Damn Dude @memefck-blog - Tumblr Blog

Can we please stop making scary shark movies? Sharks are pure sweet babies that don’t deserve this slander. They just have bad eyesight. Don’t be mean to them.

If you had told me when this picture was taken that id be dating this nerd then i probably wouldnt have believed you but here we are

#i need a tag for you shit

just-shower-thoughts

Someone in my city is currently having sex, giving birth, and dying.

unadulteratedpiratepizza

That person needs to slow the fuck down

sinfilth-moved

self care is drinking 3 pots of coffee and getting into a knife fight w god

#me rn

fivethousandcats

its so amazing that i live in a year where the sentence “be careful while going out and catching pokemon or the clowns might get you!” is valid

lilleneiu

I don’t think this works with big dogs,,,

thatsthat24

It most certainly does.

i cleaned my house i deserve a nap

if you ever wanna know what i was like as a child just know that i once walked into a strangers home bc they had a dog

khaleesi

In honor of Lord Byron’s birthday I would like to remind you all of the time that Shelley and Keats, having not heard from him for some time, became concerned for his safety and it was determined that Shelley would go looking for him. Keats received a letter some time later that Shelley had found him in Venice, where he’d been having so much sex that he’d nearly died from malnourishment and dehydration. Keats’ entire response amounted to essentially, “You should probably have let him.”

friendlyfrankenstein

“I found him, he’s in a gutter.” “Well go put him back”

Im dead inside

mymodernmet

c3rvida3

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.