Linkin Park: Through Black Eyes
Featured Photo: Myself in 2007, in a Linkin Park t-shirt
Trigger warning: This article discusses the recent suicide of Chester Bennington, and his past, dealing with drug addiction, mental illness, and sexual assault.
Exactly a day after the news broke that Chester Bennington of Linkin Park had died, Afropunk posted a heartfelt and somewhat personal reaction, which encouraged black kids from ages 35 to 15 to respond in droves. For a certain age set of the black community, Linkin Park was our reintroduction to rock music, via the DJ styles of Joe Hahn, and the poetic bars of Mike Shinoda. They gave Chester’s lyrics and voice an edge that could cross barriers. It’s why the band resonated with so many people.
Unfortunately, not everyone could see that. An older generation of black people also weighed in on the article, unsure of what to make of this band, being herald by AFROPUNK as having given black kids the gift of rock. But if you were like me, in 2001, the internet was just a baby. My mother and nana, who both raised me, didn’t raise me on rock n’ roll, or its origins. How could I have known this glorious, and complex genre was invented by a queer black woman? Or even known that Chuck Berry came before Elvis? Enter Linkin Park.
They were one of the earliest bands I ever got into, with maybe Green Day coming in first. Linkin Park were the only band that showed me a side to rap that I hadn’t seen before. A sensitive, poetic branch. An album like “Hybrid Theory” gave me the space in my mind to later be able to consume or even conceive something like, Jay-Z’s 4:44. They were the first to show me how two seemingly different genres of music can meld together. They were one of the first bands I was truly devoted to.. if only for a passionate childhood and pre-teenhood. They were also the first band to teach me about depression, and trauma, and how it’s all connected. And I want, somehow, to further connect by writing down my experience of knowing Linkin Park, as a black person, the full extent of their contributions, and Chester’s legacy.
When the news first broke, I was in Sapelo Island. My partner and I were on vacation. We had only just gotten settled, when my friend Daniel made a vague Facebook post about Chester, that didn’t allude to situation.
I found out through Google. I couldn’t cry.
The thing is that, Chester isn’t by any means, a legend. Not even one his main influences, Stone Temple Pilots (for whom he front for a while), were legends. They were both products of legends (i.e. Mother Love Bone, the beginning of grunge), and they successfully rode that train of influence to a lucrative career. But despite this, Chester Bennington is someone that means something, to MILLIONS of KIDS. It is mostly kids who listen to Linkin Park. How on earth do you tell your young teen or preteen that their favorite singer couldn’t cope with the world? With 2016 having passed, I think we can all say we have had our fair share of heavy loss. But as an adult, how do you navigate the death of a portion of your life? That was what Linkin Park was, for black millennials; a gateway to a lifestyle
Photo: A photo I took on the endless beaches of Sapelo.
This is also a story about trauma.
I don’t know how many know his story, but Chester was sexually abused for several years, by an older male friend. I know I have friends who have experienced sexual traumas. I know based on their experiences that recovery is so hard. And the trauma eats its way into habits (think “Breaking The Habit” from 2004’s Meteora), like drug addiction and eating disorders, and self harm. Chester had ALL of that, and then some, and while it may not have been the sole reason he took his life, it was one of many. A myriad of thoughts and actions, weighing him down to nothing.
In a world where black pain is weakness, and often ignored, I sometimes felt kinship with Chester for the pain that, while expressed creatively, existed between the lines, that hid inside himself. He was an empath. I am an empath. And we exist in a minority circle of people who probably get hurt, a lot.
Late at night on August 4th, I watched footage of Chester doing an interview, not too long before he died.
He was so alive. When Chester was alive, he was SO alive. He had the personality of the sun. His smile, and laughter, and playfulness, were all still incredibly infectious, up until he died. What has been hard is knowing that as intensely as he felt joy, he probably felt pain just as intense. But that was Chester. My only images of Chester in my mind are of two, radically different faces: His wide, open-mouthed smile, and his wide, open-mouthed screams, when performing.
Part of what made Linkin Park relatable from the jump, and for almost 20 years, was their ability to tap into the angst (and beyond teenage angstiness) of an entire nation.. and farther. And that emotion is directly descended from Chester’s personal experiences with being a person, trapped in the memories of trauma and substance abuse, which he was very, very, painfully open about.. which made him, and the band stand out from the likes of Evanescence, Slipknot, and Limp Bizkit. So you can imagine, that anything that Linkin Park commits to tape for an album, is coming from a genuine place of heavy emotion.
With that said, despite them being honest songwriters until the end, the backlash towards their newest release (One More Light, May 19th), was, and still actually is, very severe. People genuinely do NOT like this album. Linkin Park have had their fair share of harsh criticism over their career, but I don’t think there’s been a single album of theirs that’s been met with such universal scorn.. despite it charting at number one, high numbers around the globe, before Chester’s death.
On August 16th, I got through listening to the album. It is not the worse thing I’ve ever heard. It’s just not what I expected. For half of it, I was simply bored. There is one song that I just had to skip, “Sorry For Now”, because it had a beat drop, and some synth stuff happening that made me feel like I was listening to Halsey or some shit, and I feel bad, but I just couldn’t do it. That one I genuinely hated. But there are highlights. The first single, “Heavy”, featuring Kiiara, is growing on me, mainly because the music video for it is so captivating. Mike’s verse in “Good Goodbye” was strong, but it’s his only rapping part on the entire album. “Halfway Right” would have been a better choice for a single than the last two that were released.
Photo: Hybrid Theory-era Linkin Park, photoshoot outtake | Credit: Jen Luciani
The saving grace of this album is its title track, “One More Light”; an entirely stripped, almost acapella take, that is heartbreaking, and sadly prophetic. I cry whenever I hear it. The final track, “Sharp Edges” is a wonderful, folksie song that should’ve been put before “One More Light”, instead of being the closer.. but that’s just how I feel. The album is not a total dud, it’s just not Linkin Park at their full potential.
Even an opinion like mine, paired alongside the harsh insults they have received, was probably incredibly painful, and damaging to Chester, who since the album’s release, has been accused of being a “sell-out”, prompting him to lash out in interviews and on social media in the immediate aftermath.. causing some musician friends, i.e. Slipknot’s Corey Taylor to tell him to take it easy, and try to tune out the negative, because at the end of the day, they’re still one of the biggest millennium bands in the world.
That probably didn’t help. Our “criticism” didn’t help. Based on interviews given before his death, clearly was having a hard time personally, leading up to the recording of the record. That’s something none of us probably ever take into consideration when listening to an album: the artist’s mindset. And I’ll be honest, since I haven’t consistently been listening to Linkin Park in about 10 years, I thought that because they had all these things going for them–charities, millions of fans, nice houses in California, the same band line-up for 15+ years, and the most upbeat personalities of any band i’ve ever seen, I assumed things were fine.
But Chester’s a person with clinical depression. Who had a therapist. Who probably took medication (or maybe not). Who experienced YEARS of trauma, and then years of substance abuse to try and silence his mind. How stupid am I to think that everything is fine, just because it’s been x amount of years, and he’s in a successful rock band?
I’m disappointed in myself, and as guilty as anybody, for accusing Linkin Park of “putting on” the angst in their recent work, thinking that they’re just trying to keep up with writing what they always write about. That the lyrics are “just words”, to fill in the instrumentation.
In that way, I’m pretty sure we’ve let Chester down. How fucked up is that?
Last night, I got high at a party with my partner, and inevitably, our conversation ending up toward Linkin Park. I thought it was drabble, but he said I should commit it to paper (or iPhone). That I had something to say.
I’ve mentioned earlier the lyrical content of Linkin Park’s songs. They are incredibly personal, and the last album is no exception. I’ve mentioned that, when Chester was alive, he was very much ALIVE. He radiated intense amounts of joy… but how that also means his pain was probably felt just as hard. Throughout his career, and particularly (and eerily) in the last year of his life, Chester had been candid, open, about his struggle with mental illness. There were hardly boundaries between him, the band, and his fans. Viewing the Instagram and Snapchat videos they’ve done in the last few months of Chester’s life, you can see how active of a participant Linkin Park is, in their fan base. And that’s what I want to single out, here: Chester’s death, was like the loss of a childhood friend.
Linkin Park’s fan base consists mostly of millennials. We grew up with Linkin Park. Those feelings of anger, depression, and anxiety that they knew too well, resonated with all of us. That’s what propelled them to the top of the charts. That’s what won them Grammys. But what made Linkin Park completely transparent, and still relevant after 18 years, was their kindness, namely Chester’s.
Chester made you feel like you were his best friend. It was in his physical enthusiasm. It was in his voice, and the way it engages with you. His sense of humor. His humility. Linkin Park were never a cocky band. The strength of their dedication and transparency with their fan base, made it feel like we knew them. And yeah, I felt like I knew Chester. It was like one of us moved away, but every now and then, one of us would make it back home to visit, and catch up. Was I listening to new Linkin Park, and keeping up musically? No. But I would play the old stuff, and reminisce about the intensity to which I carried a torch for LP, once. And now that Chester’s gone, there’s a significant chunk of that era that has died. He was brilliant. He was warm. He was kind. It’s still not fair.
I lost my best friend, that day.
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, and suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255), CrisisChat, or the Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386).
I am also selling original, Linkin Park artwork, where 20% of month-end sales on all designs will be donated to Music for Relief (which has been redirected to the One More Light Fund, for Chester). Link below.
https://www.redbubble.com/people/serenepristine1/collections/744965-chester-donation-pieces?asc=u
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