i'm pregnant, trevor!

you're probably thinking , ' my boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking k e b a b ! ' well , I may be super, but I'm no hero .

[mercenaryshct-blog]

                     * // taluhnian.

Taps Deadpool’s foot, eyes fixated on the object in his hand that he rolls around. Tiny finger reaches up to point at it, singling out the cause of his curiosity. “I am Groot?” he asks, holding a hand out.

          ❛ WOAH , WOAH , WOAH . watch it , lil’ guy ! dunno if you’ve noticed , but you’re kinda woody and kinda probably flammable .❜  he casts a wary look at his toy before putting it away , turning so it’s out of the small grabby hands’ reach . ❛  never forget , groot , only YOU can prevent FOREST FIRES .❜   

[mercenaryshct-blog]

                  * // ironvitals.

there’s  too  many  wrong  aspects  with  this  man ,   tony  decides .     unsure  where  to  start ,   breath  escaping  in  exasperated  sigh .     ❛  could  you  put  that  away ?     you’re  making  my  guests  nervous .  ❜     he  hasn’t  exactly  thrown  such  a  huge  party  since  ultron  and  he  doesn’t  want  to  chance  a  discovery  from  kang .

❛  watch  yourself ,  dp .     it  might  have  been  an  open  invite  but  i  can  still  KICK  you  out .  ❜

              ❛  GOD , you’re such a party pooper , tones . ❜   but , with whatever manners he somehow possesses , wade begrudgingly returns the explosive to his belt .   ❛  everyone knows that fireworks are what makes a party . ❜  he shrugs , if tony doesn’t want tonight to go out with a BANG ! wade’ll just have to keep his party tricks up his sleeve . ❛  okay , okay . i’m just here to help , like everyone else . as much as i enjoy this whole world domination small town aesthetic---it’s been done before . the cliche gets old real quick !! so , don’t worry , i’ll be on my best behavior , dad , i swear !!  ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

                 * // namorpatriae.

“I’ve never been so grateful to not know you.”

            a horrified le gasp !   ❛  ok , now that’s a lil’ rude . but since you have such luscious locks , i’m going to forgive you . besides , everyone loves getting to know me . your friendly neighborhood DEADPOOL ; mercenary , ass model , entrepreneur . shit , i have a business card around here somewhere . ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

                            * // spyder-bite.

“PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE WHICH YOU DON’T SEEM TO POSSESS, WADE,” sighed Natasha as she shook her head. “We need a plan before we can just take up arms and storm the Capitol. This guy’s got the power to go back in time and kill us in infancy. Make sure we’re not a problem for anyone if we don’t exist to begin with. I don’t know about you, but I’m too pretty to just not exist anymore. That would be a tragedy,” she winked.

         ❛ HEY NOW---ok you’re not wrong , nat-a-tat-tat . ❜ he aimlessly tosses his makeshift bouncy ball a couple of times before reattaching it to his belt . ❛ time travel always seemed pretty gnarly to me , but i don’t think i’d complain if someone took me out before i hit seventeen . WHEW , that was a bad year . ❜ he snorts at her comment , snapping and pointing a finger-made gun in her direction .  ❛ and you are definitely not wrong about that . would be a shame not to see your pretty face around . especially seeing your pretty face right before you point a gun in my pretty face . now , that’s  my idea of a perfect date with a perfect woman .  ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

             ❛  HOO wee mama !! ❜ and , truly , the best part of wade being wade is that no can be really sure WHO he’s talking to , but he continues nonetheless --- all whilst rolling a grenade ( pin fortunately still in tact ) around his palm .  ❛  god , i love PARTIES . i mean , i can’t really get drunk plus the DJ for this joint should be shot .  ❜ he points to the ceiling with his free hand , blatantly ignorant to the fact that it’s silent .  ❛ still , i appreciate the invite !! so when do we get to the stabby stab , bang bang , run away part ?? that’s my favorite party GAME !!  ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

                            // * @ironvitals​

        SNEAKITY SNEAK . that was the law he abided by . ( the only one , really . ) it wasn't too hard , since apparently when a dictator took over a made up town it left basic security pretty l o w . wade was almost disappointed he hadn't put his katanas to use . still , he twirled a hunting knife between his fingers as he tip-toed ( sneaky , i tell ya ! ) toward the unsuspecting home-owner .  he was quiet as a mouse , at least up until he cleared his throat , making his voice as high and shrill as could be---in hopes of resembling that of a damsel in distress . 

           ❛ ANTHONY , oh god , anthony . i know it's your day off but i have grave news to deliver . we've been trapped in a BUBBLE , part of a never ending sheet of fuckin' bubble wrap we call the universe . we have to escape before the great cat in the sky pops us entirely !! also , you have one of those fancy suits i can borrow ? my armani's still at the dry cleaner . ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

                      // * @taluhnian. 

         ❛ oh great , another rock ! ❜ the enthusiasm was laced with sarcasm as wade very gracefully skipped over the stone . he had no idea what he was looking for out here , but so far he'd found nothing but boredom and , yes , rocks . with a dramatic sigh , he spun and tumbled to the ground , arm draped histrionically over his forehead . ❛ so cozy out here , isn't it ? ❜ he gazed up at the dome covered sky dreamily . ❛ no one to talk to except the voices in my head and some rocks and--- HOO MY GOD !! ❜ he sat up abruptly , the comical look of shock covered by his mask . no way . ❛ a tree . a tree that's given birth to a smaller tree ? with eyes ? oh hell yeah . ❜ he pointed at the small figure in the grass briefly before scooping him up in his hand . ❛ ok , now we have somethin' folks --- ATTENTION WALMART EMPLOYEES , this is a CODE ADAM . which tree birthed you , little guy ?? we'll find your mother , i swear !! ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

                          // * @serumbled

       wade could have spotted him from miles away ; the man shone with NATIONALISM , even if he wasn't decked in red , white and blue . of course , captain america would be here --- how else would they keep the religious , patriotic PEACE ?? 

      knocking down two passerby in the process , wade raced toward the hero before dropping onto his knees and bowing forward until his nose touched the concrete . ❛  i want you to know , i never looked at the other guy as my president --- in the end , it's always been YOU . ❜ he glanced up , eyes wide in admiration . ❛  I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE , to the flag , of the united states of america and to the republic , for which it stands . one DOME , under kang , indivisible with liberty and delicious affordable mexican food for all . am i hired ?? ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

         hhhhh h h , idk what i’m doing but LIKE THIS SHNICK if you want a starter ( of varying length ) because i’m bad at comin’ up with open ones . also feel free to moonwalk into my ims . . . or i can moonwalk into yours , wow i’m bad at this. 

[hailsthunder]

                                       * // @mercenaryshct

                    ❛   where is the guac, man in tight red suit, wHERE IS THE GUAC !!    ❜

[mercenaryshct-blog]

❛ come an’ get it , you sexy lumberjack you .  ❜ winkity-wonk .           ❛ get your tostitos ready and make sure to oPEN WIDE . ❜

[rockctman-a]

   “Hey, wh–man, come on! You’re gonna let the cold air in! Does climate control mean nothing to you?” Because if his griping means anything, keeping the Milano warm is important to Peter. And for good reason. Arctic winds, and all that. In hindsight–letting her land among snow-capped mountains in the middle of a blizzard wasn’t his finest idea. .. Not that he had much of a choice.

   “You might singe-handedly make me regret inviting you inside.”

[mercenaryshct-blog]

          ❛ oh , i’m all for climate control . i fuckin’ love penguins ! ❜ with one-hand he shoots a lazy finger-gun , though it quickly adjusts into one finger pointed crudely in the man’s direction . ❛ ---- ok , well , how can i make it up to you , friend ? pal ? DARLING ? i can whip up some mac , maybe give you a foot massage---i’m sure if we look hard enough we could find a romantic beach  to walk on . ❜ 

[fymarveluniverse]