I will be the first to admit that good men are hard to find. But that does not mean you should cling to a man just because he is a man.
There has to be more than just the calming effect of knowing that you are not alone; you have a boyfriend. There is no point of owning a car if it cannot take you from point A to point B.
In the same way, there is no point of staying with a guy who will take you nowhere. If this is the case, you ought to leave.
This is the guy you only see at night and even then he just appears out of the blues. Your attempts to plan for a date are smartly evaded and in the end, you always meet at your place. Do I have to state the obvious? You are simply a booty call.
There is a rule, an unwritten rule, "Thou shall not mess with my ex unless you want to be an ex." It is probably the equivalent of men's "Bro's before hoe's (American slang for friendship before relationships).
It might look like an illogical rule with many arguing that it is a sign of selfishness or even insecurity. However, you cannot simply date my ex boyfriend and expect us to remain friends.
How will you explain what attracted you to each other? Will I not be justified in accusing you of instigating our break up? It is considered to be one of the highest forms of betrayal, right next to sleeping with your friend's boyfriend.
You will have to decide whether you value the guy or your friendship more, because it will definitely impact negatively on your friendship.
3. He has a wedding ring.
You know he is married. Do you think that he will marry you and leave the woman he has been married to for the past 20 years and has raised all his children? Okay, let's go with the slim chance that he does leave her.
What makes you think that he won't leave you for another woman? Leopards don't change their spots and that is in reference to both situations.
4. He still wears a wedding ring.
He might have lost his wife, either she passed away or she divorced him. The fact remains that a man who is over his loss or better still, a man who has dealt with his loss would not continue to wear his ring.
You might not be competing with a physical person, but you will always be wrestling with a ghost which means that nothing you will ever do will be good enough for him.
5. Still best friends with his ex.
"The minute he told me that he was still in touch with his ex, warning bells went off in my mind," Anne Gatharu, a 27-year-old sales executive explains. "Since I did not want to appear insecure, I told him that I was fine with it.
It wasn't long before he started postponing our plans so that he can be there for her. Once she started calling him in the middle of the night to ask for his help, I knew I had to speak up. I gave him an ultimatum and he ended up choosing her. That is a lesson well learnt; if he is still friends with his ex, I don't get close.
" Most women will not hold on to an ex unless they are using him in some way or there are unresolved feelings. Save yourself the heartache and keep off.
6. The similarity with your dad is shocking.
According to Kevin Odhiambo, a developmental psychologist, most women unconsciously go for men who have similar traits with their own father. "Unfortunately, most of these women come from broken homes or had violent fathers.
They end up in abusive relationships themselves because in their minds, they think that they can fix these men in a way that they could not fix their own fathers," he says. The reality is that you cannot change your man despite any family dynamic that you may have undergone in the past.
Others call him 'the ladies man' as he always makes women laugh and they all seem to be defenseless against his charm. You are equally under his spell.
The fact that he can somehow convince you that it is all in your head when you try to tell him that it bothers you is a clear indicator that you need to run. Chances are that you are not the only one he is charming into his bed.
Often we tend to think that if we like the guy that is all that matters. Your parent's disapproval and friends warning is of no consequence. But love or like or lust is never enough to sustain a relationship as Janet Wayua found out, "We came from two different circles but the social gap did not matter to me as he made me laugh as no man had before.
But when we would attend any social gathering, he would often feel left out as he could not relate to the discussion topic. We tried to work through it and ended up failing, as he always ended up feeling dejected."
You have never been to his place; you don't know where he works and have never met any of his friends. Sure you might have gone on numerous dates, even during the day, yet you know nothing about him; at least not anything concrete.
These are the shady characters that turn out to be con-artists out to prey on vulnerable women. Don't be surprised if you walk into an empty house one day because while you were at work, your 'boyfriend' was robbing you.
He still lives with his mother or goes home every weekend to have his laundry done. He has no long term goals and for him a good investment is a large flat-screen TV so that he can watch all his sports in high definition.
How do you expect to raise a family with such a man? You will be stuck caring for both your children and husband.
11. If he keeps saying that you will make a good mother.
Anytime you prepare a scrumptious meal instead of thanking you, he says, "You cook so well, you will make a wonderful mother." When he is holding you and has his hands rested on your hips instead of complementing your lovely figure, he says something along the lines of, "You will have no problem during child birth."
Do not deceive yourself into thinking of how lucky you are to have found a man who openly admits that you are wife material. He merely considers you a vessel of procreation and a tool to maintain his home. If there was a robot that combined the two functions, you would be completely useless.
12. He keeps mentioning his ex.
The past should remain in the past. You only bring it up when it matters. Give such a man time to go resolve his baggage, but don't wait for him.
In addition, if he is constantly referring to his ex as the 'devil', be sure that in the event that you do break up, you shall also be referred to in such a manner.
All in all, life is too short and time too precious, for you to allow yourself to be stuck in a meaningless relationship.
