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Currently on my second day trying the 30 days workout challenge (yes, I'm on easy level). Let's see if i can make it through the end🏋️‍♂️

Ps: I don't use any equipment at all lol

#celoteh

The sky is often dark and cloudy but the moon is always there. In stillness, patiently await. And it keeps shining even without a single audience to witness. The moon shines for itself first. And just like her, I wish to be good at being myself first. Because "I" is everything I have, and she's always enough.

lucedaleco

Pity

I like the feeling of being loved. It is overwhelming, it gives me comfort, that my existence in this world is actually needed. But what if they only call me out of pity?

“She doesn’t has anyone else beside us, we need to take her in.”

“She only belong here, if we leave her out, where would she go?”

“I want you to be on my side, or else, who are you gonna be with?”

Is it still love, if it is out of their pity toward me? I wonder.

Because honestly, I think I rather be alone than not being accepted for who I am. I want to be loved because of myself, not out of pity.

#celoteh

“Even if you can’t afford loving me anymore” - Yerin Baek

I listen to this over and over again.

Promises

One of the hardest thing to do is to keep promises and try not to break them. I make a lot of promises to my self, and i break all of it as well. One of it is, writing.

I feel sad, and numb. I know for sure that anyone else would never get what I actually feel inside. The thing is, I tend to forget that I’m pretty good at writing. Rather than writing it all out to make me feel better, I let my self suffering instead.

A lot of things happen in my life right now. A lot of things going on my mind, and I feel like I want to write all of them now that I get my hand on this platform again.

It’s so hard to stay happy all time, but I can’t control when hurtful things come. I wish that whenever I feel like this again, I don’t forget that I can still write.

I wish that later on, I’ll always remember that writing can heal me and able to keep my promise to always always always write, in both bad and good times.

#celoteh

Korean 101

The very first time I picked interest in learning korean was because of the famous korean tv shows called The Return Of Superman. It was cute to see the babies babled trying to pick up words by words in korean. Then, I thought it would be interesting for me to start learning the language! So, I started. First, I tried to learn by myself online. There are many resources on the internet where you can find free courses, mine was talk to me in korean. I already knew about this study club, however in that moment I was still living in Bandung and I knew It would be impossible to join. I managed to learn hangul and picked up some basic grammar by myself. After few weeks, I stopped. The lessons become a lot harder and everything seemed not to make sense. After I settled in Jakarta for good, I found out that they were opening for a new batch. I decided to join.

Since I was kinda nervous on the first meeting, I didn't manage to make friends. My hands were way too trembling. However, I started to opened up more on the second meeting. I tried to make friends, and talking to them was easy as well (all of them like kpop😂). We met, studied, talked, laughed and ate every saturday! Spending time with them was also kind of the break of everything I've been through on daily basis.

These past few months with the study club (I studied sejong 1&2) was beyond my expectations. I started to fullfill my curiosity about korean language, and what I gained from it was more than just an experience! The friendship that is formed from the study group is one special thing that I wish it will last. Now that the lesson is ended (it finished on April), I know I definitely regret if I didn't join it. Indeed, joining the study club was one of the best decision I've made.

I don't know when will I go back studying korean again since my main focus right now is to get over the 3rd year of uni. Hopefully, next year I can make time and join in a korean class!

And if I have to choose, my heart or you, I'm gonna lose.

Currently on repeat🎧

7am war

I've told my concern about my timetable for this 4th semester, then try to think about it positively as I believe there will always be something I can actually learn later from this disaster. I put aside the horror of facing traffic every morning that night, and got ready for a brand new semester.

The first week of college was fine. I was able to force myself and attended my classes. However, the next couple weeks was what truly horrible. Woke up super early in the morning, meanwhile I always slept late. I barely felt anything. The lack of sleep and coffee. Every morning I always prayed hoping this semester would pass by quickly. And here I am finally out of this sick routine! (and yes, with a good gpa as well!) I survived, officialy saying goodbye to the 4th semester and welcoming my holiday (that only last for a month).

School will starts in september, and that means I gotta take care how many credits I will take for this semester and get the timetable. A couple days ago, I went to school for the consultasion, as well as what concentration for the rest of my uni year. After a lot of thinking and debation, I choosed literature instead of linguistics! Please wish me lots of luck, I really do need it.

And about my timetable? guess what? nothing change :) (as I wrote this with a sarcastic smile on my face). Maybe morning loves me that much, or I probably destine to be a morning person and this is a sign for me to put an effort to become one.

This war is not officially over, and I really should get ready to prepare myself to face all the morning problems (the traffic, the lack of sleep, and the desire to just sleep in) cause I really have to fight with them. Well, since I still get a week before this actual nightmare starts, I’m going to enjoy every single day I spend to wake up at noon!

Still in the holiday mood, with love, xoxo.

#celoteh

I love you 3000

Tony Stark

Dawn

It is never easy to start something although you get everything planned in your head. Writing always has love and hate relationship with me, and yes i know i’ll get through this. 3 weeks left ‘till finals, and I already exhausted. 2 months holiday is waiting, I know I can do this. wish me luck.

ps: it is almost 5 in the morning

to a lot more future dawns filled with ideas for papers and few sips of coffee, xoxo.

#celoteh

Just because somebody next to you is in a full body cast doesn't mean that your broken arm doesn't hurt. Pain is pain.

Tati Westbrook

#TeamTati

Sibling

My brother and I grew up together. He used to play with me 24/7 and follow me basically everywhere. I stil remembered the time when he wanted a pair of converse just because I wore one lol. As puberty hit both of us, we started to hate each other. Every single thing we did upsetted us. Then, we grew apart. We stopped talking. We just simply ignored each other.

My brother arrived today because he goes to school in another city. After we had dinner, we ended up sitting there at the dining table and talking. It came to a realisation that this past 3-4 year, we stopped avoiding each other. We’ve been starting to talk again about everything. Movies, foods, sharing personal stories. We’re not suuuuper close, yet I can feel he’ll always be there for me.

I think every sibling has a way to reconcile no matter how bad we used to fight before. We have this kind of silent agreement that we kinda have to talk (not literally everyday, but once in a while). I also feel that I somehow can be a helpful sister whenever he asks for advice. And I feel safe too, knowing he’s willing to help no matter what situation I am in. Anyway, I am glad to finally have him (a.k.a my personal driver) back home now for the next 3 months! LOL

from a sister, xoxo.

#celoteh

1st day of Ramadan 2019

It’s 6th of May as well as marked the day of the first day of fasting! For those of you who might be reading this, I wish you a blessing ramadhan and happy fasting!

I have a little incident that I’d like to write here. Around 4 pm this evening, I was quite annoyed with someone over a chat. I was discussing something, but the one I’m on the chat with was started to make me angry little by little. As It wasn’t something that must be done right away (since I had to wait too), I just decided to ignore it first. Why? because I thought it was silly to get angry over something (or someone) like that. Rather than being angry, I thought it might better for me to stay away first and think what the right solution. That time I was probably too hungry as well and I couldn’t think right (and became easily annoyed) so giving time for myself and avoiding the source of angriness inside me. It worked!

This incident reminds me that fasting isn’t just about not eating and drinking anything. You have to also refrain yourself from anger and any other bad thoughts. Surround yourself with good energy and you may have a great day while you’re fasting!

With its positively ramadan spirit, xoxo.

#celoteh

I was once trying to save myself from the cliff,

yet here I am now standing in the world that I can't keep.

So, tell me, is it supposedly the path I should receive?

Or, maybe that I shall end up in the ocean deep?

Everyone Can’t Be Funny

It was my friend’s birthday, and we decided to suprised her. The suprised was just so so (since she already knew it anyway) but still, it was her birthday. Beside that, we also discussed a serious matter regarding to our friendship as well. As the stories went by, I got to be in charged of reading some *cough* proofs *cough*, and from here the accident happened.

I was reading in a super serious mode, and I also suited my tone so that my friends could get the meaning. In the middle of my readings, the indonesian famous slang word came out (spoiler: not the appropriate one).

Me: (non-stop reading) (finally saw the *anj* word typed on the text) (do not know what to do) (got no time to think because I need to continue reading) (I just blurted out)

“Anjas”.

My Friend: “HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.”

I was taken aback by their laughter because I wasn’t trying to be funny at all! They thought I was too afraid to say the exact meaning which was *anjing* because it was too harsh and un-polite as well. However, I wasn’t trying to be polite, it was just the tone of the text wasn’t kind of the full angry expressions, and it didn’t feel right to say the actual meaning. We were kind of serious and in an almost-mad-position, but became relax because I blurted ot the “anjas” word. We wrapped up the night with a-not-so thriller movie, and they kept teasing me with the “anjas” word. It was a fun time indeed.

I am not a funny person. I can’t throw a good jokes, or retell funny stories.I often try to make jokes, because sometimes it’s just funny and everyone deserves to know. When I do, the mood slowly goes down. They’ll look at me confusely as they search where the funny part is. As the result, it hurts my confidence. One of the example is, I refuse a MC offer several times because I was too afraid I make the event’s mood down as I keep talking seriously.

But that night, I was for once being funny. I am kinda glad too that I can make my friends laugh, as I usually to be the one who laugh instead. When will I be funny again? I don’t know. But well, everyone can’t be funny, can we?

Ps: this post is written in order to remember that the writer is finally throwing a good jokes (although it was accidentally happened, but yeah)

much love, xoxo.

#celoteh

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