Megan Patsel

Megan Patsel is a writer from Corte Madera, California, currently living in Brooklyn. Catch her comedy writing at the Livia Scott Sketch Program every month at the UCB! Here you'll find a bit of artwork, and other updates on current projects. [Click here for Megan's writing.] (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-23699541-3', 'auto'); ga('send', 'pageview');

[meganpatsel]

The 5 Most Brooklyn Things I've Done in Brooklyn

The 5 Most Brooklyn Things I’ve Done in Brooklyn

This week I’ll have five years of NYC living under my belt. A big part of moving here in my early twenties was to challenge myself. To say “yes,” to try new things, and to assert my *indepandence. Here’s five times in the last five years that I really “went for it.”

1. Witchcraft Class

I may not be self-aware enough to find the humor in this but everyone I talk to about it finds it HILARIOUS that…

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[meganpatsel]

My Morning Beauty Routine

My Morning Beauty Routine

CUTE, AWESOME, GIRLY GIRLY BEAUTY TIPS My Morning Beauty Routine

My beauty routine begins with an elixir. There’s so many fads these days surrounding what you do first thing in the morning (drink warm celery water? Lemon boot juice? Covfefe?) that I really wanted to try one. With my digestion issues, I’ve opted for an apple cider vinegar drink with turmeric, which is supposed to boost your immune…

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[meganpatsel]

What It's Like to be a Freak Magnet

What It’s Like to be a Freak Magnet

If there’s ever a weird person in the room, they will find me. And if there’s not a weird person in a room? I will manifest one on accident.

THE TIME A GUY TRIED TO SHOW ME HIS THONG

I had stopped in a Starbucks close to my office to talk to my Mom on the phone in private. I figured the Starbucks would be so busy and loud that I wouldn’t be bothering anyone if I took a call at full volume. I’m…

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[meganpatsel]

8 Office Pranks That'll Make Your Coworkers say "...What?"

8 Office Pranks That’ll Make Your Coworkers say “…What?”

I have a lot of fantasies about how to mess with the people at my day job. I’m never going to do any of these things (because I need my paycheck) but I wanted to pass along all the good stuff in case anyone needs any new pranks! Please enjoy!

1. Stand up. Address entire office. Loudly ask:

“Okay. Who is smoking pot in here?”

2. Start an office acapella group. Announce with an email:

3. Email…

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[meganpatsel]

U Like 80s Songs?

U Like 80s Songs?

Cuz I like 80’s songs.

October is special to me: it’s my birthday month, the month I moved to New York City (back in 2014) and the month I’ll perform my first ever one woman show.

I’ve been sitting on my “do a one woman show goal” for years now, but a lot changed in the last year particularly that led me to the realization that now is the time.

A year ago I was doing improv shows, writing comedy…

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Top 10 Things I Made This Year

photo by mindy (obvi)

2017 was my busiest year yet! Despite all of the amazing content I released, I failed to make a single year-end list. I made my own countdown of the Top 10 Things I Made This Year. Enjoy ;)

10. SNL Audition 1995 It felt great to finally open up about my SNL audition tape from 1995. Not a lot of people knew about this and I was pretty crushed, leading to a 20 year break from the industry. Happy to be back though!

09. An unreleased music video for Rihanna’s Desperado I filmed this with Sabina and Megan over my birthday weekend (which is famously the same weekend as Memorial Day). We decided it was too raunchy to put out to the public but I plan on leaking it when I’m famous.

08. This secret page on my website I have an incredible unlinked page on my website where I put my favorite tweets of all time and a buncha gifs I really like. Secret’s out!!!!!

07. Addressing the Louis CK Controversy No, not that Louis CK controversy. This was in regards to him stealing my joke about rescue dogs. He’s since been publicly shamed for some other stuff he did but I think this video is some of my best editing work to date.

06. Office Glamour Girl Great gowns. Beautiful gowns.

05. First-Lady Melania Trump Victory Tour These videos actually aged very well. And it’s insane that I don’t play Melania on The President Show but like whatever.

04. Double Homicide We made this on a whim, not knowing that we would get a big deal from the network. It would’ve worked out by my co-star died :/

03. Oddly Romantic These videos are criminally under-appreciated by the media. Sabina and I made 7 videos, all under a minute so take 7 f*cking minutes to watch all of them they’re super sweet!!!

02. Hey Coach I love this sketch so much! We actually got second place at Channel 101 with this video and were going to make another one. Same co-star who died unfortch.

01. Mary Beth’s Sex Tape We made this short film on a TIGHT budget in 2 days and wow… it’s really fucking funny if you haven’t seen, you probably shouldn’t consider yourself an ally for women.

[meganpatsel]

Going to Concerts Alone, Pt. 2: Crying

Going to Concerts Alone, Pt. 2: Crying

Judging by how fondly I speak of the night, you may have pictured me at the concert in a cool goth outfit, feeling myself in the crowd, lighter in the air, having fun alone etc etc. Well, sure, some of the concert went down like that, but, I ended up crying alone at the Depeche Mode concert out of sadness before I found the joy. Now, people probably think of Depeche Mode as a bit emo, because of…

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[meganpatsel]

Going to Concerts Alone Pt 1: Music Is My Boyfriend

Last week I saw Depeche Mode live BY MYSELF. Read about it if you want ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Plenty of people wouldn’t dream of going to a concert alone. There are really tons of reasons not to:  How do you hold your ticket and your drinks and your jacket at once? Who do you turn to to *check in* emotionally? What do you do after the show? Just like… go home in silence? But for me, NOT going to the concert was never an option. I have a crush on the music I like, and when I have a crush,…

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[meganpatsel]

[meganpatsel]

[toomuchtoona]

GET MY SISTER VIRAL #marvinsSPEAKING

[meganpatsel]

ANNOUNCING: Full Liza

!! Press Release Alert !! Your beloved comedy queens Sparkle Motion (of UCB’s “Nationals” and The Reckless’ “Dancing With The Stars Stuff” fame) present to you their winter recital, entitled “FULL LIZA.” On March 22, Sparkle Motion will be performing their own live cabaret act at the iconic Bizarre Bar in Bushwick with help from special guests including: MARY BETH BARONE OLIVIA DILAURO and MO FRY…

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[meganpatsel]

New Shows New Me

New Shows New Me

Lookout for my dance duo, SPARKLE MOTION, who will be taking the stage in NYC twice this weekend: We’ll be premiering a new number on Friday at “Nationals” at the Upright Citizens Brigade. Tickets here! And on Saturday, join us at the Reckless Theatre for a new dance competition where we’ll be competing against other comedic dancers. We’ll be performing our classic Sparkle Motion routine. Event…

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[meganpatsel]

The Livia Scott Sketch Program

Livia Scott (UCB Maude team Legs for Days, "One of our Favorite Female Comedians" -The Huffington Post) in collaboration with former producers of The Onion News Network, leads a team of some of the best UCB writers and performers in this aggressively fun and unusual multimedia sketch show celebrating the preservation of humanity in the digital age. "Fast becoming one of the best and most imaginative shows in the city." -New York Times Consulting Producers: Claudina Morrison & Matt Morrison

This show is gonna be SICK this month. We heard loud and clear the DEMANDS of the public to write a show heavy on Dad-material and I think we DELIVERED. Come to the UCB this Wednesday at 9:30 to see The Livia Scott Sketch Program!

[meganpatsel]

The Megan Patsel Project

The Megan Patsel Project

In honor of the five-year anniversary of my graduation from Redwood High School, I want to throwback to my days as a filmmaker in drama elective I took senior year. I’ve been told that in the five years since I took the class that the quality has increased immensely, with students creating school news announcements and legit viral web content, but back in my day, this was a class where me, 1-2…

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[meganpatsel]

The Right & Wrong Ways to Love Me

the right and wrong ways to love mes

In my post-college soul-searching, I’ve realized that I have a serious personality flaw: I simultaneously want all the attention and glory, and also total power and control in the most reclusive and mysterious way. On a moments notice, I can either want more attention or less attention, with barely any rhyme or reason for why. For instance, in my career I’m constantly going back-and-forth between…

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[meganpatsel]

Blacked Out in Bushwick

It’s ten days until my six-month anniversary with Bushwick, and in honor of this, I’d like to tell three stories of the most fun, drunken nights I’ve had here.

1. Taylor Swift Made Me Do It

My first episode of heavy drinking in Bushwick came within a month of my move here, on October 27. I remember this date because it was the day 1989 by Taylor Swift came out. I had purchased the album at the…

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