it feels like i dream like 10x more vividly than the rest of my system and for the sake of my sanity I'd really prefer if it stopped

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@metanarrates
it feels like i dream like 10x more vividly than the rest of my system and for the sake of my sanity I'd really prefer if it stopped
like the problem with the mm hockey romance genre (and this one isn’t on reid or tierney this is the problem as a whole) is that it takes the bad apples approach to all of it because obviously things like racism and homophobia are problems but to admit they are deep-rooted systemic problems instead of individual makes it kind of impossible to resolve. so it’s easy to write about there being a couple of guys who suck. but when you have to deal with the fact that this is what men’s sports are like, yes ALL of them, yes ALL the men involved to some level, because this is what western notions of masculinity are based in, it makes it not a romantic fantasy but instead some sort of medium dot com thinkpiece. ultimately the issue to me is that sports romance novels are written for an audience that likes sports, which then precludes any real criticism of sports. and as i have said before the ideal mm sports romance novel is written by someone who hates men’s professional sports and not in a “flawed institution but noble intentions” kind of way.
my personal take on this is that it's not even about the sports of it all, it's kind of baked in to romance as a whole. romance as a genre is really interested in recuperating institutions. specifically marriage! Romance Novels, as a genre, are about the fantasy of marriage as being able to meet women's sexual, emotional, and material needs. instead of, you know, being historically kind of a miserable saw trap where women have to trade their bodily autonomy and emotional lives for material wellbeing. and you can take this all the way back to Austen, but I'd argue that this is still pretty foundational to the modern romance genre. this is why billionaire is so popular, what if you had access to unlimited wealth AND incredible dick AND the guy was nice to you. the dream.
obviously we now live in an age where women don't have to be married to a man to have access to money, but the HEA expectation of romance novels is very much formed by this tie between romantic partnership and material wellbeing. no one ends a romance novel homeless, you know? the fantasy is that this institution can work. don't worry about patriarchy as a set of material and psychic conditions. this marriage is good and good marriage is possible.
so sports, in sports romance, are just another institution to recuperate. the structures are fine, don't worry about the structures! romance novels are, i think, fundamentally about a fantasy of navigating difficult social conditions in a personally satisfying way. and so that shows up in whatever the setting is, but I think it's a fundamental characteristic of the genre.
whatsy is extremely and wholly correct. i'm gonna add another thing to the pile, which is that repetition is necessary for recuperation. in order to convert the constitutive harm of structures/institutions into social narratives that can obscure their own second-order effects, you need to tell the story over and over again. sports is violence as entertainment; romance is marriage as entertainment. much of their overlapping* utility is that they are easy to consume, comfortingly predictable, and infinitely available. one romance novel can't flip marriage from the aforementioned patriarchal saw trap into the key to individual freedom *and* safety *and* happiness. a couple hundred thousand released into the cultural id...
with this repetition, the narrative fantasy (like gender, like genre) becomes a stable place you visit: sports is somewhere you can go where merit wins; romance is somewhere you can go where love saves somebody. what's striking about the rise of m/m sports romance in particular is that it raises the stakes of that fantasy even further--there is now somewhere you can go where THREE saw traps (marriage, violence, homophobia) become the conditions of happiness. i don't think it's a coincidence that as material conditions worsen, the escape fantasy becomes...more and more fantastic.
one more thing--much of sports romance's fantasy occurs via a specific elision of racism, particularly antiblackness. (sports in general does this much more transparently!) not a coincidence that hockey's the overwhelmingly white big 4 sport and also the locus of western** sports romance, particularly m/m sports romance. not a coincidence that the gays became repeatably consumable as desiring, deserving romantic subjects within the romance genre writ large before black people have. look at these goodreads shelf counts, and keep in mind that college-educated black women read more than everybody else, demographically:
romance as a genre is run by white women. consciously or not, the marriage fantasy these white women write over and over again protects whiteness more than it protects straightness. along this axis, the fantasy actually functions identically to the institution instead of transforming it. as the repetition of stories shows us, there's a hierarchy of which social conditions are onscreen, navigable such that 'marriage is good and a good marriage is possible', and which social conditions don't serve most creators' stakes in the marriage fantasy at all.
*for doing-my-real-job-today purposes i'm skipping some other very relevant overlaps between sports & romance--libidinal imaginaries, economies of ability and desirability, the temporal bound of a championship or a wedding, etc--but somebody else run w the ball pls
**i would really like to read some comparative scholarship on race overall in western romance and BL, if anybody has recs.
[Image description: two screenshots of a website listing showing that there are 26713 books in the Gay Romance category and 4218 listed as African American Romance Books. End ID.]
Are you twelve
No, I’m…Ahhh…AHHHH…!!!! *Clutches my throbbing head and topples to my knees, writhing in pain* Why can’t I remember……my past…..?!??!! AAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH…….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
⚠️sweetiepie located
Hey do you know what rumination is?
Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.
Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.
Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.
I'll say it again:
Rumination is a compulsion.
Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.
I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.
And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.
Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.
Like this was genuinely life changing for me.
Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:
Defining Rumination
How to Stop Ruminating
ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination
What to Do When You're Triggered
how do you feel about yoo mia cannibalism...
HII I’M GOING TO ASSUME YOU ARE MY FRIEND OTHERWISE THIS IS VERY AWKWARD BUT I AM KISSING YOU VIOLENTLY THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS
The interpretation of Yoo Mia through the lens of “cannibalism” mostly as metaphorical framework, not literal implication becomes most analytically productive when situated within the First Scenario as a site of the collapse. The First Scenario is not merely an introduction to survival mechanics in ORV; it is a forced rupture in which social order, ethical frameworks, and developmental protections are dismantled simultaneously, leaving children to negotiate existence in conditions structurally indistinguishable from mass casualty environments
Within this context, Yoo Mia occupies a position that is narratively under-examined but structurally significant: she is a child subject who enters survival discourse at the most materially and emotionally destabilizing point of the system. The presence of corpses, violence, and resource scarcity is not incidental but foundational to the formation of early survival logic. While the narrative does not linger on explicit depiction, the implication is clear: survival begins in proximity to death rather than in opposition to it.
It is within this proximity that the metaphor of “consumption” becomes theoretically relevant. ORV repeatedly constructs survival as a process of incorporation: characters become constellations, narratives, regressors, readers, or systems that metabolize experience into identity. Yoo Mia, however, operates at a more immediate level of incorporation: she internalizes the conditions of survival before she has access to interpretive distance. In early Scenario conditions, even the most basic acts of survival are shaped by deprivation and exposure to death, producing a developmental environment where the boundaries between external violence and internal psychological formation are significantly weakened.
In this sense, “cannibalism” as a symbolic reading refers to the forced internalization of a world where death is ambient rather than exceptional. Yoo Mia does not simply witness survival; she is formed within it. The First Scenario functions as a threshold where the distinction between living and dead becomes materially unstable, and where children, lacking institutional mediation, must cognitively absorb this instability as part of their baseline reality.
Importantly thoo, this is not framed as psychological corruption in a simplistic sense. Rather, it produces a specific kind of emotional epistemology. Yoo Mia’s later characterization, her heightened sensitivity to loneliness, her immediate recognition of emotional distress in others and her tendency to approach even dangerous figures with affective curiosity Can be read as a continuation of this early forced attunement. She learns to read emotional states not as abstract social signals, but as survival relevant information embedded in environments where threat and vulnerability are indistinguishable at first glance.
The result is a person who does not “process” trauma externally but integrates it into perceptual structure. This is where the interpretive framing of consumption becomes most useful: not as literal violence, but as the irreversible absorption of early Scenario reality into the formation of self. The world is not something she survives and then leaves behind; it is something that becomes part of her cognitive and emotional baseline.
This also recontextualizes her position within ORV’s broader thematic economy. Where many characters achieve survival through narrative abstraction becoming symbols, roles, or systems that externalize suffering Yoo Mia remains anchored in direct relationality. She does not abstract emotional experience; she accumulates it. She does not transform others into narrative constructs; she retains them as affective presences.
Soo, the “cannibalism” reading, when applied rigorously, describes not literal violence but a developmental condition produced by the First Scenario: a child formed in sustained proximity to death, where survival requires the internalization of environmental collapse as emotional structure. Her later empathy is not separate from this origin; it is a continuation of it, refined into recognition rather than mere endurance.
In ORV’s logic of transformation, where many figures become something strong and scary, Yoo Mia remains something more immediate and more fragile: a repository of lived emotional states that were never allowed to remain external.
Bit also yehahh she probably did eat a couple corpses when she was alone trying to survive spoiler alert to my upcoming fic😋😋
It's often the most male-catered to and even misogynistic media that feature some of the deepest and borderline homoerotic relationships between men. But that is to be expected. People think that patriarchy enabling homoaffectionate relationships between men is a bug, but it's actually a feature. True love can only come from a place of respect, and men often don't respect nor esteem women. They don't see women as capable of intellect, or strength, or imagination or even humanity. Those attributes are reserved to men. Which is why men's true love is often reserved for other men while women are just props to them. That's why it's easier for a lot of male writers to create stories about supposedly heterosexual male characters having the most world-shattering (accidentally romantic) bonds with other men, but not with women that they're canonically attracted to. It's because they can't fathom their male protagonist being so deeply affected by a woman's character, since women are to be lusted for and kept as props for their little domestic fantasies but never truly respected or admired as individuals. The ancient greeks were more honest about this stuff because they understood that patriarchy and male/male affection went hand in hand.
this is like actually vile. are you fucking kidding me
what if i blocked all of my critics, especially critics of color, cried for weeks about how i was being bullied for no reason because everyone is just meanies and i'm a baby autistic bean, and then made the most condescending post possible where i say "if you think my book is bigoted it's because you have the emotional maturity and intelligence of a ten year old"
the bigoted therapy speak arrogance of someone like trick weekes but you're some loser nobody cat blogger on tumblr
yes exactly
the most evil person alive would like to start their career in mental health
i feel like there's a number of posts that are like omg stratt is sooo complex and morally grey and we love her for being complex. and that's not untrue but WHERE ‼️‼️‼️ are the people who are just fully on board with whatever she does because she's hot. yes i did think it was sexy when she betrayed her second in command and forced him to die for the sake of the world. she should blow up antarctica again it would be so hot of her can anyone hear me
she should have caused more environmental destruction 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ and twisted the knife in graces guts even more than she did 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
i feel like there's a number of posts that are like omg stratt is sooo complex and morally grey and we love her for being complex. and that's not untrue but WHERE ‼️‼️‼️ are the people who are just fully on board with whatever she does because she's hot. yes i did think it was sexy when she betrayed her second in command and forced him to die for the sake of the world. she should blow up antarctica again it would be so hot of her can anyone hear me
feeling very hello kitty traumacore vent edit rn
we have to kill every adult man in my family
they will just give the worst men in the world the ability to therapyspeak at you and guilt trip you because you're being "unfair" to them. we have to execute them
we have to kill every adult man in my family
<- its ass will NOT escape samsara!!!