Messenger Puppet

"Turn the goddam music up! My heart feels like an alligator!"

[messengerpuppet]

Feeling cute. Might be chosen as a sacrifice to #cthulhu later. #idk (at Hollywood Boulevard) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxH7rbZHaSy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=185tfsi0f4zte

[messengerpuppet]

Pop quiz: what's wrong with this picture? #bible #condom #lookwhatifound #nttawwt https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvxyhn9nMN2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8rcgjuqtbpmi

[messengerpuppet]

AdamLambert doesnt belong with the last 1/2 of #queen any more than he fit with this 1/2 band. #queendiedwithFreddie #karaokeneverdies #bandsdo #oscars2019 (at Hollywood) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuTl7YLncnA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=o3ft8z87xwvu

[messengerpuppet]

Pretty much the worst beer ever. The lemon didnt help; couldn't make it worse. Thought it would be like hacker-pschorr. Was wrong. Very, very wrong. (at Fucking, Austria) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtL8yJ2H8cK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1u49wh6k3smpa

[messengerpuppet]

Buzz Kielbasa, getting ready for date night #99centstore (at East Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsMc3j1HB3x/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=myb30545ujqi

[messengerpuppet]

What a great place to crash on the sofa. Nothing else of note ever happened here, started here, or ended in unidicted relief here. EVER #forgodssakedontreadtheblog #ever (at Ann Arbor, Michigan) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsB0ik5HEpG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1035st0c1mgk2

[messengerpuppet]

#peak2018 https://www.instagram.com/p/BrahIgin_-H/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=lzjegumi8t4n

[messengerpuppet]

@buzzkielbasa, out trolling https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqcy7jEHauw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9acp7li97pxf

[messengerpuppet]

http://www.messengerpuppet.com/2004/05/23/shrek-2-sucks/ Our fans are the BEST! (at Mom's Basement Cocktail Bar) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bprk8LKn2P9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ig7s2s960bwe

[messengerpuppet]

Vision: execution. #whyIsuckathalloweencostumes #halloween #kirkismichaelmeyers (at Downtown Haddonfield) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpnABBjBeQt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=stj3952pnee5

[messengerpuppet]

I found Fredo. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpj_k7THjsY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1xrcwdxl4gjf1

[messengerpuppet]

My neighbors: so classy. No more chugging cheapskate #mickeysmaltliquor in the driveway. From now on it's #steelreserve211: #breakfastofchampions https://www.instagram.com/p/BozKqzIBmVa/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=159rqo4q3k7uh

[messengerpuppet]

A bit of work left to do. #beerfridge #mancave (at Planet Earth) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnodaUYB-Dt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1vthts8evxjzr

[messengerpuppet]

"My boy, we are pilgrims in an unholy land" - me, on finding the plushy sex toy aisle. #cluelesss #doesitcomewithinstructions youregonnaneedmorewine #howdoyoueven #nevermind (at Castle Boutique)

[messengerpuppet]

Goddam it Barbie! What did you do now? If Ken is in that cake somewhere come he's a dead doll. #whentoysgobad #lockupthebooze (at Spring Valley, Nevada)

[messengerpuppet]

I found a rare hooker in #gta5 #storymode. One service level instead of 3. She was rare and beautiful, so of course i did a #trumpjr on her like she was a #druggedlion. 4 tasers and a nightstick later... (at Vespucci Beach, Los Santos, San Andreas)

[messengerpuppet]

We rule. #sandimashighschoolfootballrules #excellent #beexcellenttoeachother (at San Dimas High School)