Nearly 10 years later...
You know? I thought I would be somewhere by now. There has been time, and effort. Struggle and success. But nothing that has truly amounted to anything and it feels wild that I just...feel so incomplete. Massive strides have managed to to feel like tiny steps. All progress met with a deep and resounding voice echoing back that it really still isn't quite enough. I'm being worn down with each passing year that progress isn't truly progressing me anywhere. I don't understand the country I live in. And how everyone here is content with being so cold. How no one wants to understand or even take a second to. I don't get why as much as I pour into everything I do I only see a glass with a few drops that aren't enough to sustain any living soul. I don't understand how I've turned my pitcher upside down in everyone else's glass and mine remains empty. I should be pouring more into mine. But my glass would shatter if I wasn't using every bit of what I had for them. It's a feeling of knowing exactly how I want to be, accomplishing it, and knowing that I will never be fulfilled by doing it. One day this will truly grind me into nothing, but I will never change. I'll do it for years to come and I hope that people around me will come to realize who I , was, and what I built: A foundation of empathy and love.
But fuck. It would be nice to see just a little of it back.
Also hi tumblr. I don't expect any visibility on this but if you happen to I just needed a place to write some shit down. This place was a huge part of my life, and my emotional core. So here I am. If you're still here, I hope you are doing amazing and thank you for being part of my life!
