When Life brings you down...
Our distance has been going on for more than 9 months now. I moved from London end of June and never imagine it would be this long to get back there. Someday it feels very hopeless. In a dark room, I panic from the thought that I might never find anything. Thought running through my head until my head explodes...Not only is my head hurt from this, but also my confidence and hopes drops to a level under zero. I pray in silence for that chance, that luck to appear in my life so I can spend my eternity next to the love of my life and not having my career given up on.
In silence I hear the water running in the forest in our garden. I open my eyes and see the girl room of mine, I feel like a kid, a kid with an adult mind that wants to be out of the cage. Im halfway there with finding the love of my life and planning our future together. Love is beautiful, but no one ever told you the stories behind the scenes. I look at people unmarried after full hands of fingers that counts up to the years of partnership, how do they live on like that? how can a commitment, or even a wedding that suppose to happen once it life not be happening to them? What does their parents think of that?
And then i have my parents...The most important factor to keep me great a little easier. But at times, the oxygen level reduces. I suffocate and panic to the point i cry in floods... All because of generation differences that comes with different value thinking than people in my generation. My authors of my guideline of life is suddenly not practical and I’m feeling my brain hemisphere goes into directions. how do I compromise on this? or do i have to be selfish for once and do what ever that makes me happy? but what if what makes me happy is making them happy?
Tonight, just for tonight i let my head swirl by itself and ill just focus on breathing the oxygen available.












