Seokjin froze when you walked up to him, face quickly forming into a carefully neutral position by the time you were standing mere feet away.
Fingers twisting nervously, you look down at them before taking a deep and fortifying breath and extending one hand out to him. Swallowing, you turn your lips up into a bright smile and let the bubbling pot of do nerves and happiness overflow as you try to put your best foot forward.
āHi, Iām errā¦Iām Y/N. Your ermā¦your soulmate.ā You keep the words light and friendly, an aura of sweetness to them to show him that he can feel comfortable with you.
Because of course he can, heās your soulmate. The one fate, destiny and life has determined is the perfect person to complement your life like the sweet, sugar frosting on an already delicious cake.
Seokjin pauses before carefully extending his hand and grasping your own, shaking it slowly.
The touch of his hand sparks warmth within you, your nerves crackling with energy and you get the strongest urge to touch him further. To let your hands wander and map the hidden wonders of his body until they create an atlas you can follow for pleasure or comfort.
āHello. Iām Seokjinā¦Kim Seokjin.ā His words are polite, and the careful nature of his tone has your brow creasing somewhat. The party carries on around you, loud and raucous laughter as if people donāt realise one of the most important moments of your life is happening right now.
āOh I know, Iāve heard all about you,ā Your cheeks heat with shy embarrassment as the words burst from your mouth without you meaning to. āYoongi has told me all about you! He lives next door to me and likes to come over to eat. Apparently you like to cook as well?ā
The question is in the hope of making the situation feel a little less awkward for him. While neither of you obviously expected to find each other tonight, itās becoming obvious that Seokjin is being thrown for more of a loop than you are.
He pauses again, the moment brief but surprisingly loud in this sensory overload Jimin calls a party and your stomach turns suddenly. Thereās something not right here; even if he was surprised about this whole thing he should be showing more enthusiasm than this.
Soul mates, you were going to spend the rest of your life together. And yet heād shown more excitement for the tiny triangle sandwich Yoongi had given him before heād turned around to see you.
āYeah, I do. And errā¦Yoongiās mentioned you too.ā The crease between his brows tells you that heās unhappy, and that emotions loops back into you until your stomach is positively nauseous.
Taehyung had been kissing his soulmate by this point!
āIām sorryā¦you donāt seem very happy about all thisā You feature between your bodies with a weak smile, the happiness youād exhibited earlier slowly vanishing as alarm bells rang in your mind.
āYeahā¦Iā¦well. Youāre not what I was expecting.ā
Itās a simple sentence really. Eight syllables and only six words, yet it shattered something inside you as you felt overwhelming cold flood through your veins to numb out your feelings.
Fuzziness reigns in your head for a moment before you swallow, lips quirking awkwardly as a high pitched and fake laugh falls from your lips quickly.
Resting a hand against your chest, you can practically feel your racing heart through your hoodie and shirt. āOhā¦is thatā¦I meanā¦better than you expected? Orā¦worse?ā
It hurts to get those words out and you hope desperately that heāll laugh and apologise. Only he doesnāt.
In fact, he takes that knife in your heart and twists deeper as he hesitates once more, eyes scanning over your body quickly.
Swallowing thickly, you blink rapidly to try and rid yourself of the tears in your eyes that have formed like a flimsy shield. Itās harder to breathe suddenly, the heat of the party fighting hard with the crushing sense of disappointing and the overwhelming agony of a rejection that was truly soul deep.
Stepping back quickly, you try to give him another smile that doesnāt reveal your walls are crumbling. The awkward cringe he makes tells you it isnāt working.
āIām guessing that wasnāt a compliment.ā Looking down at your Converse clad feet, you nod quickly before continuing. āSorry Iāve disappointed. Iād say you know where I live butā¦yeah.ā
He doesnāt even respond as you turn on one heel and speed walk out of the party, unwilling to listen to the happiness of others there.
No one ever tells the stories of when soulmates go wrong. And now you know why.
How on Earth, did you manage to make such a moving story in so few words? hmmmm? Cuz holy shit, I felt that in my bones! My awkward, uncomfortable bones. This was heartbreaking. And like yeah, I shouldāve known based off of the title, but I didnāt read the title apparently!Ā
WOW.Ā
I donāt even know where to start. I mean for one, that opening line! I donāt remember what I thought the first time I read it, but let me tell you, the second time it felt very foreboding! I donāt think I paid it any special attention the first time through, which is kinda great, cuz in hindsight thereās a lot of hints to whatās going to happen, but I had the same hopeful attitude as our MC here, and didnāt let the signs get in my way!
The MCās positivity when seeking him out was so sweet. Theyāre so nervous, and feel so naive and young to me, and it makes it so much more brutal when it doesnāt work how they thought it would!Ā
I love when stories that I think I know get turned on their heads. Soulmate auās are so good for that! People are so complicated, what if you find your soulmate too soon, or too late, or what if heās perfect for you now, but youāll be perfect for him later? What if heās already in a relationship and is happy? And most likely in this case, what if you canāt live up to the hype of being the soulmate?????Ā
Clearly the MC has been thinking and daydreaming about their soulmate and what he will be like: so handsome, likes to cook (already have something in common!), bet heās nice.... And at least at first take he can live up to it all. But heās got his own fantasy of his soulmate, and to not meet them -- ouch! But also for him too! To see what his forever looks like and to not like it, how disappointing.Ā
This was rough to read! And amazing! Thank you for sharing it!
@everybodykpops said: 14. Imagine living together. The air conditioner breaks during the hottest week of summer and you have to figure out how to stay cool. Alternately, the heating breaks during the coldest week of winter and you have to figure out how to stay warm. + mr shithead jungkook
Warning: Unprotected Sex w/ Cum. Ice Play. Somewhat Fluffy JJK. Read at your own risk.Ā
āJesus chirstā¦,ā Jungkook shifts next to you, his hands pulling at the already loose collar of his white t-shirt, lifting the material to fan the fabric against his chest. āI donāt think Iāve ever been this hot in my life.ā
āThe more you talk about it, the more I think about it, and the stickier I get.,ā You groan, lifting your legs from their tucked position against your body, noting the uncomfortable beads of sweat forming on the undersides of your knees. āPlease, Kook. Just stop.ā
āI just canāt believe the irony of our air conditioner breaking during the worst heat wave this city has seen in fifty yearsā¦,ā His spare hand stretches to loop around his neck, swatting hopelessly in an attempt to create a some sort of cooling breeze. āAnd on a public holiday when every repair shop in the country is apparently closed and the landlady is away.ā
āTo be fair, we pay shit all in rentā¦ Itās not like weāre staying at The Hills or anything, we really canāt expectā¦ā Your eyes skip from the television show you were only half ass invested in - a drab anime of Jungkookās choice with a plot too confusing for the fog of your brain to be fully comprehending - and your sentence falters, mouth hanging open slightly at the site you are greeted with.
Jungkookās jaw is rigid, the straight lines of his bone structure jutting prominently as he tenses his neck, a soft flame of heat on his cheeks flushing his skin a tinge pinker than usual. The hairs at the base of his nape have matted subtly into dark, damp clusters beaded with perspiration that are threatening to fall and ruin the crispness of his shirt. His hand drops the fabric it is clutching, the length of his airy fingers stretching to swipe softly over the light sheen of sweat coating his neck, lingering tentatively in their motion to coax over his Adams apple.
I was wondering which one of your stories was going to be the first that I posted about, and this fic popped into my head yesterday and I couldnāt resist rereading it, so this only feels right!Ā
Thereās a lot to love about this story. I often get really caught up in series, but there are few things better than one-shots that feel complete and whole.Ā
You have this wonderful skill with word-choice that I donāt know how to describe, but reading your stories always feels incredibly easy. No sentence feels overburdened with wordiness or cliches, and it really just guides me through. Because I find your style so easy to read I also find that Iām able to form the most vivid images in my mind as I go. This whole story feels so warm to me -- everything is bathed in yellow light. The sweltering heat comes through so well, but also thereās this extra level of comfort attached to it? Like Iām able to feel the discomfort from the heat and from the awkward places the conversation goes, but also I very clearly feel the overall comfort they have with each other, and that they feel at home in this place.Ā
There are a few excellent moments in this, that feel very cinematic to me, where you create these close-ups. Like the MC noticing and getting distracted by the angle of Jungkookās jaw, or the way the ice instantly starts melting when he places it against himself, and the moment when you describe the sweat mark she leaves in the couch when she gets up to get ice (like the camera stayed put on the couch an extra couple seconds after she got up, before cutting to the kitchen).Ā
I really love these moments, both because they are so vivid, but also because of how they make the reader pause. Pacing is consistently one of my favourite things about your stories. Everything takes the exact right amount of time. There is the right amount of normal conversation at the start of this story, there is the right amount of her noticing Jungkook and being at a bit of a loss, there is the right amount of playing with the ice and testing boundaries. The pacing is so good that the payoff is like that of a slow burn series.Ā
And the payoff is amazing! You are most definitely one my favourite smut writers. Your pacing mixed with the right amount of realism just makes everything so very good! Your smut doesnāt get lost in making things so perfect that they donāt feel real anymore, and itās great, and engaging, and makes me feel so much more for the characters!Ā Like the way that she surprises him by coming so quickly, and having to tell him not to touch her clit because itās too sensitive, that they didnāt come together, that you included the clean-up afterwards! Those details are so great! And not ones I see in a ton of other places.
The realism you get into your characters in this story is very impressive and almost... surprising? Itās like you were dodging tropes I didnāt even know I wanted you to dodge?Ā
We have the classic, both like each other but donāt know it scenario, without what Iām used to seeing go along side it. I fucking love that he had noticed her noticing him, and had correctly interpreted that as her being interested in him! You gave your characters eyes and let them them use them and I love it! I love that he saw what sheād been doing, and I love that she noticed him checking out her chest as water ran down it. The lack ofĀ āI noticed, but he stopped so soon that maybe notā or, switching over to his POV so that we know whatās heās thinking but she doesnāt, was really refreshing! And I like the subtle cat-and-mouse, did-he-didnāt-he, back and forth that gets used a lot to build tension, but it was amazing to not encounter it here, exactly where I would expect it.Ā Ā
Even at the end of the story, when he finally confesses how heās been feeling, IĀ expected her to come back at him with her ownĀ ābut Iāve been feeling like youāreĀ out of myĀ leagueā moment, AND I would have expected this conversation to happen before they hooked up as the catalyst for the whole thing. I love all the places that you surprised me.Ā
And every one of your surprises just made things feel more real. I love how she avoided answering the questions about her moving out, and how he delivered them avoiding eye contact and letting it drop when she didnāt offer it up, because everything about that scene says that he isnāt fully ready for that confrontation.Ā Your characters feel so honest to real people and I really enjoyed reading their story.Ā
Also, being stuck in her POV was great! The tension that added not knowing exactly what heās thinking, whereās the line, whatās worth crossing, all that sort of thing, was really exciting to get caught up in. And it wasnāt until my second read through that I even noticed that he broke up with his girlfriend after moving in with the MC. For her that was such a small thing, just him realizing she wasnāt good enough and could have causal sex instead, and so I totally glossed over it the first time -- awesome use of POV and diverting my attention.
ALSO, Jungkook is so lovely in this. They way he was so hesitant and soft and worried about making the wrong move was just precious, and totally fit with this lovesick man! Every time he did basically anything I was swooning.Ā
I really loved this, and Iām so glad that you shared it! Totally engrossing and so very enjoyable to read!Ā
Hey I just wanted to say that I really really love your blog! Your in depth analysis on fanfics really helps put into words thoughts Iāve had, as well as add to the dialogue. It has made me rethink how I read in the best way! Thank you!
Thank you so much for stopping by to say so! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø It always amazes me that people other than the authors read my posts. They're basically as long as fics themselves, so I always figure readers have better ways to spend their time, hahaha.
But I am so happy you enjoy them too! And that they are actually affecting how you read -- wow! š„°
You know... if you keep writing longer chapters, sooner or later, my reblog posts will just never end. Theyāll just stretch to eternity... I know you donāt get when people apologize for giving feedback, but... apologies, this one feels especially long...
Itās such a delight reading this story. Every time I pick it up I am completely consumed. Rereading this chapter and the bonus chapter just made my day. I usually go on and on about plot and character things (and I will, donāt you worry) but I also just want to say how much I love your writing on a language level. This is so easy to read. Thousands of words fly by so fast, and the words you choose and the way you piece them together just have just an organic pull on my emotions and nerves. Amazing. Itās always a pleasure to get lost in these.Ā
Now to the story...Ā Ā
IĀ really enjoyed the way you included the flashback in this chapter. It was a wonderful tone-setter in general, but also the way you broke it up was really nice. It felt cinematic. And the way each chunk of the past set the tone for the next part of the story was just so good. The first one leaves us feeling uneasy, even though we know (in general) things turn out okay, we donāt know specifically what this meeting is for, so all we get is her discomfort and the feeling that sheās put at a disadvantage (the unnatural clothes, sheās too cold, sheās unprepared, worthy of pity from the receptionist). And weāre stuck with that trepidation as we enter in on the even more panic-inducing scene of everything falling apart around her on the ship.Ā
I like the reference to being a Victorian lady needing smelling salts, especially since so much of the shit going on is wrapped up in gender. In the flashback scenes you have her being uncomfortable while fitting into to the āfeminineā professional role and expectations (and how itās impossible to navigate in terms of fashion and attitude), and how her being a woman is still ultimately her weakness even if she plays into the roles as she should (and only by not playing the role does she get what she wants, literally choosing to give up her womb-abilities and using the presumptions that have been made based on her gender to corner the man). And here you have her resenting the connotations of being a woman who fainted. It comes up throughout the chapter and I like how youāve infused this distaste for being a damsel. Here you have a group of men, all caring about her, and fussing with good intentions, and technically Yoongi aināt wrong, she did faint, but for her all the drama is centred around her and her womanliness and her womanly sexual urges and yadda yadda and so itās all so frustrating to feel like youāre reduced to the softer sex. Also, ugh, how frustrating, to have all this happening, and to need a clear mind to handle it, and then your body is like,Ā ānope! time to collapse!ā, ughhh, not helpful!Ā Ā
Lovely, wonderful, doing what needs to be done Hoseok. What an exceptionally good guy. No idea whatās going on, but knows that Yoongi fucked up some way, and is looking out for the OC when she canāt for herself. And the word Hoseok uses when he scoops her up is āapologiesā -- what a fucking lovely human! Professional, you-deserve-respect-and-I-am-sorry-that-I-am-helping-you-and-crossing-boundaries-since-you-clearly-do-not-want-this-but-itās-necessary, and yes! Also, whatever look he gave Yoongi to make him falter? I want to see it. I wish the OC was able to see it... bet it would have affected her a lot more than a peak at his skin when his shirt rides up... just saying. (But I like that she didnāt, and, as a result that we didnāt, nice tease of the dom Hoseok to come perhaps?)Ā
But to make Yoongi falter -- Yoongi! and then RETREAT. Love the word choices here. Those are not verbs I would expect from Yoongi, especially since he cares about the OC and wants to help, and doesnāt currently think heās done anything especially wrong. The power of science officer Hoseok, I am tingling in anticipation for future chapters with him...
Flashback number 2 is just so good. The gender equality for media sake but not in reality, taking on less women and saying that there arenāt enough left after people quit, when in reality more men had quit overall, the way she uses silence as a weapon, all of it, all amazing, all making me feel all things. I like that we see her getting the upper hand. It probably helps that I already knew how the rest of the flashback plays out, but also we know that she wins this argument, clearly, so even though this chunk ends on a worrisome note, I still left it feeling like we were on an upswing, it left me feeling victorious, and ready for her to show me what sheās got. And of course, that final line again setting the tone for the next portion of the chapter, where she finally gets to talk to Namjoon (a little), and our focus zooms in on the complications that have arisen from the crew.
(side note, the whole āHoseok had a month where heād barf whenever gravity turned offā -- is this a thing? Have other astronauts had to deal with this? that would suck)
Iāve got it so bad for Void!Yoongi, I know he fucked up, but I go a lot easier on my fictional men, and even the way he lingers in the kitchen door before disappearing to his pod makes my heart clench. Yooooongiiiii
The RAGE I felt at the line ādo the two of you have a romantic historyā! THIS FUCKER. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFBLGUNJG;WJSGN.A
But the MC is a motherfucking boss, yessssssssss, put that douchewad in his place! Tell him where to shove his sexist, heteronormative bullshit! Use his sutpid assumptions against him! fuck yes! who da best? you da best! whoop! I love the OC so much, she is amazing, and I root so hard for her!
Jin, lovely, not prying, no questions, just being, helping, such a peaceful presence. And this dramatic ass ship really needs that. Even later on, still just so chill about everything, letting it all be.
Okay, onto the scene with the explanation to Namjoon and the meeting with all guilty parties, thereās so much to say here. Like for one, how great are the other men on the Minos that they kept their mouths shut, thanks boys. And sure, they were following that rule before when the fight first got broken up, but I imagine it isnāt easy when Commander Namjoon confronts you directly to deny him the answers heās seeking. Good onĀ āem!
I was cringing inwardly while reading the scene where sheās explaining the video to Namjoon. Ultimately a win, but god to have to say the words out loud... to your boss...yikes. But what a boss to have to say it to. Namjoon is the best. This chapter just makes me love these men so much!Ā āWeāre all grown men, we can suck it upā -- yes Namjoon! Truly the best commander. Also, I like the use of āweā. The way she says ārest of the crewā doesnāt really feel like it includes him, but his use of āweā instead of āthemā was a really nice touch, he too needs to suck it up.
(side note, I love that in all the versions of this scene you wrote, the biggest thing on Namjoonās mind is consent and coercion)Ā
Namjoonās office... the rubber band! What a surprisingly endearing office supply... and the bonsai tree! yes! I love when you describe settings. You usually only give a bit of information, and I really like that style cuz the little things you call to attention are so good. In the first chapter, it was the setting descriptions that made the ship seem to cold and lonely, and now, itās giving us a little bit more of Namjoon. Even though heās the leader, he still has a sleeping bag, and heās got his little plant to care for (which is super cute and a lovely reference to real-world Namjoon, but also feels a little lonely). He felt more solid after this scene, more tangible and human.Ā
And then you manage to take the time to make this scene about more than the punishments. You give us a little more of the other men on this ship. I got so much from Taehyung and Jimin and Jungkook, and it was a really good use of this scene.Ā
Jungkook, just being the baby he is with the look and dodge he keeps giving to the OC. Everyone else has the sense to feel only shame and worry about whatās about to go down. But he seems to still be very caught up in their last encounter, worrying about his new love. And then he leaps at the information that sexual activity can happen, haha. The OC canāt even make eye contact, but Jungkook manages to insert himself and be the first to talk so that he can latch onto that glimmer of hope.
Iāve said it before, I will say again now, and probably 12 more times before the post is done, I love Namjoon. Letting her delete the video herself, with the only reason being her peace of mind, her and Yoongi having the same punishment, because who started it doesnāt matter, and whoās on the video doesnāt matter, they are both guilty of the same thing. Love it. Love him. His beautiful logical mind. Also yes, Jungkookās sharing of explicit materials without permission is WAY worse than filming it with consent. And I love the inclusion of therapy asĀ āpunishmentā because the goal is to punish but also to improve and to ensure the well-being of the crew.Ā LOVE Namjoonās reality check! Like yes! the rules of earth do not apply here! I also had the thought of āendangering life? thatās a little dramaticā except no it isnāt!!
I love the logic of the punishments, I also like very much that OC got the smallest one. In reality her crime is relatively small, but also, it crossed my mind that Namjoon may also being trying to minimize how much of this falls on her outside the realm of this ship, given that most of it very easily could. In the report he sends back, I would be surprised if he got super specific, of course heād state who was involved, what the crimes and punishments were, but would he say that the video was of her? Seems like he wouldnāt unless he had to. I feel like part of what heās done with all this, is shift the attention off of her as far as the ICSE is concerned. And thank god, cuz with people like that director in positions of power, this could have ridiculous consequences for her career (and the careers of other female astronauts) that far outweigh the crime. Namjoonās got it right. Even if he does disclose all the details, his punishments set the precedent. Bless him.Ā Ā
Also, the way the OC keeps blaming her self. She is not responsible for the shit other people pull. And I am so happy Namjoon knows that. Yeah she started it (except, Jimin was the first to share porn of himself, unsolicited, so...), but she isnāt responsible FOR ANY OF THE SHIT THAT FOLLOWED. She recorded it and deleted it. END OF FUCKING STORY. She is only responsible, maybe, for any weirdness that imposed on her relationship with Yoongi. She is not responsible for him leaving the extra card out, she is not responsible for all the sharing that occurred or the fucking fist fights! These are grown ass men, and she is not their goddamn mother! *huff huff*... okay Iām done...
But I do feel for her, I would 100% be worrying the same way, particularly because of the extra pressure sheās put on herself to not be a problem, and specifically in the realm of sex. The flashback was such an excellent inclusion in this chapter, it sets up the extra weight she places on herself so clearly. Because people like the director are expecting mistakes and are ready to heap the blame on her. Her āfuck-upsā have potential repercussions for this mission, and future ones as well. She could be the reason there are no more co-ed missions for a long time (though in reality sheāll probably be the reason that co-ed becomes the standard... depending on how things turn out and what info gets back to earth, I can just imagine the rumors that spread around ICSE particularly in the trainees, who are now all wondering if theyāre signing up for space orgies... I bet thereād be a lot more people applying to join if that news got out...but I digress). As the reader I totally felt all those things, the first read through, I was also thinking those were some intense penalties for them and a soft one her, but nah! Her perspective (and thus mine) is skewed against her. The punishments are right, they totally fit. Namjoon is wise, in him we trust.
Loving the Vmin development here. Taehyung leaping to Jiminās defense, but more interesting, Jiminās voice crack in response... hmmm... alright...
...Time to start blubbering over Yoongi again...
His little knocks! Always the rule breaker encouraging her to the break the rules, haha, but only cuz he knows whatās best! I love how she glares at the wall while talking to him in her pod. HE THOUGHT IT WAS A GIFT? no! Poor Yoongi, so lost, so confused, so into the OC with no hope.Ā ALSO, bravo, I too, completely forgot that she never told him that she wasnāt giving it to Jimin. I remember her enjoying letting Yoongi stew in the idea that she was going to give it to Jimin, and then....nothing. Wow! Good job.Ā
...I want to know his three taps.... my heart bleeds for this man... this whole chapter. Even if he sucks sometimes ("I thought youād say noā -- bad Yoongi!).
That awkward kitchen scene with Hoseok, Yoongi, and the OC, oh man. I love Hoseok filling the silences, and trying to give all the openings to learn what happened. Heās has basically been in solitary confinement too, with nothing to think about except the drama that he knows nothing about.Ā I feel for Hoseok, Yoongi and the OC are probably the people heās closest to on the ship, and everyone is being so tight-lipped. āFucking around with whatā, Hoseok, you beautiful man. And then Yoongiās storm out. Man, I am so worried about how this story ends for him... I donāt see him not being heartbroken...Ā
The weird tension with the OC and Hoseok is great. An unspoken bond is there, so theyāre both being weird. She feels the need to apologize and he also seems to need it. I like the strange dynamic there. Her inner monologue says that sheās worried about her friend judging her for not being professional, but her urge to explain everything, suggests that there are feelings perhaps? I am happy to see something developing!Ā
Taehyung is a little sweetie. I definitely had some not great impressions of him, a bit too much of a shit disturber, but I like how much of him we got in this chapter. Lots of little moments of emotion. His concern for Jimin is all over the place, the way rashly confronted Jimin for lying about his relationship with the OC, how he didnāt want Jimin to have the tape if he wasnāt supposed to, the way that even though he is hung up on Jimin, he still asks the OC to help Jimin feel better, because he canāt (which is most certainly working against his own endgame). I think I get Taehyung a lot more now, I like him a bunch!Ā Ā
Jungkook is so wrapped up in her this chapter, itās cute, but if I were her Iād be rolling my eyes endlessly. But I do appreciate him saying it out loud that he wonāt make drama if he picks someone else. I also appreciate her finally calling them out for treating her like a damsel and to fucking stop. Itās a nice payoff for the beginning of the chapter.Ā
LOVE the seven minutes in heaven reference -- thereās always something awkward underlying Jimin and the OC in this chapter. Even this scene, where things go very, very well, you start it off with the awkward and uncomfortable analogy, and I like that very much. The first read through, this little analogy makes good contrast with the rest of the scene -- itās a relief that it is so much better than the awkward memory. The second read through this just launches me forward to the next rendez-vous in this pod which is distinctly less good.Ā Ā
But I was mush for the whole next scene. IĀ really like that the adjectives he uses to describe her are smart, kind, and intimidating. A nice balance to all the gender woes of this chapter. I felt those butterflies. Oof. That kiss, so good!! The countdown, the gravity power down, all of it, I am mush.Ā
But also, āhere he is, the possible solution to all your problemsā... that doesnāt ring so sweet, kinda makes me grimace... and then Taehyung being gone when she exits the pod... oh no, that worries me. I like the gentle tone shifts int his scene. Neither of those bits are inherently bad, but they tug me down a little.
Oh my. The Namjoon meeting. Talk about some yikes. Him assuming itās Yoongi, the way he is always a little apprehensive and little disbelieving. It sets the tension up early and it does not get released for the rest of the chapter.Ā Itās quite amazing how you manage to drag the unease from here forward! Enough happens in between but I really donāt let this tension go.Ā
I fucking love how you likened this to marriage documents. The formality of it all.Ā Namjoon makes it sound so simple, but these labels and forms add new baggage without the proper discussions. All the feelings she gets when Jimin just broadcasts it. So final, so soon, itās like jumping in halfway through a relationship. No time to test the water, no time to see, no actual room for dating the way people date on earth. Just straight to commitment! Oh man, and then thereās Yoongi and Hoseok! Ugh!Ā Hoseok already having trouble with the idea of her and Yoongi fucking around, now learns sheās with Jimin out of the blue. And then Yoongi who is going on a roller coaster! The relief that she didnāt share the tape with Jimin, followed by her public aloofness towards him, followed by her being with Jimin, and clearly by Jiminās message it isnāt just sex itās a relationship, and ahhhhh (for everyone, ahhhĀ for the OC who just wants sex right now, ahhĀ for Hoseok and the bombs that are dropping all around him, ahhĀ for Yoongi who just wants the OC so badly, ahhĀ for Taehyung who pushed Jimin and the OC together when he wants to be with Jimin, ahhĀ Ā for all the other pining men on Minos,Ā and ahhhĀ for Namjoon who has to witness this shitshow). And then Namjoon with the eyebrow raise at the OC. He sees whatās happening.Ā
I wonder, would Namjoon be as upfront as he expects everyone else to be? Would he see his own urges and desires worth expressing for the good of the crew without some crazy external circumstance? And heās got the extra issue of being the man in charge. I feel like he couldnāt be the initiator for fear of unintentional coercion. Hmm.
Wow. the internal cringe I did when they ran in to people in the hall and there was mention of a full kitchen. I too, want to hide, and sneak, and not face it. And then Taehyung with the mirth not reaching his eyes! Heās got it bad for Jimin. Poor thing, hopefully that sexual tension Jimin can apparently have with anyone comes back around to him soon!
And then thereās the sex. So uncomfortable! I was so fucking tense during all this!
I like how the start of all this is entirely Jimin driven. He bursts through the greenhouse door, he wraps her up, leads the way, itās his pod they go to, he kisses her, he unzips her jumpsuit, and his own (it seems), he grips his own cock, takes off her shirt/bra, etc.. Where is she in all this? I know that he has feelings for her, but this encounter really doesnāt seem to be about her at all, maybe more the idea of her, if that makes sense.Ā
Her having a hard time to get out of her own head -- I feel it too. You did an awesome job here, I feel just as floating up above as she does. And I didnāt feel this way about their kiss the day before. But youāve managed to keep me at just enough of a distance that I am also not at all surprised by her slight anxiousness. How did you do that? Was it having so littleĀ āyouā? Was it bringing up her questioning the process? I donāt know... the only things sheās described have been positive, but I too feel out of it. Sort of like sheās focusing on how this is all objectively good and ignoring her subjective experience? Like I really like how she pep talks herself, thereās the obvious bits like her taking his shirt off to get back in the game, and then thereās the bits where itās a little more subtle, like sheās lying to herself: āhe feels amazing, has felt amazingā, like sheās backtracking to make things better.
I also love the references to the tape! Sheās had a sexual encounter with him before (kinda sorta), and it was exactly what she wanted and needed. I like that you reference that his abs are āstillā there, and that he palms him cock through his underwear like in the video. Itās an awesome contrast!
YOONGI! Motherfucking Min Yoongi. OH DANG. Canāt help but think of the scene when they fuck around in the greenhouse, and the OC makes a comment about how itās not about him... *cough cough*, yeah okay... Just saying, you had no problem getting wet for him!Ā Ā
WHY JIMIN???? WHY YOU GOTTA SAY SHIT LIKE THAT? Poor boy, just wants love and companionship... heās too excited... heās screwing it all up... And then the perfect Yoongi addition with theĀ ātwelve fucking yearsā! Amazing!
Okay, so Iām also going to tack some small thoughts of the bonus chapter on here too since I reread that one as well. Youāve already heard a lot from me about it, but some new things stood out with chapter 5 in my mind.Ā
I like how much attitude Jungkook has in this chapter, it really highlights how young he is. This is following a crisis which he is probably the least equipped to handle, so thereās some amped up insecurities flying around for him.Ā Thereās so much snark and sadness tucked into the beginning of this chapter (āJinās eating. Of course heās eatingā, āone of the only things he liked doing hereā). I really like how we get to see how inferior he feels -- useless in the face of this crisis, canāt even manage his own hair, or to talk to his mom, always feeling intimidated and silly in front of the OC, ādefectiveā, feels like people are giving him condescending smiles... Jungkook is looking pretty beat down. That porn found him at possibly the worst/best time.
I love the assumptions he has about her. That she wouldnāt approve of swapping porn, that she would never do porn. Jungkookās assumptions about her are all professional, which is wonderfully opposite from the ICSE directorās. Nice confirmation that the OC has accomplished exactly what she wanted. But also,Ā this is why I love Yoongi. He gets her.Ā Ā
I really like how you describe things during Jungkook watching the video. Things likeĀ āthe only woman for 200 million milesā andĀ āitās been so long since Jungkook has been able to hold a womanā -- he clearly likes/respects her, but this sounds very much likeĀ āwoman! naked woman! naked woman who is nearby!ā
So... Taehyung is like the male version of the OC yeah? Both of them working their way to harem status? Clearly hung up on Jimin, but also a little tooĀ stoic next to Jungkook, and little tooĀ supportive of him pursuing the OC. Me thinks, Taehyungās woes on this ship are very similar to hers, haha. And who can blame him? So may eligible men on board. The OC can certainly relate.
side note... would Jimin have actually liked the video? Clearly his taste in porn is far-reaching, but heās pretty into her, and seems like heād want to keep her all to himself. I feel like that video would have been a little torturous for him knowing Yoongi was right there, hearing her want everyone. Wait...what does he know at this point? Does he know anything beyond it being of the OC? Does that bomb still need to drop? Oh goodness, does Jimin have any clue? Heās in for a rude awakening, and important one though.Ā
I am very excited to see what happens next! Yoongi and Hoseokās reactions to Jiminās announcement, the OC realizing sheās got spinach in her teeth, the other man she has some sort of R rated moment with next chapter (the return of Yoongi!!!!), the shit storm that causes, and then the powerpoint, haha! I am so pumped!!!
ā This story features many triggering subjects. Please take my warnings seriously - while remembering that this is fiction - and read at your own risk. ā
ā clandestine [klan-des-tin] (adj.): kept secret or done secretively, especially because illicit
Series Description: As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has many shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never knowā¦
ā³ In this chapter:Ā Namjoon reflects on choices he has made. Kinsoo takes time to remember what is most important to her.
Main Characters: Taehyung x OC | Jungkook x OC
ā³ Also featuring in this chapter: Namjoon, Sanghyuk (VIXX), Ten (NCT/WayV), Jiu (Dreamcatcher), and BM (KARD)
Chapter Warnings & Features:Ā profanity; smoking; mentions of murder and death; stalking; depictions of grieving; gun play; physical fighting;Ā EXPLICIT INCEST; light sexual content (incestuous sex, dubcon, fellatio, cumshot)
Authorās Note:Ā This one took a while. I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Nine: Devotion
ćNamjoonās POVć
Threeā¦ twoā¦ oneā¦
Click.
Simple as that, the target falls dead over nine hundred meters away. A clean kill from a fair distance, but not my longest shot, and not the record amongst my peers, either.
It was the record-holding agent herself who suggested I do a quick mental countdown before pulling the trigger, which is advice I probably never would have received from her brother.
Another chapter! So soon after I caught up? What a treat!Ā
Sigh... I was SO CLOSE to mentioning in my last one that I thought Namjoon may have feelings for Taehyung. I had it typed out and everything, but it got the ax cuz I was worried I had fanfic goggles on, haha. I do love that you got me wondering last time though. When him and Kinsoo were talking about who theyād kill for, I like the way he brings up that he doesnāt work for Taehyung. Right away it distinguishes his feelings for Tae from his feelings for Kinsoo. It was a nice touch that made me pause but still wasnāt enough to give him away. The pay off was super good this chapter.
I loveĀ his intrusive thoughts. The way he canāt help but bring every thought back to Taehyung, and the jealousy he feels towards Kinsoo, it all feels very much like real life. Itās also a really nice touch, that someone so stoic has quite an emotional inner monologue. There are so many concerns for Kinsoo, for Taehyung, for the business. His gears are always turning, which suits him, but thereās the extra level of feeling that is maybe less expected. I like it!
And the guilt he feels over bringing Hoseok into the mix, and not discouraging his pursuit of Kinsoo, and his genuine hope that Kinsoo will find love in these other men, but it being tinged with his own selfish wants for Taehyung. OH MAN. So much weight in such small actions! And now he questions whether he deserves his code name (nice use of RM by the way), and whether Kinsoo feels that way too since he hasnāt gotten it back yet, even though for her heāll always be her right-hand-man and to drop those formalities with him speaks volumes of her appreciation of him! My heart.Ā Ā
Speaking of code names! I adore the way RM uses them. Love, love, love! For him, theyāre a form of respect, and to call any of the people he admires by their real names wouldnāt do at all, even in his inner voice he refers to everyone by their code names. Even Taehyung! Respect and love seem very intertwined with him. Which makes RMās thought about not wanting to ruin his relationship with Taehyung by revealing his feelings make some sense. As far as Tae is probably concerned, there isnāt any relationship between the two of them, but for RM, being colleagues, and being able to hold his ground on a professional level maybe carries that extra weight for him.Ā
And then thereās Sanghyuk! Always referred to as Mr. Han out loud by RM (even when no one else calls him that), but in his head he calls him by his given name. *chef kiss* What a wonderfully subtle form of disrespect! Fucking great!
āhelp you help meā... I am uncomfortable! Having Kinsoo repeat Sanghyukās line! Oof! Despite the lovely context, when I read her saying that I felt deeply unnerved. Aligning her with Sanghyuk like that was awesome. After all theyāre both killers, looking out for themselves and their priorities first. And neither one is above brutal revenge. A dark connection to make.
I do not trust Ten! Iām very curious about Ten, but I do not trust him! That line about following his superiorsā orders -- but which superiors?! Heās too vague! Heās too good at making observations! And now we have someone who knows the truth about Taehyung and Kinsooās relationship that I donāt trust! Plus given how quick this guy is, whoās to say he didnāt also pick up on RM reacting oddly to it, what if he figures that out too!? What is he capable of!? Hmmmmm?!
I really like the way youāve given our main characters qualities that reflect their secret agent skills. Like RMās ability to hide his emotions, even from Taehyung and Kinsoo, or Kinsooās ability to ID people before seeing them just based on the sound of their footsteps or scent. They arenāt shoved in our faces but theyāre present and it really sells the characters.Ā
I am very excited for the Hoseok drabble youāre working on, and if itās the next thing in this series that you release it will be a cool follow up to RMās guilt over the whole thing, and to Kinsoo disregarding her feelings for him as silly and naive. I am chomping at the bit to get an actualĀ glimpse into their relationship, that hasnāt been distorted by dreams, or the present disposition about the whole thing.
ā This series features things that will potentially trigger a lot of people. Please take my warnings seriously, remember that it is fiction, and read at your own risk. ā
ā clandestine [klan-des-tin] (adj.): kept secret or done secretively, especially because illicit
Series Description: As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has many shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never knowā¦
ā³ In this chapter: A heartbreaking decision leads to reconciliation and the promise of vengeance.
Pairing: Taehyung x OC | Jungkook x OC
Genre:Ā Assassin!AU - Angst, Smut,Ā Taboo Theme
Format: First Person POV (with POV switches)
Word Count: 13.1k
Rating: Very Mature (18+)
Chapter Warnings & Features: profanity; smoking; brief allusion to threats of physical harm/murder; mentions of blood and death; mentions of guns; sci-fi elements; betrayal; mentions of infidelity; implied murder;Ā MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH; slight religious and anti-religious elements; funeral and burial scenes;Ā EXPLICIT INCEST; graphic sexual content (incestuous sex, fingering, cunnilingus, rimming, penetrative sex); appearance by Hyuk of VIXX
Authorās Note: Please forgive me.
Chapter Eight: Trust
ćYoongiās POVć
ćThe Night Before, Between 2 and 3 AMć
It should not be this easy to act completely normal.
But I have no other choice. Not when Yari is concerned. I have to behave myself if I donāt want her to limp down the aisle at our wedding in a few months - or if I want her to attend at all.
Oof. Finally caught up. So many thoughts! So many FEELINGS!
This one is going to cover ch 7, ch 8, and all the drabbles too, cause I couldnāt stop myself long enough to write.Ā
I have so much swirling around inside, I donāt know how to put it to words, so Iām going to start the word-vomiting with chapter 7 to enforce at least a little structure to my blathering.
I like the return to the dream a lot. Itās a nice callback. And because of it, I went back a reread the original. When I first read it (the ch 1 sequence), I think I assumed the dead lover in her dream was Taehyung (I knew this was a story with Tae at its centre), but reading it again, wow, itās incredible the way she thinks about Hoseok. Because in the present we usually have her avoiding thinking about him, Taehyung belittling her feelings for him (with her agreeing), and the comparison to the stronger connection with Jungkook, Iāve definitely underestimated how essential he is to her. Of course there will be lasting trauma with him for Kinsoo regardless, since there was the baby, and his death kinda-sorta-ish on her hands, and this being the first relationship (and vulnerability) outside of her brother, but rereading the dream, her love for him feels so much stronger and more certain that I (and Tae, and waking Kinsoo) was giving it credit for.
Oh man, the scene where Kinsoo calls CL and gets the update on Jungkook, and heās with Chaeyoung... oi. I felt that so hard. The icky feeling in the pit of my stomach as the terrible truth rolled out. Made all the worse because there is no other explanation so thereās no way this is all a misunderstanding the way it might be in another series, nope, not here, here youāre stuck with shitty reality, and shitty feelings. ughhhhhhhhh. I genuinely got the feeling of being told that an ex in a new relationship, feels not so great!
So Yoongi...Ā
The scene when he comes over to help Kinsoo sleep, before I knew what was going to happen later, I loved him so much. Him asking her to open up as payment was so wonderfully warm of him, the way she tapped on his hand the way he did in the last chapter. All of it, it really warmed me, in a sad, theyāre-both-going-through-some-rough-shit-but-sorta-together kinda way. I like the way Yoongi mentioned Yari in relation to his dreams. It seemed so genuine, and I felt his fear when he spoke of it. Iām glad I had that fresh in my mind as the chapter went on.
When it comes to his betrayal... after in the last post I made, about how I so fully trust him now (sigh... hope you had a nice, maniacal laugh at that), I like how fitting his choice was. He isnāt any less on Kinsooās side than he was before, the deception wasnāt from the start, and didnāt involve any changes of heart. In fact it relied entirely on his steadfast love for Yari, which has been present this whole series, so of courseĀ he did what he did. I really love how everyone kind of accepts it too -- Yoongiās mention of how heās confident Kinsoo would have done the same, Taehyungās understanding (even if paired with murderous anger), Jungkookās sympathy at his situation (Jungkook is just so good). I really like how youāve made Yoongi a sympathetic bad guy (though Iām not sure ābadā is really fair), and I care about him still, and fret over him, but I suspect my fondness for him isnāt going to save him... he fucked with the wrong people... and he knows it too, but what else can he do with Yariās well-being at stake? Oh man, this is all so sad.Ā
When weāre in Taehyungās perspective in this chapter, you really just kept giving me reasons to love him. Even with his own inner voice he calls Jungkook,Ā āJungkookā, instead of the unflattering nicknames. Heās really made an effort to do whatever he can to support his sister and Iām so touched by him. When he sees Kinsoo has bad news, the idea of them breaking up doesnāt even cross his mind -- no pettiness or hope, only full acceptance of this man and Kinsooās love for him (even when certain they will fail). Good guy.
The chapter 7 title: Vulnerable, really takes on extra meaning with the info we get at the start of chapter 8. I like that a lot. We got that Kinsoo was very vulnerable but not to the true extent.
You know what I love about chapter 8? That by the end of Yoongiās perspective we know that at least two people (Namjoon, Yoongi) know about Kinsoo and Taehyungās relationship, and both of them accept it. All this tension around this secret, and then the first time itās figured out, itās totally okay. I love it.Ā
I also feel like this chapter has given so much extra colour to Namjoon. His devotion has always been clear, but Yoongiās memory of the surgery, and his conversation with Kinsoo about who he would kill for, Iām curious what else he will surprise me with. Iām so curious about him and what love looks like to him.Ā
Kinsoo not doubting Yoongi even slightly... not until Taehyung explains it... my heart! A part of me wondered how Kinsoo, miss expert trained assassin didnāt figure out what was going on before being told (of course itās all so obvious to me, the knowing reader). But one of her great skills is her ability to size someone up (she said so when she first met Yoongi), and she has judged him entirely right. He is loyal and honest (Iām not sure he ever lied?), and by many measures good. And she was wrong about none of that, she just didnāt see what those things could mean to Sanghyuk.Ā Ā
I know Iāve already gushed about Taehyung, but I love him so much in these chapters (and in the drabbles). When Kinsoo finds him we have have him questioning why she sabotaged her relationship with Jungkook -- thereās nothing manipulative, thereās no fear for himself. Kinsooās always first for him. Always.Ā
I love how you tease us when Kinsooās at the warehouse placeĀ finding Taehyung and Jungkook. Every line feels like a potential hint to who will live -- most of which seem to point to Jungkook living. The best being the reintroduction of āwould you kill for me?ā, and her answer playing to both sides, and getting some extra weight when it could mean either Jungkook or Taehyung, and her confidence when she says of course, and just ooof. Despite us being in Kinsooās POV, you donāt actually give us her inner thoughts on who she will save. It was a cool choice! The only thing we really get is her vagueĀ āperhaps I can prove my love with the vial in my pocketā moment...
YOU KILLED HIM!
AMAZING!
BUT I HATE YOU!
*slow clap* Good fucking choice. Oh man! I like the way you tell us, with the news article, forcing us to come to terms with it in a shitty way where weāre scrambling for something hidden between the lines that isnāt there.Ā
Also, love it in terms of this being a story with a love triangle. To have herĀ āmake her choiceā with so many more chapters to go, what a twist. It makes me wonder whatās in store for her character. The idea that Jungkook was giving her something that Tae couldnāt, and now him being gone, makes me wonder. Jungkook made her want to be a better person, now that heās dead will she still strive for that, is that his legacy for her? Or now that heās dead, and she has killed her āone redeeming qualityā, with revenge on the agenda, is that āgoodā version of her lost? Especially since sheāll have to wrestle with her twisted version of protecting him.Ā
I know I called Jimin skeezy way back when... and he still is... but heās a good friend. The way he cared for Jungkook after him and Kinsoo broke up, and his response to Kinsoo at the funeral. Under all that grease is a good guy.Ā
Not being in Kinsooās perspective for her a Taehyung hooking up made me a little nervous. I really liked being in his perspective for the funeral, but not getting a glimpse inside Kinsoo during the sex scene made me a little anxious. Of course, I pretty quickly forgot my worries because that scene was excellent, and getting to be with Tae when they got back together made it so potent and good.Ā
Okay, back to me loving Taehyung. Throughout this story, youāve made him cynical about the world but so confident about him and Kinsoo -- anything to make her happy, anything to make life better for her, whatever it takes, if she needs to fail, then he will let her fail, and he will be there to raise her back up again, simple as that. Except maybe not. You did such a great job of using his perspective to show us that he is insecure and worried about his relationship with Kinsoo without him even knowing it. I love the moments of insecurity he has. Like at the Jeon family Christmas when Kinsoo kisses him and he thinks about getting reassurance he didnāt know he needed. And then you have the fear that set it when he thought he was dying and that she wasnāt coming back to him. And the way he talks during their reunion sex -- the promises, and need, the marking, and then the crying! BREAK MY HEART WHY DONāT YOU!Ā
Taehyungās world is just 2 people big (and briefly 3 when Kinsoo was pregnant). Everyone else is insignificant. Even in Ace, when seducing someone else, Kinsoo still sneaks into his thoughts, gets him a little excited before he means to be, and when the job is done itās all about Kinsoo and the baby. His tunnel vision for her is impressive, and it fit so well with the way he spat the truth of their relationship at Yoongi. He doesnāt care about the world, he doesnāt care about what people think, itās just him and Kinsoo, and fuck everyone else if thatās what it takes. Meanwhile, Kinsooās world is much bigger, since sheās felt love from more places than her brother. Since her world is bigger she does care about being found out, she does care about being a good person, and being in a world thatās bigger than her and Tae. I like their differences.Ā
So after finishing chapter 8 I went and inhaled all the drabbles too, all of which are wonderful bonuses. When I read The First, IĀ love how it starts with Taehyung setting up lines. When he went to Jungkookās studio in an earlier chapter he made a comment about how despite his origins heās outgrown the seediness, and is uncomfortable with it now. I totally feel that in this opener, itās jarring. Thereās been lots of drama, but the darkness has been of a very different kind in the present. There is something about the start of chapter 2 and this drabble that is just so much darker. The coke sets that up right away. This earlier era to me is grey, and black, and dull, whereas the modern setting is really very vivid and bright even if the content is dark. But! the colours in this drabble changed to something really warm when Kinsoo and Taehyung have sex. I donāt know what you did, but the emotional colours really come through.Ā
I really like how their first time having sex links to their time after Jungkookās funeral. Tae mentions it with the way her hair fans out on the pillow, but itās also the first time after a long time without, thereās this sense of freedom and liberation, and things being as they should. And then thereās the blood-on-your hands aspect of it (who knew murder was such a good aphrodisiac, hahaha...). Even though murder may be a strong word for what happened with Jungkook, the post-death sex still felt reminiscent. I must say, I was really surprised that Kinsoo did so much of the initiating with their very first time together. The first kiss may have come from Taehyung, but she made every thing else happen. It was nice to see given how sheās been so conflicted in the present, and has been less certain of her and Taehyung than he is, for her to be the one that really began it all gives a lot of balance, and also fits nicely with Taehyungās utter confidence in her love for him.Ā
Ace, Iām so happy you gave us this! To get to see Agent V in action was awesome. All I ever wanted! SO good. I love Tae the seducer! Also I need pictures of that suit he was wearing!Ā
You have this great way with word choice and metaphors where you often pick words that give everything a slightly more... dark? unsettling? bad? vibe to them and I love it. In particular in Ace I love when you describe Wonsik talking like honey is dripping from his tongue and the people around him lapping it up. The extension of the metaphor is great! But thereās something a little grotesque about it, and I adore it!
Smitten...How dare you release this after you kill him!Ā
IĀ am so glad that I wasnāt reading this series in real time when you released this and did not read these in perfect order. It wouldāve hurt so much worse! But this chapter was really sweet. I loved the glimpse into their early relationship from Jungkookās perspective. And I especially loved the return of the dragon metaphor -- so especially fitting now that we know she killed him... ouch. Good stuff.
Well this got long... 5 chapters in one may have been too many... Well it shouldnāt be a problem going forward since now I get them as they come! Yay!
ā This series features things that will potentially trigger a lot of people. Please take my warnings seriously, remember that it is fiction, and read at your own risk. ā
ā clandestine [klan-des-tin] (adj.): kept secret or done secretively, especially because illicit
Series Description: As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has many shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never knowā¦
ā³ In this chapter:Ā Jungkook and Taehyung learn the outcome of Kinsooās mission, and Jungkook unexpectedly learns some secrets about Kinsoo as well.
Chapter Warnings & Features: profanity; instances of violence (against a humanĀ and a pet);Ā use of lethal weapons; major character injury; some medical and drug terminology in a hospital-like setting; sci-fi elements; mentions of murder and death from a terrorist attack; mentions of infidelity; mentions of explicit incest;Ā some nudity; heartbreak; brief mention of domestic violence; appearance by Hyuk of VIXX
Authorās Note: Wellā¦ letās see how this goes.
Chapter Six: Broken
ćKinsooās POVć
The concrete is so eager to meet me, and gravity is all too happy to introduce the two of us.
Yoongiās voice must be my imagination, or else a trick of the wind; he seems to be shouting - actually shouting - at me, and the only word I can make out is my first name, which he has never addressed me by before.
This is the first time that I noticed you name your chapters. Broken is the right title.
Iām so used to cliffhangers being followed up with an unrelated scene. The viewer/reader desperate for resolution and the author instead taking us somewhere unrelated to draw out the tension. You on the other hand, give us another cliffhanger... I donāt know which is more stressful.Ā
That being said, I LOVE the way you started this chapter. That opening line? Perfection! Definitely a new fave metaphor!Ā
And the rest of the opener too! This is such a good chunk! Itās so disorienting, and horrifying, and gets so much more horrifying as you get oriented. And that sliver of hope as she falls because thereās no way the author is going to let her land, thereās no way! ... except yup! ahhhhhhh. This chapter was SO FUCKING TENSE.Ā
When I left the last chapter, I was really wondering how being in a life or death situation was going to affect Kinsooās opinions on her relationships. Itās one of those things where if she hadnāt already made the choice to commit to Jungkook, I would expect this to be the thing that pushed her to do so. Since that choice had already happened, I was more curious who would flash before her eyes and if it would make her feel differently about her situation (what if her only thoughts were of Taehyung? how would she go on living with Jungkook then??). But, you throw convention to the wind and have her think of everyone sheās loved. I love that she thinks of all three men, and that yet again she is most caught up with how she is awful and has done all of them wrong. She canāt even figure out which thought is most prominent, sheās just so full of regrets. Itās all so sad!Ā
And then we cut back an hour and you give us Kinsooās thought of, But of course I do not intend to fail tonight. I never have.Ā Having that line following a description of her swirling regrets.... Why must you break my heart like that? She doesnāt mean to be a terrible person, she doesnāt want to hurt the people she loves...Ā
Speaking of whyās, why you gotta make me curse at a dog and mumble under my breath,Ā shouldāve killed it the first time? I am not okay with this. But seriously, excellent fight scene. Those can often get so disorienting, and you did an awesome job. I also loved the experience differences between the two women (and that Jackieās comment about how she wasnāt actually going to blow anything up was just desperate bullshit).
Gotta say I had some reservations with Yoongi prior to this chapter. I loved his character, but wasnāt sure how much I should trust him, and when the first thing she describes is his voice my mind went straight to double-agent. I am so happy to be wrong! This chapter made me love him so much! Whatever suspicions I had are totally gone. It was really amazing, seeing that fall from his perspective, and seeing him panicked. It highlighted that regardless of his past experience and cold exterior, he is still new to field work like this. This shit is scary! And when youāre no longer behind the scenes in a lab, it gets much much scarier. I am really excited for the partnership thatās developing between him and Kinsoo, the way he shouted her name when she fell, the resistance to following her orders, even just the detail that she knows (even if she doesnāt remember) the month that heās getting married speaks so much to how heās warmed up to her and isnāt being quite so detached from his professional life. Warms my heart! (also the way he taps the back of her hand for comfort when sheās in the medic bed, I donāt know why but I adored that)
Sanghyuk is just vile. I detest him, ugh what a.... something! Just ugh! My skin crawls whenever he is around. You did a wicked good job of making him terrible, and heās barely done anything yet. Really makes me identify with Kinsooās fear though. If you hadnāt done such a good job I could see her extra precautions to keep Jungkook safe feeling like overkill, but nope! Smart choice on her part. Also, I couldnāt help but think that Sanghyuk wanted her to fail that mission. Yes, Kinsoo miscalculated and shouldnāt have let her emotions get in the way of her choices (she knew there were potentially two enemies and still went in there alone knowing sheād be outnumbered, smh), but when I think about how prepared they were for the first mission her and Yoongi went on, where they knew to prep an asthma kill, I canāt help but think that Sanghyuk kept them in the dark. They were aware of the target for a couple days at least now. They went in way more blind than they should have! In sum, I hate and fear him, and am terrified of the day he rears his head again.Ā
Taehyung is so good in this chapter. Good for him, heās trying so hard for his sister. I am excited for a return of him with Kinsoo (...I hope.... given how the chapter ended)
So. I was pretty damn sure when I started this chapter that her plummeting from the window was going to be the most tense moment in this chapter. I was wrong. it was two people talking in a bathtub. I legitimately tossed my phone aside when Kinsoo told Jungkook she had been cheating on him. I gasped. Out loud. And then muttered about two dozen ohmygodās, before forcing myself to pick up my phone again. I did not do that during the fight scene or the fall or Sanghyukās threats, just saying. I was not prepared,Ā at all.Ā
That past-tense lovedĀ from Jungkook hurt. Hurt real bad. That whole moment with him wanting her to love him back, ah! The angst is too strong! And then, after all that, after her opening up, and blurting out all that personal stuff, and being able to blame it on her head injury, we come back to her trying to protect him. And that final line! How his departure rattles her spine, goddamn, the failure that got her hurt is also the failure thatās putting him in danger, and that has her regrets swirling, and that has her letting him go, and Iām so emotional!Ā
I am curious about whatās coming next. I am particularly curious to see if weāll get a Jungkook POV. Given that heās cheated in the past Iām wondering how that will play into his processing of things. Will that make him more sympathetic? Or just cause more pain because for him, cheating came from a place of not caring (I assume). Clearly his experience was very different from hers, I wonder how that will colours his thoughts.Ā
....you owe me a massage for all the tension you caused.Ā
ā This series features things that will potentially trigger a lot of people. Please take my warnings seriously, remember that it is fiction, and read at your own risk. ā
ā clandestine [klan-des-tin] (adj.): kept secret or done secretively, especially because illicit
Series Description: As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has a lot of shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never knowā¦
ā³ In this chapter:Ā Taehyung discovers Kinsoo has escalated her relationship with Jungkook and struggles to understand it.
Pairing: Taehyung x OC | Jungkook x OC
Genre: Assassin!AU - Angst, Some Humor, Taboo Theme
Format: First Person POV (with a POV switch)
Word Count: 6.2k
Rating: Mature (18+)
Chapter Warnings & Features: profanity; smoking; alcohol consumption; some harsh dialogue; brief domestic violence; very brief mention of infant (fetus) loss; infidelity; EXPLICIT INCEST; mentions of sexual content; brief appearance by Hyuk of VIXX
Authorās Note: This is, like, all dialogue.
Chapter Five: Loyalty
ćKinsooās POVć
Could I really have asked for this to happen?
Yes, I did. In the plainest, least ambiguous words possible.
So going into this series I was wondering how often Iād be writing these. After the first one I was thinking, every other chapter seems practical, and then I read chapter 3 and my thoughts changed to, well, looks Iāll be writing these every chapter cuz I got things to say!Ā But then, I couldnāt stop reading, so here we are at chapter 5. Looks like the actual system will be whenever I come up for air! Why I felt the need to take a breath on a cliffhanger is beyond me, but here I am.
Trying to cover 3 chapters in one go is definitely going to mean that I miss some things that are worth lauding, but Iāll do my best! (I just couldnāt sit still long enough to write when there was more to read!)
You have such a talent with ending chapters. Iām afraid for when I catch up. Each one of these, the ending line was the kind of moment that would have sent me reeling if I wasnāt able to just keep going. Particularly chapter 4 -- theĀ āI hadnāt thought about Tae since Iād told Jungkook I loved himā, oof, right in the gut with that one. So many feelings!Ā
I am obsessed with these characters. I am so intrigued by Taehyung and Kinsoo, and where they are the same and where they are different. You did an amazing job at showing their connection as you flipped between their POVs, with one of them thinking one way, and then the other reiterating it later. And especially with the hand/blowjob in the car. It made a big difference in really seeing and believing that their connection was more than just a given, but was actually real.
But their differences are SO FASCINATING. I love that because Kinsoo has had a taste of romance her relationship withĀ āfateā has changed and diverged from Taehyungās. To experience someone choosing her, and what that means versus the unconditional love of her brother ([Hoseok] showed me that I still have a [heart]). Itās one of those things that often gets in the way of me enjoying soulmate stories as much as I should -- love isnāt (and probably shouldnāt be) unconditional, and for her to experience both sides while still not being able to deny the unbelievable power of her connection with Taehyung is amazing. And it has such a strange pull on her behaviour.
She is like a whole other person when sheās with Taehyung. At least when it comes to how she feels about herself, and about Jungkook. With Taehyung, thereās this automatic acceptance of her past and her present, which is empowering in some ways, but also traps her -- thereās a bit of reveling in their fucked-up-ness -- weāre fucked, the worldās fucked, nobody can love us but us mentality. And when sheās with Taehyung, her feelings for Jungkook always get a little wobbly (eventually I will stop stringing him along).Ā
I find the way they feel about their past also came out well in these chapters. Because of Hoseok, Kinsoo has a desire to be better, and also a lot of guilt. She talks about cosmic retribution, and has assumptions about things going terribly and her deserving it. Meanwhile, when Taehyung talks about the loss of their baby (your gory and gross description of which was amazing by the way), he claims that it canāt possibly be his, because to him, their love and their actions are the most obvious and right thing, and itās everyone else whoās wrong. For Kinsoo, she sees all the things sheās done as proof that sheās terrible, and deserves for things to go to shit. Which makes her drive to become better so much stronger! If she feels like sheās lovable despite what sheās done, then thereās reason to feel guilty, but also reason to try to change. And then we get her calling Jungkook her one redeeming quality, and it hurts!Ā
It would be interesting if Taehyung would change at all if he experienced this other love. Hard to believe that he would, but it would interesting.Ā
I really loved getting to see the backstory with Hoseok. It was a lot more than I expected. I just assumed that the job got him killed, and that was that. Hearing about how she warmed to him and his fall after they lost the baby was gripping. I really like that you didnāt make him an afterthought. And itās especially interesting that it was the baby that destroyed him -- a baby that very well may not even have been his, Kinsoo and Taehyungās relationship potentially being the reason that heās dead. Oh man!Ā love all the little emotional complexities youāve woven into this.Ā
Iām really glad so much of these chapters were in Taeās perspective. I feel like Iād unintentionally been making him a villain in this. Iād see the conflict with Kinsoo, and how her feelings would change so much when she was with Taehyung, and the offhand comments heād make about her little pet, etc., and Iād started painting him as this terrible toxic vice of hers.Ā
But all this time in his POV made me love him a lot. Yeah he has his love wrapped up in potentially dangerous notions of fate, but also the way heād call her cute when she pulled something, or the way heād watch and admire her. He was softer in his mind than I was used to seeing in his words from Kinsooās POV. And he was sweet. I was really surprised by his genuine desire to want to like Jungkook. Even after the heavy blow Kinsoo just dealt to him by ābreaking up with himā, he still decided to stick around so that maybe he could come to like Jungkook too. For all the possessiveness and dark edges heās got, I kept being surprised and endeared by his sweetness for Kinsoo, his love goes far beyond possession.Ā
Speaking of his POV, when they were at the Xmas dinner, the way that Tae kept usingĀ āweā was a really nice touch. Everything in his mind wasĀ āweā, we automatically scope out the place to steal, we commit their names to memory, we hear footsteps coming. Says a lot about him, and I havenāt noticed the same thing from Kinsooās POV...
Gotta say though, these two stress me out!Ā Oh my god! I am so stressed about them getting caught. When Kinsoo and Tae were in the car going to Jungkookās studio, all I could think was that somehow they would drive past at the exact wrong moment and Jungkook or Jimin would see in the window and catch the blowjob as they drove by. Or the kissing and talk of fucking on the porch - heart palpitations! Even Tae sharing that lingerie story, ahhhh, recipe for disaster! Itās honestly more stressful than the cliffhanger you left me on, haha, I canāt handle these things!Ā
Okay, a few more things that I just loved: the way Tae describes everything at the Xmas dinner is great (braying mules, haha)! The line about watching Jungkookās heart drop into his stomach, and Kinsoo feeling it in her own heart -- ugh! gorgeous! maybe my favourite line in these chapters! Describing Taeās air-quotes as scratching at the air, was such a great choice! Suited the mood so well! and really added to the feeling of being on edge and agitated. That whole scene (when Tae finds out Jungkook is moving in) really, with the way that Kinsoo wanted to meet his eyes, but then instantly gets overwhelmed when she does. And how the conversation ends with her returning to her sad and fatalistic statement of, I always come back to you, donāt I?Ā Ā All gold!
I think one of my favourite scenes is when Kinsoo tells Jungkook that she loves him. The way that this process involves her running through the best way to kill him, and her mind rationalizing that thatās probably the best choice in long run. Oh so amazing. Jungkook was right, that confession of love was so very her.Ā
I am so excited to see what happens next. How Kinsoo being in danger affects her feelings for these boys, how Jungkook reacts to this news, all of it! I am so excited!!!Ā
ā This series features things that will potentially trigger a lot of people. Please take my warnings seriously, remember that it is fiction, and read at your own risk. ā
clandestine [klan-des-tin] (adj.): kept secret or done secretively, especially because illicit
Series Description: As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has a lot of shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never knowā¦Ā
ā³ In this chapter:Ā A bit of Kinsoo and Taehyungās dark past is revealed. Jungkook recalls when he and Kinsoo first met. Taehyung reminds Kinsoo who the main man in her life is.
Chapter Warnings & Features: profanity; smoking; slight/brief mentions of sci-fi elements; mentions of death; mentions of violent murder and blood; allusions to pregnancy and fetus death (not abortion); mentions of domestic abuse; brief mentions of relations with a minor; infidelity; EXPLICIT INCEST; graphic rough sex (incestuous sex, D/S themes, dom!Taehyung, unprotected penetrative sex, anal sex, deep-throating, spanking, dirty talk including use of degrading names and derogatory/abusive language and behavior); extra soft Jungkook
Authorās Note: I tried to get this posted on Taehyungās birthday, but editing was a bitch. I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Two: Remembrance
ćKinsooās POVć
I am a terrible human being.
I can admit that because itās the truth. I have sinned a lot more than most. Theft, infidelity, forgery, murderā¦ and who can forget the cherry on top: incest.
But it wasnāt like I planned to fall in love with my twin brother. Itās not something you can plan - it just happens. You canāt choose who you love. Maybe it really is written in our DNA.
I have seen this fic be recommended by SO MANY writers that I love, and I am so glad that I finally started reading it. I cannot wait to read more! You will be hearing from me a lot, I suspect.
If anyone had any doubts about how fucked up this story was going to be, the way you started this chapter made it crystal clear. Holy shit, the way you gave us the backstory of these two, with the murder, and the first time they had sex, and just WOW. I love how brutal some of the language you use is (She was a sniveling doormat who barely even acknowledged our existence after squeezing us out of her vagina... damn) it just makes me so engrossed in this world, really boosts the contrast and deepens all the shadows in the images I have in my mind while reading. It also makes the moments of lightness so lovely. The way Kikiās moments with Tae and with Jungkook feel weightless in comparison is so incredible. It makes it so easy to empathize with her and see how these men are essential to her.
Speaking of the being unapologetically dark, Iām really getting the impression that justice is not the motivation for Kiki and Tae. I like how you gave us a redeeming quality for these deplorable characters, and then kinda swept it under the rug. When you first talk about how they made a habit of killing, itās many sentences before you toss in that it was only bad people they would kill, when she talks about how she built up her business, itās money and ambition that drove her, before itās ridding the world of scum. You donāt shove it in our faces, but I like that I think theĀ ājusticeā is simply a nice footnote for her, to help make it easy to not give things a second thought. Because it really feels like she couldnāt care less. When she does show hesitation for this job it is only because it taps into her and Taeās emotional past. The remorse she shows is for asking her brother to kill a pregnant woman, isnāt because killing pregnant women is bad, but because she knows how hard that would be for him.Ā
I am so intrigued by their relationship. I have zero doubts about how he feels for her, their dynamic is awesome. I am curious about her feelings towards him. I fully believe that she loves him, but I am not so sure itās to the same extent. Iām not even sure where Iām getting this impression. It feels like when sheās with him, she is totally intoxicated by him, he completely overwhelms her world, but I feel like sheās more complete without him, than he is without her? Then again, Iāve never seen him without her, so who knows.Ā
On the topic of their relationship, I fucking love that you took pregnancy out of the equation. Technically the only thing wrong with incest is the potential harm that can come because of inbreeding (right? or am I missing something?), and by removing it, the only problem left is the social taboo. And you feel it. Itās in the way they keep it secret, but more than that, you feel it as a reader bringing this taboo with you to the story. You make their feelings for each feel so true and genuine, then you take out the only thing that should really stand in the way of support, and then you complicate it by having the baby she lost be a point of emotional baggage for them because it might have been theirs. The turmoil you make in me while reading, seriously adds to the experience of this story and keeps this layer of unease throughout it that tarnishes even the purest moments between them.Ā
I really love the use of POVs. This may be the first fanfic Iāve read with a fully defined and named main OC and Iām really enjoying how you use it. I like that I can give Kiki a name, I like that we can see how sheās seen by others. I love that I know that in the last 7 months sheās gone from bright crimson hair to silvery-purple. I love that I know her taste in jewelery (and that her and Tae only break from their tastes for their necklaces), and how it comes together into this fiercely confident and bold woman.Ā
When it comes to story about assassins, my inclination is to distrust everybody. Right away in this story, giving me Jungkookās perspective makes him all the sweeter to me. You have quelled any voice in my head that would tell me not to trust him, and not to see him as the most precious man. Which is a relief because I totally buy into her feelings for him (even if the last few lines of this chapter really made me anxious for how those feelings are going to fuck shit up). I adore they way that Jungkook compared himself to Tae when they met at her house for dinner. Even knowing nothing at all, Jungkook still knows that Tae is his rival. He may not get where the feelings are coming from but he knows that he has a reason to feel inferior to Tae, and that including him in the Christmas date was a necessary move. The way you managed to slow down time during the talk about Christmas was golden. I canāt figure out how you did it. Itās not even like you used a bunch more sentences to draw it out, but when Jungkook invited her, and everyone started avoiding eye contact I think I was holding my breath. Wow. The tension was real.Ā
You have an incredible talent for setting a scene and really tapping into sensations. You add all these lovely touches of scent and vision that are so vivid. I love that Kiki smelled like smoke and cinnamon when she first hooked up with Jungkook. The first moment they met, I was struck with how you paired her red hair, gold dress, and green eyes with Jungkookās vision of a dragon. There are so many little moments where you find the perfect words to make me think that I see and feel everything exactly as the characters do.Ā
And then thereās Yoongi. What a great interpretation of him. He is so disarming! Yoongi and Kikiās first conversation was great! He had her giggling, and umm-ing. It was impressive how quickly he picked her apart, without her really noticing. I am so excited for his sugar and ice. Top that off with him being a sexy, thieving, chemist, and I am pumped for him. He is for sureĀ going to be a serious problem for Tae and Kikiās relationship (...soās skeezy Jimin... Christmas dinner will not go well), it wonāt be long until he sees through. Ā Ā
I am really excited for a story, that does not care about my feelings, and isnāt going to go easy with their handling of BTS. Fuck me up. I am ready.Ā
Thank you for writing and sharing this, I am so excited!
Contributors:Ā @moonmangyu, for this STUPENDOUS MOODBOARD
Pairing: You / Yoongi
Rating: PG-13 (GothicRomance!AU)
Word Count: 7,507
Summary:Ā After becoming the assistant of professional recluse Min Yoongi, you begin to notice strange things. Noises which shouldnāt take place, shadows which shouldnāt move like they do. Youāre almost convinced that youāre crazy - until something happens, something unbelievable to make you realize youāre not. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, @daegusoftboys !!!)
This is probably the fic thatās been on myĀ āto-readā list the longest. I am so glad that I didnāt give up on the voice telling me to read it. If anyone hasnāt read this yet, go do it. Donāt let it collect dust on aĀ ālaterā list. Do it now! And definitely do it before reading my ramblings on it -- there will be spoilers -- donāt do this fic the disservice of reading it afterwards.Ā
Coming into this story, the only thing I knew was that it had some sort of twist or surprise at the end. Thatās it. I didnāt know what kind of secret lurked underneath, only that I should be prepared. It made for a very tense first read! Itās really amazing how differently the story reads once you know the ending. The first time I heard the phone interview my mind immediately jumped to organ-harvesting-serial-killer (I went to the dark place) -- the insistence that y/n avoid the basement and woods were giving me equally unnerving vibes.Ā
The second time I read it, everything had a very different feeling - no more serial killer vibes from Yoongi! I think that the way you keep your readers in the dark is awesome! Not labeling this as a demon hunter AU was brilliant. Y/n doesnāt have any idea whatās going on and neither should we! It really made me relate to the way that she was receiving news, I was apprehensive and worried on her behalf because I didnāt know what might be going on and neither did she. Maybe she just walked into the crime scene for her death -- who knows? Not her!
One of the things that sometimes rubs me the wrong way in stories where the protagonist learns that the world as they know it is a lie (in the supernatural sense) is that their road to discovery doesnāt feel realistic. Part of that might come from a too-quick acceptance, but part of the problem could just as easily come from the audience. Because we know better we have different expectations and so the protagonist shrugging off weird things happening when weĀ know whatās up can make them seem obtuse despite it being totally natural. The wonderful thing about your story is that we get to go on the journey with y/n (even better with the first and second person narration).Ā
I love her logic. I love how weird things happen and she finds ways to make them make sense. It is exactly how I deal with hearing weird noises, or seeing something odd out of the corner of my eye. That moment when she considers the weight of the study door was perfect. She reasons her way through it because her explanations are far more realistic than the voice you hear in the back of your head. But then she still has to run up the stairs a little faster to get to a safe place (been there!). Even when she seesĀ the shadows around Yoongi -- she sees it with her own eyes, but seeing isnāt actually believing. If I saw some weird shit and blinked it away, you could bet money that I would ignore it as some strange, vivid, uninvited daydream.Ā
Your style of writing in this is lovely! You made such an intense and rich atmosphere. Despite the date stamp at the start, I frequently found myself being caught off guard by the modern elements in this world. Everything feels old. The setting does a great job it, and the way you describe scenes, and the places that you stick your emphasis make me think of another era all together (one maybe closer to the time the manse was built). The inside of the Blackthorn Manor is always poorly lit to me. Itās all dark wood and tarnished silver lit by golden candle-light that casts dark shadows -- this the colour palette I get from your story -- I donāt think you ever even mentioned candle light, but thisĀ āold magicā atmosphere is there anyways.Ā Ā
I think my favourite scene is the one where y/n discovers Yoongi in the woods. I love that even then, you still play with the audience and donāt let us know which person is Yoongi right away. Weāre still scrambling to make sense of whatās going on, and you use our/y/nās assumptions against us. She runs out there because she thinks heās in danger, and then you present us with a scene. The first person you describe in the one crouching so of course we project Yoongi onto them, on top of that weāre already worried for him, we already think thereās something dangerous outside the house, youāve set us up to like Yoongi despite the way he gets under y/nās skin, and so we think heās the victim and donāt want him to be the person described as havingĀ āno loveā in him. It was an emotional rollercoaster of a scene!
On my second read through I really enjoyed all these little things that made me wonder about whatās happening beneath the surface. It totally felt like Yoongi was testing and training her while she was working for him. Not just the moments when heād probe her and be disappointed by her answers, but the way heād try to scare her into dropping things, or the way she had to collect herbs and things. Maybe Iām imagining it, but I liked that it felt like he was trying to build up some reflexes and magic/medicine skills so that he could assess her as a possible ally. After all he did post the ad, I would think his goal was to get some help dealing with the schism.
The other thing I wondered about was y/nās history. Clearly there are some talents that come with being whatever she is, like being able to read the language the ad was written in and seeing the shadows around Yoongi. I wonder how many times sheās seen things and found ways to reason them away. Is that why she was so dismissive of the lore around the house? She was far more concerned about being scammed by the cab driver than the way that everyone avoids the area. Has she learned to avoid dwelling too long on the weird stuff because she doesnāt want to take a closer look at herself? When she was contemplating why people kept telling her not to go outside, it was A) Iām crazy, or B) thereās something out there. Both valid points, but who would think of A first? I wonder if she doubts herself because of the weird, almost-inexplicable things sheās seen in her life.Ā
I love how this story started and finished with the ad. What an awesome way to bookend the story! As soon the ad comes up you make it clear that thatās the key to unpacking the story, but of course thereās no way to do that at the beginning of the story. Then you go and tell a story that so captivating and nerve-wracking that by the time Yoongi brings it up again Iāve completely forgotten about it. Lovely full-circle!Ā
Okay, Iāve rambled long enough. Iām just going to spit out a few more little things and call it a day.
I love Seokjin in this. Heās barely in it, but heās such a nice contrast to Yoongi and y/n. I love the levity he adds (and as a result, the unease he creates when he warns y/n about going outside).Ā
This story is wonderfully vivid! Everything is so visual to me - I can picture every scene so clearly! The way you described the shadows that buzzed and writhed, the rain on the windows behind Yoongi in his study, the worn wood of the stairās railing. Itās going to stick with me, I can tell. It made for such an immersive story, which made me genuinely tense and worked-up while reading.Ā
Iām so excited to read more by you! Thank you for sharing this!
I decided instead of filling up your inbox a dozen times over this was probably a more practical way to freak out at you. Course, without Tumblr telling me I need to calm down every ten asks, thereās nothing to make me self-conscious and rein in the word count... so get comfy.Ā
Where do I even start? For a chapter that you teased a bunch, this still rattled me at every turn.Ā
I think to start, a brief ahhhhhhhh is in order. I was talking out loud to myself the whole time I was reading this -- swearing under my breath and getting so worked up and it was very fun. I have no idea how many times I called Jungkook aĀ ālittle fuckerā during that haircut scene, and you better believe I was cursing after Yoongi made such dirty promises about what was to come that evening (haha) when I realized that you probably werenāt going to let us have that treat, and the satisfaction of hearing y/n call Yoongi aĀ āsneaky, conniving motherfuckerā when I was calling him aĀ āconniving bastardā earlier in the chapter was so sweet. You really know how to pull a reaction out of me.Ā Ā
Even knowing that this chapter involved a fistfight and a flirtatious haircut, I was still bouncing off walls during the scene when y/n confronts Hoseok. That was one of those scenes, where nothing really happened, but it gave me so much. Hoseok and y/n are seriously the same person, eh? I mean, of course theyāre different, they have different edges to them, but wow, I love watching these two play off each other. And now that Iāve convinced myself that they are the same person, I really enjoy how weāre stuck with y/nās perspective. I find myself very distrusting of any of her interpretations of Hosoekās actions. Like when she first gets to the lab, itās very easy to read Hoseok as being angry with her, and he doesnāt soften until she clearly apologizes. But it seems just as likely to me that heās been stressing the same way she has, beating himself up for not comforting her right --āWhy didnāt I just put my hand on her knee?!ā And then what does he do? Puts his hand on her knee as soon as the tension is cut as if to make up for it.Ā
Oh man, but what a beautiful reaction when he does put the hand on the knee -- the moment of y/n not even interpreting the action, just being surprised, because thereās just enough does-not-compute when it comes to professional Hoseok. And his reaction in turn thinking heās gone too far. Plus the way he reacts when she puts her hand on his shoulder -- just as touch-starved and in need of comforting as her. Itās mildly infuriating watching them cross their professionalĀ āboundariesā and then boltĀ back over the line for fear of how the other will react. I am so ready for the day one of them crosses it and sets up camp... god that will be satisfying, even if itās only a weekend camping trip.Ā
But this scene, this is when I started swearing at Yoongi -- the conniving bastard. Hoseok was wayĀ too concerned about how Yoongi comforted y/n. And I donāt mean when she talked about him tough-loving her off the floor, I mean the nerves that boy showed when he very gingerly asked about what Yoongi did to make her feel better. I am itching to know what he and Yoongi talked about in the hallway before Yoongi found her. I could be so far off base, but I wouldnāt be surprised if after Hoseok worried Yoongiās ear off about not comforting her right, Yoongi told him heād take care of it, Hoseok asked what he was going to say, and Yoongi looked him dead in the eyes and saidĀ āwho said I was going to say anything?ā. I donāt know, Iām not the queen of dialogue here, but something very incriminating, just to get a rise out of poor, reserved Hoseok.Ā
Speaking of this scene... āthe terrible things that Yoongi had growled into your earā...sigh... he growls such wonderfully terrible things...
Alright, onto the the haircut... oh the haircut...
I was so excited to spend some time with the other men on the ship this chapter, Iām so in love with how youāve done Hoseok and Yoongi, and I was dying for more of the boys to get your attention. You did not let me down! I really love Jungkook in this chapter, I got to see way more of him than I expected (y/n too I think ;) ). You have done such an amazing job of showing his youth and inexperience. When he was being soĀ forward with y/n during the haircut, I was super surprised. I havenāt really had a chance to form strong thoughts on him yet, but the brazen strip tease and eyebrow wiggling -- did not expect. The way he was trying to impress her was glorious. Stroking his own abs (of course he was flexing), sitting up taller when Taehyung asks for an example of aĀ āgood male human specimanā, and of course heād have been sucking in his stomach while sitting down. And all the fucking moaning! What a brat! A sexy brat.Ā
But then he falters, and as y/n put it, you see the young man you remember. The dynamic in this scene is awesome. I love that it feels like heās playing Yoongi. Heās seen the video, heard what Yoongi said, saw how she reacted, and heās emulating it. But he isnāt Yoongi, and so he canāt keep it up when she pushes back, doesnāt have the same confidence to be able to roll with her punches.Ā
Actually Taehyung too. This chapter had me thinking about what makes each character, and I found myself comparing everyone to Yoongi. Taehyung is an interesting case, he seems to share many of the same adjectives that Iād give to Yoongi, but with a different colour on the final picture. Both of them seem to be perceptive motherfuckers -- too perceptive for their own good (for y/nās good?) -- who like to flirt with people and conflict and push all the buttons they see. But their intentions seem different. Taehyung seems curious. Heās very good at finding buttons and likes pushing them to see what happens -- while Yoongi, he knows what every button does already, and delights in pushing them and being right. Maybe I donāt have enough info to make these conclusions yet, but these are the vibes Iām getting. Taehyung and Yoongi feel quite similar/different to me, and I think thereās a touch more innocence (Iām not sure thatās the right word) with Taehyung that sets them apart.
Thereās some serious dark enjoyment in watching y/n regain the upper hand over these cock-sure men. Itās always a sad/bitter moment when she has to bring up having her tubes tied to the ignorant men aboard, but I canāt deny the satisfaction of watching her knock them off balance when they think theyāve won. This chapter I really like how much felt for her being the only woman on this ship. Being reminded that the hypothetical of being the only female to pick from didnāt really matter because that was already reality, being jealous of the way the boys can have comforting platonic physical contact without it meaning anything, having no one to empathise with the sacrifices she had to make to come on this trip (although I wonder if Hoseok wouldnāt have considered it... All these cocky men are making my soft spot for Void Hoseok grow...). You make me feel so many things for her! Her troubles feels so real. And you always find ways to bring in those bitter, realistic inner-thoughts into the story without it feeling forced or jarring. The offhand thought about how her messages going home were getting shorter and shorter is a perfect example. Thatās exactly how that thought would happen and when it would pop up, uninvited, in my mind.Ā
...It may take a while for me to forgive you for letting Yoongi make those promises and then not delivering... DonātĀ āsee you thenā me and then not see me then! ugh! ...to your credit though, I do love that you were vague enough with your warnings that I actually had no idea what I was getting this chapter. Sigh...
Okay, onto the airlock scene. I really did get to see so much more of Jungkook than I expected this chapter. This was heartbreaking. I was devastated when Jin said how he hadnāt opened the messages this whole time and then couldnāt get through them all. This poor sweet boy, who is young, and has committed his youth to this mission, still at an age where his parents are equal parts needed and a nuisance, and now, after so much neglect on his part, he has to tell his mother, who he already feels like heās abandoned, that heās going to be gone for another 2 year?! So many feelings!!! It was really great to see someone else on this ship be the vessel for heavy emotions. Because weāre y/n, inevitably she is the one whose feelings we see, but Iām really glad we got an unobstructed view into the mind and feelings of one of the other crew members.Ā
I also really appreciated her response to him. Itās so hard/effortful comforting people sometimes, and I like that we see the thought process ofĀ āwell this is what I wantedā and that she uses whatĀ āshe hopesā is a soothing tone. A couple extra words in the scene and they really make a difference in how I read it and her. But how freakinā appropriate is it, that the same dayĀ we have her noting that sheās jealous of how Taehyung can just casually touch Jungkook, no biggie, and then here she is, being warm and comforting, in the most platonic of ways, and of courseĀ Jungkook reads it the wrong way! Of courseĀ he starts kissing her neck and assuming that that hand on his knee means something. And like, yeah, thereās the video and she admits she wants to fuckĀ āem all, and yeah emotions are running high right now, but come onĀ Jungkook! His youth will be the death of him.
You really love writing naive Jungkook, eh?Ā I canāt help but draw parallels between Jungkook in Void and in DNA -- young, and inexperienced, and when infatuation gets held up against a cold and monotonous background, he confuses a crush for love. Bless him. I buy his character so much. Heās the baby of the crew and it comes out really well, his inexperience leading to him misinterpreting actions and feelings, the way he peacocks during the hair cut to prove himself just as worthy as Yoongi, and the nerves that peak through in other moments as he tries to hold his own among his superiors. I love him, even if heās a fool.
Then the tape is confirmed to have fallen into the wrong hands, and then before we can even process that and what Yoongi did you give us a fucking fistfight! This chapter was so much to handle (in a good way). Like goddamn, was Taehyung going to show it to everyone?? This scene took me some extra time to process. It took me way too longĀ to make sense of why Jimin was saying the sd card was his. But I guess it sort of is, it was made for him after all. And until you tell me otherwise, Iād like to think that surprise romantic, kisses the back of you hand, makes butterflies explode in your stomach, Jimin, was being chivalrous in this scene instead of possessive or greedy. That as soon as it clicked what Taehyung was showing him he got angry that somehow Taehyung had gotten his hands on something that he clearly wasnāt meant to see and was showing it to other people.Ā
Wow... when the feedback is well on its way to being as long as the fic... Iām going to try to be quick with the last few points...
Iāve already told you this, but I love how you did Jin. Heās such a delight, and he feels totally true to how I would picture him in this au. Iām excited for more of him. Iām actually quite curious how his interactions with y/n will go, Iām not sure I can picture how heāll cross that line with her. Namjoon either. Ever stoic commander Namjoon, what will drive him to be naughty with his botanist? It has been a hell of a long day for him. Heās been hiding since the last kitchen meeting, and then a fucking fight breaks out. He must be at his witsā end and wracked with guilt. Maybe him reviewing the āevidenceā from the scuffle while in such a vulnerable place will be the thing to do it? Hmm... I donāt know... I donāt think I know him well enough yet to give a good guess.Ā
Okay, last point -- weāre almost there!Ā
You. Bee. You are SO FUCKING GOOD AT CHARACTERS. I just- I mean- you just- ahhhhh. I donāt know how you feel about it, but I would imagine that one of the harder parts of writing a long story with many characters who all get some focus is keeping them distinct. I feel like my love for banter would just result in all of my characters slipping into a homogeneous blob of sarcastic one-liners. And there are plenty of witty, bantery men on this ship, but they all feel so different. Iāve already talked about Taehyung and Jungkook, but I also want to talk about Hoseok. So far Yoongi and Hoseok have gotten the most attention. Theyāre the ones that y/n spends the most time with and has the strongest connections with. Itās incredible how different youāve made them. And you show instead of tell! I donāt have to rely on y/nās inner monologue on either of these men to know how they are distinct from each other. The way they interact with y/n is totally different -- their actions, their dialogue. Itās amazing. And Iām excited how these very different men, with their very different relationships with y/n will play very different roles in her character development.Ā
In sum: YES.
Alright! Now to unblock #void and enjoy all the screaming! :D
