY. #maschine #music #edm (at University of Michigan)