i could be wild and free

blair mehta || 27 || proud wolf

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

[ PRIVATE ]

Well… no. I don’t. Because I try not to think about it. It’s just what I feel I have to do. If I don’t I don’t know what’ll happen. Might explode. You really expected to die, didn’t you? I think you’ll get longer than that. As long as you don’t go looking for ways to get yourself hurt. Right? Gotta be strong for the pack by being strong for yourself. I’m glad this was the outcome, Blair. I’m glad you’re still with us. We’re still going to need you. Job’s not over yet.

[ PRIVATE ]

Makes sense but I feel like that goes against every piece of advice I’ve ever heard. Something about bottling things up. To die, or get exiled. Didn’t expect to be here, that’s for sure. But like you said, job’s not over and I’m still standing, so I’ll be here as long as people want me to be. 

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

[ PRIVATE ]

Our… reasons for wanting the punishments are a little different. What helps me is I’m constantly working on my body. Gym, diet, running until I nearly collapse which pretty much takes all day… I control everything that happens to it. It’s how I connect to my corporeal self when memories of that year as a wolf get too strong. How you feel is your call, Blair. Maybe we can’t do anything about it, but you can still share your thoughts. He gave you 20 years to… what? Live?

[ PRIVATE ]

Yeah, I guess they are. That makes sense. Maybe I’ll try it, see if it works for me. If not, I’ll have to figure out what does. Do you ever worry about getting obsessive about it, like trading one thing for another? How I feel is... the outcome is better than anything I could have expected if I’m being honest. So I’m not going to look over my shoulder about it. I did what I did for the pack. For someone who preaches so much about family, you’d think Thomas would understand that. I don’t think he was serious. Or maybe he was. Either way, it’s still longer than I thought I’d get. 

[mehtawolf]

presleystone​:

The only thing I’m actually mad at you about is that you only hit Isa. But it was also how I knew you were on our side.

It wasn’t because I thought you couldn’t handle it, or because I think you’re weak or broken. I didn’t want to put two wolves out of commission at the same time, and no offense to Isa, but people listen to you a bit more. I picked you because I thought if something happened, you’re the last wolf I’d want to render unable to fight if something happened. I’m sorry if I made you otherwise.

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

[ PRIVATE ]

Makes two of us. How do you feel about Thomas sticking around?

[ PRIVATE ]

Does anything help? It’s not my call. He gave me 20 years, which is 20 years more than I expected if I’m being honest. Kinda makes me wonder what the point of everything I did is though. Maybe I should have worked on Silas instead.

[mehtawolf]

presleystone​:

You were double agenting. It was an act. I’d be a pretty big bloody dick head to be mad at you for what you did while you were spying. For us. 

Look, I get that on a logical level, but I know that people don’t run by logic all the time. It’s still my hands, my voice, my words. Would you just... can you just pretend to be mad at me for like a week? Maybe then my logic and my emotions will sync up again.

[mehtawolf]

presleystone​:

I don’t have any really. I knew something was weird. In the barn. I confronted Ellery and she told me the truth. So  I played mediator. That way nothing got out of hand. 

And you don’t care that I did any of that? To you and Isa?

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

[ PRIVATE ]

I know a thing or two about guilt and feeling like pain is a way to absolve yourself. I don’t want to see you go down that path. Nothing will ever feel like enough if you do. You don’t need to thank me. I think everyone being able to see from your perspective and understanding why you did it is going to be a lot easier than you think it will be. They may even have an idea about it anyway after you stood up for them in the barn.

[ PRIVATE ]

You’re a little late on that front. I’ve been doing that ever since I lost Sam, but I hear you. I’m working on it, or at least I’m trying to. Maybe. I didn’t do it to win back brownie points. But I figured at that point, the jig was up. 

[mehtawolf]

presleystone​:

Sure, but I still need to know which part of it you want to talk about. You know, so we can start. 

All of it? Any of it? Any questions that you have, lingering resentments, literally anything. 

[mehtawolf]

presleystone​:

Codie’s on it but I won’t say no to more hands. What about it? I think Isa’s in our room but i haven’t seen her all day. 

She would, but I’ll help with whatever manual labor you need. I- Don’t you think we should talk about it? 

[mehtawolf]

presleystone​:

I fixed all the graves. So they’re deep enough and spaced out and there are actual markers now. And flowers. That I’m not very good at planting so someone might want to look at them. Everything should be ready for the funeral Miss Victoria wanted to make sure happened. If anyone else has any other ideas or suggestions for prep stuff, let me know. 

I can help with the flowers maybe. Sam and I.. we had a garden, and I probably still remember some stuff. And uh, I wanted to talk to you about everything. Isa too.

[mehtawolf]

idleteeth​:

Better, thankfully. You get that stink out of your hair yet? That can be a real bitch.

Good to hear that. You looked pretty rough. Three or four showers and baking soda rinses later, and I think it’s mostly gone. Otherwise I might have to shave it all off if the last bit doesn’t go away.

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

[ PRIVATE ]

You may have said and done all those things, but you’d have been a shitty double agent if you hadn’t. You were playing a part after making a decision to help the pack and the witches, and you played it well. Blair, I don’t think anyone’s going to blame you for that once they know the full story. I can imagine the point where Presley found out because her tone changed pretty all of a sudden. And if you’re thinking ‘well, Presley’s the most understanding one out there, not everyone’s going to be like that’, remember that Isa only punched you once, and that was directly after everything that happened in the barn too. Then she fell right into telling me to cool down. But now it’s over and I don’t think anybody else is going to punch you. What you did wasn’t easy, right down the decision to do it, you know? Thank you for doing it. 

[ PRIVATE ]

Yeah, that’s pretty much what Miss Victoria said when she told me she wasn’t kicking me out, again. And I told her that part of it is just... my guilt that I place on myself which I know I need to get over too. And yeah, I plan on talking to them next, just to like... actually have the conversation with them instead of talking around it. If Isa wants to get a few more punches in, I wouldn’t complain. Thank you, Cash. You Stone kids really are something else. Thanks for having my back even when it didn’t look like I had yours.

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

[ PRIVATE ]

If I see a skunk, I’m leaving you behind. Full disclosure. Tell me everything, gladiator. What in the hell was going on these past couple months, huh?

[ PRIVATE ]

Okay, but I’m tripping you if we see a bear. I- Honestly? I don’t really know where to begin? I guess...After the wolfsbane from Sabina and then the fear spell from Silas, I realized that we had to do something. Something more than just sitting and waiting and being punching bags, but in a way the vamps wouldn’t see coming. I hadn’t been back for very long, and I thought... I figured it would be easier if it was me who went in. It’s not like I have family here or anything like that. And I was gone for years so I could see you guys just thinking I’d changed or something. I talked to Ellery about it and she said it was my choice. That if something happened, she wouldn’t be able to get me out, and I was okay with that. Thought I was. But at a certain point, I can only blame the vampires for so long. I’m still the one who said all that really awful shit, still the one who tortured Isa and Presley, and I’m so... so sorry, Cash. I didn’t mean any of it, I swear. I’m sorry for all of it. For the things I said, for lying. I understand if that’s not good enough.

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

And smells nicer. Then how about we grab a couple of beers and spend a bit more time in the woods? If you’re ready, we can finally have that conversation we’ve been meaning to have. 

Depends what you manage to scare in the underbrush, but yeah. Let’s do it. I don’t think I can really avoid it for any longer at this point.

[mehtawolf]

cash-stone​:

Damn I’ve never been so happy to get back to training in the outdoors. Anybody else still feel like they could run a marathon right now after this morning’s session? I’m starting to realize how close I was to losing it in that manor these past couple months. 

I’m not sure about a marathon but I sometimes I don’t want to come back inside. It’s simpler outside.

[mehtawolf]

seancewren​:

I suppose not everyone has the same scrappy set of cards to play with. Good. Well, onwards and upwards. And now you can cross espionage and blood doll off your list of careers you’d be well suited for.

I think everyone’s got the cards they were dealt, and what they do with them is their business. I guess that’s the silver lining, right? Not that I really knew those were potential careers to begin with, but have to start somewhere.

[mehtawolf]

seancewren​:

Right, pack animals. Being alone is much easier if you can stand it. That does sound extra gross. Feeding is such an intimate, vulnerable thing, or it should be. How’s your heart?

Tried it for a time, and almost ended up dead. Alone might be easier emotionally, but not physically. Not right now. How’s my.. what? Uh, fine I guess?