marymer

shes the moon watching the Earth sleep at night

[mermonday]

Baby,

A year ago around this month, OUR twist of fate happened and started.

I met you and little did we know that a year after, we will be here. Calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, planning on bigger things. Waiting for the day that we will meet again.

Lately, i couldnt find the words that I want to say to you because i think I've already said so much.

And tonight just before the day ends, I realized how scared I am of losing the words to describe how much I feel for you.

I am so in love with you but its more than being in love now.

My soul craves for you.

Even from a distance I seek you.

I know that we both look at the same night sky everynight. And we lay in bed thinking about each other hoping we can meet in dreams.

You are a wonderful person made of imperfect things. And I admit that I am the same too. Yet somehow we meet in betweens fitting into each others gaps making a perfect form of balanced souls.

I hope we never get tired of each others imperfections and differences. Rather, love each of them every day for the rest of it.

For now let me tell you how I am at my happiest ever since I met you. And a thousand times i will always choose to be with you.

yours,

—mer

♾️

[mermonday]

sailing away

In a few days, his skies will be just blue—a midnight color. He will hear only waves crashing his ship as he sail away around whichever ocean.

I'll be looking up every night hoping he is looking at the same sky- seeing the same star.

Whenever he does this, I hope he thinks of me. I hope he'd wish upon the stars that he is in my arms instead

And God knows its what my heart is yearning too. I'll be seeing you- but soon.

As you sail away, know that my heart is with you. I'll be waiting for you- here

We will look up at the night sky, together. I'll be in your warmth again one day.

But for now, I'll wait patiently in the thoughts of you.

I love you

Ardently,

Marymer

[mermonday]

i took photos of morning and evening skies over the last four months. (the view from my apartment is facing east thats why i get to see this everyday)

its my proof of life. these photos reminds me that life comes with ups and downs; high and lows, turns and rounds.

like sun and moon taking over mornings and night respectfully waiting for their turn.

if youre lucky, its also very mysterious and surprising

it is wonderful and fascinating.

life

my life has been like this. my mornings have been empty; my nights were once quiet, lonely and sad

ever hoping and waiting for something uncertain

until one day, one thing became certain

the sun will rise, after a tragic night, the moon will show its journey to survive midnight cries, the dawn will be my rest and the sun will shine again showing light of hope.

this is certain.

I prayed incessantly. then over a hundred days after, i met him.

from a far, thousands of miles away he flew all the way to see me.

and it was the most beautiful encounter i ever had in my life

it wasn't about meeting him once, but it was about meeting him every day since.

he is for me, made for me

my Gods promise is made of stars.

i am the moon shining with him. we both belong to the sky and i am truly, madly and deeply in love with him.

i waited for my turn and i hope this is it.

ill be meeting him again soon

my beloved

my love

my man

my soulmate

my hope

and like i said, life is mysterious, fascinating and a lot more.

my God fulfilled His promise and He always will.

these photos are my reminder that He is watching me and showing me that every day you can always begin again.

hope again

and love again.

[mermonday]

and i hope he knows..

he is the best part of this year.

i could write a hundred words describing how much i feel calm, at ease and in love with you.

and yet i am so afraid to tell you.

though one day i know i will,

I only wish that when that day finally arrive,

i hope you feel the same way too.

"you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love-I love-I love you."

Jane Austen, from "Pride & Prejudice"

[mermonday]

In a way, you are poetry material; You are full of cloudy subtleties I am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out. Words burst in your essence and you carry their dust in the pores of your ethereal individuality.

Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena

[mermonday]

“you” all of a sudden came in to my life. and then life happened.

[mermonday]

a year old, today

i posted this a year ago obviously.. in private audience on fb. i was so lost, broken and I felt really helpless at the time. and I blame myself for being so in love (at least i thought so) and ruled by what i thought is the meaning of love.

i’ve made decisions that broke my parents heart, and it broke me too.

all i did was, fell in love.. but to the wrong person.

and it took me some time before i get to move forward. its funny because, i knew on those days what exactly is, that i need to do. but being ruled by my emotion was my enemy. i couldn’t move, i was paralyzed seeing how i am being crushed, in front of me is another version of me being destroyed slowly by a man who i loved. mercilessly.

i cried, developed severe anxiety, depression for months before i could even move. until eventually tried to get up, step up and work my way, slowly.

now reading this short letter for myself and going through that memory again i was reminded that i could be as broken, damaged and even hopeless  each day i fought for my peace, for putting myself back to life, even losing friends along the way, walk away for awhile, if these things are what is needed to be healed, in Gods will, then you must. you can always restart again.

its been a year since this post, 10 months of process (and im not even saying i am fully healed! but im getting there, and actually, i feel i am healed or something) i will always remember how chaotic, destructive this year started. but today, on the same date, im on the other side of the coin. im happy, im blessed, i am even stronger and i am at peace. the puzzles are slowly getting into place and this time i am taking my time at finding them, no rush.

[mermonday]

keep going

we think we are at the most difficult position in our lives but, the second we breathe in and out and practice mindfulness before we conclude, we can decide whats best, what would make us happy and whats unbiased with neutral emotion.

[mermonday]

Begin Again (Taylor's Version)

Taylor Swift · Song · 2021

begin again

[mermonday]

r we back here again?

you always go back to your first love, dont you?

its not even a person or any material thing i am referring to..

but its this. writing.

i never stopped anyway, its just that i haven't been here in a while and i was just writing on my journal earlier and whilst i was into it, i realized that my way of writing seems like I'm speaking with this certain person but he is in a form of a paper and i am the pen(ink) writing (talking) to him, but I'm not expecting an answer. (i hope you get what i mean)

i have this very bad writing habit where i scattered all the details (either too excited or too sad) contrary to the context of what i really want to write and ends up filling up the paper with words but is very far from what i really had in mind when i decided to write it.

but anyway...

this is really not the way I'd like to welcome myself back here

i have this idea of writing about this beautiful thing that happened to me recently.

i wrote them on my journal, yes, but, for some reason i was reminded of this portal. so i decided to go on and be here.

thats why I'm here again, and maybe... 

for good?

[mermonday]

12

[mermonday]

my apartment diaries

living on my own @ 26

My room is facing the window so at least I see some sunlight.

I'm sitting in my bed and looking up the window. The weekends become a challenge now. I guess i have nothing to do... yet.

Its my second week living alone and its been great. Although for the most of it (weekdays) I'm working and distracted with life, but the two days in between is a bit of a struggle.

To sleep were also a real struggle, when you even cant identify what you're feeling.

is it fear of being alone? That someone is watching you? Or its too quiet and you're missing home.

Oh I am just glad I have movies on my phone to watch.

I watched until my eyes hurt so it'd be easier to sleep.

today, I plan to go to a coffee shop and bring my book..

Lately, I've been thinking of positive thoughts to keep me from darkness and to keep me sane.

Lately, I feel a little better.

Today, my mother sent me a text saying "take care!, learn how to cook so you dont always have to order food"

I was teary-eyed thinking its her way of approving my decision to live on my own. Funny how people say "I love you" in some other sweet form of words.

Today, I feel free and a bit emotional..

But unlike the previous days..

Today I feel happier.

[mermonday]

she went mad

when I think of..

I cant even imagine your face anymore

when I think of you, even the thought of thinking of you

makes me sick in my stomach

imagine when before its all butterflies?

then i realized,

you wouldn't really go back to the trash you have thrown once its thrown.

it stinks. its rotting

am i mad? yes i am.

is he a coward? yes he is.

i wish you well but i really wish you’re not

i hope you die soon as you realize how to live.

and regret the pain you brought me all your life

cuz you dont deserve peace for what you did

and you dont deserve happiness for ruining mine.

[mermonday]

You deserve flowers on your doorstep and coffee in the morning. You deserve notes left on your dashboard and ice cream sundaes at 3 am.

You deserve honesty every day and to be kissed every hour.

You deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are.

[mermonday]

untitled

i’m still learning this process.. again

re-learning

looking back as to how it all happened, i could say, its okay to get lost in love.

i think we all know thats how it is.

we get overwhelmed, feel happy, we feel the extremes

we feel alive, we look up to something everyday

we anticipate the next move

we crave for the unexpected

its okay (i say to myself)

somewhere along the process of falling in love is getting lost.

although... when we do, and one decided to part ways (decided he doesn't want you anymore)

where do the one who’s left, go?

who do i run to?

[mermonday]

its late

12:20 AM

[mermonday]

Introverts Are Born To Connect More Deeply With Others, Here’s Why

Learn more about introverts and why they are wonderful partners, and have a profound ability to connect deeply with others.

thanks to this . I know :) but I am trying my best to stay out of my room once in a while and get social guess i should try harder because , it still feel best when Im on my own.. not literally ..