welcome home, dipshit

The home of Proser132. Personal blog. Artist. Writer. Boring theme-user. 25. You can find me at @xicaname on twitter and instagram, twitter for general things and instagram for art.

[filibusterfrog]

seasonal fae types

(Dream fairies here)

[untiedshoelace-deactivated20260]

Let’s play: Things you will only hear on Phineas and Ferb

I’ll start.

“I too feel a certain element of kabob-ism”    

[mytwilightgalaxy]

“Then we’ll float around, like men”

[pftones3482]

“I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to transitive verb crackers.”

[faeriiefloss-moved-to-jujub-blo]

“Sorbets are entirely made out of fancy people.”

[montynessa]

“What? Do you think we’ll need more bulgarian folk dance music?”

[carlybellla]

“nothing says mothers love like a giant, robotic, platypus butt.”

[chocolatecherry22]

“You know what I like about our friends? We say things like ‘We’re gonna douse you with ant pheromones’ and they’re just like ‘Okay, whatever’. They’re so cool!”

[belleevangeline]

“Well it wasn’t really a pool, it was more of a… let’s just say it only had water in it on alternating Thursdays.”

[darkwingsnark]

“See, it had occurred to me that what I should REALLY be doing is fighting fire with fire. And by ‘fire’ I mean ‘Perry the Platypus’. And by ‘fire’ I ALSO mean ‘Perry the Platypus’. … It occurred to me while I was on fire.”

[joons]

“I’m just saying, as a non sequitur, a talking zebra seems a little…” “Forced?” “Yeah, forced!”

[packitandgo]

“Run for your lives, it’s gnome-ageddon!”

[galaxina-the-pyro]

“Look, they’ve started their own overpriced coffee franchise…that’s so 90s.”

[digilici]

“I am a dry-cleaning wheel. Why do I exist?”

[ad-post-it]

“I have life-sized molds of all my friends.”

[the-malevolent-platypus]

“Never eat a cactus if you are out of practice”

[doofisdue]

“Why do my nostrils whisper to me?”

[themurphyzone]

“Move to France and refuse to speak French!”

[felderwin]

WHY WEREN’T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!

r-rebecca, it’s not what you think!

[neckwearr]

I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH

[anarcho-smarmyism]

god im just thinking about how much going to public school in the MCU would’ve made me hate captain america. every time i got caught giving some bitch the finger or writing on bathroom walls or ditching class or stealing books from the library cause i got a fine or what have you, and then they gave me lunch detention or ISS and i sat in that dumbass eraser-smelling room and im in My Chair (the chair i always sit in and yell at anyone else who tries to take it), fuming, arms crossed, full of teen angst and hating everyone around me, and AGAIN had to watch this stupid fucking video ive already seen so many times that i know it by heart and every word grates on my eardrums and i’d just see this fuckin familiar face

and i would be ready to LOSE MY SHIT

[anarcho-smarmyism]

Villain Origin Story

[stuckuptumblercunt-deactivated2]

god imagine Steve giving Peter his Captain America is Disappointed in You face/lecture over something dumb and Peter just fucking dissociating and zoning back in to “Peter! Are you even listening to me???” and looking him in the eye and being like “I’m completely immune at this point. You can’t even touch me.” and walking the fuck away

[anarcho-smarmyism]

canon.

[thor-20]

the real reason why Peter agreed to fight cap at the airport

[neverthere12345]

[dr0wnedperfectionist]

wow i love this

[neutralangel]

One of the truest things I’ve ever heard is that people who say they’re “brutally honest” are more interested in the brutality than the honesty.

[porterr-robinson]

[bookworm-for-life]

The only video you need to watch in order to get into the Christmas spirit. 

[spotlessgloves]

I SO LOVE this. 

[prokopetz]

“Must be tough times for the whole ‘Bleak Rider’ gig.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it strikes me that the power to turn your horse into an unstoppable eidolon of Outer Night doesn’t do much good when you’re not allowed to take a horse anywhere.”

“All right. See that SUV over there?”

“… okay, I’m impressed. You can do that to any vehicle?”

“Any land vehicle. I can sometimes manage a boat, when I’m really in the zone, but I never got the hang of aircraft.”

“Probably just as well. It’s not like anybody is going to lend you a fighter jet, and civilian aircraft don’t really suit your idiom.”

“Mm.”

“Like, can you imagine the cargo plane of Outer Night?”

“I’d rather not.”

“The gyrocopter of Outer Night?”

“No.”

“Ooh, the blimp of Outer Night!”

“You can stop now.”

[morbidlyqueerious]

#microfiction  #a couple of chapters later she ends up in a situation where she has to overcome her mental block about aircraft in order to save her friend  #and the only available aircraft is the goodyear blimp      

Or, as it was temporarily known, the Badyear Blimp.

[prokopetz]

That’s what her friend insists it should have been called, anyway. She has thus far declined to dignify the assertion with a response.

[sosuperawesome]

Jonna Hyttinen on Instagram

Follow So Super Awesome on Instagram

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i get angry that hewwo is now a word, but then i remember that squeegee is a word and has been for a century so humans have always been awful

[silverymoonthing]

hewwo mistew squeegee?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I’m going to find you and I swear by the moon and stars I will make you bleed

[britttaperryhasmoved-deactivate]

[aurevoir-mes-amis-deactivated20]

YOU GUYS IT’S DECEMBER 10TH YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS HAS BEEN IN MY QUEUE SINCE FEBRUARY

[factorielle]

It’s December 10th now and I’m putting this in my queue for next year.

[getweirder]

someone who’s chaotic good (me) should never be allowed to run a bakery by themself (my job)

[sexy-androgynous-satan]

Why

[getweirder]

well I work for a bakery inside a grocery store and we end up composting a Lot of stuff because it’s a commercial chain and they don’t care because capitalism

so every night an hour before closing, I look thru all the stuff to see what expires the next day, and I make it “free samples”

then I hang around by the cookie table and the donut case and whenever kids come around talking to their friends abt “if they don’t buy this, they can afford that,” “do we have enough money to buy donuts?” etc, I chime in and I’m like….

hey…free samples over there take as many as u want…..take the whole thing….just eat them before u leave the store…..go…run…eat pastries….be free

[kelssiel]

you are exactly the kind of person i wanna see running a bakery

[femonologue]

This is basically the default practice for anyone not living and working in corporate dystopia. If you cannot use or sell something, it’s worthless to you. If something is worthless to you but someone else has a use for it, you let them take it away; you get the worthless thing disposed of for free, which effectively is the best value you’re ever going to get out of the otherwise worthless thing, and you also get to network with a potential contact or just generate a bit of goodwill.

You see it all the time in small business. If a construction company has a bunch of useless bits of warped lumber cut at odd lengths, they’re not going to bother disposing of it themselves if someone wants it for firewood. You got your own truck? Great, it’s yours, saves us the gas and labour costs of hauling it away.

Food destruction is one of the worst symptoms of a broken, inefficient, oligarchic economy. It’s actually wasting labour (and therefore money) to destroy something that is worth no money to its owner, on the presumption that someone, somewhere, will be desperate enough in its absence to buy something else. It’s dubious policy at best even from a ruthlessly pragmatic standpoint, and from all other perspectives it’s basically nihilistic insanity.

[trainthief]

a fun feature of this website that you cant get everywhere else is that you can write a thought out and specific post on a subject you know a lot about, and then someone will add “no no no you dont get it” and then say the exact same thing you did but worse and more condescending. only other place you can access that kind of experience is if youre a woman talking in real life 

[skankqueen420]

Being A Woman Simulator

[lsunnyc-deactivated20191124]

can we take a moment to just think about how incredibly scary magical healing is in-context?

You get your insides ripped open but your friend waves his hands and your flesh just pulls back together, agony and evisceration pulling back to a ‘kinda hurts’ level of pain and you’re physically whole, with the 100% expectation that you’ll get back up and keep fighting whatever it was that struck you down the first time.

You break your arm after falling somewhere and after you’re healed instead of looking for ‘another way around’ everybody just looks at you and goes “okay try again”.

You’ve been fighting for hours, you’re hungry, thirsty, bleeding, crying from exhaustion, and a hand-wave happens and only two of those things go away. you’re still hungry, you’re still weak from thirst, but the handwave means you have ‘no excuse’ to stop.

You act out aggressively maybe punch a wall or gnash your teeth or hit your head on something and it’s hand-waved because it’s ‘such a small injury you probably can’t even feel it anymore’ but the point was that you felt it at all?

Your pain literally means nothing because as long as you’re not bleeding you’re not injured, right? Here drink this potion and who cares about the emotional exhaustion of that butchered village, why are you so reserved in camp don’t you think it’s fun retelling that time you fell through a burning building and with a hand-wave you got back up again and ran out with those two kids and their dog? 

Older warriors who get a shiver around magic-users not because of the whole ‘fireball’ thing but the ‘I don’t know what a normal pain tolerance is anymore’ effect of too much healing. Permanent paralysis and loss of sensation in limbs is pretty much a given in the later years of any fighter’s life. Did I have a stroke or did the mage just heal too hard and now this side of my face doesn’t work? No i’m not dead from the dragon’s claws but I can’t even bend my torso anymore because of how the scar tissue grew out of me like a vine.

Magical healing is great and keeps casualties down.

But man.

That stuff is scary.

[somethingdnd]

shit just got creepy

[celynbrum]

Or maybe magical healing doesn’t leave scars or damage. It is magical, after all.

So after years of fighting, your skin is still perfect. Unmarred. In fact, you’re actually in better shape than regular people who don’t get magical healing when they fall out of trees or walk into doors or cut themselves while cooking dinner. You’re in such good shape that it’s unnatural.

And the really good healing magic takes away more than just the obvious injuries. You first start noticing it after about ten years when you go home and haha, you look the same age as your younger sibling, that’s funny.

Not so funny ten years later when they look older. Or forty years later, when you bury them still looking like you did at twenty. When do you retire from this gig anyway? How much damage is too much damage?

How many times do you glimpse the afterlife, or worse, how many times don’t you? What do you live through, get used to, show no outward sign of except a perfectly healthy body, too perfect for any person living a real life.

How many times are you sitting in a tavern with your friends and you hear the whispers, because the people around you know. How can they not know? Your weapons shine with enchantments and your armour is better than the best money can buy and there is not a damn scar on you. You hardly seem human to them.

How long before you hardly seem human to yourself?

And you find yourself struggling to remember the places where the scars should have been, phantom pains that wake you screaming, touching all the old injuries and finding nothing there. It’s all in your head. Was it ever anywhere else?

How long before you’re fighting a lich or a vampire or some other undead monster and you wonder…

…what makes me so different?

[yekkes]

The truth is that none of you are ugly you’ve just let straight men make you believe your are

[01virgo]

[longlegmadejs]

the tea is scorching hot today!!

[weiwanyin]

Shipping real people will never be cute, it’s gross and creepy. Stop.

[smashbike]

the concept that vocaloid is “cringey” or has any age attached to it is a logical fallacy. miku is a lesbian icon who spreads love to the world and also has basically a pride outfit and if you decry her you have no taste

[smashbike]

this is racing miku 2016 she is dressed to celebrate the lgbt community which she is a part of. she is an nb lesbian! she supports all her gay brothers and bi sisters and she donned this outfit to celebrate all of us :)

remember miku this pride month

[smashbike]

[curseworm]

lest we forget