The Naked Singer

[mcdanielmusic]

Kindness is Hard

I have had to take an in-depth look at the meaning of the word kindness. To be kind, and show kindness goes much further than just being “Nice,” to someone. It is much more cerebral than that. Kindness isn’t a feeling, it is a masculine noun. Isn’t that interesting? Kindness is the actual manifestation of grace and mercy. It is a gift given. A real gift. An actual thing! We give kindness to people always. When they deserve it and when they don’t. That is how to really love.

Mama gave kindness regardless. However, giving kindness does not mean that you throw away your commitments just to please someone else. Kindness is not people pleasing. When Mama was kind, she got the job done for herself, her family, and then for those around. She kept her priorities straight. I saw her time after time dealing with people. Once we were in a situation that someone was being VERY hateful to us both. My Mama reached out her hand to shake their’s and asked very politely, “Do we have to have this problem between us?” The person knocked her hand away. Mama in her loving fashion said, “I am so sorry you feel that way.” Then turned and grabbed my hand and said, “Let’s go!” When we got in the car, she simply stated, “I am so grateful we never have to go there again!” She was very upset, however, her example made an impression. 1. She never raised her voice. 2. She stayed out of the drama. 3. She worked for peace and reconciliation. 4. When it was clear peace would not be reciprocated she shook the dust off her feet. 5. She found something to be thankful for. In the days further, she and I worked together to make a better situation out of it. Which we did! Again...a story for another day. I can say, that I have many friends and a wonderful husband as a result of that one moment. It turned my life and took me on a better journey, all because she chose kindness.

As we traveled the near 10 year road of dementia with Mama, choosing to give kindness was not particularly easy. Day in and day out we had to remind each other to choose to give kindness to her and to each other. I also think patience goes with kindness. And BREATHING, lots and lots of cleansing air!!! 😂😂😂. Making her life easy and wonderful was our goal. Part of kindness is to stick to the goal, consistently, to say I love you a lot, and to sing regardless. Even through your tears.

Kindness takes courage. I didn’t feel courageous all the time. I still don’t. My family and I just take the time every day to encourage each other. It is important to encourage each other. If not you, then who? If not now, then when? We are not different than anyone else. It is Faith in God that holds us up. I spend time journaling my prayers to Him every day. I tell Him everything. God guides me. I am not trying to be overly religious or self-righteous. I fall in my faith all the time. During the dementia journey with Mama I felt more alone than I have ever felt. I had thoughts of defeat, and felt as though I had wasted my life and talent. What was more important to me was to help my Mama walk the walk she had to finish. As I have told you in other musings, we called ourselves, “war buddies.” For me that means, “No one left behind.” That is kindness. God has shown me that, and I am eternally grateful

Your challenge...Give kindness. My warning to you, it will cost you! It isn’t cheap or easy.

Warning: below is a short video of My husband Nelson and my daughter Rachel, serving to help my mother in her last days. It is not easy to watch, but I took it because I was so very amazed by their kindness and heart of service.

[mcdanielmusic]

Empty Nest

When our children graduated High School, it was really amusing when people would say to me, “Well, all your children are gone now, how are you going to handle having an empty nest?”  I would laugh and say, “Uh, we don’t have an empty nest, we have Mama!”  They would counter with, “Well, that isn’t the same!”  I would just politely smile.  While my children were at home, we didn’t do many date nights.  I know, I know, as a couple to protect your relationship you are supposed to do those things.  However, we had special circumstances that made us very cautious.  Our son has Aspergers, and our daughters have very severe allergies.  We kept a close eye on them.  We chose for only family to watch them so that if anything happened someone intimately involved would be helping.  So when we did have a date night it was a big deal!

One date night, I made a plate for Mama and put it in the refrigerator.  This was when she still understood the microwave and could heat up food and eat it herself.  I said, “Mama, remember, I put food in the refrigerator for you on a plate, Nelson and I are going out to eat and will be back in a couple of hours!”  She replied, “Ok!”  The next thing we knew she went out the door with her purse an got in the back of the car!  Lol  She was ready to go!  Off we went on our date, me, Nelson, and Mama.  It was a very long time before Nelson and I had a date alone again.  Then we went through the same issue.  If we needed a sitter it had to be family, or someone close enough to know exactly what to do.  

Today, Nelson spent some time changing Mama’s room and cleaning some things out.  I am moving my studio into her suite.  Did I tell you we built her a suite onto our house?  We did!  So now, it will be the studio.  She would like that!  Music, Music, Music!  It kept her brain working til the end.  Cleaning it out is difficult.  Now, we have the “Empty Nest.”  But, just like Mama, I am looking for my next project.  Something to change, something to freshen, something to brighten up.  

Another good thing, God never leaves us, and His nest is never empty either!  So...even though I don’t have Mama to physically take with me everywhere, I do have God to walk on this journey with, and I hear her voice in my children and students.  Right now, I just had a student come in, so I’ve gotta run!  There is singing to do, and as always...Mama is still listening!

[mcdanielmusic]

Let There be Peace

I just looked up the definition of the word PEACE. The first online definition I read was, “freedom from disturbance, tranquility.” Doesn’t that sound amazing? To live free from disturbance and having tranquility. I don’t know about you, but that is a definition that I am motivated in 2020 to put effort into achieving for myself. The decision to want peace in life is easy. The effort it takes to have it, not so much. It will require much from me.

My Mama was a peaceful person. She had the ability to gain peace for herself and to step away from the junk of life. How did she do it? She used to say, “Let’s just not think about the bad stuff! That is unpleasant!” I would think, “Mama, you cant just avoid the bad stuff by not thinking about it! That won’t solve anything!” However, neither will dwelling on it! I found out, Mama didn’t avoid it. She just didn’t let it control her life. We went through a lot of really bad things. Our lives were filled with turmoil. She never lived without it. When she was born, her daddy was an alcoholic and was NEVER faithful to her mother. They were extremely poor! She taught herself to read and write. This turmoil continued for a very long time. Yet, she loved and forgave and was not bitter or angry. She found outlets for her feelings. She had a green thumb and spent hours of her life gardening after work. Her yard was spectacular and showed the fruits of her labor. She planted roses and dogwoods, fruit trees and blueberry bushes. She had azaleas and a huge Iris bed. When she was hurt or angry, she went outside to garden. She put her energy and negative feelings into something that benefited herself and others. In the Spring, people would drive by our house to see our yard. Because of these choices she made, she never retaliated in anger, and never gave anyone less than love and a smile. Does that mean I never heard her raise her voice in anger? Of coarse not! She wasn’t perfect! I have said that before! She just was wise and she didn’t get angry over stuff that wasn’t worth her energy. If she was angry, she usually was justified in it. I always felt bad when my Mama was angry with me or others. She was a peacemaker. She lived in this world, as best she could, “free from disturbance, and with tranquility.”

Here is what I think. Striving for peace is worth the effort. Don’t make someone strive for peace. You can’t control them, only yourself. However, if each person found a way to live in peace and channeled their negative emotions in a positive way, then God’s love and peace would reign. Mama D was willing to do her part. I am thinking that I will follow her lead. I hope you join us! Building something beautiful for others to enjoy sounds like a good idea to me!

Below, the picture is of Mama as a hippie for a Halloween Party! Peace and Love everyone!

[mcdanielmusic]

Go Slow, One Moment at A Time

Sometimes, it seems like everything is piled up at once. You stand at the bottom of your Mt, Everest and you think, “How am I going to climb this?” No one climbs that mountain without a plan or a guide. It takes years of planning, money, equipment, weather patterns, etc. Then you plan it day by day. You have to do something towards the goal every day. In the life of my family, everything seems overwhelming in these days. Every day we are making a plan to accomplish everything that needs to be done. Mama D was a great planner! Do you remember maps? I mean real paper maps. She was great at plotting her trip and reading them. She always had her cooler and her snacks. She knew what she was doing. She drove us all over the United States! That little woman was something! When she planned something she new every detail. She would start days ahead of time, budget, colors, money, food. One day at a time she would get it done.

One day at a time. Life can be overwhelming. We may think we can’t offer mercy to someone who hurt us. Maybe not today, but God gives us the ability in the moment we need it, one moment at a time. We have to lay Mama’s body by Daddy’s, by my grandparent’s, by my son’s this coming Saturday. In the meantime, I have a family to feed, a house to clean, invitations to send, people to contact, and students to teach. Hugs to give. Hugs and hugs. My own practice to do...God keeps sending people to help, in the moment. One moment at a time.

Honestly, I don’t want to go Saturday to that cemetery. It hurts too much. I had to bury my infant son there. His name is Jackson. I hurt every time I see his stone. Funny person God😂 right then, while I was writing something painful, he interrupted my thought process by having a student ask me about their lesson today via FaceTime. Just another example of God giving the right thing at the right moment. A little nudge reminding me I don’t have to deal with that today. My home and students are enough for the day.

God will give me what I need on Saturday. For today, I can continue to think of Mama happily driving us on some great adventure! I’m gonna put some music on now to sing to as I get ready. That is what we always did!

[mcdanielmusic]

Chocolate Milk

I woke up this morning and picked up my IPad as I always do. I usually go straight to my Bible Study and spend time with God to start my day. Today, I detoured a bit and checked my Facebook...I was completely overwhelmed with all the comments of love and support for Mama, me and my family. I cried. Everything makes me cry right now. I am allowing the tears to flow. In the midst of my tears, I asked myself, “What is it I feel?” Do I feel sad? Yes. Do I feel grief? Yes. Do I feel pained emotionally? Yes. However, overshadowing all of that is an all encompassing feeling of being thankful. Today, I am very thankful and my tears stem from that source.

2019 was the most difficult with Mama. The dementia was taking its toll on her body. We had to do everything for her. We picked her up, we put her down. We cleaned her up and we fed her. We took turns who went where so we never left her. Going to the store had to be timed and planned. We were thrilled to know Aldi delivers!!! Amazon is a great friend! Going outside was not a priority. So...as time passed, I began to feel weird symptoms. They got so bad that we thought I might have Lupus! I had a blood test. I do not have Lupus! Yea! I had extremely low vitamin D. Now if you know me, I NEVER do anything halfway. Lol. When I say extremely low, let me describe it. Low is 30. Below that is bad. Mine is...Let’s just say below teens. So...we started trying to figure out how I can get sun and vitamin D! I have to get rid of these awful symptoms right??? Enter vitamin D supplements in large quantities, and milk fortified with vitamin D! I tried to get outside and exercise like I like to do. That was hard since it is winter here and we have rain!!!! No, you can’t get vitamin D from UV lights or tanning beds. I thought I would clear that up before you asked. I researched it. The best source is seafood, milk, and sunlight. And of coarse goaling to O.D. on vitamin D supplements. LOL. My daughter Rachel came in this morning and said, “Mommy, do you want some milk. I said sure!” We were out.😳. Mama loved chocolate milk and it was something that we could always get her to drink. I always got the kind that was fortified with every good thing for her. Her diet had shrunk to McDonald’s Cheeseburgers, Flavored Oatmeal, Potato Soup and Tomato Soup. I could also get her to eat chicken nuggets, and grilled cheese sandwiches. So...I worked to find ways to get nutrients in. BTW, for those of you who really know her she ate her last MIlkway in the last 48 hours of her life. Her last food stuff was a MILKYWAY! 😂😂😂😂. (You just have to know me and know her)! I am very health conscious, my Mama was a well-known chocoholic!

So, this morning, with my coffee, by my side, I chose to drink a glass of chocolate milk fortified with vitamin D. Just another way that Mama is saying, “Hey! I’m here right beside you!” As I finish this, I can hear my family laughing together in the kitchen. I have to go join the joy! I hear Mama’s laughter calling from the other room in the voices of my children! God is good! Oh...The word I feel still is THANKFUL! Thank you for starting your day with me! Take a moment to breathe and feel THANKFUL today! Mama D would!

[mcdanielmusic]

Into the Great Unknown

Last night, I slept in an easy chair. Why? I slept in an easy chair because it is beside my Mama’s bed. We are in the last hours of my Mama’s life. It has been quite a journey...

Ten years ago this year my Mama moved in with us because of being diagnosed with Dementia. We hear all the the time about how horrible Dementia is. I agree it is horrible. It does slowly deteriorate a person. It can been extremely painful to watch. It has not always been a bed of roses. I am saying all this to get the bad news out of the way, and to let you know that I am realistic. I have not always been patient or even happy that my life has been limited while having her here in our home with our family. My children were in their early High School years when she moved in. For two years she shared a room with my teenaged son. Want to know something awesome? He never complained. It took two years for us to settle down to the idea that life had shifted again. Two years of her being unhappy to give up her independence. Two years of getting her house ready to put on the market. Then another family crisis occurred. I’m not going into that now, but needless to say it turned and twisted our life around again. It was an emotional class V tornado. It devastated everything in its path and we could neither avoid being in its path nor did it leave the landscape of our lives the same. Yet, in the midst, there was music, and laughter. There were huge successes. Music tied our lives together and kept us moving forward. Our studio did workshops and our students flourished. I performed in shows. My mother assisted me as long as she could. She sang with me until she could sing no more, then she listened.

My mother traveled the world with me to hear me sing. My mother loved large. To quote Shakespeare, “ Though she be but little she is fierce.” She helped people. She served her community. She loved her family. I made a promise to her when she moved in that I would keep her home and care for her to the end. I have never left her. She was there for my first breath on this earth, I will be here for her last. I have no regrets. I am blessed.

We have gone from wheelchairs to walking, thanks to an exercise class I made her take that she hated. Lol. We watched her dance her last steps dancing Gangnam style with Rachel and Rosemary, ( my daughters), thanks to Dancing with the Stars. (That was a fun night)! Of coarse, there was the time she sat on the chocolate cream pie because she forgot she put it in her chair and my husband and I thought she had messed all over her room, when we realized NO ITS PIE, and laughed our heads off! We wore out her walker. We took her on hikes in her wheelchair. She wheelchaired through 5K races with us! If we could figure it out, we helped her do it with us! Mama and Me to the end. We have argued and said I’m sorry more times than I can count. My Mama has stayed with me as long as she could. She smiled at every student that came in the door. She has clapped for them and loved them.

Now, in these last minutes of her life, all these things go through my mind. All my life I have held her hand. Into my adult life, I still held her hand when we walked together. I am still holding it now. She has been the brightest spot in my life. My partner in crime. My safe haven in times of trouble.

There was never a question for me or a doubt that I would take care of her at the end of her life. I have always been a caretaker. She taught me that. Before I wa born she took care of people. Loving and accepting them for who they are.

We called ourselves, “War Buddies.” We were always in the trenches of life together. Our life was not an easy one. No matter how many bombs were lobbed at us, or in our direction, we covered each other. We prayed together. We loved God together. We sang His praises together. She taught me to love Jesus and people. In these last hours, I sing to Jesus for her.

I try to live my life transparently. Thus, the title of my blog, The Naked Singer. I struggle every day to make sense of my life. I have had someone to take care of and help Mama with since the day I was born. Have I had to put my life and what I want on hold a lot? Yes! We can talk another day about all that. My realization when I made decisions that pulled me away from what I want? IT ISN’T ABOUT ME! I trust God with my life. His ways are higher than mine. I don’t know why. But, I know and trust who does.

When Mama breaths her last, I will no longer be a caretaker for the first time in my life. I am walking into a new adventure. The Great Unknown! 2020 will be a really new year for me and my family. God goes before me and I follow. As for me and Mama, a new journey awaits. To quote Obi-Wan Kenobi (we are Star Wars Fans lol), “You can’t win, Darth. If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” 😊❤️ My Mama will continue to be with me wherever I go. I will see you again. ❤️

[mcdanielmusic]

These are my own results after using Acute Care for 30 Days in the month of August. Pretty amazing results! A definite improvement! My expression lines are disappearing! Yours can too! Message Me and I am happy to help you! #nomorewrinkles #greatskin #greatincome

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Working with students in the studio after returning from Charlotte students. Tongue release exercises! We LOVE them! #nojawtension #greatjob #lovemystudents #mcdanielmusicstudios

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Working with Charlotte students! #greatstudentsstudywithus #mcdanielmusicstudios #joinustoday

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My favorite candles made by my friend Mrs. South Carolina Ronnetta Griffin! #carolinachic #greatscent #soycandle #greatgiftideas

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Fun in the studio! We learn to read music together! #greatsinging #smartmusiciansreadmusic #greatworkbeginshere #mcdanielmusicstudios

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The studio is open and we are working with students currently. Mara says, "Hi." Roads are clear and we are here! #weatherisntanissue #wehavehottea

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Gotta love it! My Mama is fun! #treasureeverymoment

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Dinner time is fun time at our house! #lovemyfamily #wehavefun #wishyouwerehere

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Working body connection exercises. The body needs to be awake and lined up before you sing! #greatsingingstartshere #Lovetosing!

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Sometimes you just have to be silly! Goodnight everyone! Laughter is good medicine! #funtimes #vacationisgood

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There is no way to explain how many presents are under this tree! Love Christmas! #givegenerously