Iāve been fantasizing about writing a college! Au Marvel x dem College! Reader
Ive been thinking about this au for a while and Iām so ready to make it into a book either on Wattpad or here idk probably here
Warning read next line
Before reading: this post mentioned attempted sa, shirtless men, flirting, playboys, mentions of the following- car accident, drinking, an unrelenting ex boyfriend, people getting beat up, random girl getting beat up, cheerleader Natasha>>>, playboy behavior? Beware before reading- this doesnāt go into too much detail but be careful
Like imagine all the boys being in a frat and due to school rules theyāre deciding to move out and rent a house and Steve invites his friend Natasha from the dance team whoās also a cheerleader (most of the boys are on sports teams/have sports scholarships) and she says sheāll only move with them if her two best friends Wanda and Y/n can move with her and theyāre all like yeah sure
Wanda majoring in photography and minoring in literature
Y/n majoring in different arts and also minoring in literature which is how Wanda got added to the friend group
Y/n and Natasha being besties since high school started and Wanda being added so quickly
Imagine frat boy! Bucky Barnes who lost his arm in a car accident when he was younger, and he got a metal one who stars as quarterback on the football team
Frat boy! Cocky! Steve Roggers whoās idk a linebacker and has girls lining up to get a chance with him and basically worshipping him
Frat boy! Tony Stark who got in on an intelligence scholarship whoās has a new girl lining his bed every night and majors in robotic science whoās secretly a huge dork
Foreign exchange student! Frat boy! Thor Odinson whoās oblivious to how girls throw themselves at him more than he breathes and is an actual sweetheart who got scouted by the fraternity the moment he stepped on campus and is in the hockey team
Foreign exchange student! Frat boy! Loki Laufeyson who was forced into the frat by his dear brother Thor, who majors in literature which is how you bond and is actually such a playboy and girls drop to their knees at his words and accent
Frat boy! Bruce Banner whoās an angry drunk (š) and was forced into the fraternity by his best friend tony, actually escapes the house during parties and is a sweet boy whoās gets ignored by girls cause heās not a tall or outgoing or in their eyes āhandsomeā (who once beat the sh*t out of Loki while black out drunk) (see what I did there)
Frat boy! Clint Barton who secretly has issues about how everyone bullies him but he has a really sweet college girlfriend Laura! Who always has his back (was also forced into the frat cause of tony)
Frat boy! Pietro Maximoff who is forced into the frat when Wanda moves into the new house with y/n and nat cause he wants to protect her and is an honorary member of the girl squad, is the captain of the cross country track team (heheh), and is besties with Clint LMAO
Frat boy! Sam Wilson who is besties with Bucky and on the football team (idk a lot of football plays sorry besties) who is a simp for any girl and gets made fun of by Bucky because of it
Frat boy! Peter Parker whoās a inexperienced freshman on the baseball team whoās such a dork that tony took under his wing- he goes around the parties making sure all the girls are okay and nobody is getting taken advantage off and is an absolute simp for another freshmen who majors in literature (mj)
BRO I WANNA WRITE ABOUT THEM ALL BECOMING FRIENDS WITH y/n AND DEFENDING HER AND ASKING FOR HER HELP WITH HOMEWORK AND ESSAYS AND MAKING THE MOST IDIOTIC EXCUSES THAT MAKE NO SENSE
I imagine a scene where girls try to take advantage of drunk Thor trying to be the one to take his virginity cause look at him and y/n coming to his rescue and literally fighting the girl and locking Thor in her room where heās safe (this is where their friendship starts)
Y/n helping Bucky with his math, a subject heās tOtAlLy not failing, where he cracks jokes and doesnāt take it seriously until you stop tutoring him and heās begging you for help cause heās goin to get kicked off the team if he doesnāt get his grade up
Steve offering to model for y/nās sculpting class and taking his shirt off, facing her just trying to get a reaction out of her, and ignoring all the other girls offering him compliments and and throws random questions your way and cracking jokes trying to get you to smile
Tony helping you with a science project and using it as a chance to get close to you and flirt and try and get to know you, (totally takes over your project btw you barely get to do anything, āhand me that.ā āWill you get me something to eat?ā) (you got an A)
I imagine a scene where girls try to take advantage of drunk Thor trying to be the one to take his virginity cause look at him and y/n coming to his rescue and literally fighting the girl and locking Thor in her room where heās safe (this is where their friendship starts) (and Thor cuts back of the beer)
Loki and y/n bonding over authors when he finds you in his class (which he swears you were not in for the last four years) (you totally were) and start working on essays and projects together (who once kicked a girl off his lap when she saw a picture of you hanging in the hallway and started insulting you - he told her to leave the entire party and to watch her mouth (you were not told about this)
Bruce who invites you to come to him to his usual diner when one of the Friday night partyās gets to much cause he knows you have an essay due the next day and the music is taking over your room, helps your write it and stays out until 8am with you while you show each other your favorite spots around the city
Clint who you become great friends with him when he asks you for help picking out an anniversary gift for his girlfriend (you stay friends cause Laura and Clint are>>>>>)
Pietro who became friends with you in freshman year, when you became friends with Wanda, who sees you as another sister, who once beat your high school ex into the ground who showed ran into you in sophomore year at the mall (he was there with you buying a gift for Wandaās birthday) (you had kicked him away from you temporarily to go get his gift)
Sam Wilson who you became great friends with when he and Bucky had a fight when Sam was supposed to be staying in buckyās room (sm wrong with his room idk yet) and he stormed into your room rather than Steveās by accident and didnāt notice while ranting and body slamming himself on your bed (you let him stay and you watched legally blonde together and helped him and Bucky become friends again)
And finally!!! Freshman Peter Parker who fawns over your artwork all the time (itās more of a brother sister relationship) and stood up to your ex when he showed back up at a party and always asks for your advise on how to ask out his crush mJ and soon asks what he should wear to his dates with mj (itās literally so cute)
(dw your ex got chased away by Natasha who got Thor and Steveās attention and told them what he did to you) (your ex had to quite literally run away from them both after Thor threw a punch and broke his nose and he knew he stood no chance) (Steve sprinted after him until he was out of the neighborhood)
Description: When Y/N gets an unreal deal on her first home, she wonders why her neighbor scared away all the other buyers. Despite being cautious, she doesnāt fully understand what gave Bucky Barnes such a bad name.Ā
Pairing:Ā AU - Biker!Bucky x Fem/Reader
Word Count: 3,553
Iām obsessed with Biker!Bucky. This is my first attempt at an AU. So Iām pretty excited.Ā
The realtor watched Y/N carefully, trying to gage every facial expression and hum she made.
But on the inside, Y/N had fallen head over heels with the house. It was cozy and cute. There hadnāt been any other home that had as much natural lighting. The last owner had completely updated the whole place, but kept the vintage charm and character. It was sitting on a huge plot of land. But most importantly, it had a front porch that Y/N had always dreamed of owning.
āOkay. Whatās the catch?ā Y/N finally broke her silence.
The realtor seemed to be waiting for this moment, but still attempted to look confused.
Y/N narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. āThis place has been completely redone, yet kept with its original charm. There is more land than I know what to do with. Itās basically my dream home. So why is the asking price so low?ā
The realtor apparently knew she couldnāt get anything past Y/N. So she took in a deep breath. āIāve had a lot of trouble selling this house. The owner had to lower the asking price after years of failing to sell.ā She took in a deep breath and then walked to a window at the front of the home. She gestured toward the only house within a mile or two. It sat right across the street. āItās the neighbors.ā
Y/N observed the house as if she was trying to figure out the problem on her own.
āWhatās the deal? Drug dealer? Whore house? Meth lab?ā That was all she could think of that would deter someone from living in this perfect home.
āI forget that youāre new to this town. Mr. Barnes keeps interesting company. Most of the town is terrified of him and his gang.ā
āWhatās wrong with his friends?ā Y/N shrugged.
āNot friends. Gang. I meant that word literally. Rumor has it heās the head of the biker gang. People call them the Howling Commandos.ā
Y/N couldnāt help but laugh. āBiker gang!? Like Marlon Brando in āThe Wild Oneā biker gang?!ā This couldnāt be real.
āLaugh all you want, sweetheart. But that biker gang is the reason I canāt sell this damn house.ā
The realtorās stressed demeanor and slight annoyance finally made Y/N take her seriously.
āSo what? Thereās been shootings or stabbings in the area?ā
āOh god no!ā The realtor gasped.
āOkay⦠so noise complaints?ā
āYouāll hear their motorcycles coming and going every once in awhile. But the last owner of this house never called the cops on them once. In fact, she said that Mr. Barnes was nothing but polite and nice to her in all the years she lived here.ā
Y/N squinted. āThen I donāt get what the big deal isā¦?ā
āItās a small and conservative town, Ms. Y/L/N. People hear rumors and project their judgement on anyone that doesnāt fit into their silly mold.ā
Y/N nodded slowly and continued to stare at the house. āIāll take it.ā
āWhat?ā The realtorās jaw dropped.
āI said Iāll take it.ā Y/N repeated. She knew this house was a steal. But more importantly, she knew how ignorant people could be towards someone that was even slightly different. It even felt a little too familiar to the reasoning for move in the first place.
She made her offer and signed all the necessary paperwork and a few days later the realtor was practically dancing as she handed the keys over to Y/N.
A couple weeks later, Y/N had moved all her stuff in and immediately started nesting. Cleaning and decorating were completely underrated activities. No matter how long or hard it took to finish the tasks, one could always see how much progress theyād made.
Y/N was cleaning the front porch when she stared at her front door. The brown door was nice, but it didnāt feel like her. She used to always say she hated the suburban trend of having no colors in their homes. Everything was beige in every single house from her childhood. Sheād made a vow that sheād use as many bright colors as she wanted when she finally got to buy her own home.
Y/N looked at the door and a color just popped into her head. With a smile, Y/N practically skipped to her car to go to the hardware store.
It was when she was in paint covered overalls, on her hands and knees, sandpapering the door when she got her first glimpse of her neighbor.
As soon as she heard the roar of a motor, her head snapped up.
However, he zoomed into the driveway and straight to his detached garage at the back of his property so quickly that she didnāt catch his face. But she couldnāt miss his broad shoulders. Even though he was wearing a hefty leather jacket, she assumed it was sitting on top of a muscular body. She also noted his shaggy hair was that pulled into a small bun on his neck.
Y/N then glanced down at her outfit and was somewhat relieved he hadnāt seemed to notice her either. She was wearing baggy overalls and just a bralette underneath. Her sister called them her construction overalls with a tone of disapproval. Y/N just ignored her.
Y/N took one last glance at her neighborās house in hopes of catching a glimpse of him. But he was either hiding in his garage or slipped in a back door of his house. She shrugged and continued painting her front door. When she was finally done, she took a step back and stared at it with pride.
The brown door was now a hot pink.
āBecky what the hell is the matter with you?ā Y/N yelled into her cellphone.
āCome on, Y/N. Donāt be so ridiculous. Itās just a date.ā Her sister responded on the phone.
āYes, a date that I didnāt say yes to! I donāt know this guyā¦ā Y/N groaned.
āWell thatās kind of the whole point of a blind date. Mom and I think heās perfect for you.ā
āOh thatās just great. Now you and mom are plotting my life together. Thatās just fucking perfect, Becky.ā Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose, desperately trying to think of a way to get out of this. āListen, I still have so much unpacking to do and decorating. I donāt have time to go on a date. Nor do I want to.ā
āItās too late for that. I gave him your number and new address. Heās going to pick you up tonight at 7 oāclock.ā
āWhat! Becky! You canāt just give my address to strangers. Are you insane?!ā Y/N shrieked. āGive me his number. Iām calling to cancel.ā
āNope. Not happening.ā Becky was unfazed by Y/Nās reaction. āAnd heās not a stranger. Heās the son of a woman in momās book club.ā
āI literally hate you so much right now. I want you to know that.ā Y/Nās voice turned into a hiss. She didnāt bother waiting for a response before hanging up on her sister.
Lucky for her, sheād already unpacked the throw pillows for the couch. Immediately she threw her phone to the other side of the couch and picked up a pillow to scream into. After she let out most of her anger, she looked at the clock. It was already 5, which meant that she had two hours to get ready for this date.
It had only been a month since Y/N had moved further away from her family. Yet it didnāt deter them from trying to control her life. The day she got her first home, she felt a sense of relief⦠like she hadnāt taken a breath in years. But that freedom was clearly already being attacked.
Y/N begrudgingly showered, picked out an outfit, and groomed herself. The sick feeling in her gut got worse and worse as it came closer to 7. She had to stop herself from audibly groaning when the doorbell rang.
Y/N opened the door to find a tall and handsome man waiting for her. He seemed somewhat relieved and maybe even a little impressed when he finally saw the woman heād agreed to go on a date with.
āYou must be Will.ā Y/N immediately put on her charm. Even if she didnāt want to go on this date, she could at least make it interesting. Flirting was a game to her. One that she was almost too good at. It ended up confusing a lot of men and having them mistake her outgoingness for attraction and interest.
They immediately started with the awkward introductions and shared a laugh about their mothers being too aggressively involved in their dating lives. When Y/N walked out, she noticed the manās fancy sports car. In fact, the effort not to roll her eyes at it stopped her from realizing that her neighbor was walking to his mailbox at the edge of his driveway.
A few hours later, Y/N was being dropped off back home. She couldnāt lie, Will was sweet and a gentleman. But he came with a life that Y/N was trying to get away from. She felt bad already knowing that there wasnāt going to be a second date. She felt even worse when it seemed that Will was under the impression that there definitely would be.
Sheād given him a hug goodnight and thanked him for paying for dinner, even though she genuinely offered to pay her half a dozen times.
As soon as she heard his car disappear, Y/N let out a sigh of relief. She ripped off the dress. Even though she thought it was cute, it felt so restrictive. Taking it off gave her a weird sense of freedom.
Y/N looked around at her house. Sheād done a lot of work, but there was still so much more to be done. She needed to get out of the house, grab some airā¦air that wasnāt intruded by a strange man her family set up.
Since Y/N had her fair share of wine on the date, she decided going for a walk was the only responsible option. She changed into cutoff shorts and ratty t-shirt before grabbing a small purse and locking the door behind her.
She hadnāt been able to explore the area yet. Thatās why she was pleasantly surprised to find a grungy bar hidden in the trees a mile or so up from her house. It looked divey and a little rough around the edges. But it seemed so refreshing compared to the stiff and boring date sheād just been forced to go on.
āFuck it.ā Y/N muttered to herself before she walked to the entrance.
There were a dozen muscle cars and a bunch of motorcycles parked outside. Y/N couldnāt help but admire them before pulling the door open.
Y/N looked around and immediately knew she was going to stick out⦠even with the shorts and band t-shirt she was wearing. She just looked too clean and innocent. There was more ink than skin in the place. It practically smelled of leather and whiskey. The music was nothing that would ever be played on the radio. But Y/N loved it.
By some luck, there was a single stool open at the corner of the long bar. She made her way there and ordered a whiskey on the rocks.
āYouāre new.ā The female bartender said with a smile that completely contrasted the aesthetic of the bar she worked in.
Y/N laughed lightly. āYeah, I just moved here actually.ā
āHow about that. Iām Wanda.ā
Her friendliness brought a smile to her face. āIām Y/N.ā
āNice to meet you. What can I get you?ā
āCan I just get a whiskey on the rocks?ā
Wanda nodded and winked, moving to the other side of the bar to make the drink.
Y/N was able to enjoy a drink alone for about a half hour. Wanda would come over whenever she was free and asked her a question or two. She seemed to like having a girl to talk to. All the other women at the bar seemed to be with a group or with their significant others.
However, Y/Nās peace was ruined when a guy moved to her side. He acted like he needed to order a drink, but he was unnecessarily close to her.
Y/N wasnāt stupid; she knew this move all too well.
āHow ya doing?ā He looked down at her after he placed his order.
āFine.ā She responded without looking at him or sounding the least bit interested.
He didnāt pick up on it. āCan I buy you a drink?ā
Y/N finished her drink dramatically for effect. āNope. Iām good.ā
āCome on. You look like you could use some company.ā Then he caressed her waist and slid down to her ass.
Y/N slapped his hand away and shot up from her bar stool. It flew of its legs and made a loud bang when it hit the floor.
āDonāt fucking touch me.ā Y/N hissed as she finally looked at her harasser. He had dark eyes that made her feel empty. He also looked way to old to be hitting on her. But there was a danger about him that made her suddenly concerned for her safety.
āRumlow! Back off!ā Wanda came rushing over.
āIs there a problem here?ā Someone asked from behind Y/N. The voice was deep and grainy, filled with masculinity.
She turned slightly without completely turning her back on the guy who was apparently called Rumlow. She saw a tall man with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes that were currently glaring at Rumlow. On either side of him were two other men that were just as broad and intimidating. One had light blonde hair and eyes that could compete with the other one. The third man had dark skin and a face that said he had a gentleness he was constantly trying to hide.
The whole bar had gone silent, watching the scene unfold. This was not the attention Y/N wanted or needed right now.
āI was just trying to buy the lady a drink.ā Rumlow shrugged.
āReally? Because it looked like you were groping her.ā Wanda snapped from behind the bar.
Rumlow scoffed. āOh, give me a break.ā
Y/N was in fight or flight mode now. So she grabbed her wallet from her purse, grabbed $20 and slammed it on the bar. She gave Wanda a thankful and apologetic look. Without looking at the group of men that had interrupted, she hurriedly brushed past them. Y/N prayed no one would follow her, especially Rumlow.
She quickened her pace when she heard the door open again and heavy footsteps trailing behind her.
āYou okay?ā They asked with a surprising gentleness. It wasnāt patronizing, but sincere.
āIām fine.ā She answered without stopping.
āNeed a ride?ā They asked again.
āNo. Iām walking.ā She retorted and then swore internally when she realized the vulnerable information she just shared.
āItās over two miles to your house.ā They pointed out.
That made Y/N stop in terror. She turned around to find it was the same guy with the blue eyes. āHow the fuck do you know where I live?ā Her hand was already reaching into her purse, trying to find her phone so she could call 911.
The man smirked at her attitude. āIām your neighbor.ā
For some reason, that made Y/N relax. She still had never got a good look at him during the month sheād been living here. It would explain why she hadnāt recognized him. But looking at the man now, she noted that his hair was in that low bun again.
āIām Bucky.ā He stepped forward slowly, like he didnāt want to scare her, and offered his hand to her
She looked at his hand for too long. āUgh. Hi. Sorry. Iām Y/N.ā
His grip was strong and confident.
āHow did you know I was your neighbor?ā She asked softly.
āIāve seen you doing work around the house.ā He shrugged casually. āI like the pink door, by the way.ā He smirked as her eyes widened from the compliment.
She looked down at her feet and laughed. āYeah. Itās a little weird. But Iāve always dreamed of having a pink door on a house.ā Then she realized she really didnāt want to be in this conversation. She didnāt even know why she just told him that personal detail about herself. āIt was nice to finally meet you, Bucky. But itās been kind of a long night. Iām gonna head out.ā Her excuse was casual, like she hadnāt almost started a brawl in a bar from a dudeās inappropriate behavior.
āLet me give you a ride.ā Bucky took a step forward.
āIām seriously fine. I can take care of myself.ā
āLook, this area can get a little rough sometimes. Especially this late at night. If you donāt want to get on a motorcycle, thatās fine. Iāll walk you home. Or at least let me call your boyfriend.ā He held up his hands in surrender, like he was scared any sudden movement would spook her.
Y/N couldnāt help but laugh darkly. āYeah good luck calling a boyfriend.ā
Buckyās brow furrowed in confusion. āDo you want me to ask Wanda to drive you home?ā
āNo.ā Y/N said quickly. She had already caused enough problems and didnāt want to be an inconvenience. Wanda needed to make money off tips and good service. She wasnāt about to get in the way of that.
Before Bucky could say anything else, the bar door burst open. One of Buckyās friends was throwing a beat up Rumlow to the ground. His lip was split and his nose was bleeding.
āLearn some damn manners, Brock. Next time you harass a pretty girl, Iāll let Bucky handle you. I took it easy on you.ā The man scolded Rumlow.
āYeah, yeah. Go fuck yourself, Wilson.ā Rumlow spit blood on the dirt in front of him.
Y/N looked horrified and realized this place was much more dangerous that her naive mind realized. Using the distraction to her advantage, she quickly walked away and hurried into the shadows.
The road didnāt have any streetlights, which only added to Y/Nās tension. She almost broke out into a run when she heard the sound of a motorcycle approaching behind her.
Bucky skidded his bike to a halt as soon as he was parallel to her. āGet on.ā
āChrist. Youāre really not going to let me walk home alone, are you?ā Y/N groaned.
āHas anyone ever told you that youāre stubborn?ā He shot back.
āJust about everyone Iāve ever known.ā She couldnāt help but smile mischievously. But sheād given up on fighting him. If he really planned on killing her, at least sheād go out with a bang. Plus, it wouldnāt take the police long to figure out what happened to her. Girl moves in across the street from the leader of a biker gang⦠pretty straightforward.
Bucky smiled at his small success. He was about to tell her how to get on, but Y/N was already swinging her leg over the back of his bike like a natural.
āHold on.ā He instructed.
She gripped his shoulders, instead of his waist.
As soon as Bucky was speeding down the tree covered road, Y/N was glad sheād taken him up on his offer. She was so lost in thought on her walk earlier that she completely underestimated the time it wouldāve taken her to get back home.
But before she knew it, Bucky was pulling into her driveway. He turned off the bike and helped her off.
āThank you. For the rideā¦andā¦and for stepping in back at the bar.ā Y/N looked at the ground.
To her surprise, Bucky chuckled. āLooked like you had it handled.ā
She slowly nodded. āRight. Well⦠goodnight, Bucky.ā
āHey Y/N?ā Bucky called as she reached the stairs to her porch.
She turned around.
āDonāt be a stranger. Let me know if you ever need anything. Okay?ā His voice was firm and genuine.
Y/N just nodded, but knew she would never take him up on the offer.
When she was in the safety of her house and saw Bucky ride away, assumingely back to the bar, Y/N took in a deep breath. Her first interaction with her neighbor left her utterly confused. Clearly he ran with a rough crowd, she thought as the vision of Rumlow beaten and bloodied repeated in her head.
But Bucky also seemed genuinely cornered about her safety. The chivalrous intentions contradicted with the biker gang aesthetic. He had to be a criminal of some sort, right? No one was in a gang without breaking laws at some point.
Y/N didnāt trust him. But that didnāt mean she wasnāt deeply intrigued by him.
She went to bed and couldnāt stop thinking about how much she enjoyed being close to his warm body as they sped through the darkness.
Part Two
So let me know if yaāll are interested int this continuing. To be honest, been discouraged recently with the last of response on the past few one-shots/drabbles. Thereās really no point in fanfic if it feels like no one is reading or enjoying all the time and effort I put in.Ā
Hear me Now (Jotun Loki x Female Reader) (Au) (18+)
Summary : In 1983, Life seemed like a meaningless endless journey, your job as a cleaning lady wasnāt exactly adventurous but what will happen when you come across a being who finally speaks to your soul even when he doesnāt say a word.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9
Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12
Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15
Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18
Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21
Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24
Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27
(Found the picture on Google, if it's yours or you know the artist please let me know so I can credit you)
Like, Comments, & Reblogs are always appreciated and loved.Ā
**Please Do Not Repost My Work**
Posted:Ā April 29th
WARNINGS: per chapter
Characters:Ā Brock Rumlow x Reader, OMC!Blake, OFC!Shelly
Summary: It's all bullshit, something Brock is actually quite used to, but when he finds that Y/N is in some kind of trouble- well, he just doesn't think she deserves to be in it.
Summary: After Reader gives Bucky a massage, he realizes how much he likes her touch. // Or a friends to lovers story.
A/N - Iāve been working on this for like 3 months now lmao. This is wayyyy different than I originally sat out for it to be but thatās okay. Iām really proud of it and absolutely love it and I hope you guys do too. Itās really just a fluffy lil love story.
Warnings: language, sexual references, Buckyās shoulder and phantom pain, touch starved Bucky, grumpy Bucky, but he has a soft spot for reader, some PTSD stuff, Buckyās also anxious, and heās dumb and doesnāt realize reader loves him too, teasing, drinking, takes place during and after TFATWS
āāāāāāāāā
It all started with his shoulder. Because of course it would. Of course, amongst all the other shitty cards life dealt Bucky, chronic pain had to be in the deck. Unexpectedly, shoulder pain was apparently the rain that preceded a rainbow.
It felt like hell decided to take home there. An overall soreness, a dragging weight that felt like a boulder sat in his skin, along with an pricking sensation that was comparable to a hundred needles driving into his non-existent arm; which was a feeling he still couldnāt wrap his head around.
His spine felt twisted, convoluted by the 65 pounds of metal it upheld. He felt as if all the damn muscles in his back and neck were on the verge of giving out. This oh so common feeling resulted in a bad day. Bucky cursed the goddamn universe for giving him this daily predicament when painkillers were ineffective on him.
Also, the pain wasnāt ideal to endure in the midst of the chaos heād gotten himself into. Between the flagsmashers and doing anything, any work he could to get a lead; Zemo being an conniving instigator, always trying to prod at Buckyās head or give some kind of twisted sentiment to purposely offend someone; amongst many other undesirable circumstances from the past few weeks that heād been repressing, Buckyās threshold for irritation had been passed. He was just glad to finally take a seat and possibly bring his pain to a minimum.
You trotted into the open room, your attention falling upon the large figure slouched into the couch cushions. Your attention was on him most of the time anyways but your curiosity peaked at this particular moment.
Bucky wilted into the sofa, head flung backwards, eyes tightened shut and lips pursed into a thin line. His position looked like a poor attempt at alleviating discomfort. You could practically feel this stiffness of his body from where you where standing, as if he was the epitome of rigidity.
Bucky was utterly still besides the frequent expansion and collapse of his chest and the flaring of his nostrils each time air passed through. You watched his brows crease as he attempted to shift a bit, he shook his arm and rolled it in the air before letting it plop down on his stomach.
After your observation, you plodded past him, making a detour from your original route into the kitchen instead. You rustled through the cabinets to find what you needed, or more so what you thought would possibly cheer your friend up a bit.
You half way debated on wether you should actually bother Bucky or not. Heād been rather snappy the whole day. Words few and far in between, yet each one was laced with annoyance, leaving a sour punch to whom ever they were directed towards. There was a lack of his usual playfulness in his grouchy attitude.
However, you had a gut feeling about the cause of his increased moodiness, and felt that you could be of help. With that reasoning, you poured two glasses of Zemoās whisky, then carried them towards the couch.
The sudden feeling of cool condensation touching his palm alerted the man to your presence. Buckyās forehead crinkled. His nystagmic eyes followed your movements inquisitively, as settled to his right.
āWhatās this?ā He mumbled, staring down at the cup as if it were an oddity.
āA drink.ā You stated the obvious and he gave you a peculiar look. āItās not fuckin poisoned.ā
āOh good, I was so fuckin worried about that, you gave me a real scare.ā Bucky sneered. āNot like any poison could hurt me anyways.ā
You grinned at that and watched him take a mouthful. āYou good?ā You quieted your voice and provided a more caring, worried tone.
āIām fine?ā He shrugged, saying it as a question rather than a statement.
You rolled your eyes immediately, then took a sip of your own drink. āThatās a load of bullshit. Youāve been bitchy all day.ā
Bucky screwed up his face, squinting his eyes at you as if youād just offended him deeply. āNo I havenāt.ā
āYes you have.ā You mocked teasingly. āYouāve been in a shit mood, whatās wrong?ā
He paused to glare at you, then spoke without breaking his interrogative stare. āIs that why you brought me a drink?ā
āMaybe.ā
āSo if I agree, will you feel bad for me and keep āem comin? Or better yet, bring me snack, Iām kinda hungry.ā He propositioned with a mini smirk. You playfully punched his leg at the request. āOw!ā
āIām not your fuckin servant.ā You gritted with faux anger but failed to restrain the smile that grew. āSeriously whatās up with you?ā
āNothing.ā He broke his eye contact with you and shook his head.
āYouāre a shitty liar, ya know. And you keep makin that one face.ā You pointed out blandly.
āWhat face?ā
āI donāt know, the one you make when somethinās bothering you.ā
He grunted, then rolled his eyes and swallowed the last of his liquor. āYouāre dellusional.ā
āAnd youāre a liar.ā You shot back.
āWill you let me sit in peace?ā
āIf you tell me whatās wrong.ā You counter offered.
Bucky sighed and licked his lips. āMy shoulder and back hurt. Now will you quit fucking gripping at me?ā He reluctantly revealed with a semi-nonchalant tone despite the highly contrasting body language.
Your lips set into a slight frown, him confirming what you thought the issue was. āArm?ā
āThe one and only.ā Bucky grumbled.
āPhantom pain too or just muscle?ā
āBoth.ā His voice was now hushed, embarrassed more with every moment of this conversation.
āSet up a bit.ā You commanded with the wave of your hand, you then stood up yourself and began to walk.
āWhat are you doing?ā His features knitted together forming a scowl.
āChill out.ā
Your response only made him more skeptical of your seemingly spontaneous behavior. āNo, what are you doing?ā
āMy god, Bucky relax. Youāre gettin all defensive for nothing, ya big idiot.ā You laughed as you strolled to the back of the sofa, right behind where he was seated.
You trailed across his back to find where metal ended through the fabric of his shirt. You then placed your hands onto the taut muscles of his shoulder and lower neck. There was no give to them, youād merely rested your fingers there for a few seconds but could already feel the knots.
āYouāre touching me, I have every right to-oh, oh fuck.ā Bucky haulted his complaints with a blissful noise when you pressed your thumbs into the most strained area and began to move them in circular, forceful motions while your other fingers worked more lightly in surrounding.
āSee? Not so bad. Figured itād make you feel better.ā You hummed.
You forced your digits deep into the knots, grinding at them to loosen up his body. You payed attention to multiple spots, all along the rugged path of where his arm began as well as his spine and middle back, even his other shoulder. You massaged each gently and took your time.
Throughout, heād relaxed into your touch. The man released a few soft moans but when you reached a particularly tight spot around his ribs, he moaned rather deeply, sounding guttural.
āWoah Barnes, I think youāre likin this a little too much.ā You laughed, still working into him.
āFuck you.ā He bit, almost breathlessly.
āKinda sounds like you are fucking me.ā You teased boldly, with a flirtatious undertone.
āOh good, how hot is dream-me naked, scale of 1-10?ā You played along, trying to remain as blank as he did but amusement still poked through.
āNegative 20.ā He bit his lower lip and exhaled through his nose, attempting to hold back the tiny laugh that almost escaped him.
āSo hateful, Iām hurt.ā
āMm.ā He grunted, the pushed his body further into finger tips, causing the entirety of your palms and forearms to linger on him.
It was an action heād done sparsely throughout the massage. Youād readjust yourself and a few moments later, his back would press right into you once again, as if your fingers werenāt enough and the inch of air between your bodies was unacceptable.
At first it wasnāt on purpose, it was rather instinctual. The pure ecstasy your touch brought was subconscious but it grew into a forefront, hungry, craving for more. He was intoxicated on the way your gentle, warm hands took care of him. Touching him with a kindness and special affection that he hadnāt felt on his body since Steve, and even then very sparingly.
Bucky didnāt realize how dazed heād become on the feeling until you pulled away. Until you ruffled his hair, in one final moment of contact and then said goodnight. Your sudden stop and disappearance left him inexplicably disappointed. His shoulder felt much nicer, much more relaxed, yet there was something in him that felt unattended to.
The following morning, that odd feeling still resided in him but grew in intensity when he saw you. Something about it made his heart pang, almost as if he missed you, like he craved you.
Youād called him out for staring, for standing in the middle of the floor still as a statue, watching creepily. Bucky just shook his head defeatedly and claimed to be tired. Once brought back to his senses, he also didnāt understand how his tiny crush had grown in intensity over night. How it went from liking you normally, to what he could only assume was yearning for your company.
Oddly, he suddenly wanted to be by your side at all times but was admittedly rather terrible at hiding it. He tentatively followed you around and always stood next to you on the dayās mission work. Sam even questioned Bucky privately about why he was trailing behind you like a lost puppy, which earned a him death stare.
Something in his head was pestering him to get closer, to find an excuse to spend time with you and it wasnāt letting him rest. So Bucky found himself in the doorway of your guest room, his hands frantically wriggling, sweat starting to form on the right one. You laid, sprawled out on the bed, scrolling mindlessly on your phone. You hadnāt realized he was there, so it wasnāt too late for him to back out, but fuck he couldnāt resist.
āAre you busy?ā He asked, causing you to look up from your phone.
āNah, whatās up?ā
āMy shoulder hurts.ā Bucky stated awkwardly, but at least it was true, his shoulder did always hurt.
You smirked, knowing what he wanted. āMy hands are magic, huh?ā
āYouāre mildly okay.ā He scoffed.
āNo, no. Iāve gotta be a real good masseuse to have mr James Barnes begging for more.ā
Bucky shrugged. āWell, Iād rather ask you than Sam. Or psycho.ā
āSo Iām your favorite, is what Iām hearing?ā You questioned playfully.
āHell no, I hate you all equally.ā
āReally? You like me and Zemo equally?ā
āGood pointā¦.I like him better.ā
You dramatically gasped and feigned offense. āI hope your shoulder hurts like a bitch.ā
āIt does.ā Bucky stated, his tone not even sarcastic this time.
You laughed as you sat up and patted the bed. āCome here.ā
Bucky felt the nervousness wash out of his body and internally cheered at your notion. He sat on the bed side and you positioned yourself on your knees behind him. You silently began to work your magic on his body, relieving tension every second and placing him in a quiet paradise.
He liked that about you, about spending time with youā¦the fact that you didnāt have to talk. Chatting wasnāt necessary to enjoy his company and he appreciated it, because if Bucky was honest with himself, conversing wasnāt a strength he possessed. Anything beyond mission talk or teasing, and his brain would shut down, taking it seemingly 1-3 business days to reboot.
You never pressured him into opening up more nor were you like everyone else, who made off handed comments about how he should be more social. You just understood and accepted, which graciously provided Bucky with a sense of comfort.
After a while, your hands slipped away and returned back to towards your own body. Bucky turned to look at you and you flashed him a tiny smile to indicate you were done.
He nodded in understanding and shifted a bit as if he was going to leave, however you spoke up. āThinkin bout watchin a movie, you can stay and watch it with me if you want.ā
āYeah, uh, sure.ā His agreement was quiet and monotonous.
When you adjusted yourself on the bed and leaned against the headboard, your bicep brushed against his. You settled close enough to his body that your arm remained lightly touching him and your thigh was about to ghost him. Any time you moved slightly, youād somehow unintentionally touch him.
You seemed rather unbothered by the lack of personal space, your eyes were glued to the screen. Buckyās were glued to you, a pounding startled his chest from the faint contact. So minimal but to him it felt so intimate.
Soaking in that tiny bit of shared space made a light bulb turn on in his brain. He
realized then what he was wanting so badlyā¦to feel you.
He felt ashamed, he bit down his lip and a crimson color creeped over his face, but you didnāt notice due to your attention being elsewhere. His own head was screaming at him though, berating him for being a creep who wanted to touch his coworker.
It was like a craving though, something that wouldnāt die. Sure, he couldnāt ask without it being the awkwardest thing in the world and result in an upfront rejection. He certainly couldnāt just hold you without permission. But he could give himself a little taste right? It wouldnāt be so wrong to āunknowinglyā let his thigh skim yours if he shifted a bit to āget comfortableā.
So Bucky did just that, and you didnāt mind, you didnāt bat an eye, you stayed like that for the rest of the movie. He let himself have that tiny win, that itty bitty taste of the most delectable dessert. Itād suffice and fufill his need.
Except it didnāt.
The desire for you ate away at him over the next few days, it clawed up through his chest and was desperate to break free. Your normal presence wasnāt enough for some reason. It wasnāt enough to just talk with you, or sit next to you for a meal, or stay by your side on the mission.
He wanted to feel you. Bucky couldnāt look at you without thinking about it, without imagining your hand in his or your arms around his waist. This escalated to when his mind was too overwhelmed with demons, it started to comfort itself with illusions of you. Fantasies of you being there to tell him itās okay, as you bring your warmth up against his body, tenderly putting him at ease with your compassion.
In those passing days, he started to accidentally bump into you in the hall way, or reach for something at the same time so your fingers would brush. As the mission continued, Bucky started to give you pats on the back when you did well, or elbow you when teasing. If he was walking beside you, he occasionally would swing his hand a bit so itād āmistakenlyā graze yours.
Each time was like a short high, his mind turned to mush and his heart skipped a beat. Heād never show that these little āaccidentsā had an effect on him. Heād sometimes have to grimace to hold back his impending smiles, to keep himself collected and not seem like a complete fool.
He started asking you to go on walks with him when he was bored, and eventually would even come to your guest room before bed to hang out.
Thatās when he realized despite wanting to touch you so badly, he was okay with just looking, just observing and admiring you. He thought you were so beautiful and took in every part, all the littlest things, the way your nose crinkled when you laughed, the curve of your lashes and the way your eyes popped when light hit your iris. He liked your hair, and the way you slightly parted your lips when you were in thought. He appreciated the outline of your figure and the skin that showed when your shirt rid up.
He liked listening to you talk, your voice was melodic to him and your words always captivated his entire attention, nothing else could be more interesting than what you had to say. Anything that came from your mind was golden in his opinion. He thought you were the damn funniest person and loved how often you joked with him, you were sure to always bring a smile to his face. Bucky was gone for you.
Your friendship blossomed further, your bond was stronger than before. Thanks to you and Samās joint effort in re-exposing Bucky to socialization, heād learned to come out of his shell over those weeks. He stopped being so reclusive, even if he stayed on the quiet side, he attempted to be around others because in small amounts, it actually made him feel good. He started sharing more of himself with you and Sam, even Sarah, allowing you all to get closer and pushing his fears aside. He started to laugh more often, it didnāt feel so foreign in his mouth anymore.
Much to Buckyās surprise, he didnāt have to move past his invisible attempts at tactility because with time, you were the one who made the leap to further intimacy, and hell, he was glad. Glad to finally know what it was like to feel your warm embrace and even more so to know that you wanted it, you wanted him.
The first time you actually hugged him was after leaving Sarahās house and parting ways at the airport. You dropped your luggage, then wrapped your arms tightly around him and snuggled your body up against his. It had caught Bucky off guard, he initially froze at the unexpected gesture before he slowly returned it. He thought his whole heart, his entire being, was going to melt into a puddle. You stayed in his arms for a bit longer than necessary, like you were savoring it as much as he was.
āFor being so moody all the time, you give really good hugsā, is what you mumbled against his collarbone.
After that, hugs became a common greeting and goodbye between you two. They then transformed into more, youād lay your head on his shoulder if you were seated next to him or mess with his hair, youād even playfully wrestle with him.
The more open you were, the more relaxed Bucky became with fulfilling that craving he had. He started to put his arm around you, you took that as a notion to start cuddling with him at any given chance. Youād always nuzzle your head into his chest or call dibs on the position of big spoon. You became incredibly tactile, always touching each other, in any platonic form.
Then there was the first time you held hands.
Oh god, did that do Bucky in. It was at a PR dinner, celebrating Samās title of Captain America and giving him a grand introduction to the world. Pictures, interviews, all the good stuff. Beyond supporting your friend though, the two of you along with Joaquin were asked to come for good press as well. Capās crew needed to make their formal debut.
It was nice, the lavish food and elegant venue, the even gowns and tuxedos. It was an interesting change of pace for friends who typically hung out at home with some beers. It wouldāve have been a perfectly nice time if wasnāt for three grueling reporters, who poisoned things with their nasty venom.
Comments and questions about the winter soldier went flying, the first were mild but they grew into much more vindictive words. It eventually was shut down, they got bored of hearing answers of how utterly normal Bucky was. He gave them no reaction, his demeanor was chillingly cool and unbothered.
On the inside he was writhing, a goddamn anxious mess, and with every question his head became more brutal of a place to be in. He was good at masking though, great, a talent even. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene, to give them a reaction, to be humiliated further by display how easily triggered he was.
You knew. He had no idea how but you did; you always did, you could read him like a book with merely a single glance. He swore you had some secret power or something, because logically you shouldnāt have been able to see how hurt and anxious he was; but you did.
You didnāt say a single word. You subtly reached under the table and took his hand. Your grasp was firm yet tender, your thumb soothed over his skin in circular ministrations. It was a private comfort, you reassured him without anyone elseās knowledge of it.
It brought him a sense of calm he couldnāt understand. There was no logic for how a simple hand on his could put him at such ease, more than that even. It was as if everything else just stopped, as if nothing mattered except the way your soft palm and delicate fingers transferred their affection and support to him, sending a bush of warmth to his heart and an explosion of dopamine in his brain.
He knew you had to feel something to in that moment. Anything. That was the only time he questioned if your touch was more than platonic, if he meant something more to you.
Bucky decided against that however. It was a silly little hope derived from the spindle of thread his own crush left behind. You wanting him just wasnāt viable, but a man could dream and also could take as much as he could get.
Bucky got as close to you as possible without pushing that boundary into romance that he knew you very much would not want.
He immersed in all little things, all the soft touches, heartfelt laughs, and allowed himself to pretend you loved him. Just for a moment each time, just to get that rush of serotonin that filled his brain and butterflies that filled his belly. It was nice to imagine even if it wasnāt true.
As the months started to pass by, you learned his soul, and he learned yours. Bucky hadnāt felt so open and free with a person in decades.
You were there on his good days. When he felt like going out in public, when he cracked lots of dry jokes and sparred with you. The days when heād talk your ear off, ranting like crazy about how he hates rap music and how coke tasted better in the 40s.
But you were also there for the bad. The times when the missions were triggering, the times his nightmares got too bloody and his memories too violent. You were there for the panic attacks, the days he didnāt even feel like showering, the moments he got too angry and aggressive.
Youād seen it all and never judged, still stayed by his side. With tears running down his face, as his body quivered, you had cupped his jaw warmly and brushed your thumb over his teardrops. You cradled the back of his head and brought it into your chest, holding him tightly when he broke down more after your gentle gesture.
Being with you, even just talking to you over the phone, was equivalent to coming home after a long day of work. Bucky loved you with his whole being.
He never let himself be delusional though, he had to remember that you were just friends. He simply pushed down the detrimental thoughts that came along with that knowledge, he had too much negativity in that head of his already.
As long as you were in his life, it didnāt matter if you were his girl. Youād always be there either way and thatās all he needed.
Except Bucky didnāt take one thing into consideration.
He never thought about you getting a boyfriend, he never considered the idea of another man taking his spot in your life, taking you away from him. Until you told him you were going on a date that is.
Some random man you met in a coffee shop and he gave you his number. Youād apparently been texting for a week when he asked you out. Bucky was appalled at the idea of you being interested in a guy youād met once. Appalled and green with envy, that is. However heād told you over the phone, āthatās greatā, and pretended as if he supported it.
But it ate at him. Nagged him to death, the idea of you sitting at dinner with someone else, finding him handsome and charming, the absolute nightmare it would be if you liked him. That random getting to learn about about you, to hear you talk about yourself, to admire your beauty, and god forbid, touch you in anyway.
The more Bucky imagined the possibilities, the more chill he lost. By the end of the week, heād drove himself berserk, and Sam was the one to suffer a two hour phone call filled with Buckyās confessions (which he was already well aware of) and dramatic ranting. All of which, he responded to with āMan, quit flipping your shit and just tell her you like her.ā
Which was great advice. In theory, that is, because Bucky had decided that it was a set up for a soul-crushing rejection that he wouldnāt be able to withstand. So he said heād do nothing. Heād just suck it up, let you have your date, and try to be happy for you.
He lied. Bucky changed his mind on a whim that Saturday night and found himself knocking at your door, which soon was opened hesitantly.
āUh, hey?ā You said, staring at him quizzically.
Bucky pushed past you and let himself in your apartment, while you stared in bewilderment.
Your eyes narrowed as they followed his form, you then shut the door behind him, still a bit surprised at his sudden appearance. āWhy are you here?ā
Bucky looked you up and down, real slow with his eyes taking their time on each part of you as if he was hypnotized by you. āYou look nice.ā He mumbled, still dazzled by how pretty you looked.
āThanks, answer my question.ā You insisted hastily and it brought him back to his right mind.
āWanted to hang out with you.ā Bucky blankly answered and shrugged before sitting on your couch.
āOkay, for one, Iāve told you a thousand times that you canāt just show up here and put me on the spot. And two, you know I have a date tonight.ā
āAnd?ā
Your eyebrows crumpled in half annoyance and half disbelief at his audacity. āAnd I gotta be at the restaurant in like 20 minutes. Get your ass out so I can lock up.ā You demanded, gesturing at him then the door.
āNah, I think Iām gonna stay right here.ā
Getting impatient with his antics, your voice rose to a higher pitch. āWhatever, stay then. Donāt eat my whole fucking fridge again and if you leave before I get back, lock the door.ā You told them proceeded to start gathering your belongings.
āYou shouldnāt go, Y/N.ā
āWhat?ā
āCancel your date.ā Bucky suggested in a way that sound more like an order.
āWhy?ā
He stared at you for a moment, racking his brain for a reason. āBecauseā¦itās not safe.ā
āWhat the hell are you talking about?ā You sighed exasperatedly.
āItās dangerous. That guy could be a creep, kidnap you or something.ā Bucky suggested with loads of faux concern, evidence in his lack of eye contact.
You aggressively laughed and accompanied it with an incredulous head shake. āIām a goddamn avenger and Iāve kicked your ass multiple times, I think I can hold my own. You do realize how absolutely absurd you sound, right?ā
āWhat if heās secretly some kinda super villain? Then what are you gonna do?ā Bucky countered, eyes widened theatrically.
āYep, Jacob the accountant is totally super villain material.ā You sassed.
āI donāt trust him. Even his job is criminal cause itās so boring. Thatās why Iām not letting you go.ā Buckyās tone shifted to one more serious and angry, as did his facial expression.
āI donāt know what the fuck youāre on about.ā You spat then rolled your eyes and picked your purse up. āAnd I donāt know why you care about who I date so much but Iām gonna be late, goodbye Bucky.ā
āHold on a minute.ā
āNo!ā
You slid past him through the door way and trotted towards the elevator. He failed so miserably in his attempt but he couldnāt just let you go. Heād rather lose you knowing he tried than to just give you away to another man. It was now or never.
āFuck it.ā He mumbled to himself and ran after you.
Bucky grabbed you by the arm and pulled you in, the his lips crashed quickly onto yours. His tongue dipped on to yours and they weaved together. He melted into you, It was rushed, passionate and also a bit messy, but most of all, full of pent up affection. It poured out of Bucky and onto you during every second his mouth was on yours.
There was a moment of silence afterwards, just the two of you becoming lost in each otherās soft, adoring gaze. Neither one knew what to say. You were too stunned to speak, Bucky was too afraid of the repercussions of his own impulsivity. He knew he had to explain himself though, so he put on his best brave face.
āY/N, I canāt let you see another guy because I- godā¦I-Iām in love with you, okay?ā He broke out anxiously, every little fear being evident in his eyes.
You looked at him through your lashes with a loose smile. āItās about time.ā
āWhat?ā
āI didnāt actually like that dude, I just thought you werenāt interested and figured I should try to move on. Luckily, I was wrong.ā You laughed and then said more tenderly, āIām all yours, Bucky, I always have been.ā
Synopsis: It officially becomes apparent to Bucky that he is completely immune to the effects of alcohol. But without the liquid courage that he was hoping for will he have the guts to tell you how he really feels?
āNever have I ever blacked out and woken up in an unknown location.ā
Bucky took three shots.
āUmm, Iām pretty sure that youāre only supposed to take one, Barnes,ā you snorted.
He shrugged nonchalantly.
āWhat are you gonna do, arrest me?ā
You rolled your eyes.
āAgain, why are we playing a drinking game that you probably havenāt played since you were a college freshman?ā your friend Meg slurred.
āBecause Meggy, I need to see this man drunk.ā
Bucky gave a mockingly shocked expression with only his eyes and a slight nostril flare.
āWell, it looks like it might take a little while,ā your friend Isaac stated.
āHow much have you had, man?ā
Bucky thought about it and shrugged, and you giggled.
You had met Bucky a lot of times when he and Sam sometimes needed intel from the CIA. Eventually, you just became the one CIA agent that they (especially Bucky) came to nowadays. As time went by you kind of became friends, and you finally had the courage to ask him to come over for a little party that you were throwing with ten or so people. You couldnāt lie and say that you werenāt shocked when he showed up. He seemed like quite the introvert. You were even more shocked that he stayed as long as he did with only four of you left at 1 am.
āWait,ā you snorted taking a swig of your beer.
āI wanna know where the hell you woke up.ā
Bucky groaned.
āYou know how it goes. I was 16, one thing led to another and I woke up shirtless in a Brooklyn park. Thatās never happened to you?ā
You gave him a dumbfounded look.
āNoā¦ā
āYour loss,ā he teased.
āOkay, well I think that Meg has had enough,ā Isaac sighed checking the time and watching her head drift around like a bobblehead at times.
āThis one needs to get home.ā
He went to her side placed her arm around his shoulder and picked her up.
āIām totally capable of walking, asshole,ā she protested, but gave in 0.5 seconds later and held onto him a little tighter. You could tell that she might have been acting just a little bit drunker than she actually was just to play the damsel in distress that desperately needed him.
They still hadnāt had the guts to tell you that they had been sleeping together for at the very least a good month. And you knew he would most likely be staying the night with her. But just to watch over her.
āWell take a water bottle with you,ā you ordered pointing to the row of them you had set out on the counter.
āAye aye, captain,ā she slurred again sloppily saluted you.
āDonāt worry,ā Isaac reassured.
āIāll make sure she gets home okay.ā
āIām sure you will,ā you nodded.
He gave you a suspicious glare.
āOkay well Iāll see you on Monday Y/L/N,ā he continued.
āAnd Iāll see youā¦whenever, Barnes.ā
Bucky raised his drink to that and said goodbye as they walked out the door.
āAre they gonna be okay?ā Bucky asked.
āThey took a cab here. Do you honestly think that Iād let either one of them get in the driversā seat? After trying to compete with you?ā
Bucky gave a slight shrug.
āAnyways,ā he groaned like an old man while getting up.
āIām gonna help you clean up.ā
You looked around at the living room with multiple dirty dishes, and almost finished platter of nachos, and leftover pizza.
āItās fine,ā you reassured.
āIāll just do it in the morning or something.ā
But he protested by picking up some of your plastic cups. One thing you learned about Bucky, one could never stop him from doing what he wanted to do. So you gave in and followed his direction and began picking up.
As time passed while you were reorganizing the apartment from its party layout you learned that Bucky was actually pretty funny. Heād tell little stories about stupid things heād done in past times and present times, along with asking you about yourself. But he was a little bit shy about it as if not wanting to pry. But you liked it. You really liked his company.
āOkay Barnes, tell me,ā you inquired while wiping the last plate in the dish pile.
He was standing barely two feet away from you leaning with his back against the counter and sipping a glass of your strongest whisky.
āHow are you still seemingly so sober? Are you just an insanely good actor? Or is your tolerance just impossibly good?ā
Bucky sighed.
āI have a suspicion thatā¦I donāt think I can feel anything from alcohol anymore.ā
You shook your head.
āWhat do you mean by that?ā
āWhat I said,ā he retorted.
Okay fair enough.
āSince Iāve beenā¦back Iāve noticed that no matter how much I drink nothing happens. I think tonight especially attested to that. Damn, I really should have asked Steve about that.ā
His expression drifted off a little bit before catching himself and continuing.
āI think the only appeal is the burn now. And good alcohol still tastes good.ā
You thought about what that would be like. You werenāt by any means a heavy drinker, but you wondered what drinking booze was like without feeling a buzz. Non-alcoholic beer never appealed to you one bit.
āThat sounds like it kind of sucks. No more waking up shirtless in Central Park.ā
He rolled his eyes and flashed a somewhat tortured smile.
āYouāre telling me.ā
His expression drifted off again with his eyes glazing over. And he seemed to look a little bit uncomfortable.
āWell youāre pretty fun to be around regardless,ā you said.
He smiled.
āIām glad you think so. Iām not alwaysā¦great at these sorts of things.ā
He took another huge gulp finishing what was left in his glass. It must just be a nervous force of habit.
āI, umā¦I uhā¦ā he stuttered.
āI probably could have used a bit of liquid courage.ā
Why did he seem so shy? And damn why did that shyness make your heart skip a few beats?
You looked into his beautiful blue eyes staring back at you sincerely. And for some reason, your next inclination was to sit on the counter leaving only a few inches of gap between the two of you.
āWhat for?ā
He cleared his throat looking down for a few seconds before meeting your gaze again.
āItās stupid,ā he said shaking his head.
āSergeant Barnes,ā you said in a soft surprised tone.
āYou may make some pretty stupid impulsive decisions sometimes, but Iāve known you to never say anything stupid.ā
All he did was stare into your eyes making your heart flutter and beat so hard in your chest that you almost couldnāt stand it. He was not making the whole liking him without having the courage to tell him thing very easy.
He smiled looking down at the floor again.
āI uhā¦ā he took a deep breath. You were pretty sure that he wished that he could take a real drink.
āI think that thereās something you should know.ā
You were generally really good at reading people. It was pretty much your job to do so, but there was no way that you were reading him correctly at this moment.
He then reached his hand forward and pulled a stray strand of hair back.
āYou want me to know that my hairās a mess?ā
He smiled and exhaled through his nose. But he didnāt move his hand. With incredibly wide pupils he stared into yours, and you kept your nervous gaze locked on him. Was this really happening?
And before you knew it he was kissing you. And you kissed him. You couldnāt stop kissing him. The last thing you ever wanted to do was stop kissing him even if it meant never coming back for air. But eventually, he pulled away to where his lips were not two inches away from yours and gave you that devilishly charismatic smile.
āNo, thatās not what I wanted to say.ā
You giggled and pulled his face back to yours again and let him kiss you deeper as you held his face in one hand brushing his cheek with your thumb. There was no moment in your life that ever felt as perfect as this moment felt. And you hoped that he felt even half as much the same.
For the rest of the night, you spent time on your couch continuing to talk, and laugh, and just overall get to know each other. And of course, he or you would initiate a break by kissing some more. And next thing you knew the sun was coming up and it eventually was a bright sunny day.
You didnāt even realize when you had fallen asleep. The last thing you remembered was you sitting on his lap and talking about something that you couldnāt remember. All you knew was that you were comfortable with your head resting on his chest hearing the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and the soft rise and fall of his chest. He too was asleep with his chin resting on the top of your head. You hoped that he wasnāt too uncomfortable by seemingly not wanting to wake you up. But he didnāt really seem to be. He was still as a statue.
You decided that it was time to move and scooted onto the couch in turn waking him up.
āMorning,ā you whispered.
āI hope youāre not too hungover.ā
Bucky chuckled sleepily and then checked the time on his watch. You both couldnāt believe that it was 9 am.
āI should get going,ā he said and let out another old manās groan while getting up and you followed him to the door.
āI uhhā¦I think it might go without saying that I was hoping to be able to see you again.ā
You smiled because obviously, you were thinking the same thing.
āI meanā¦Outside of workā¦Like to hang out?ā
You giggled. You didnāt expect him to continue to be shy and bashful the way that he was.
āJust give me a time and a place.ā
His face lit up and he planted one more kiss on your lips causing you to blush.
āSo Iāll see you?ā
You gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.
āSooner than later,ā you replied.
He nodded.
And as he walked down the hall you couldnāt help yourself but to yell out,
āAre you sure youāre sober enough?ā
And of course, you smiled for at least ten minutes after he yelled at you to fuck off.
bro THE FUCKING STAR SCENE AND THE PART WHERE HES FLOATING IN THE WATER OH MY GOD IM SCREAMING THIS IS SO GOOD. SOMEONE HELP I CANT BREATH THIS IS SO GOOD
Oscar Isaac cycles through at least two different emotional reactions to this situation. The second gif, looks like,Ā āokay, that happened. Moving on,ā like, his biggest concern is that Khonshu just fucked them both over and now the best thing he can do is be quiet and avoid drawing more attention to himself. Then in the two paired gifs that follow, itās like the fear and helplessness are sneaking back up on him and heās struggling to calm himself and stay oriented. That third gif from the bottom looks like a Steven expression.
I think that what Isaac is portraying here, is disorientation regarding his internal state, rather than his external circumstances.
When he finally starts trying to defend himself and present his and Khonshuās case, he knows what he wants to say, where he is, and who heās saying it to, but he seems unsure of who he is at the moment. When he starts talking, he cuts himself off, rephrases, trails off into silence. This is uncharacteristic of Marc or Steven; if Marc doesnāt want to say something, he wouldnāt open his mouth in the first place, and if Steven thinks the person heās talking to wonāt welcome his opinion, he doesnāt give a shit and carries on anyway. But here he is, starting off defiant, trailing off mid-sentence, losing his train of thought.
I think theyāre showing here, are some of the less colorful symptoms reported by dissociative systems on Reddit. Brain-fog. Having trouble holding onto oneās thoughts and intentions. A frightening feeling of not being oneself. Just because Marc and Steven experience the extreme, unusual dissociative symptoms of switching, doesnāt mean they donāt also experience far more common dissociative symptoms like straight-up confusion and second-guessing themselves.
Marc hides his weak spots well, and Steven is extremely resilient, but they are, metaphorically, walking around with a knee brace, and Arthur Harrow and Khonshu just ripped it off and kicked him in the leg.