#MEMCRS : a record of events written by a person having intimate knowledge of them and based on personal observation. an exclusive blog written for thesocietyhq , adored by em ( 26 , est , she / her ).
nervous fingers pick absently at the grass beneath her , gaze skimming over the small pond. the house was loud tonight , too many voices layered over each other , too much movement in the hallways , not enough space to just breathe. she'd slipped out without saying anything , finding her way to sit at the waters edge of a small pond she often returned to. " it's weird. " she keeps her eyes forward as footsteps approach from behind , turning a small stone over in her free hand a few times before tossing it and watching it skip across the waters surface. " you spend your whole life dreaming about freedom , and then you get it and it's nothing like you thought it'd be. "
it was funny how despite always being a lover of nature and being out in the open, being outside now felt equally as claustrophobic as being inside. i guess there's a lot of irony in the current situation they were in, nate can appreciate it a little bit although a bit side of him refuses to accept this is a new reality for him. he hummed at her words, looking ahead at the water, almost deep in thought. " i mean . . . what really is freedom anyway ? how does one even describe it ? i think i've learned to accept that things are never quite what you think they are going to be. " he added softly.
she wanted nothing more than to run away from her feelings. to keep pushing things down until you couldn't push it down anymore. ana missed their past - whatever this was too. when it felt simpler. when their days were full of laughter and jokes. not avoidance. his disappearance from her life was felt. it was something she missed for a long time. their past memories haunting her almost with what they once were. it felt like something was weighing so heavy on her chest. that she just wanted to blurt out. to see if she was the only one that was feeling this way. and if she was ? she'd let it go. the lingering feeling of hope... she couldn't push it away. it was hard enough to look at him and miss the way it felt when they were together. fooling your heart was the hardest part. no matter how much her brain told her to get over it... her heart continued to pull her back to him on a constant loop. her stubbornness was one of her worst traits.
maybe now was a good of a time as any to talk about the things that they didn't want to say. their problems seemed so far away. yet still was there. the tension seemed to fill the air more than their words ever could. anastasia was not good at confronting her own feelings, she'd rather push things down rather than being honest. to not confront them. to not let it continue to eat her up inside when it came to nate. it was slowly becoming unable to be bottled up any longer. "we're all just trying to figure this out as we go and we have no idea what we're doing. but then again ... when did i ever have any ideas as to what i was doing ?" ana kept her tone light and playful. though, some truth was there. "as you should... make sure to keep that noted. i'm feeling pretty lenient today, lucky enough for you." the way he looked at her made her realize that he understood exactly what she was saying. that it wasn't just about the town situation but them. the blonde's smile soon faded as if that lightness of the mood for a second didn't just occur. her gaze now meeting his own and it stayed for longer than it should have. "nate.." she'd say in a low tone of voice and gently reached out for his arm. "i don't know if i can do this - pretend that i don't know you when i do. or walk in the other direction when i see you coming, maybe you can do it... i just really don't want to do that anymore." the words came out before she could even stop them.
he can feel somewhat of a shift in the air, not too drastic but subtle enough in the way his chest feels kind of heavier, everything moving just a beat slower, almost as if he was being pulled under water. his brain almost mentally torturing him with every single memory, even the ones he had thought he had long gone forgotten. silly of him to even consider he had ever moved on, in the slightest. the only thing he had left to do was curse himself out. maybe even curse her as well, it was easy to compartmentalize the pain and the blame between the two of them, ridding himself of some weight.
he would be lying if he said he had heard anything she had said at the beginning. he also couldn't even attempt to give an answer to her questions, suddenly the topic of the situation the town was in seemed irrelevant. unimportant. insignificant. so he pushed it aside, his focus being only in the last words she spoke. his head was spinning, his balance felt off like he couldn't trust his footing. his eyes moving away from her face to notice her reaching out for his arm. he went somewhat tense, not expecting the gesture but not pulling away either. the silence on his part was haunting, even for him. he opened his mouth multiple times to try and speak yet no words came out, closing it again. eventually, he stepped a bit closer, not too much, but enough to feel like he was breaking the invisible wall between them. " no. no. i can't do it either. god, i really cannot do it. and i'm glad you said that because i sure as hell don't want to either. "
super difficult to deny. and ana didn't know if she could deny it anymore. doing their best to avoid each other when it was now becoming more and more apparent that it wouldn't work. they would run into each other anywhere they go. and all of the work they were putting into avoiding each other ? was it even worth it at this point in time ? apart of her wanted to just scream out about why they were doing what they were. why they couldn't just talk and have a normal conversation with each other ? rather than have one that was them trying to tip toe around the topic they were trying to push away. here they were. this was hard... there was no doubt about it. ana had nowhere else to run and hide. time to be face to face with the reality that practically made her heart skip a beat to memories that seemed distant.
walking away may have been what she would've done in the past. it was getting harder and harder to pretend that she didn't care about him when she did. harder to not talk to him when he was the only person she wanted to talk to and no longer could. the longing and the thoughts of him wandered her mind more often than ana wanted to admit out loud. "the million dollar question. the how and the why... the reasoning. no one knows anything. will we ever ? i'm realizing we are slowly going to have to figure this out for ourselves and take the days as they come." it was hard to be positive. especially when you were transported into quite literally a new world. "who could be? anyone would be scared of this. all of our reactions to this have been valid so far, i'd say. extreme circumstances... you know what ? i'll allow you to run out of it for today... but if it happens again ? i'll be putting you on notice, mr callahan. "finding herself joking with him felt familiar. once she realized that she almost fond herself laughing again she brought both of her lips together and put on a small smile, hoping to bury the everlasting tension that never seemed to continue to be between them with each passing word. "they say chaos is never good.." a pause for a moment; this time taking a deep breath in before her gaze drops to him for a minute. ".... do you think it'll always be like this ?" not elaborating much. partially pertaining to being in this world... partially pertaining to them.
despite his instincts to want to run away and lock himself somewhere so he never had to face her again, he couldn't deny a part of him missed . . . this. whatever they are, or whatever they were to each other once. although things are obviously not what they used to be, there's a lingering feeling underneath. part of the reason why facing each other feels so treacherous. nate's starting to really understand why people say you can't fool your heart, no matter how much you train your brain to gaslight it. he didn't know now if they were waiting for the other to bring up the elephant in the room, or if neither were ready to open that whole can of worms yet . . . so, he chose silence. or, a futile version of silence since so much was being said, just not verbally.
on the bright side, if nate could even call it that, the situation the town was in was the perfect excuse to not confront any of their baggage ; nothing he loved more than a distraction to avoid important issues. some might see him and think he's quite the coward for this, and he wouldn't disagree with them. hell — he'd be the first to call himself out on it, always priding himself in being brave and daring and yet . . . but it's so easy for things to be so difficult for him when it comes to her. " i guess that's what makes it worse . . . no one knows anything. we're all just throwing shots in the dark. well . . . how nice of you, ms. crawford. i'll make sure to remember that. " a fleeting smirk crossed his face before he quickly regained his composure. her question made him ponder for a bit . . . he could read between the lines, sensing she was talking about more than just the situation of the town. he allowed himself to really look at her for longer than a second. " i don't know . . . " he answered honestly, a sigh escaping his lips. " i really hope not. "
status. open to everyone, @societystarters .
location. anywhere there could be a crowd .
“ what do you think? ” handing her phone off so they could get a better look at the screen. specifically, the group photo she managed to snag in the midst of all the discussions. “ i dare you to tell me that's not the perfect photo for the 'surviving ... whatever this is' documentary they're bound to make whenever they figure all this out. ”
nate took a quick look at the phone and the picture for a minute. he turned out to be quite impressed with it. " wow . . . nice work. i think it perfectly describes whatever the hell this is. no one hit me up if they do make a documentary of this though, i'm not willing to relieve it a second time. but, ignoring all of that, it's a good picture. you could be a professional photographer . . . unless, you already are and i'm out here speaking nonsense. "
“you and me both… i'll take anywhere else.” she echoed his own words, nodding softly. ryan couldn't allow herself to think this was anything but temporary. – how could it not be ? she was sure they were going to wake up any minute from whatever nightmare this was. she had a funny image of someone watching them from a control room, relishing in their misery. “how long do you think we're going to be here for ?”
" you know . . . i want to be optimistic and say we'll be back to normal in no time, but optimism is not really my forte right now. " he chuckled in disbelief, this kind of behavior not usual for him; he'd be the type of guy to be so obnoxiously optimistic that it'd get borderline toxic. however, these conditions weren't giving him the opportunity to be that person. truth be told, he doesn't want to admit he's afraid of what's gonna happen, not one for being vulnerable with just anyone, so trying to appear unaffected was the obvious way to go. “ but let's be a bit . . . delusional, shall we ? i think a week, tops. how about you ? ”
ana could now feel the pit of butterflies swirling around in her stomach at the sight of him again. the all too familiar blonde that used to make her heart skip a beat when nathaniel as around. it would be a lie to say that wasn't what still happened. could she really even attempt to avoid him now ? it would never work out successfully. not in this kind of situation that they've found themselves in. ana was just going to have to accept that fact. which was that she couldn't run from it. from him. their past. the memories. was there a way to move on from things ? feeling like the universe had pulled them back for a reason. wow... she really didn't think she'd be this nervous. having to take a breath before speaking in order to get her thoughts together at once. if she looked him in the eyes for too long, she may have broke. too many memories would come flooding back if she let herself think for too much.
no longer letting those thoughts wander in her mind for just these few seconds. maybe ana held that power over him, but he held the same one over her. almost like a magnetic force being tugged apart and then pulled back together multiple times. "yeah, well. i had a feeling when they said there's apparently no way out of here. it's just like... then how in the world did we even find a way in here ?" so many questions... with barely any given answers. "you think it's going to get worse ?! way to be optimistic." slightly joking. " i feel like that's the last thing we need. everything going downhill before it even starts to get better. we're going to get some organization going, we have to. i'm scared to find out what'll happen if we don't." something had to start changing. and it had to start now. mostly them being here but also... whatever it was that was keeping them apart. unspoken. but still evident and a topic they may not have wanted to discuss. "i guess we're all just ─ lost"
it was difficult to deny the pull between them, even after so long without interacting with each other. as much as he feared this confrontation or meet up, a part of him secretly longed for the day it happened, although his behavior would not indicate that in the slightest. one thing you can say about nathaniel is that he is determined. avoiding ana was mission number one for him, and up until today he had considered the mission a success. yet . . . here they were. he couldn't deny he was nervous, his lack of eye contact and body facing forward instead of her were proof enough.
somehow, he was surprised when she replied, maybe a part of him thought she was not gonna say anything or even walk away. he tried to shut his mind off to not think about how her voice brought back many memories he spent so long trying to push away, to the point where it was almost like he had to force himself back to reality. " yeah, well... that's the million dollar question, isn't it? " it was anyone's guess how they ended up here and in this situation. " i mean . . . i can't be optimistic all the time, you know . . . ? i think i ran out of it. consider this extreme circumstances. " he followed through with her joke, a low chuckle escaping his lips, his attempt to try and diffuse the suffocating tension in between them. " i don't think any of us wants to find out, so, i'd say we better get on that as soon as possible. chaos is no one's friend. "
the blonde was still so confused. this couldn't be real ? could it ? "so we really aren't in some weird dream that we can't wake up from ?" seemed like one to her. anastasia was still trying to process all of this. not having any contact with the outside world was surely going to prove to be hard. "how chaotic do you think this all will get ? " ana was full of questions. ones that may not even have any sort of answers yet.
nate has to admit life really plays some twisted jokes at times. he thought this whole situation with the town was crazy enough . . . but, he couldn't be more wrong. needless to say, this present encounter was absolutely drilling his head in, he was not emotionally nor mentally prepared to face . . . whatever this is. after purposefully trying to avoid her like the plague, life had other plans.
he let her questions hang in the air for quite some time, maybe a bit too long. in all honesty, he didn't know what to say. it's like his mind went blank, suddenly, the guy who always has something to say now lacks words. and this he definitely blames her for, this always happens when she's around, it's like her own little power over him. after a while, a dry chuckle escaped his lips, her question being very well timed to what he was feeling. " unfortunately not. " everything was just odd right now. no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't understand what was going on or why. " i think you mean how much more chaotic will it get. everyone's already freaking out as it is, i think it will only get worse as the time goes by. granted we don't manage to set some sort of . . . organization or something . . . you know ? "
“ no , i call absolute BULLSHIT, ” ryan shakes her head, a scoff escaping past her lips as she eyes the other. “ this is some sort of sick & twisted documented social experiment. like, fucking love island unhinged ! ”
" you and me both. " he spoke, eyebrows raised in somewhat disbelief. he was glad he wasn't the only one here who was struggling to grasp what was going on. " this might actually be worse than love island, i think i'd rather be there right now other than in whatever type of hell we're currently stuck in. "
it didn't take long for mickey's mind to spin into overdrive as soon as they all woke up in this town that wasn't really their town. it was like her brain, that already worked too fast for its own good, had been turned up to ten. it was easy for her jump right into theory mode and start to try working out this whole thing. she had taken refuge in the high school, commandeering one of the classrooms and scribbling all over the whiteboard with the things they knew (which was very little at this point).
after ransacking all the bookshelves she could around town, mickey was making her way back to her little study. arms full of books about everything from text books about blackholes to science fiction that talked about time travel, nothing was off limits when they woke up in a place like this. going down the road, one of the many books she was carrying fell and bending over to pick it up was a recipe for disaster, the whole stack would fall over if she even tried. seeing someone else outside, she called out- "hey, do you mind helping me out? i feel like its all going to go down like dominoes if i try."
in full honesty, nate was having more trouble wrapping his head around what was happening than he thought he would. he would consider himself a pretty adaptable person, it's to him his best quality but this situation is turning into a rare exception where he's just . . . not. or at the very least, struggling quite a lot to make sense of it. luckily for him, he's also the best at ' faking it till you make it ' so, even if he's not grasping what's going on, his body moves naturally as if it has a mind of its own.
he found himself running around town, talking to people and asking questions, trying to see if other people's insight might be helpful. that's when he noticed a familiar face going down the road with way too many things on her arms, which it proved to be true as one of them landed on the floor. he headed towards her, picking up the book from the ground. " uh . . . i hope you left enough books for the rest of us. " he said, teasing slightly. " here, give me half of those. " he didn't really wait for a response before taking a few off her arms. " may i ask where are you headed and what's all the books for ? "
( rudy pankow, he / him, cis man, twenty eight. ) did you see ( nathaniel callahan ) around west ham lately ? whenever i think of them, i can’t help but picture ( sending nothing but memes in a group chat, heart-to-heart talks at 3am, a loopy smile and an honest heart, a pile of books with the edges folded over and the contrasting feeling of anxiety and tranquility ) i’ve heard that they’ve taken up a role in this “new world” as a ( expedition group member. ) people say they’re ( exuberant, advevnturous and adaptable ) but can also come across as ( enigmatic, impatient, and indulgent ) if i had to pick an anthem for them, it’s probably ( young blood by noah kahan. ) as for where they’d be staying, you could probably found them at ( house number eight ) in my opinion, they’re probably ( the wanderer. ) intriguing, right ? don’t count on this being the last you see or hear from them…
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 : 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒.
full name: nathaniel callahan. nicknames: nate. dob: october 17th. age: 28. birthplace: west ham, connecticut. current residence: west ham, connecticut. gender: cis man. orientation: bisexual. occupation: expedition group member. character inspo: chad dylan cooper ( sonny with a chance ), chad danforth ( high school musical ), jake peralta ( b99 ), austin moon ( austin & ally ), andré harris ( victorious ), caleb rivers ( pretty little liars ), nick miller + winston bishop ( new girl ). label: the wanderer. living in: house # 8.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 : 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘.
our story begins on the windy morning of october 17th. after hours in the waiting room, the crying sounds of a baby are heard in the hallway; two parents are welcoming their first child into the world: nathaniel. everyone in the callahan family was awaiting that moment. only a couple hours born and the sound of endless laughter fills the room, turning into a permanent echo in nate's head. his parents were both enthused, his arrival was a gift for both of them and their little growing family. it took the couple about six years to have a child due to a never ending share of complications. luckily for them, and the couple, things turned around for the better.
now, the first few years of nate's life were pretty memorable, his parents were wonderful, even though they always seemed to be busy with their careers, he never truly felt like they were totally absent in his life. sure, sometimes they would miss a school play or two, but they were pros at distributing the absences between the two of them equally ( if his mom wasn't there, his dad would be and viceversa ). however, after a while it became more and more noticeable how there was less effort and intent on keeping up the present family act; a reality nate was forced to accept pretty early on. looking for his parents in the busy room, face full of shine and hope only to not see one familiar face.
years of this alternate reality he thought he had to be living on managed to simultaneously do a number on him while also not. one thing he always managed to be excellent at was distracting himself and downplaying what he was feeling or going through like a professional, kind of like second nature. he considered school and his studies, and subsequently, college that perfect excuse. if he wasn't studying or at classes, he was spending as much time far from home as possible, always finding or making up a new plan with friends or just about with anyone so he could be out all night.
currently, after the shift that the town experienced he decided to join the expedition group member, not really thinking about it twice. it was exactly the kind of place for someone with nate's profile.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 : 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘.
if you look up the definition of extrovert in the dictionary, nate's face would show up. he is an incredibly social person, someone who is desperate to know what you’re thinking or what are the things that make you move. incredibly expressive, he kind of wears his emotions on his sleeve, he doesn't hide what he is feeling. he always tries to be the person in the room to make the dumbest joke if he senses that the air gets the tiniest bit tense so as to lighten up the vibe. he is a perfectionist and super self-critical, he’s probably his #1 hater in the sense that he always thinks he needs to try harder, like he’s not doing enough. he could be doing a summersault and it could come out being incredible but he would still say ‘ i need to try harder, let me do it again ‘, it’s somehow never good enough for him, he’s really critical of his work. holds himself at an unrealistic high standard that he thinks he never reaches. he is a very people driven person, very empathetic, can sort of be an emotional barometer for everyone around him. loves making connections with people, has a very deep desire to be liked therefore is incredibly sensitive to feedback whether it is positive or negative, obviously negative feedback affects him way more than the positive still not knowing how to not let it get to him as bad as it does.
he's very emotionally in tune when it comes to other people and being open with others about their emotions, he loves connecting emotionally with others. he doesn't try nor hides how he feels, being very upfront with his emotions. if he's angry or sad, he'll let you know and you'll definitely see it. he is a very calm person, he doesn't let anyone or anything disturb his peace. he prefers to not give other people that much power over him. in a emergency situation you can always count on him to keep his cool at all times. never one to emotionally explode, not because he's ashamed to show that or is unable to express that but because he thinks that not everything is worth or deserves a reaction. so, if he's gonna exhaust himself emotionally, it has to be for a good and deserving reason. he is constantly challenging himself, whether that is going out of his comfort zone or experimenting with new things, he hates feeling like he is stuck or trapped, so anything that gives him the sensation of adventure, release or change is incredibly important to him. he likes to pretend like he doesn’t catch feelings but he actually does so ridiculously fast, this clip defines him. when it comes to relationships, he doesn’t really care about privacy unless we’re talking about really meaningful, intense relationships; those he actually protects from everybody with a lock & key. but anything that he might consider foolish and meaningless, he doesn't really invest that much time or deep care for.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 : 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.
best friends:
ride or die:
ex - flings ( could've ended good or bad )
pr relationship:
flirtationship:
frenemies:
unlikely friends:
good / bad influence:
someone he just can't seem to click with, no matter how hard he tries, they just don't get along: