I’m not okay right now, but I’ll be okay. Later, maybe. Right now, it’s about my future, my present. And not saying “ours” anymore, because Lord knows he left a long time ago.
I’ve been walking with a shadow, talking with the echoes, and now I’m lost, unsteady...
He said I hammered his wings onto the back of my black toyota avalon, but baby, I pressed that gas pedal to the floor, broke off the rearview mirror and let him fly.
Fly over those biking trails he missed, God damn that bitter scent of coffee he burned into my favorite Long Beach mug.
Yeah, I saw those pictures. Should’ve taken the hint by how you cropped me out.
You think I’m sitting home alone crying, or maybe not at all. You seem pretty busy texting all those “friends” of yours.
I should call you out. Tell your friends what you said about them. Because that’s what love is about right? You said I owe you for that last gift. Gift. Ha.
You see baby, my days on my knees are over. You used to make me laugh, laugh so hard until I cried, too loud you said, it’ll wake the neighbors you said, I had to be quieted you said.
You kissed my neck with your hands, and my mouth, my nose, with the other. My god, you said, why can’t you just shut up.
And I walked around bragging about my beautiful love. The love that spilled over onto the breasts of another. Because I couldn’t understand him, you see. We were too different, he said.
My heart’s beating too fast. I’d gladly never sleep again if it means I’ll never see you again. Those lying eyes. You were always so sad, so mad. So tired of the fighting. But baby you were never too mad to want to fuck another piece of meat.
I’m mad too. Why the fuck do I have to grieve over your lying cheating douchebag self? Okay, cupid, tell me what you know. You strung me along until you could find another lay.
God I was so easy. I made it easy. Why was it so easy to climb over you, stroke you until you shook, broke my jaw returning favors for you,.. And you still said it wasn’t about the sex. And now I know why you were right, it wasn’t about the sex, it was about you.
I was fine to have around as long as I worshiped you for the God you believed yourself to be. The anti-hero that the world just couldn’t save. And I fell for that story, because I wanted you to save me too.
But you were quick to pack your bag and leave. I hate myself for asking you to stay. But I’ll forgive myself as long as you never come back.
Because I’m strong enough now. You thought you had me figured out. You thought you were finally flying away from the toxic melody calling your name. What is your name? You don’t even know.
The rain’s falling on my windshield, and my wiper may be broken, but I’ve got a full tank and I’m not stopping at your shitty Love station.
Because I might have never loved you, but you loved yourself enough for the two of us.
If I forget, the blood stains on my favorite blanket will remind me. I’m not welcome in your world anymore. And that’s fine, baby I’ll deliver your passport back to you with your broken computer.
These broken pieces on the ground are not worthless. I’ll pick them up, wipe off the footprints, and put them back where they need to be. I’ve got a special box and a key, and there’s no butterflies.
I’ll Taylor Swift your 22nd birthday into ashes and let them fly free along with wind. Because, that’s what you wanted right?
To be free. So free you will be.
This crazy island will disappear off your maps, so don’t you dare come looking. My friends are not your friends, so keep your dirty hands and filthy eyes off of them.
You thought you knew me. But baby, I thought I knew you too. Push me again, and I’ll push you back.
That bruise on my thigh, the one that made me limp for a week, might have been excused by your parents. The hole in wall that you kicked though, those marks you left on the bathroom door I locked and cried about, might have been overlooked by my mother.
But I see your pretty lies for what they are now. You’re not welcomed anymore. I’ll wear black in case you forget what you meant to me.
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