me. and me now.

sad bastard thoughts.

[virtualrealitygf]

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japandroids- i quit girls

[meandmenow-blog]

she was just one of those girls. after her, i quit girls.

[meandmenow-blog]

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but i used all my chances (and a few after that), now i'm floating in the ashes.

[meandmenow-blog]

i had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.

[meandmenow-blog]

i wish that we could talk about it, but, there, that's the problem

[abcdefg2789-deactivated20201122]

[meandmenow-blog]

maybe, someday, we will look back on this and we'll smile, but right now i can't bear it.

[meandmenow-blog]

so, keep in mind there were days, keep in mind there were differences. and if i hear from you, my dear, i'll be on the next train out of here.

[meandmenow-blog]

and how can it be that we live with those we love in different cities?

[meandmenow-blog]

They passed like strangers, without a word or gesture, her off to the store, him heading for the car. Perhaps startled or distracted, or forgetting that for a short while they'd been in love forever. Still, there's no guarantee that it was them. Maybe yes from a distance, but not close up. I watched them from the window, and those who observe from above are often mistaken. She vanished beyond the glass door. He got in behind the wheel and took off. As if nothing had happened, if it had. And I, sure for just a moment that I'd seen it, strive to convince you, O Readers, with this accidental little poem that it was sad.

Wislawa Szymborska - "Perspective"

[meandmenow-blog]

you needed my love, and i know that i left at the wrong time.

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I wish this was how it worked. Unfortunately, it's not.

[meandmenow-blog]

but, it's not the same.

[meandmenow-blog]

the goddamn regret. the goddamn regret! and i'll die. now i'll die, and i'll tell you what...the biggest regret of my life. i let my love go. what did i do? i'm 65 years old. and i'm ashamed. million years ago. the fucking regret and guilt, these things...don't ever let anyone ever say to you... you shouldn't regret anything. don't do that! don't. you regret what you fucking want. use that. use that. use that regret for anything, anyway you want. you can use it, okay?

[meandmenow-blog]

please don't confront me with my failures, i had not forgotten them.

[meandmenow-blog]

Stuck on the pane two flies buzzed, stuck. Glowing wine on his palate lingered swallowed. Crushing in the winepress grapes of Burgundy. Sun's heat it is. Seems to a secret touch telling me memory. Touched his sense moistened remembered. Hidden under wild ferns on Howth. Below us bay sleeping: sky. No sound. The sky. The bay purple by the Lion's head. Green by Drumleck. Yellowgreen towards Sutton. Fields of undersea, the lines faint brown in grass, buried cities. Pillowed on my coat she had her hair, earwigs in the heather scrub my hand under her nape, you'll toss me all. O wonder! Coolsoft with ointments her hand touched me, caressed: her eyes upon me did not turn away. Ravished over her I lay, full lips full open, kissed her mouth. Yum. Softly she gave me in my mouth the seedcake warm and chewed. Mawkish pulp her mouth had mumbled sweetsour of her spittle. Joy: I ate it: joy. Young life, her lips that gave me pouting. Soft, warm, sticky gumjelly lips. Flowers her eyes were, take me, willing eyes. Pebbles fell. She lay still. A goat. No-one. High on Ben Howth rhododendrons a nannygoat walking surefooted, dropping currants. Screened under ferns she laughed warmfolded. Wildly I lay on her, kissed her: eyes, her lips, her stretched neck beating, woman's breasts full in her blouse of nun's veiling, fat nipples upright. Hot I tongued her. She kissed me. I was kissed. All yielding she tossed my hair. Kissed, she kissed me. Me. And me now. Stuck, the flies buzzed.

James Joyce - Ulysses

Ch 8 - Lestrygonians.

(Emphasis mine.)