Mental Health Updates

Female, 21, junior in college. Self diagnoses: anxiety (GAD and/or social anxiety). I also have issues with eating (related to anxiety) on and off. Vegetarian since 29/6/2016. Pro-recovery, for the most part. Though if I identify with something, I'm going to reblog it. If I miss any tags, please let me know. I want this to be a safe space. Pro-education. Anti-stigma.

[mentalmountain]

I’ve made a lot of progress this semester

I told the boy I’ve been crushing on for over a year, Justin, about my feelings. Even tho he didn’t reciprocate, I felt good and it made us closer as friends.

I told another guy, Jacob, he was cute without even planning on it. We were just talking about coming across as flirty in texts and he called me out on a particular one and I just decided to admit to it and told him I think he’s cute in the moment.

I also TAed and tutored for Statistics this semester! I ran stats labs every week by myself and gave presentations about how to succeed in stats and also ran review sessions with the guys I work with. One of them is Jacob.

I’m also seeing a therapist, Zane, on and off for a few months. I’m bad at being consistent with appts but it’s nice when I do go.

I took Abnormal Pscyhology and we learned about the mechanisms that create and uphold anxiety and I just kind of realized it’s a bunch of bullshit and I decided I want to get involved in life.

Overall, I’ve been feeling more competent and confident in myself and pursing what I want in life. Im going to open a school for ‘delinquent’ kids. I’m doing a lot of things I’m passionate about and talking to people I love and it’s good.

[mentalmountain]

me: *locks front door*

brain: hey are you sure you locked the front door

me: i literally just locked it

brain: no but like,,, are you sure

me: i recall putting my hand on the lock and locking the door yes i locked it

brain:

brain:

brain: u sure

[mentalmountain]

Ugh, I keep hearing people talking about alcohol being an instant anxiety-zapper, and I want to try it so bad but I know I shouldn't + my family would kill me.

[mentalmountain]

I want to lose weight.

[mentalmountain]

I think I’m just always gonna have issues with eating no matter what, and it’s kinda separate from the whole “to eat or not to eat meat” thing. We will see though.

[jodiefoster]

someday i won’t have as many bad days 

[mentalmountain]

So far I've stuck with the vegetarian thing and I'm looking into vegetarian and vegan options at my college. Things are going well.

[mentalmountain]

I’m going to try to start making more cruelty-free choices with my food, etc. but I am not going to go vegetarian or vegan yet. I will probably wait until at least the first semester of college is over, see how it is, and go from there.

Just because I can't be 100% cruelty-free doesn't mean I can't make a difference.

[mentalmountain]

Also I failed completely at the whole 'list of rules thing.' I wanted beef on my burrito at qdoba, what can I say?

[mentalmountain]

I want to be vegan, or vegetarian at least, but it's so inaccessible where I live, especially financially. But I definitely want to do it in the future, and I don't want to hurt any animals while I'm waiting for it to be possible. So, I kind of just don't want to eat anything for about 2 years (until I'm done with living in the dorms at college and stuff). That's healthy thinking. Ugh.

[mentalmountain]

lol, the only thing I've kept of this so far is no meat. And it's really affecting me. Like mentally - I've had dreams about it and stuff. It's only been 6 days too. And I don't think I've lost any weight from it so.. But maybe I still will. I need to bike more, and check my weight on Ericas scale. We will see.

[mentalmountain]

This is dangerous but I want to be thinner/lighter for Pride (June 18th)

Here are the changes I’m making/rules I’m following from today through June 17th (and maybe continuing after depending on results):

1.) Fruit every single morning. Preferably a smoothie but that might not be doable every single day. But at least some type of fruit. Try to stick to only fruit and/or veggies before 2pm.

2.) No meat (including fish). And no gravy/grease. None. It’s only for like 3 weeks. Chill. It’ll be fine.

3.) Try really hard to eat only vegan foods on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. We will see how it goes, but I really want to at least try this.

4.) Keep a food journal. No amounts or what meal a certain food is from, but all the different things I’ve eaten with the date. 12am-11:59pm

5.) No counting calories.

6.) Stop eating the second I feel full no matter how good the food tastes.

7.) Go biking or walking for at least 1 hour each day. If weather does not corporate/I’m absolutely too busy to fit an hour in, make it up the next day. 7 hours+ of exercise a week. No exceptions. Starting and ending weeks included. Fit it in somewhere.

8.) Do yoga every single day. Routines from YouTube or something. Try to do it in the morning. Before I eat anything is even better.

9.) Keep an exercise journal. Very basic - type of exercise and approximate time spent doing it.

10.) Meditate at least 3 times a week. Once per ‘vegan day’ would be perfect!

11.) If I throw up even once, drop all of these rules immediately.

Will probably edit this post/add stuff but this is what I’m starting with. Gonna go biking now!

[mentalmountain]

Okay so I graduated almost 2 weeks ago and I still haven't thrown up.. Pretty proud but yeah. I'm still having issues with eating tho

[mentalmountain]

I really don't want to throw up again until at least after I graduate, but it's been almost 5 weeks and I just..Ughh. It's gonna happen. I already know it is. I just don't know when.

[mentalmountain]

Also I'm petty sure my mom has been smoking again for a while and just hasn't told me? Great. Just great.

[mentalmountain]

So I tried on shorts from last summer and they are actually pretty tight... Maybe I'm really gaining weight back? And my perception of my body is just really fucked up? Possible. Very possible.

[mentalmountain]

I don't think my legs have been this skinny since middle school..