I don't even know where to begin honestly. Something about making us drinks in our kitchen, something about walking to our room and seeing you DIY-ing our new broken lamp we can't be bothered to take back, something about how weeks, months, a year ago, all I wanted was this life with you, making drinks in our kitchen, a broken lamp taped to the back of our bed, your hands warm on the back of my neck and- "Should we cook or get takeout?"
Something about us and our flat and our boys and a bag of takeout and you sitting in this bed next to me and if dreams really do come true, my dream has always been you. @supremeinlilac
Over a year of long distance with a 6 hour time difference, working our asses off to save money for our future, the visa process, the entire Atlantic ocean, the wait and the waiting; you know what's going to keep me from you? Nothing.
It took me 8 months to get to you. 8 months but it was worth it. Because I know what it feels like to walk the streets of our future home with our fingers intertwined. I know what shade of grey your eyes are in the early morning sun. I know every touch and smile and laugh and look and, my love, you are beautiful in every colour. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. But you are the love of my life, my greatest adventure, and nothing could keep me away. I'll see you in August, baby. For good this time. @supremeinlilac
hi! you probably don't remember me but i've been reading your fics without even realizing it's you... you are SO talented oh my god!!! I just wanted to say that because you have always been so nice to me about my writing 🥺<3
I have no idea how long this has been in my inbox, I'm so sorry 🥺 Of course I remember you! It's been so long; I hope you've been well! Thank you so much for being so kind! Really, that's so sweet and I appreciate it more than I can say 🥺
hihihi!! i love ur blog & i wanted to ask if ur open for requests 💗
Hi there! Thank you so much, that's so kind :) I haven't written in a while and I'm going on a trip to see my girl for 3 weeks but I'd love to hear it and get some ideas rolling if you're willing to be patient with me 😊
Pairing: Cordelia Goode x Lou Miller, Lou Miller x Tammy
WC: 3.1k
Warnings: nsfw, cheating?
Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
The sun cut a ray of morning sunlight, again, onto Cordelia’s sleeping form, and something tickled on the tip of her nose, causing her to stir slowly awake. She felt as if she could simply drift back off to sleep again, still with sleep at the edge of her fingertips, if she could just reach it.
The clock on the wall chimed a steady beat that seemed to mirror the thrum of her heart in her ears. Peering at the wall, the clock read 10am, and she jolted fully awake, the peaceful calm of the morning replaced with the anxiety of missing work, before she remembered that she wasn’t in New Orleans anymore. Her heart hammered, blood rushing in her ears. How had she managed to sleep in so late?
“Lou,” she turned next to her, being met with an empty bed instead of the tangled mop of blonde hair against the pillow that she was expecting. “Lou?” She called out, palm brushing over the bed to see if it was still warm. It wasn’t.
For a moment, she wondered if Lou might’ve gone, before realising that she knows Lou, and she wouldn’t do that. She wasn’t the type. Voices bled through the floorboards from downstairs and Cordelia let herself smile, head back against the pillows again. The pillows didn’t feel like the ones she had, they were softer, and she thought she might drown in them.
Mirroring the night before, Cordelia plodded across the room and plucked Lou’s dressing gown from behind the door. Expecting to find Lou in the same position as the day before, with Debbie, sat at the table with feet resting against chairs, she skipped down the corridor and the stairs unworriedly. Not even reaching the bottom step, she paused still where she was on the stairs, seven pairs of eyes on her.
She hesitated, practically vibrating on the stair as the seconds stretched into an uncomfortable infinity as she lowered her stare to the floor, and she wanted to crack into motion and escape back up the stairs. Slowly, she raised her gaze again to find Lou’s eyes, and finds them raking over her bare legs that disappear under the silk of her dressing gown, and she wrapped hands again around her chest.
“Come here, sweetheart.” Lou instructed, sensing her unease; arms outstretched after she patted her thighs in offering. She watched the doubt in Cordelia’s eyes as she decided what to do with herself, knowing full well she couldn’t very well stand there the whole time in hopes that they might forget she was there. She coughed, blushing into herself as she walked over, watched by the group, to sit across Lou’s lap in one of the single couches. Lou positioned her hands protectively at the hem of the gown where the material bled into skin. Delia was grateful, feeling less exposed.
“Cordelia, these are my mates. We’re-” she trailed off, looking to Debbie over Delia’s head for permission to tell the younger woman. Debbie nodded, “-doing a job together.”
“That’s Amita, and Rose. Constance, Tammy and Nine Ball.” Starting with the woman closest, Lou introduced them all to Cordelia who replied shyly back in greeting. She was thoroughly embarrassed. They all smiled sweetly at her, with the exception of the blonde, Tammy, who seemed less than pleased with her presence. Delia pressed further away from them and into Lou, who squeezed her encouragingly. “And that’s Debbie.”
Looking up, and at a smirking Debbie, Cordelia flushed pink when she raised her eyebrow at her in amusement. Hiding into Lou’s shoulder, she missed the questioning look that Lou shot her, of which she just responded with a smirk and an idle shrug. She noted to herself to ask Delia later about it.
After the introductions, the gang went back to talking between themselves about the work, asking questions which Debbie seemed to be answering the bulk of them, Lou chipping in here and there with her confident statements. The actual subject of their ‘job’ was proving to be quite ominous to Cordelia, as no matter how much they spoke about it, she could swear she was learning less about it. She listened with curiosity, scanning all the women to try to piece together what they could be doing.
“Go get changed and come back down, okay?” Lou whispered into the back of her hair, sending a shiver down Cordelia’s spine at its husk and prompting goosebumps to prickle up over the bare skin under Lou’s fingers. She whined quietly, not wanting to leave, knowing that they would talk about things she wasn’t to know.
“But what do I-” Cordelia mumbled into her neck, ignoring the rest of the room's occupants in favour of concentrating on how Lou’s fingers were sliding up and down the bare skin on her outer thigh over the goosebumps. She didn’t really want to move.
“You can pick out anything from my room. Go on,” she pushed slightly, tapping on her ass as she straightened herself up and made for the stairs, disappearing up them so quickly that Lou had to stop herself from following to check on her. She cursed herself slightly for not telling Delia that she’d have company in the morning, but on the other hand, she loved too much to fluster the woman.
Cordelia emerged minutes later wearing one of Lou’s loose fitting yellow shirts and some jeans, the top few buttons of the top undone and exposing the swell of her breast’s underneath. She gravitated back towards the older woman, more comfortable now she was dressed around the large group. She perched on the edge of the couch arm, hand resting on Lou’s shoulder as she listened to the conversation again.
When they seemed to have finished talking about their work, some of the women stood to mill around the room and go get drinks for themselves, splitting off into separate conversations. Lou stood, and turned to Cordelia, bending to kiss her hairline before doing up the next two buttons of the shirt.
“I’m going to go and get something from the back room, stay here and meet the ladies.”
Cordelia watched her go, before moving from the couch towards the group of women who’d flocked to the kitchen at the end of the meeting. Constance offered her a drink, which she accepted gratefully. The ladies asked her questions, teasing slightly about wearing Lou’s robe which made her flush each time. She asked about Nine Ball’s name, receiving a non-answer back which she didn’t question. They all moved back to the couches, and Delia found that she didn’t need Lou’s reassuring touch to be comfortable around them. They were cool, she realised. They liked her.
Cordelia was so caught up in getting to know, and be more comfortable with the group, that she didn’t notice Tammy slipping away down the hallway that Lou had gone moments before, not missing her in the rest of the big group of women. Tammy strode angrily down the length of the corridor, pushing through the end door powerfully with both hands so it swung on its hinges and almost closed itself again with the force.
“Do you know how embarrassing that was?” Tammy seethed through gritted teeth, circling around Lou with arms folded angrily, “they all think that we’retogether and then they see you with that- that child.” She spat, approaching the older woman until she stopped, narrowing her eyes at Lou before pacing the small back room again.
“Are you jealous, Tam-Tam?” Lou mocked, teasing the younger woman as she pulled her hands out of her pockets, going back to searching through the papers strewn on the coffee table.
“No.” She scoffed defensively.
“Aren’t you the one you wanted no strings?” She continued, but her taunting tone gave way to something else underneath, because however much she might protest against it, Lou had wanted Tammy. She knew that she still wanted Tammy.
“And what if I’ve changed my mind?” Tammy asked, throwing her hands up in defeat and huffing. Lou didn’t respond, pulling out a folder and slicking through it silently. After a moment, the younger woman tried again, pushing with a palm at Lou’s shoulder to steal her attention away from searching. “Did you sleep with her?”
“Does it matter?” Lou groaned impatiently, tired of having the same argument with the younger blonde. It never leads anywhere new, and yet it still hurt them both more each time they had it.
“You know it does, Lou.” She growled; voice low. She snatched the papers out of Lou’s hands, holding them out behind her until Lou stood tall and challenging in front of her. She threw the papers to the side so that they separated with a flurry onto the floor, moving to block Lou’s path when she started towards them.
“Yes, then.” Lou snarled at her, “I slept with her.”
“Unbelievable.”
“Tammy, you said you didn’t want this,” Lou turned around, striding towards the other woman until she was backed up against the wall, poking a finger accusingly into her chest. “I always did.” She was breathing heavily, eyes looking into eyes so closely that they could see the bursts of colour within each other’s iris’. They seemed to be swirling like stars in a sky, blinking out silent messages that no one could read. If they could, maybe they’d understand each other.
Tammy grasped at Lou’s wrist, watching her expression turn from annoyed to confused to stern in one motion, her grip tight and bruising as she guided it up and under her top, laying Lou’s palm flat against the skin under her bra. “Touch me,” she purred, hand resting on Lou’s knuckles to coax her to move up and squeeze at the skin. At the feeling of Tammy trying to lead, Lou couldn’t help the groan she made, reaching for the same wrist Tammy had led her with, bringing it above her head and holding it with the other one in one of her hands.
The movement was a warning, but Tammy never seemed to want to listen to them, always pushing, testing the limits, pulling at elastic until it had no choice but to snap. She ground up into Lou, whining as she always did, and Lou kissed her deeply to quieten her noises.
“Touch me,” Tammy persisted, teeth nipping at the line of Lou’s jaw to prompt a reaction. It did, and Lou’s hand came up to press against the delicate skin of her throat, lips at her ear so she could husk into it the way that she knew made Tammy’s knees weaken for her.
“Like this?” She teased, flexing her fingers so she could feel the contraction of Tammy’s anticipatory swallow against the pads. Despite her vulnerable position, Tammy couldn’t help but smirk against the kiss when Lou returned to her mouth, knowing that she’d gotten her to do exactly what she wanted.
Lou slipped the fingers on her free hand down the younger woman’s sternum, trailing nails down against ribs, and the line of her stomach to the band of her skirt. Chancing a quick glance to the door, which was still cracked open, letting in the bubble of noise from down the corridor, she slid her hand down under the band and cupped Tammy over her underwear. She could feel the dampness of the material under her fingertips already, and she tutted at the woman’s neediness.
“Lou,” Tammy warned weakly when she pressed a thumb down on her clit over her panties, bucking desperately into her hand. Lou cooed slightly, her other thumb brushing gently over her restrained wrists.
“You have to be quiet, or I’ll stop. None of your pretty noises while our friends are just down the hall, okay?” Lou breathed, licking a stripe down from the shell of her ear to the dip between her collarbones. Tammy whimpered under her mouth, and Lou could feel the vibrations on the skin under her lips. “If you don’t, then it’ll be your fault that they hear.”
With that, she pressed the material of Tammy’s pants to the side with her thumb, running her fingers through her folds and humming at the noises that were already escaping with gasps. Tammy bit her lip in an attempt to hide the sounds, but when Lou dipped her fingers into her, she jerked forward to bite down on the shoulder of Lou’s shirt.
In the main room, Cordelia was in a shy conversation with Debbie at the stages edge. She was sat, legs dangling, watching her fiddle with the model while they talked. Debbie was telling her about Lou when she was younger, and the story made Delia scan the room for her again. She could see Amita and Constance on the centre couch, hunched around a phone clutched in Amita’s hands, and laughing. Nine Ball was swigging from a bottle, the faint tap of computer keys sounding as she messed around on her laptop.
Pressing against the edge of the stage, she told Debbie she was going to find Lou, before pushing off and heading towards the hallway she’d seen her go down. Not sure which was the back room she’d been talking about, Cordelia popped her head round each of the doors she passed, calling out shyly into empty rooms for the older woman. Nearing the end of the corridor, she wondered if she’d missed Lou re-entering the main room and going off again elsewhere in the loft.
She heard them before she saw them. But in her naivety, she still didn’t expect what she found.
Her stomach dropped, and for a moment she thought a sob might claw its way up her throat and escape as a wail. Tammy was pressed between the wall and Lou, with hands held above her head with a strong wrist. Hidden by Tammy’s thigh, Cordelia was glad she couldn’t properly see what Lou’s hand was doing pressed under the band of the skirt.
It seems that she didn’t really know Lou at all.
Backing away from the door, eyes not leaving what she could see between the small sliver of light, Cordelia didn’t look away until the tears blurred her vision enough that she hoped she could convince herself that she hadn’t really seen it. Be blissfully ignorant to what was happening behind the door. Go back to the rest of the group and wait for Lou to return. Maybe if she did then the thought of her kissing her again wouldn’t make her feel sick.
Not watching where she was going, Delia collided with Rose who was just coming out of the side bathroom. She mumbled out an apology and so did Rose, the quiver in her voice apparent, and she thanked herself that she controlled it enough for it to not crack. Rose turned, her expression turning from apologetic to concerned when she took in how the younger woman shook.
“Are you alright, my darling?” Rose fussed, hands coming to rest on her shoulders at arm’s length. Cordelia turned her head away so Rose wouldn’t be able to see the shine of her tears. Delia pushed away from her, curling in on herself as she tried to breathe and ground herself. “Cordelia?”
Now the smell of Lou was suffocating, and she felt as if she might drown in it, only now, she couldn’t swim. It was cloying, clawing at her throat and she felt like screaming under its pressure. The scream only came out in gasps, breaths begging for air but she seemed to only be able to breathe in more Lou. She needed to get out.
Returning quickly with shaky legs that she felt might not get her home, Cordelia didn’t stop when she reached the main room, when eyes turned to her stumbling. Nine Ball from her laptop, Constance turning from where she crouched beside the fridge, Debbie from her place on the stage next to the model.
She snatched her phone from the table, breaking it away from the charger as she did so. Fisting the dress which was now clean and dry and hung over the back of a chair, into her hands so she could leave quickly. She was instantly glad she’d worn flats to the club the other night, so she could walk without teetering in the heels, having no other shoes to wear. Slipping them onto bare feet, she finally turned with clearer eyes to face the gang.
“I need to go.” Fiddling with her phone enough, maybe they’d think it was an emergency and not ask questions. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be in troubles nature to stay quiet.
“Is everything okay?”
“Do you need a lift?”
“What happened?”
Everyone was speaking at once, but Cordelia couldn’t hear anything, they all blended into white noise that made her feel dizzy. Rose’s hand on the small of her back, just like Lou’s had been broke her out of her head.
“NO,” she burst out, eyes widening when she realised she’d shouted. She didn’t feel much like herself, “thank you. Urm, I’m okay.” She startled herself into action, retreating to the door and fumbling with the lock until she finally could grasp palms slippery with sweat onto the handles, to throw the door open. She fled.
The door opened and closed again behind her, and she could feel Debbie wordlessly following her, but she didn’t look back to check. Folding her arms across her chest and stooping her head downwards, she scuffed at the gravel as she walked.
Delia didn’t think she’d be able to face anyone, not right now. She wanted to nestle into her bed and grieve a love lost that she’d never truly had. She felt hollow, her chest a cavern with a fragile heart trapped, shaky breaths that threatened to break the walls and crumble ribs to ash.
Reaching the street with Lou’s club, Cordelia pressed into the little café opposite. She knew Debbie had seen her enter it but hoped that she wouldn’t follow her off the empty street and into the establishment. After all, two people anywhere drew more attention than one, didn’t it? Thankfully the café was moderately busy with people off work for the weekend, enjoying brunch in a sheltered place. She waited long enough at a table to be sure that Debbie had given up, before sneaking back out of the entrance and along the streets back to Rebecca’s apartment.
She stayed in the shadows. She didn’t want trouble to follow her home.
