Some misconceptions to clear up:
-Polyamory is not necessarily synonymous with “open relationship”. Poly relationships can be and often are closed relationships, involving only the members already present and not seeking out more people.
-Polyamory is not inherently abusive, disrespectful, cheating etc. People can lead happy, loving, fulfilling lives in poly relationships.
-Polyamorous people are not naturally “less committed” to their partners than monogamous people are. Polyamorous people can be and often are very committed to their partners, just as much as monogamous people are. Having multiple partners does not make a person less committed, the same way that you aren’t “less committed” to your friends for having multiple friends.
-Not all poly relationships are sexually oriented. Plenty of poly relationships do not include sex at all, in fact. That being said, there is nothing wrong with poly relationships that involve or are primarily about sex.
-Polyamorous people may have one-on-one sex with each other. Not everyone participates in all sex all the time.
-Polyamorous people/relationships aren’t inherently more “kinky” than monogamous people or relationships. Poly people can have quite vanilla sex lives. That being said, there’s nothing wrong with poly relationships that do involve kink.
-People in poly relationships may have different relationships to each other. Not everyone in a poly relationship feels the exact same way about everyone else. For example, A, B, and C may all be romantically attracted to each other, but only A and B are sexually attracted to each other, and so C is involved in the relationship in a romantic way but not a sexual one. Or perhaps A is sexually involved with B and C, but B and C are not sexual with each other. Or perhaps B and C are not romantically attracted to each other, either! There are different terms for these different sorts of relationships between members.
-Polyamory is not a solution to cheating, disrespect, abuse, etc. in monogamous relationships. If someone is disrespectful/abusive/a cheater while in a monogamous relationship, they’re still going to be abusive/disrespectful/a cheater in a poly relationship.
-If a monogamous partner tries to make excuses for cheating by saying “it’s polyamorous”, then that person is still a cheater, period. Polyamory is about informed consent for all parties involved, and cheating is not. If someone cheats on you and makes these sorts of excuses, you’re fully within your rights to dump their ass.
-Yes, it is possible to cheat on your partners in a polyamorous relationship, and it’s just as bad as cheating in a monogamous relationship.
-It’s not always easy to transition from a monogamous to a polyamorous relationship, even for people who know it’s exactly what they want. Polyamorous people can sometimes still feel jealous and insecure about their partners finding new people to love.
-Some polyamorous people consider their polyamory to be an important aspect of their identity. They may refer to themselves as polyamorous even when single, and they find themselves unable to be fulfilled in a monogamous relationship. They perceive their polyamory as similar to a sexual or romantic orientation. Other polyamorous people may consider their polyamory to be something that they choose to do, rather than a part of who they are.
-Polyamory is heavily, heavily stigmatized in many parts of the world. Polyamorous people deserve the support of other marginalized communities, such as the LGBTQ+ community, and activists would do well to work towards ending stigma and bigotry towards polyamory, and monogamous normativity.
Poly people, feel free to add on to this
