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@mercylead
Etty Hillesum, fom a diary entry featured in An Interrupted Life: the Diaries, 1941-1943 and Letters from Westerbork
Jesus Christ. She’s taking us all out.
also when will the people on this website realize that being blocked isn’t a personal offense ,,, like . i’ve blocked people because i’ve seen them support things i don’t like , for being hardasses about fictional ships/characters even when unrelated to my own blogs (’cause i don’t like that kind of attitude and “antis” are not people i want to interact with ) , people who follow/refollow ? blocked !
we’re responsible for our own dash experience , so i’m using the block button as i see fit for my own peace of mind . instead of being upset that someone you don’t know has you blocked just ?? accept that they have their own reasons and move on . not everything has to be a personal beef , since they’re a fucking stranger . if someone unfollows or blocks me i don’t give a damn ? it just means i won’t be writing with that specific person . not that big a deal . write and focus your energies on the people who do want to interact with you .
blocking people i know interact with someone i’ve had issues with =/= stalking their blogs . if i happen to run into a post promoing another blog from the same mun (or read urls in sb’s rules before i block them) , or i recognize the same muns from the dash (recommended / rpc tags) , i’m gonna add them to my blocklist for my own peace of mind . it’s not targeting anyone : no anon hate is being sent , nor am i telling anyone not to follow specific people . i am just blocking accounts that i know of , or that i even just suspect may interact with someone who’s stolen shit from me . it’s simply a way for me to make sure i’ll never accidentally follow their mutuals and prevent them from doing it first . ‘cause i’m not in the least interested in writing with them . i have no reason to stalk your blogs , idc about you personally or what you write about .
practices the rpc needs to Collectively Get Back Into:
commenting on peoples’ posts, threads, art, graphics, etc. just telling them that you see it and that it looks good / is entertaining / etc. – because content creators can’t read your mind and as nice as it’d be for us to always serve ourselves with our work … realistically we will lose motivation to continue creating without some kind of support. if you like something then say so !!
sending each other’s muses messages about muses they’re talking to or characters from their canon and just generally getting actively involved in the narratives other people create & encouraging those people to discuss them
asking people random questions about their characters without fear that it’s too outlandish, provided the question isn’t invasive or rude
sending honest, heartfelt notes of positivity and making loveposts about other creators and the work they do. not chainmail, not lazy generic shit, but real kindness, in our Own Words
drawing people fanart of their characters / ships / OCs !! please !! really !! i don’t know when that EVER became something people grew too nervous to do !! most people ADORE it. even if it’s just fucking stick figures, man, i PROMISE you that taking the time and putting in the effort to show someone that the work they do inspired the work you do will make their whole fucking day
telling !! each other !! that !! we’re !! doing !! good !! jobs !!
being NICE to each other OPENLY and FOR NO REASON with NO PROMPTING
making sure other people feel included in discord servers, roleplay groups, groupchats, multi-way threads, art trades, events, and just. like. overall
acknowledging !! each other’s !! art !! metas !! threads !! worldbuilding !! and !! style !! PLEASE !! PEOPLE !! DONT !! KNOW !! YOU !! LIKE !! THEM !! IF !! YOU !! SAY !! NOTHING !!
and NOBODY with ANY goddamn sense is EVER going to react negatively to you Just Being Fucking Nice so stop worrying about doing that !! PLEASE !!!!!
𝘿𝘼𝙉𝙄𝙀𝙇 𝙒𝙊𝙐𝙇𝘿 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙇𝙀𝙏 𝙃𝙄𝙈𝙎𝙀𝙇𝙁 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙂𝙀𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘿𝘼𝙏𝙀 even without the little hints thrown his way by an unwitting grace . her mood swings , while subtle , were a warning sign growing brighter as the day itself grew closer . maybe she didn’t expect him to remember , to care — and normally he wouldn’t : 𝙗𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙨 (and daniel didn’t like to indulge them) .
however , it isn't the case with her . regardless of grace surviving not one but two satanic rituals , he would throw her some kind of party (because grace’s existence is worth celebrating all year round) ; the fact that she got to live despite his family’s efforts to kill her is , in light of everything , a triumph to make merry about , not sullen over .
“let me take you to dinner . you’re catching up with me , we should toast to your impressive achievement .”
&. @𝗚𝗢𝗧𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗗 , birthday girl
INDEPENDENT , AFFILIATED ROLEPLAY BLOGS FOR DANIEL & GRACE LE DOMAS OF RADIO SILENCE'S READY OR NOT (2019) , AS INTERPRETED BY JACKIE & BECCA .
Once you’ve taken a few punches and realize you’re not made of glass, you don’t feel alive unless you’re pushing yourself as far as you can go.
Matt Buckner, Green Street Hooligans (2005)
- i knew you’d help me.
Nikita Gill, from “Great Goddesses: Life Lessons from Myths & Monsters,”
&. 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗘 , 𝗚𝗢𝗧𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗗
𝒔𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒘𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅. he, sole tether to reality, remaining the cause of most of her surprise. how is this possible? bleary eyes search his face, get stuck on his neck — free of any blemishes. she blinks repeatedly, almost in a frenzy, trying to make sense of the situation, and none of this makes any inkling of sense but — his hands are so close to her she could easily reach for them, were she brave enough to face a truth she does not want to face, and his voice, so soothing after everything the gentleness of his words. she relaxes ever so slightly, slumps her back into the pillows with barely a grimace. “am i though? okay? i mean…” her bandaged hand lifts slightly to catch his attention, before falling back flatly on the mattress. it hurts, but all she focuses on are his words. safe. with him there maybe she could finally feel that way. “you came here … for me?”
𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙔 𝘿𝙊𝙉'𝙏 𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙀𝙇𝙀𝙋𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙏 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙍𝙊𝙊𝙈 . daniel catches her searching for injuries that aren’t there (but were) ; the hole left by the bullet that killed him — gone . grace wonders , but she doesn’t ask . it’s written all over her face : longing to touch yet hesitant , too afraid to break the distance between them . 𝙝𝙚’𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙖𝙞𝙩 𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙨𝙝𝙚’𝙨 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 . “maybe not okay , but you’re alive . that counts for something .”
she doesn’t need to remind him of her tribulations , but daniel humors her nonetheless . “i read they use the skin from your butt to fix shit like that ,” he says , nodding to her left hand , “is it true?” there’s good natured humor in his voice , the corner of his mouth twitching with the hint of a smile which grows softer at her question . “of course , grace . is that so surprising ?”
&. 𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗡𝗡𝗦𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗬
there were only a few places to escape to in situations like this. depending on the venue of choice ( whether a one room conference hall all glass windows & throngs of people picking at nibbles of food or the more intimate setting of someone’s own home , usually a sprawling yet compact spanish revival with an excellent view of a city that was all theirs ) . to the balcony he flew , already three glasses deep in champagne , a search for harder liquor earning him a disapproved glance from his father , but hey!!! at least he acknowledge forty. disapproving was the best a neglected son could get at these things. spending time mostly as an afterthought , an ornament of an offspring ‘ oh yeah , that’s my son forty. no , i don’t know where he’s going or what he’s doing right now , but he’s a quinn . ’ he didn’t understand why he was brought to these things , why not take the better twin? the more seemingly stable one? the girl who glittered effortlessly & knew some many things that would attract others to her popular social causes? why bring an alcoholic fuck up to a party where all his favorite beverages would be? how was that taking care of your son? clear eyes glanced down at the valley below , undisturbed sightlines of the sparkling night & bustling city below them , hands grasped at the iron handrail as he half leaned his body over it.
❝ mhm , that’s exactly what i was looking for. think anyone would notice if i just flung myself over? that’d make for QUITE the conversation though —- maybe it might get my parents to notice me. ❞ he admitted with a dry chuckle , turning to glance at the new company. ❝ would be quite a jump though , probably won’t do it. you’re right , it would be NO FUN no matter how good it sounds right now. ❞
𝙎𝙀𝙇𝘿𝙊𝙈 𝙄𝙎 𝘿𝘼𝙉𝙄𝙀𝙇 𝙒𝙍𝙊𝙉𝙂 𝘼𝘽𝙊𝙐𝙏 𝙋𝙀𝙊𝙋𝙇𝙀 . perhaps growing up among monsters disguised as sheep , he refined his sight ; learned to read the signs , the little tells . a sort of self-preservation instinct all backwards , for he’d surround himself with the worst by design and avoid the good like the plague . 𝙖𝙝 , 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙮𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙭 ! but one doesn’t survive in their element indulging a tempur-pedic heart , and daniel already stands among the weakest of his line .
sometimes he still slips , committing the occasional act of kindness . one hundred percent unintentional , he walked in on this guy . a kindred soul — or would be , if daniel still owned his . he wonders , 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 ? then dismisses the thought with a flick of the wrist , as if swatting a fly . quite frankly , it’s none of his business . what he needs to ensure is that the gala doesn’t end in tragedy . don’t get him wrong : who doesn’t love a little chaos ? however some rich guy jumping to his likely demise might be a little extreme . not to mention , terrible publicity .
“quite the scandal , yeah . but , fuck-up to fuck-up ? no way they’d notice you flung yourself off a balcony until the police showed up .” and that’s being optimistic . in his experience , when the resident nuisance makes himself short , the family welcomes it with relief . daniel doesn’t know how wild a card the other is , however . maybe he needs a babysitter at all times . is it him , in this situation ? did he just step up to the task ?
“it’s just not worth it . you want your parents to notice you ? there’s more immediate ways to do it .” with that he steps closer , champagne flute hanging from slack grip as daniel rests his elbows on the handrail . he casts a brief look to the ground below before focusing back on the other , eyebrow raised as he finishes his thought , “ways that are fun for you . for me , it’s testing my father’s temper : he doesn’t like showing his true colors in public . so , any ideas ?”
&. 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗘 , 𝗚𝗢𝗧𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗗
𝒐𝒉, 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆. the truth of it settled in her newly - formed breast bone, heart pounding anew against her rib cage. alike waking up from a nightmare in which she'd been rendered unable to speak or even breathe; she'd forgotten the overwhelming nature of being alive. it is suffocating, almost, as she stands in the wake of devastation, blood in her mouth, over her body. overtaken by a tidal wave of conflicting emotions, she cries when she sees him; affection and relief surging through her. rushing over to him, unsteady, her arms wrapping around him, tight — so tight, like she's never going to let go. his name falling off her lips like a prayer. “daniel. you stayed.”
𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉 𝙈𝙐𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝘽𝙔 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝘾𝙆 , 𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙉𝙀 𝙒𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙎 , the violence consumed behind them reaches daniel’s ear . with his back pressed against the door - gate to hell on earth - , he listens to the others’ empty threats , the begging and the shrills . rooted to the spot , he does not dream to intervene — when alex calls out his name , daniel’s hand only twitches around the handle before falling idly to his side . his baby brother , the brother he would have died to protect , is long gone (perhaps he never existed) . for a moment longer , daniel mourns him — mourns himself , and embraces the shadow of the man he used to be .
silence falls upon the manor after that . he questions whether it’s really over , lets the clock tick by a minute , then two — but no other sound can be heard other than his ragged breathing . daniel isn’t prepared for the sight that welcomes him when he removes the locks and steps into the dining room : there’s little left of his family , their blood splattered across every surface . in the midst of it all , grace , not dirtier than he saw her a few nights back — crying . 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙚𝙡 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣’𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 .
“grace ,” he pauses , realizes he’s at a loss for words . although his mouth snaps shut , his arms open of their own accord to welcome the mess of her , hand cradling the back of her head against his shoulder . she’s no longer ice cold , her voice is strained with emotion . so different from the grace that came back from the dead , hungry for revenge ... 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙨𝙠 , 𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙚 ? “i couldn’t run , you know that . is it — is it really you , in there ?”
&. 𝗕𝗘𝗡 , 𝗗𝗛𝗔𝗖𝗔𝗬
unwitting exile. isolation that brews overhead, far and wide in the narrow horizon of a quiet apartment; the very definition of PICTURESQUE. he’s sprawled on his back, dusk enveloping his lonesome figure like a cushy duvet - smothering, excessive, overwhelming. the dimness of an illuminated screen glares back at him, admissions of incertitude fluttering across the text box, thumb loitering so dangerously at that unpitying send button.
[ 𝙏𝙓𝙏 : DANIEL LE DOMAS, 2:31:54 AM. ] do you ever think about running away?
he’s pressing the thing, gawking openly as the fateful message finally makes its metaphorical trek to its one and only recipient. and he already moves to type further, perhaps to quell his own anxieties - nebulous and without form - before his accursed indecision overtakes him completely.
[ 𝙏𝙓𝙏 : DANIEL LE DOMAS, 2:32:25 AM. ] away from everything?
𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙈𝘼𝙉𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉 𝙄𝙎 𝘼 𝙇𝙄𝙑𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 , daniel’s believed so for years . at night , when everything goes still , it’s easier to notice the way the old wooden floorboards creak under invisible weight , or the walls clink and rattle like something inside them is trying to break free . he would tell alex the place was haunted , until his brother revealed he saw the ghost of mr. le bail sitting in the chair at the head of the table . together they used to wander the long , candle-lit hallways chasing shadows , but that soon stopped when aunt helene married charles and the family played hide and seek . it took daniel over a decade to find the courage to leave his room after dark ; alex still doesn’t .
𝙢𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚 𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙤𝙣 , unlike daniel , who totally does . insomnia is a bitch ; the nightmares that plague his evenings are worse — he cannot sleep longer than a few hours without a little help . he sneaks from the service corridors into his father’s office , searches the mini-bar for a bottle of bourbon . he can’t quite see the le domas patriarch’s portrait hanging over fireplace but he knows it’s glaring at him . surely , tony won’t mind (or he will , but 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙛 𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙩) . nursing a glass filled with liquid amber , daniel takes a seat at the mahogany desk . he kicks his legs up , bathes in the moonlight streaming through the shutters and for a short while , lets the silence devour him whole .
his phone vibrates in the pocket of his robe , now softly glowing blue . unsurprised , yet curious , he fishes it out with his free hand , skims over the text on the screen as another comes through . the question tugs at daniel’s heartstrings in a way he’s not fond of , for it hits too close to home for comfort . he considers lying , something he’s sort of becoming good at (pretending everything is fine) . but this is ben and he loves him like a brother . unlike alex however , he has the privilege of not knowing just how fucked up daniel really is .
[TXT : BENNY , 2:34:11 AM] all the time . why , you gonna ask me to run away with you ? thelma and louise style ?
&. 𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗬𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗗
❝ You alright, bud? You look like you’ve seen some shit. ❞
𝘿𝙀𝙁𝙄𝙉𝙀 "𝙎𝙊𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙏" , he wants to ask , 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙛𝙮 . instead , it’s a strangled - nearly hysterical - giggle that lifts from daniel’s chest . “yeah , haven’t we all ?” knuckles press to furrowed brow , half-hearted attempt to relieve the pressure behind his eye ; no doubt the onset of a killer migraine . “i’ll tell you my horror story if you tell me where to find something to drink . how’s that sound ?”
&. 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗘 , 𝗚𝗢𝗧𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗗
𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏; alike nemesis delivering justice onto mortals, she stands on the edge between life and death, teetering towards one or the other. the closer she gets to her goal / mission from below, the closer she gets to a new life, a new beginning — and, she thinks, hopefully one she gets to enjoy with him. how strange, this glimmer of hope piercing through the fog surrounding her mind. curiosity fills placid blue eyes as they follow along his motions, survey along his skin, his scarless appearance — free of blemishes, despite seeing him die shortly before suffering the same fate at the hands of the very one that should have protected her. her free hand twitches, she wants to reach out and touch, she realizes, to comfort, yet feels too far away to do it, too foreign still, almost as though she still wasn't real.
his hand remains an anchor — warm, warm, so warm. a contrast so sharp to her skin of ice yet she can feel the warmth spreading from her fingers down her arm into her entire body, tendrils of silk wrapped around her exposed heart. she feels his hand squeeze around hers and it spreads — like wildfire. to her he is aflame, and soon she thinks, soon she will share warmth with him the way he does with her.
it is the shift in expression that breaks through to her; he'd pledged to help her, yet something haunting glimmered in the depth of his brown eyes, one that made her realize — sharply despite her numbness — just what she is asking of him. she doesn't falter, finds herself purely incapable of it. yet hesitance is soon replaced by resolve, rendering her nothing but bemused by his devotion.
pale hand finally touches — skims over his skin, watching as it leaves a trail of goosebumps in their wake; it moves — feather - like up his arm, tenderly to his neck, like a cold but gentle winter breeze. “you don't have to get your hands dirty, daniel, i would never ask this of you. i only need the doors to be blocked, like they did with me.” a game of hide and seek of their own, a taste of their own medicine — wasn't that the epitome of poetic justice? “are you sure you want to get through with this?” it comes almost as a subconscious call - back to his own words as her monotonous voice utters: “it's not too late to flee, you know?”
𝘿𝘼𝙉𝙄𝙀𝙇 𝙒𝘼𝙉𝙏𝙎 𝙏𝙊 𝙇𝘼𝙐𝙂𝙃 . he wants to cry ; to fall apart , let the broken pieces only barely holding him together collapse at their feet and scatter across the room . he would if they didn’t have a curse to break - if he were alone and he could just give up like he had planned to do before she visited him / ghost of christmas past .
it’s not too late to flee . the words are his own , yet the sound is foreign — it’s a harsh reminder of what grace has become . the memory of the glowing bride on her wedding day now clashes terribly with the reality of her ; broken and cold and thirsty for blood . 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙞𝙨 𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙧 ? she deserves that . they deserve that .
grace’s touch burns him , like frostbite , and daniel finds himself wishing - if for a fleeble moment - that she’d tear his neck back open . wouldn’t that be so easy ? to bleed out , while the rest of the le domas kin meets their demise ? he would never be so lucky . it’s come daniel’s time to take a side . again , he chooses grace ; again , it’s the right thing to do . his fingers twine with hers as a clammy , unsteady hand covers her own and holds it in place .
he wonders if she can feel the flutter of his heartbeat against her digits — if this version of grace can feel anything at all . she seems conflicted in her request , or maybe it’s a trick of the mind . something in her eye , a glimmer of pity instead of ire . he dares waver after everything his family has done to her yet she remains patient with him , offering an out . even as a vengeful wraith , grace is better than the lot of them . daniel thinks he could throw up if his mouth wasn’t filled with cotton , his throat so dry . he needs a drink , 𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 .
“my hands have been dirty for a long time , grace . turns out , when you stand by and watch atrocities happen , you’re just as guilty as who strikes the final blow .” or when you sic the wolves on a desperate man , injured and begging on his knees for your help . daniel doesn’t deserve mercy , maybe she’ll finally understand it now ; he’s about to sacrifice what is left of his family to an eldritch horror — or satan himself , the very one who brought her back for this .
“i’ll do it . the security system’s still out of commission , but i can cook something up . not literally , they don’t let me near their edibles since the botched ritual .” he huffs a humorless laugh , slipping away from her to fetch grace’s dirty gown , barely recognizable as the once white , elegant lace-wedding dress it used to be . “they’re going to shit bricks when they see you .”