MeKayB

One Thought, Memory, & Laugh at a Time.

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Life Renovations

I rang in 2018 on my couch, with a fever, cuddled in my white robe, next to my dog. The previous year had been a bad one to say the least. But, I was determined to make some serious changes, even if I had no idea what that looked like.

If you’re anything like me, then you’re a procrastinator, doubter, and avoider. I usually stand on the side lines and think “Good for them, but I wouldn’t be capable of that.” However, the Lord and I had had some serious talks. He revealed a lot to me, but he told me to stay strong, my girl, I’m preparing you. Though it was tough, I stood tall, tied up my boots, flexed my muscles, and said “let’s go.”

With only 7 months into marriage, 2018 began with Jordon and I contemplating divorce. We had shattered to a thousand little pieces due to betrayal, dishonesty, and unrealistic expectations (from both sides of course). Fortunately, with HARD work, character changes, counseling, new friends, our church family, and the Lord, we found our way back to each other.

I still remember the day that Jordon came home early from work and told me to get dressed, that we were going to church. We hadn’t sat down for 5 minutes and the pastor addressed us and connected us. Now Jordon plays drums for the worship team and I am their social media director. Not to mention, we have an awesome community and found strong friendships within.

During this life renovation process, Jordon and I bought our first home and rescued our second husky! I also left my job as a barista for a veterinary hospital. If you’ve read my blog post titled Detours, you know all about this. Going into this job, I had no idea why the Lord said “Go here.” but between the relationships I’m forming, the knowledge I’m gaining, and the strength I’m building in this type of environment, that foggy window is becoming clearer.

Even though I loved working as a barista and really enjoy my new job, I originally started this year with a career goal in real estate. This goal is particularly scary for me because, once again, I’m a watcher, not a doer. However, throughout this year I successfully completed my 60 hours pre-licensing course, passed one of two sections on my test, and have two brokerages interested in me! This girl? Actually accomplishing a goal? No way!

Despite all the things that happen to me, I can’t leave out what happen within me. In the midst of this amazing progress, I struggled with doubt, forgiveness, and my relationship with the Lord (still working on these things). However, these tough times brought me patience and I’ve formed impeccable mental strength. After all, I’ve been facing my deepest fears with no option of avoiding. I had to be authentically honest with myself. That is scary stuff!

Anyways, this year is definitely one for the books. It picked me up, shaped me into place, and set me at the starting point to the woman I want to become. That woman is unafraid, strong, persistent, loving, honest, and God seeking.

I will happily walk into 2019, knowing that I conquered the hardest, but most shaping year of my life. I hope you can look back and find moments to be proud of while allowing your failures to be nothing more than that. Undoubtingly, 2019 will bring hard times along with the good. Just remember, even when it is tough, stand tall, tie up your boots, flex your muscles, and say “let's go.” Happy New Years everyone.

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Seasoned Memories

Fall has always been my favorite season. The changing leaves, crisp air, sweaters, campfires, pumpkin everything, comforting scents, and lasting memories. As I sit, staring out a raindrop covered window, on this cool September day, my mind takes a trip back. 

I can still see my mom painting pumpkins on our glass door, while I meticulously placed spooky decorations around the house. Then, there's that one time, our family built a black tarp haunted house in our garage! The neighborhood kids ran with fear at the sound of my dad's cranked chainsaw. 

I can remember that new found freedom of my first car. John Mayer on the radio, driving through back roads, windows down, and beautiful blue skies. Even now, 8 years later, when I take a ride on a clear fall day, the voice of John tends to escape my speakers. 

I can hear the precise chants from the sidelines as a cheerleader and the sloppy sounds of a mediocre band as a marcher.

I can anticipate smiles on my sisters face when we cuddle blankets in a oversized sweaters, coffee in one hand, and pumpkin spice Chex Mix in the other. We will talk and laugh, then end the night with our eyes glued to a screen showing Clue or Halloween Town. 

I can feel the love of my family gathered around a fire, roasting marshmallows, and singing out of key. The song lyrics "Would you want to take my picture, because I won't remember" reside with me from those night. 

The past few years have been difficult times. I have felt the joys of fall, of course, but not in the way I used to. 

Today while I perch near an autumn candle who’s smell fills the room, I began to soak it in. You never know how much you miss a feeling until you’ve lost it and let it return. 

Now, I’m making new seasoned memories in our first home. I’ll look back and see our yard, covered in cheap Halloween decorations, as my husband puts in the final touches. I’ll remember the wind in my hair as we fly down back roads and roam near cotton fields. I’ll hear the loud voices of new friends, talking over one another, in excitement of their fall memories. I’ll anticipate new pumpkin loaf recipes made with the fresh pumpkin puree. Mostly, I will feel the warmth we’ve created in our home, around our favorite season. 

I encourage you to stop for a minute and soak in the moments that bring you joy and peace. There is so much hope that lives through these blissful memories. You never know when you’ll need them to help you through a tough season.

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Detours

As I laid in bed the thought hit me: In just a few weeks I would be 24 and by the end of the summer I would have been a college graduate for two years! Yet, I am still in the same spot now, as I was then. Don’t get me wrong, these past two years at Starbucks grew me in ways I never imagined. But once I realized it wasn’t my career, I knew it was time to move forward.

SO I cleaned off my electric Yamaha piano and put it up for sell. Luckily, I was able to get just enough money to sign up for a Real Estate class. I sat through 60 hours feeling more ambitious than ever before. Now that it is over, all I have to do is receive a letter containing my background check so I can register for the test.

In the midst of this straight line success, an acquaintance recommended I apply for a job opening. No way; I had one goal and nothing would move me from that path. Besides, I had already stepped down from my management position at Starbucks so I could focus on Real Estate. But as usual things weren’t working on my time.

A few weeks have turned into almost two months and at that point money started to get a little tight.

SO as a woman who truly believes in the power of prayer, I began praying for new career opportunities and financial help. But still no letter.

As I worked on my daily task at The Bux, I looked up and saw that familiar face. We exchanged small “Hellos” while I prepared his normal. I handed him the drink and attempted to say “Have a good day”, but curiosity poured out instead. To my surprise that position was still open. He appeared to send a text, then gave me a number to contact. In a matter of 3 days I reached out, interviewed, and accepted a position at a veterinarian’s hospital.

Plot twist, I was pretty upset. I am very appreciative of this opportunity, but when I prayed for a new career and financial help I meant with Real Estate, not a vets hospital. I felt like I had, once again, failed at staying in one direction.

But the Lord has a funny way of putting me in my place when I stop looking towards him and try to do it all by myself. Romans 8:28 reminds me that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. Even if you’re not religious, I’m sure you can relate to unexpected turns that have worked in your favor.

No, I’m not saying I’ll giving up on my Real Estate goal. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason even if we can’t see the bigger picture.

A.J. Darkholme wrote “The most fulfilling adventures happen when you start your journey without knowing where you’re going, because only then are you free to experience the unexpected detours you’re meant to take.”

So tell me, where have your detours taken you?

All thoughts, opinions, ideas, and experiences welcomed!

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Be a Tree

What is your deepest fear? Marcus Aurelius once said “It’s not death one should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” If I’m being honest, my fear is never finding my true purpose. My name is Brooke Harrell. I am 24, I have a degree, and wide range of work experience. I have a house, a husband, and two beautiful Huskies. I have a newly found church home, family who loves me, friends who support me, and people who are rooting for me. But beyond these titles, I have no idea who Brooke is and that scares me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am thankful! But no matter who I am to others, or the things I’ll accumulate as I go through life, there is an emptiness in not knowing your true purpose beyond the day to day.

In the midst of this epiphany, I’ve discovered another thing about myself: I’ve let this fear take over my life. Instead of finding me, I’ve concerned myself with others and this “To Do” list. Because who has time to figure out themselves when there's SO much to do, right? You see, I have written a character, and I play their role day by day. Unfortunately, life isn’t a movie, so I have to figure out how to rise above this.

Over coffee, while waiting for our shift to start, I was discussing this thought with a friend. Side note: I hope everyone has a friend who speaks truth and light into your life. He can reiterate stories better than I can, but in similar words he told me this: During the droughts of California people worry about the water supplies. Meanwhile, the trees are absorbing gallons of water daily. Weirdly enough, those people are not going around cursing the trees for taking in so much. These people understand that if the tree did not take in the water it needed, it wouldn’t be able to do what it was designed for, which is to grow strong, provide shade and shelter, along with other things. In other words, do not neglect yourself. It is okay to take in what you need, so you can grow into that strong person with an obvious purpose.

Wow, right?

This week has been a busy week with new beginnings, endings, high emotions, and lots of doubt. Not to mention this summertime depression has me further down than I’d like to admit. Fighting hard with myself to have positive thoughts during a shift, I waited for the next order to come through. I slipped my hand into my apron pocket and felt a piece of paper. It was a note that read “Don’t forget to be a tree.” I couldn’t help but smile. In that moment I didn’t feel so defeated. I remembered that every experience, both good and bad, are leading to my bloom.

So friends, I would like to encourage you to take in every moment without fear. Find joy in your growth. Take the time to do something you love. But most importantly...

Don’t forget to be a tree.