a letter to my boyfriend
youāre probably never going to get this, but there are some things i need to get off my chest.
I still remember the feeling of my heart racing and the butterflies fluttering in my stomach every time I got a text from you. The feeling of my blood rushing up to my cheeks as I eagerly opened my phone to talk to who would eventually become the love of my life.
You treated me like a princess from the start. The suggestive jokes hinting at us eventually dating secretly filled me with so much hope, and you calling me ābabyā when we werenāt even dating brought joy in my heart. And finally, our late night calls till 5 in the morning, scattered with hushed āi love youās and muffles giggles. I fell for you sooner than I thought I would, and eventually are ājokesā of getting together became more and more serious, till we were practically begging one another to ask the other out.
And finally, the day came. I remember excitedly checking my phone every 5 seconds, eager to meet up with my hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend. I had decided that morning that today would be the day that I ask you the big question, since we both know that you were too scared to. Iāll be honest, I was worried. I thought Iād mess what we have up and that Iād lose one of my closest friends. But I have no regrets.
I canāt remember what it felt like to hear you say yes. But I do remember the feeling of your arms pulling me close as we hugged, and the calming wave that washed over me as you held me in your arms. The only words I could think of were I love you.
And now things have changed so much. Perhaps I fell out of love, or itās the distance between us. Maybe the stress of school finally got to our heads or maybe because we, as people, have changed. I havenāt adapted to the lack of āgood morningsā and āgood nightsā. My heart still yearns for those late night calls where we spill our secrets and confess our love, or the way youād look at me so lovingly with your beautiful, dark eyes.
I miss how things were. I know youāre trying your best, but I canāt help it. I had grown so accustomed to the constant stream of messages between us that now I eagerly check my phone each time it rings, praying that itās you. But it hardly is.
I think deep down we both knew this would happen eventually. Iām sick of pretending that Iām okay with it, because Iām not. Although, I guess there isnāt much that can be done.
I donāt know why Iām writing this.. but thank you for an amazing 5 months. Weāve been through thick and thin together and I love you, despite the pain and uneasiness in my heart now. I hope one day we look back upon this period in our lives and laugh. Laugh at how young and stupid we were, and how everything worked out in the end.
I think Iāve rambled on too long now.
Love,
your sweet pea.
15/01/2020 12:40 AM
