Otherworldly Shenanigans

I have been insufficiently inhibited since birth

[mayhallius]

Went sock -> shoe -> sock -> shoe this morning to remind myself that no matter what happens, I could always be worse

[mayhallius]

Professor Xavier to transgender Wolverine and Cyclops be like:

“To me, my ex-men”

[mayhallius]

“I wish the genie nearest to me would give me blowjob head crazy sloppy style on my dong”

[mayhallius]

Fortune favors the based

[mayhallius]

Thinkin about putting sumthin enema ass

[mayhallius]

She’s hyperfixated the way I run a train on her

My load so stupid, it’ll give her autism

I’m talkin’ stem cells

She tells me take it slow

Ritardando

[mayhallius]

Sometimes, I’ll just go sit in buildings on campus in which I don’t have any classes to see if I can roll any encounters with rare npcs

[mayhallius]

My bitch so hot, I cum-busted

[mayhallius]

Men will be all like “I’m straight gangster” and then hang out with a bunch of other dudes saying “I’m hard”

Bitch, you may be gangster, but you sure as hell ain’t straight

[mayhallius]

The elderly couple at my pop-up oil change station after I replace their wheels with square ones while they aren’t looking:

[mayhallius]

Got so many opps I’ve lost count

I’m fighting off sums of bitches

[mayhallius]

If I replace the head of an angle grinder with an unpressed vinyl disc and start spinning it against a thin enough knife, there has to be a non-zero chance that I end up with the nastiest trap album of all time

[mayhallius]

Every algorithm is recommending me poker content in the vain and fruitless hope that I will spiral into the cold dead hands of gambling

Little do they know it’s just gonna put me back into my Balatro phase

You fools, I already have a hopeless addiction that rules my life

Now shut the fuck up, I’ve got an erratic deck to gold stake, surely this time I’ll roll all aces, trust

[mayhallius]

Will wood be like:

*piano*

“So let the sleeping dogs die

from the carbon monoxide

leaking from the bowl of my exhausted pipe”

*saxophone or something idk*

[mayhallius]

Where the hell is the “T” in peet-suh???

And don’t tell me “under the sauce” I’ve checked there already

[mayhallius]

My life be going so well then I do something stupid like start listening to Cavetown

[mayhallius]

My boss just banned phone usage at work, he’s gonna be real surprised when I actually start taking my government mandated 30 minute lunch break