thoughtsofshino:
to say he had been nervous about the result would be an understatement: although the worst case scenario was getting pushed away and rejected in disgust and risking woosung hating his guts and avoiding him for the rest of their time in the company, some might argue that lukas would still be able to move on and find someone else just fine. sure, that was true, but right now what he wanted wasn’t someone else.
that was why a new rushing sensation filled him when the younger didn’t pull back, when his actions were even reciprocated.
for a moment that was all there was. the moment, the silence, the two of them sharing a dear moment of intimacy. for a moment it was everything. and then it was over.
yet it still took a few seconds before the reality and the meaning of the situation hit woosung. thus he responded with expected confusion. honestly there couldn’t be a lot of reasons for lukas’ actions except the most obvious one. but because of their different personalities, woosung would know that lukas didn’t do it because of a lost dare, and lukas would know that woosung would still find it hard to acknowledge himself to be the cause. such was the curse of low self-confidence and a tendency of disregarding the obvious when it was in your own favour.
sticking his bottom lip into a pout lukas voiced his feelings. “isn’t it obvious? are you really going to force me to say it outright? you’re kind of cunning, aren’t you, woosung ah?” the last bit was said more with a chuckle and a slightly teasing tone as he knew that wasn’t the cause. but he felt it was in his right to tease the other a bit if woosung was going to put him in such a situation.
“i wanted to do it because i had something i wanted to know. you might call it a theory that i wanted to test out.” as he spoke, lukas averted his gaze only a tiny bit and an index finger ran up to rub his nose bashfully. “i was certain about my own half in this theory but needed to confirm the other. maybe you can think of it as a sort of experiment…” after all he couldn’t just say it straightforwardly. his old mates at university would have laughed at him for this but they weren’t here anyway, so who cared.
“well. as for my theory i am very close to having it confirmed, but you can’t base results on speculation alone, so i need to ask a question.” a deep breath later, lukas locked eyes with his junior. “han woosung,” he called out in a serious tone of voice. “do you like me? and with this i don’t mean as a friend. after that kiss, do you want to look at me and think that the kind of ‘like’ you feel inside yourself is purely towards me as a friend?”
‘Cunning.’
The word cut Woosung like a knife and he visibly flinched back, a look of hurt briefly flashing in his eyes as Lukas misunderstood him. Though really, Woosung couldn’t really blame him for it. How was the older boy supposed to know why Woosung harboured the insecurities he did; Lukas was many things, but a mind-reader surely wasn’t one of them.
“N-no, that’s not what I meant, I--!” Again, babbling fills the air, though this time his words are tinged with frustration. Though not solely at Lukas; in fact most of his frustrations were directed at Woosung himself, as usual. Any further outburst was quickly quelled at Lukas’ sudden shyness, something that was out of character enough to distract him momentarily.
And had Woosung not been in the turmoil he was in, he’d have found the dorky explanation the other boy was giving absolutely adorable. In fact, a part of him did think it was the cutest thing ever, but his own anxieties kept it from dominating his thoughts.
Unconsciously, Woosung mirrored Lukas’ own breath in, biting his lip hard as the other spoke, clenching his fists in his jeans tightly as the other’s words ring through the air.
“Han Woosung,do you like me? and with this i don’t mean as a friend. after that kiss, do you want to look at me and think that the kind of ‘like’ you feel inside yourself is purely towards me as a friend?”
“I.... I!”
His first attempt to answer failed as Woosung shut his eyes tight, leaning forward slightly with a stifled sob. A moment passed before he dragged himself upright again, eyes wet with tears and lip trembling as one hand shakily went to the collar of his top.
But, after an eternity, a nod. A confirmation. A confession.
“I-I... I like you, hyung! I really, really like you as more than a friend! For so long...” Woosung heaved out, shaking and blinking back tears. “But... I wasn’t being cunning o-or trying to trick you w-when I asked why someone like you would want someone like me. Someone....broken!”
So saying, Woosung pulled down the collar of his shirt to show Lukas the faded, but still visible scars on his chest than branded him as ‘that sick boy.’ The one who’d been in hospital all his life.
The one who’d never be completely well.
“I’m not.... you know I needed a new heart, right? And that I might need another one in ten or twenty years? And that I’ll never be... Lukii-hyung, I just don’t get it...” he whispered with another soft sob.
