may linh garner

Deputy Assistant to the Vice President and Director of Advance. 37. Democrat. Pawn. (Secondary Account)

[dailypaddys]

[yesterdaysprint]

Star Tribune, Minneapolis, Minnesota, November 16, 1915

[maygarner]

nelliott:

Nick cracked a smile, the touch of May’s hand more welcome than expected. It was out of character to speak in the way he was doing, especially to someone he wasn’t that close with, but it felt like a welcome release. She was trustworthy enough and knew too little of his life to read between the lines in the way that someone like Natalie could have. It was only when he actually looked at her and noted the fact that her expression had dropped that he realized that maybe speaking was misguided. Still, it was too late to turn back; admitting there was an issue in the first place was a move so strange for Nick that were he to stay quiet, it would likely ring more warning bells than a real explanation.

“Bless you Nah, it’s,” he pauses, searching for the right word, one that doesn’t come, before he decides to go with, “not that interesting. We don’t have to talk or owt. Fuck knows you didn’t come here to be bored by us being a little pussy.” Nick takes another moment to think, deciding between the truth and a lie before coming out with the truth. “I’ve been feeling lonely, that’s all. Went back to England and saw my family for New Year’s and it was fucking lovely then I came back here to just my dog. Everyone around me is all coupled up, having babies and that, and it’s making me depressed. I don’t even want a fucking baby but the fucking joy it brings into people’s lives makes me wish that I did.” A bitter laugh leaves his lips. He takes a moment then to really look at May, a woman who lost her husband, and instantly regrets his decision to speak truthfully and attempts a slight backtrack - both for himself but also for her. “It’s stupid. I’m just being dramatic, I know I am like - especially by whining about it to you, considering the shite you’ve gone through - but I dunno. It’s pathetic really. My mind just keeps going to the topic at inappropriate times and I haven’t had the chance to say it to anyone yet so I guess I’m telling you now. Sorry if I’m being insensitive.”

When he began, she tucked her hands flat in the space between her pillow and her cheek. May watched his face as she listened, dropping her eyes to his chest when she felt his gaze about to meet her own. All of it made sense, of course. It felt honest, and real, and that was the precisely the problem. Nothing resembling this level of intimacy existed between them. She tucked several threads of dark hair back behind her ear, an effort to keep her hands busy he spoke. They were lying inches from each other, only a blanket over their naked bodies. When he laughed, the sound made her press her lips together. After, the silence of his eyes on her made her feel even more naked than she already was.

Even so, she’d offered to listen, and she could keep a promise. May shifted onto her elbow, an effort to make herself more comfortable, as if that could somehow make the conversation feel a little less raw. "No, no, you’re not being insensitive at all,” she said, shaking her head, just enough to loosen her hair from behind her ear. “And it’s not stupid, really. Thanks for telling me, actually, I-- I know it’s hard to talk about this stuff, trust me. So, I’m sorry,” she said, and looked at his face again, frowning in the space between her words. “I can understand that, definitely. It can be nice, y’know-- it can be nice to be alone, but...yeah, sometimes-- yeah, it’s really hard. Maybe you can try to--I don’t know--go on Tinder more, maybe. I’m sure you’re gonna meet someone, though, it’s just...it’s just taking time, I guess.”

[maygarner]

Turn It Around | May & Julian

[maygarner]

julianberkeley:

Not hers, she says, as though that’s relevant. Perhaps it was May’s own face that had driven him to a place where he could no longer trust a word out of her mouth, be it political or not, or perhaps it was the annoyance from being pulled away from his family that clouded Julian’s judgement now. But the biggest lie was that said guilt even played a role in his decision; as if it his mind wasn’t made up from the start. 

But even if Julian could lie to her, he couldn’t lie to himself. The act of her asking, of this power he held tight, was blinding. 

“I do,” he says, but the deliverance offers no indication of a yes to the help. If Julian’s expression was anything to go by, he was on the side of the law– and not hers. “But this isn’t something I can help with. Heroin is another fucking level, May. I can’t just tell them to let her go.” Of course, he can. It’s just that he won’t. “If it gets out that I did that? Me and everyone in this office,” — the office which was empty now on the after-hours, but buzzling every other time — “will get a shit storm from it. Which includes you.”

“Get her a lawyer,” Julian offers, an order much more than a suggestion. “Your pay is high enough that you can afford a good one.”

He said I do, but she heard I will, and let herself exhale. When her lips parted, it wasn’t surprise that moved them, but something that felt more like relief. She was oblivious to his tone, and to his expression, and to the way he dropped the words in front of her like a set of facts. If this was relief, it didn’t last. There was always a but. 

Even now, blinded with worry, some part of her knew that he couldn’t do what she’d asked. It was true, all of it, but what came out of Julian’s mouth next still sounded more like an excuse than an explanation. May recoiled at his harshness, as if she meant nothing, as if she never had. As if he hadn’t asked her something much bigger than this, once.

"Come on,” she said, face transparent in its frustration. May had already left messages with every lawyer saved in her phone, and if ten years of immigration work had taught her anything, it was that the system had been rigged against people like her mother from the start. Her hands landed on her hips, forming two triangles on either side of her waist. It was all she could do to keep herself from digging her fingernails into the top of the leather chair in front of her.  She’d never learned to let things go. She couldn’t do it now, either.

“Of course. I already spoke to a few lawyers this morning. But this is tough, I mean, most of my contacts are out West, and we both know the whole system is fucked,” she said, lifting off her hip with one hand to point at the wall beside them, as if something there could take the blame. May shook her head through the pause, searching his face for some sign of softening. “She’s scared, and she did nothing wrong. Please, Julian, no one’s gonna find out. She left Vietnam when she was seventeen...I-- her whole life is here..” 

[maygarner]

aaronhaloua:

“You need a pick me up?” Aaron said sympathetically as he held up the second cup of coffee in his hand. “They gave me an extra by mistake. Looks like you need it. It’s black though–don’t know if you mind.” 

"Oh--” she said, looking up at Aaron from where she was seated at her desk, his voice pulling her out from a spiral of focus. Her fingertips stayed tucked between the corners of a set of papers, pad of her thumb still wet where she’d licked it to find the edge. “Yes--please, oh my God, you’re a lifesaver,” May said, lifting herself halfway up to reach for it, tops of her thighs pressed against her desk. She motioned towards the chair opposite her own and brought the cup to her lips. The smile on her face was short-lasting as the coffee’s bitterness washed over her tongue. “Mm -- oh, it’s strong,” she said, bridge of her nose wrinkled, and set the cup down on her desk. “Surprised you didn’t drink them both, now that the vote’s finally happening -- can you believe it?”

[lovebouquetdeer-blog]

Visit Original Link

And all new life must be born from the ashes But I’m more than willing To start again, to start again, to start again

[maygarner]

@quicovidal

[yeahmaggieq]

x

[maygarner]

nelliott:

“No. Don’t leave,” the words come out a little too quickly, before Nick even has time to register them in his mind. It isn’t so much that he wants her there, more that he wants someone, and admitting that (even to himself) is fucking embarrassing. He forces a smile, a shake of the head offered by way of reply, before he presses his lips against hers in a brief kiss. A gesture intended to validate his earlier point. He remains close after that, silent but with his hand still resting against her body. Another moment passes in which he gauges her reaction before speaking again. “I’m fine. Just stay the night, yeah? I mean take off if you’d like to but it would be nice if you stuck around a bit longer. It’s just that I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Thought having you around might keep my mind off it a bit and it was doing that before but doesn’t seem like it’s working out that way now. Sorry if I’m being a cunt or owt.”

In the half second it took for Nick to find her mouth, she was still. May watched the smile drop from his lips as he leaned forward to close the distance between their faces. It lasted a moment, but the warmth was there even as he pulled away, right where their breath met in the middle. “Alright,” she said, and when she smiled, it came out small. May half-expected him to move forward and kiss her a second time, heavier and hungrier, rolling his body onto hers to press their flesh together. She moved her palm to his chest then, a firm, gentle pressure that slid over his skin. May scooted an inch closer as he started speaking -- just stay the night, yeah? -- offering her response in the form of a sound: mhm. 

The mood shifted as he continued, warmth dropping off her lips with every second he wasn’t kissing them. Her hand lifted off his chest, and she drew her eyebrows together, looking up at him from the pillow.  “No, no, you’re fine. I can stay. If, uh...” she paused, unsure of what she could say here in his bed, where they were friends who lay together naked, and nothing more. “If you want to talk about it, I’m right here. I know that’s not really our thing, but...” she shrugged her shoulder, and continued, “I’m just saying, I’ll listen.”

[maygarner]

for julian!

1. We’re Going to Hell - Cursive

you say it’s not so hard / “just let your conscience go” / you’re flashing me that politician’s grin / you got your image squeaky clean / you’ve such a fetching smile / but my what sharp teeth / we’re going to hell, we’re going to hell

2.Tessellate - Alt-J

bite chunks out of me / you’re a shark and I’m swimming / my heart still thumps as I bleed / and all your friends come sniffing

3. Who Are You, Really? - Mikky Ekko

who, who are you really? / and where, where are you going? / I’ve got nothing left to prove / ‘cause I’ve got nothing left to lose / see me bare my teeth for you / who, who are you?

4. Free - Broods

I push it away, I’m trying to move / hoping for more, and wishing for less / when I didn’t care was when I did best / I’m desperate to run, I’m desperate to leave / if I lose it all, at least I’ll be free

5. Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks (um…. don’t @ me….)

right away mary anne flew in from atlanta / on a red eye midnight flight / she held wanda’s hand and they worked out a plan / and it didn’t take them long to decide / that earl had to die

[maygarner]

mix tape 😘

1. I Wish I Knew - Sharon Van Etten

I wish you'd understand / I wish that I could know / the truth is I have no idea / I wish we could just run around / and only worry about right now

2. Too Afraid to Love You - The Black Keys

my gears they grind / more each day / and I feel like / they're gonna grind away / I just don't know what to do / I'm too afraid to love you 

3. River - Leon Bridges

been travelling these wide roads for so long / my heart's been far from you / 10,000 miles gone / oh, I wanna come near and give you / every part of me / but there is blood on my hands / and my lips are unclean

4. Paper Bag - Fiona Apple

hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills / ‘cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up / I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold / hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

5. Hope There’s Someone - Antony and the Johnsons

there's a man on the horizon / wish that I'd go to bed / if I fall to his feet tonight / will I rest my head? / so here's hoping I will not drown / or paralyze in light

[maygarner]

nick

1. Company - Tinashe

I don’t need the lovin’ / so don’t make this something, see / I'm nothing like a girlfriend / I'm not like someone I'm supposed to be / and I just want some company, company 

2. Sex with Me - Rihanna

you know I'm saucy / and it's always wet, a bitch never ever had to use lip gloss on it / I'mma need you deeper than six, it's not a coffin / we're not making love, tryna get nasty

3. Blow - Beyonce 

keep me humming, keep me moaning / don't stop loving 'til the morning, don't stop loving 'til the morning / don't stop screaming, freaking, blowing

4. Selfish - Future ft. Rihanna

oh, let's not be alone / empty thoughts fill the room / breathe for me and I'll breathe for you / let's be selfish, selfish, baby / tonight

5. Toothbrush - DNCE (don’t @ me)

baby, you don't have to rush / you can leave a toothbrush / at my place, at my place /no need to question next time we meet / I know you’re coming home with me, home with me

[justrpmemesandmusings]

send “mix tape” for my muse to make a list of 5 songs that they think explain how they feel for your muse

[maygarner]

Turn It Around | May & Julian

[maygarner]

julianberkeley:

Two-year olds didn’t understand much about the world, but certain things had become clear by now in their bright little minds. How villains are bad, dresses and tiaras are meant for princesses, and on Sundays daddy’s off work. 

Which made it that much harder to explain his absence. That goodbye pained him, even if it was only for a while. He’d come back, same day, fast as lightning; but it didn’t change the fact that he’d been gone to begin with. 

This better be good, his thoughts would scream at each instance of this. Every damned time he was pulled away from Number One, where more important things – like discussing first names that go with the middle George, and Camilla’s discovery of the word special – took place. Except this time he knew it wouldn’t be. Good, that is.

May herself didn’t quite matter anymore– she was not on his side, Julian was sure, as he could smell her hesitance like a beast does fear. So why then, was he the hero she seeked for help?

Last time you did this, you couldn’t handle how it ended.

“Hi,” Julian echoes at the sight of her. Even his curiosity had subdued. “No need,” he waves her words irrelevant, shaking his head. “Just tell me what happened and what you expect me to do about it.” 

May had barely made it three steps into his office before she’d stopped, breath caught in her throat. She watched him from across the room, a small space wedging itself between her lips as she listened. If his voice lacked its normal familiarity, May was too tightly coiled to notice. After he finished speaking, the silence lingered longer than it should have. She nodded, brain moving on a time delay. Her legs took a second to catch up as she propelled herself forward, narrowing the distance between her and Julian.

“There was a drug bust where my mom works. Heroin, I think,” she said, stopping behind one of the chairs pointed at his desk, palms flat where the seam folded on itself at the top. “Not hers,” she added, quickly. May could offer little in the way of concrete details, but that much was a fact. Even if the police said otherwise, even if ICE said otherwise, even if Julian would say otherwise, May knew the truth. It was as plain to her as her own name. “She’s got a green card but... they could deport her for this. Possession... being a drug user.... some bullshit like that.” Her voice was low, but she felt it burn hot as the words slipped out. 

“Julian...” she started, like a warm-up, like she didn’t know what else to say. Meeting her at the office on a Sunday afternoon was a favor in and of itself, she knew. But there was more. She needed something much bigger than that. “She’s in a detention facility. In Jersey. Do you know anyone over there? In ICE, I mean. Can you... make a call, or something?” 

[spookystudentmusicx]

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[maygarner]

nelliott:

“Aye so better than when I was there?” He’s joking, obviously, but his tone is still delicate enough to avoid shifting the mood of the conversation. It’s not that Nick cares too much for pillow talk, it seemed to be more May’s thing than his (especially tonight), but rather that disrupting it now felt far too inappropriate. So, restless as he feels, he tries to relax into it and finds himself almost succeeding until he’s pulled from any state close to relaxation by the mention of Julian’s name. The topic of her boss was fine, encouraged even, in the abstract but the very mention of who it was, beyond the title, hit closer to home than expected.

Nick offers a smile, realizing that he’s been silent a little longer than is acceptable without being paired with an excuse, before asking: “something big happening now, like, or just because he’s the Veep?” 

May shifted off her elbow and back down to the pillow, corner of her smile obscured as her face sunk into its fabric. One hand remained on his wrist as the other curled between her cheek and the pillowcase, propping her up slightly. Instead of speaking then, she listened to the sound of their breath, waiting for him to break the quiet. Her eyes moved down to his chest in the silence. It lasted longer than it should have.  When he eventually spoke, May angled her face towards his. “Just the vote for the bill next month,” she said. There was more small talk she could've made, but instead, she paused. “Are you sure you’re good?” Another breath, and she blinked, trying to gauge his reaction from where she had sunk into the pillow. “We don’t have to do this. I can...leave. If you want me to.” It would take her five minutes to get dressed and call an Uber. Nothing bound them to the bed other than familiarity.

[maygarner]

quicovidal:

On the table, Quico held his glass with both hands, the way his father had always told him not to (like a child, como una copita sippy), elbows bent and angled out like airplane wings with rolled-up sleeves. The ice in his drink was small and shapeless by now, his old-fashioned looking orange in the light, and the melting made it press back cool against his palms. He’d forgotten already that this was space he was supposed to share: the table, and his arms splayed out. May didn’t try to move him back – but every time either of them shifted to lean, their legs knocked together underneath, and stayed. 

There wasn’t enough bourbon at the bar to make him forget what he was here for: the meeting he’d called, the company he’d lined up, the points he’d laid out between rounds and wrapped neatly before stepping out to smoke and text her, you should come by, I can work with you here. And he could, look – it wasn’t a lie. This would still be work ‘til Barrett and Gordon got their coats. He only slightly lingered when she laughed.

“No shit,” Barrett said, and picked up his glass. “Where in Queens?“ The candle threw shadows against his chin, and Quico squinted from across the table, as if that’d help him see the wrinkles that the light smoothed out. “I grew up in Long Island City, you know.” 

Quico slid under the conversation, into the silence that Gordon had carved out for himself. “My sister’s got nephews,” he said, quiet enough to seem like a quiet aside. He hinged his elbow on the table, so he could lean on his knuckles and focus attention. When he shook his head, his fingers bumped into his cheek. “Sons. My nephews, Jesus. They’re twins, too – I don’t know how she does it. Dunno how you do, either.” 

“Twin boys,” Gordon repeated, with an echo that was either envy or sympathy.

“I know. That’s why I don’t have kids, right there. Scared my ex and me off the whole thing.” 

Never mind that the timeline didn’t line up; these meetings didn’t come with fact-checkers, and anyway, all these lies were white. Still, he pressed his knee into May’s so she’d know he didn’t mean it. He’d been doing that all night like an audience nod, a fourth-wall break. An excuse, as if he needed one now. “Should be going back up to see them over the recess. God, I love this time of year. Gives us all a reason to get the fuck out of D.C. for a little while – we’ve earned it.” 

Even in the low light, she felt Barrett’s eyes from across the table. How he laid the question down between them and shifted his weight forward, watching for an answer. When she opened her mouth again, the words didn’t make it past her wine glass before she stopped herself. Quico pulled her focus to one side with nephews - sons - my nephews and her chin followed, already-parted lips breaking horizontally into a smile. It lasted the length of a breath before she looked forward again. “Oh – nice,” she nodded, tucking the smile politely into her cheeks. Quico’s arm bowed out at an angle between them, a boundary through the table’s empty space. “We’re neighbors, then. I’m from Flushing.”

“Ah,” Barrett said, and tipped his tumbler in the air, its contents lurching towards the rim. “Good Chinese food out there.” He took a long sip, swallowing as he leaned onto his elbows.

“Yeah, absolutely,” she replied, half-distracted by the conversation six inches to her left. “Best in the city, no question.”

Light flickered over Barrett’s wrist as he lifted his glass to point across the table. “You’ll have to send me some places to try, then,” he said, and dropped his finger against her forearm, tapping twice for emphasis. “When I’m up there for the holidays.” There was a nod, and a wink that followed, but May saw neither. Instead, she tilted a smile down into her wine glass, shadows sliding over her face.

“Oh, of course,” she said, like it was enough. And it was, until Quico pressed their legs together, a secret in Morse code between their knees. As she turned towards him, her hair fell over the side of her face like a curtain, almost dark enough to blot out the candlelight and the two men on the other side of it. When he finished speaking, May’s eyes fell from him again. “Yeah,” she added, softly, adding nothing at all.

“Well, you’ve earned it, that’s for sure, with all this wining and dining you’ve been doing,” Gordon said. He paused before brushing the cuff back from his wrist to check the time. His eyebrows lifted so high towards the ceiling that they might’ve jumped off his forehead. “God, it’s already 10:30? Joanne’s gonna kill me.” Beside him, Barrett shook his head until a smirk appeared. “I gotta get home,” he continued, tilting his drink back to drain the glass in one go.

"You okay to drive?” May asked, voice light, and pressed her shoulder sideways, where Quico’s shoulder pressed back.