Once upon a time

The girl who was once from NYC unintentionally transplanted to the sticky trap of the CT countryside nearly three decades ago. Teacher, singer, writer, photog. Dancer along the path through the dark. ~May words and music and laughter light the way to kindred spirits, kind of heart~ Also a Mommy. That's the most important thing that's happened along the way, but not what this blog will be about. Words and music and more brought to you by merisongbird. ©2010--2019

[merisongbird]

Gosh

Times goes by

like crazy

and older I sit and type again

(can you tell how old I am?)

not wasting away

just being okay

But, yeah, it’s good to write again

[merisongbird]

Long Time Gone

Forgotten passwords, and pass ways, and right-of-ways. Or maybe they were never really mine.

A swirl of leaves, a steady wind, and gone. The coldness settles in again, my bones. 

You play awhile and stay awhile but lo, the octave takes another turn.

So steadily and breathily you burn the tallow cold,. And twinkling a melody I turn, and give away the eloquence once known. 

<3

[merisongbird]

Title if you want one...

Scrambling for one little crumb

Like the starving bird

I have always been

Releasing from that silly life

That silly lie

I told myself

Just to get by...

[merisongbird]

Anger, Hurt, and Love

I used to write out my heart...

Pour from my soul all my hurt

Pour from my heart all my love

Now it’s just dried up old dust

Nothing left inside this well

I’ve been tipped over and spilled

[merisongbird]

Songs In My Head

So we are souls

So often cheap

Cheap to ourselves

Sold ourselves short

No matter what

Grow and move on

Again

Find what was found

Bow down and reap

Reap your reward

Price is quite steep

But still we shine on

Like the song says

Holding ourselves

For better...

[merisongbird]

Title of you want one

A while away I go, miles from my heart

And many steps I've known sharing secrets with the stars

You and I know it was nothing but the best for us

But wrenched away

Ridiculous

And now I see

A lifetime with the king of passive aggressiveness may have been my best bet

Yet

The trees and breeze reply to me

And so saying solemnly

I alone will find a road

Maybe always I'll be free....

[merisongbird]

Truth

My silence is my only shield

the only weapon I can wield

to save myself from all the sorrow

If I should speak, would come tomorrow.

[merisongbird]

Untitled (for now)

Roller coaster of the soul

please don't make me lose control

'Cause I've got lots of plans you see

plans for you and plans for me

Piece by piece and inch by inch

Service father

Gather cinche

Rocket power round and round

Always running into ground

Never lifting off the ground

Something lost and something found

[merisongbird]

Time to take the hook out of my mouth spit it wide and eye it warily Silly heart with all your dreams won't fool me again

[merisongbird]

New Reality

What is good enough? How do you measure that? Is it closeness, convenience, some spark you can count on? I'm just not wired that way. But gosh I hope to be. Life will be easier when anyone will do.

[merisongbird]

Pre-tea morning thoughts

Everything's a balance a topsy-turvy win to take it just one day at a time and let your heart sing and tell you what you want though you might be led astray If winning means I've lost you, too there might come a day when regret will find you wishing for my laughter

[merisongbird]

Morning Tribute (in my mind)

When all those dreams blend into naught a heartache deep and filled with thought of how it is I came to be so far from where I was Taking comfort in my home A life I've made all by myself I wonder if it ever shows The life that never had a chance

[merisongbird]

The Hateful Insomnia

Dead of night at 2 a.m. the visit of the feel of dread To keep at bay that steady tread of what may be and what has been... the hours--they pass on by as though a million years of waiting for respite... To toss and turn and rearrange the pillows to start over, in hopes of...dreams The slip of rest lays down at last as dawn is surely whispering... The soft soft sheets, I slide my feet so turning into butter...

[merisongbird]

Aimee Mann Satellite

[merisongbird]

Untitled

I was love Sweetest truest rain could be 

Falling down like tumbling rivers 

Draped in all the warm soft colors 

 Holding fast a velvet touch

Shining like the brightest star, twinkling softly from afar Loyal as the years were long Ache inside me, lips deprived Arms all empty All alone

[merisongbird]

From 17 to '17

Subtext not conversation living on daydreams but only solo now I know the fool I was for 37 years… and stay away is my new mantra you’ll never know just how I feel in every nuanced way that means what would it have taken for you to reach for me…to want to give me what I need? Ah so much bullshit is what I got because of course my heart’s not real, just a plastic toy to you. Just smoke up my skirt, was all for me.

Not flesh and blood and want and need, just a girl to gut and bleed. From 17 to ‘17.

[merisongbird]

Last Straw

You could have had me but every time a pass you choose the one nearby despite a love we had you’ve killed it every way you can and now we’ve crossed the rubicon and there’s no going back to all the love ‘twas in my heart for eight long years I thought you meant every single word you said every lyric, song, and letter that you sent but once your circumstances changed you rescued someone else instead and threw it up in front of me a celebration of your love– all the moments we won’t have all the memories that you'll give to someone else who isn’t me and like that boy in game of thrones you shot my heart so full of holes and pierced the very core of me as I wrapped captive watched you go.