Felines in Flower Crowns

If you give me that, our love will be eternal

[gallusrostromegalus]

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

[starathsbunker]

#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus

I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious

[gallusrostromegalus]

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.

[bumblebeebats]

Found my 53yo very-much-not-online father in the kitchen today meticulously arranging cutlery on the countertop and i was like 'what are you doing' and he looked up at me with the world's most shit-eating grin and said "Your mother told me this is how you rick-roll the Youth" and i looked over and it was fucking. Loss.jpg.

[bumblebeebats]

i must stress that he's never seen the original comic. My mother simply showed him the shorthand symbol and he memorized it. As far as he is aware this is just a fucking hieroglyph that deals instant psychic damage to everyone under the age of 30

[bumblebeebats]

[thememedaddy]

[neko-mancy]

just saw a "only one bed" fic with the major character death warning

[dontbreakthechain]

#i guess that's one way to solve that problem

[idabbleincrazy]

“This bed ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

[mevil]

[filmphotofranz]

source

[anton--rayne]

A random white boy there is indeed historically accurate Chinese Civil War

[the-semicolonoscopy]

It’s Pride Month Eve, so leave out some milk for Freddie Mercury and his cats.

[the-semicolonoscopy]

Time for the annual Pride Month reblog of Freddie Mercury and his fabulous cats!

[eightfifteen]

Crazy how many people want characters in fiction to speak and act like they’ve had 20 hours of intensive therapy. Could NOT be me I want these bitches fucked up insane

[plutojester]

[doingthewritethings]

my friend briar and i lovingly call this one ‘therapy speak joker’ and it almost caused her to drop biological samples one time

[dizzyghoast]

i think the joker should start talking like this for real. no other character should do this only the joker. i want batman to have to deal with this

[teaboot]

Would you be comfortable with me sharing the story of how I got these scars

[fair-itself]

That would have been an incredible episode of Batman: The Animated Series, though. Joker gets out of Arkham, having convinced the psychs he's rehabilitated by speaking in fluent Therapy. Bats spends the entire episode losing his mind, because he KNOWS it's an act because NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT and Joker reacts with total calm and understanding when he finds Batman in his pantry at 2AM. "You're violating a boundary right now, but I realize this behavior is caused by a history of trauma. Can we talk about how your inability to trust negatively affects those around you?" Meanwhile steam is just coming out of Batman's ears

[seriousfic]

Are you in the right headspace to receive information on you potentially being overserious?

[catchymemes]

[ex0skeletal-undead]

Not sure how this works when shark skin is so incredibly smooth

[tiktoks-i-enjoyed]

[great-and-small]

Don’t mind me just thinking about the hole in the middle of the United States where Chipping sparrows refuse to fuck

[great-and-small]

[dingdongyouarewrong]

there's a post i'm desperately trying to find, and all traces of its existence seem to be completely nuked. if anything i'd just like confirmation that i'm not fucking hallucinating the post.

first post was a photo or maybe a YTP of doug walker, the nostalgia critic who remembers it so you don't have to

i'm specifically looking for a reblog though, which said something like:

"i've pissed next to this guy (we run in the same con circles in illinois) and i'm pretty sure he's a robot who needs to operate his os because we were both at the urinals and he was just staring at the wall smiling at nothing the whole time"

[dingdongyouarewrong]

OH MY GOD I FOUND A FUCKING SCREENSHOT OF THE POST, WHICH I TOOK BACK IN 2020

ITS REAL

[mosslingg]

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

you can know the punchline but you can’t stop it from punching you.

[mighty-meerkat]

i do also feel the need to add that phil8248 really liked the joke. he said his wife had always had a dark sense of humour, even about her illness and death, and seeing the joke made him feel like he was laughing with her one last time.

[moonlitstargazer]

[snail-mail-33]

dumb questions the Boston Raiders would (want to) ask Ilya about gay (sex) if they knew about Hollanov

Does it still count for the playoffs sex ban if it's with a dude? You know, like the poophole loophole. No I'm not asking for me! Wait that's not why you picked a man right?

Can I bring my girlfriend when we go to Boston Pride? Or is that not allowed?

Do you guys just get to leave the toilet seat up at home?

Are men better at sucking dicks?

Wait so were you lying about liking Dunkin too because I thought gay people prefer Starbucks?

Aren't you sad you'll never be able to do to it raw? And the follow-ups: doesn't it make your dick smell like ass? Wait but you never have to worry about getting pregnant that's awesome bro.

Are you going to make me vote now?

How can you tell you're like actually into dudes? Because like I can look at a dude and go “yeah he's hot” but I don't want to bang him

Aww man you must miss pizza. Because of the gluten. I thought gay people can't have it?

If you got married who would be the groom?

If you could suck your own dick, do you think you'd be more turned on by having your dick sucked or by doing the sucking?

Does this mean they'll let us in the gay clubs now? Because we've got a gay.

So who nags you to put your socks in the hamper? Dude you guys must have socks everywhere.

Did you just bang all those chicks so people wouldn't think you're gay? Because I think you might have overdone it bro.

Is that why Hollander randomly started dressing well? Because he turned gay?

Who sends you the flags? Have you got yours yet?

How the fuck did you know he was gay before you hit on him? Or have you just been trying to pull half the league and Hollander's the only one that took the bait. Wait did you hit on Scott Hunter?

(drunk and emotional) please don't have Hollander’s babies until after you've retired. We need your body for hockey

I just can't get my head around what you guys do together. Like do you just hang out doing dude shit and then fuck? Like do you play Xbox and then suck each other off? Because that sounds awesome.

Have you ever got turned on by your own dick?

I thought you had to go to college to be gay?

[snail-mail-33]

Hahaha incredible you can't hide this in the tags @fight-me-with-a-chip

[cheese24k]

[forest-kiss-deactivated20160407]

I remember when I first watched this show, I played this part at least 5 times

[peopleareaproblem]

Narrator: “Water. Unlike other cats, long-haired Persians need regular baths to keep their luxurious coats healthy and fluffy. Reginald doesn’t care if he has a prize-winning coat. He just wants the ordeal to be over.”

Reginald: *meows in distress*

Narrator: Unfortunately for Reggie, there’s one last step. He’s about to learn that getting wet is nothing – compared to getting dry.”

♫ TRIUMPHANT FANTASY MUSIC ♪

@captioned-vines​

[bunjywunjy]

creature of all time

[rhube]

I just remembered that this was a thing that was HILARIOUS in 2006 and apparently that was ten years ago now.

Old people: join with me in remembering how funny we found this on LiveJournal.

Young people: look at this lolrus, it’s so happy, it has a bucket.

And then they stealed away the bucket and we realised we had fucked up a perfectly good elephant seal and given it anxiety.

[pipistrellus]

listen this vintage meme is high quality and i will hear nothing said against it

[rhube]

20 years. I am not happy about this.

[demonicsymphony]

I’m delighted at the bucket reappearing but dismayed at the passage of time

[luminouspica]

Happy 20 years to Lolrus and his bucket!