I Wouldn’t Like Me If I Met Me

Don’t DM me

[meowdusa]

I turn 33 today. Never thought I’d make it past 30.

[meowdusa]

I cut off the rest of my blood family. All but my grandmother and her sisters.

I feel relief and sadness as well.

My birthday is in 7 days and it’s looming over me. Idk. Meh.

[meowdusa]

I miss being happy. Or even being pleasant enough that people want you around….

[cyber-macabre]

[goth-queen]

[titsay]

[kosmogrl]

[meowdusa]

Nothing more depressing than hearing the love of your life reiterate “I just want my fiance back…” when we talk about my mental health tanking.

I’m sorry I’m not me. I’m sorry I’m angry. I’m sorry that I also AM me. I’m sorry…

[meowdusa]

I mean this sincerely, you're the kind of beautiful that would have a writer up into the wee hours of the morning, tearing out his hair trying to scrawl out the right words to describe you but nothing quite fits, and he's driving himself mad, half from the longing for you and half from the effort to capture you forever in poetry

April fools right? Cause I’m literally a POS.

[unusual-suspects]

x

[anxietyproblem]

[meowdusa]

Of course my friends reach out and I ignore them. I feel like my version of a problem is always just me being overwhelmed or overreacting so I don’t tell anyone.

If I start telling anyone, I’ll trauma dump and push them away.

I’m not made for friends. I’m not good at navigating relationships or people. I don’t deserve them, it’s been this long and I guess whoever has enough patience for me has stuck around, but at a distance.

Idk. I don’t know how to let people care about me. In any form. I truly don’t feel deserving and the second someone shows me grace, I’m paranoid there’s an alternative motive.

[moth-amphetamine]

*does five minutes of work* ok now i deserve a three week break. No consequences please 👍

[titsay]

[anxietyproblem]

[anxietyproblem]

[meowdusa]

You’ll never find what you’re looking for. Because I know you try to look into my phone.

This is why I don’t talk to people. Too paranoid, people always trying to find out shit instead of just asking me.

I’m not okay. I’m crumbling and see no way out of this financial fucking mess.