Sunny was up later than I last night, and sent some super sweet messages after I had knocked out. She said Mel actually really likes me because she saw how Sunny and I looked at each other, and how happy I make Sunny so Mel’s thankful for that. That’s still pretty weird to me, I don’t know if they had that convo while drunk and I feel like maybe Mel didn’t mean it, exactly. Not that I’m doubting Sunny or Mel or losing confidence in myself, it’s just that Mel has heard the worst about me. Sunny forgave me because she loves me, but I can’t see why Mel would say these things, knowing what she knows. However, I know how close Mel and Sunny are, and if Sunny has a unique, almost inhuman capacity for kindness, forgiveness, and mercy, then it wouldn’t be too far fetched to believe her friends are like her in that way. So that made me cautiously optimistic.
Sun also said that her tall 6′4′” friend Michael thinks I should model. I remember hearing about him and being not jealous, per se, but definitely play jealous lol. It’s cool to think someone as attractive as him thinks that about me. Being confident in myself was probably something I was only able to learn through tinder, and I’m still working on it, but Sunny and her friends really build me up and make me feel so great.
She ended the 3am text in spanish, and it’s funny how that’s a significant part of our relationship. We had spanish together, she has a thing for Mexican guys, and we love speaking spanish half the time. It’s weird to think that for most of my life I didn’t speak any spanish! And it’s so ironic that a non-hispanic protestant would push me to be a better Mexican Catholic. I think about that a lot, actually. I love it, I love her a lot.
We didn’t go snowboarding after all since we’re all pretty beat up from falling yesterday. [John, mostly] Historically, I would always dread the 2nd snowboarding day. This year, however, after yesterday’s progress, I’m actually pretty bummed we couldn’t go. We spent much of the morning indoors, and I made some shitty quesadillas! I tried to use the recipe but the changing of pans and the electric stove through me off! I ended up burning 3 of them and eating them as a huge burnt quesadilla lasagna cake. It was pretty funny.
Once Mohammed, Hassan, and Lukey arrived, we all ate, laughed, hung out, ate some more, and went to the athletic club. Playing pool with the guys is a tradition that’s always fun, but this time was crazier than most. I opened up super aggressively with some crazy shots, then LOST MY MOJO COMPLETELY. I COULDN’T EVEN MAKE EASY SHOTS AFTER MY FIRST TURN oh well but PATRICK and KENT came out of nowhere! I could tell they didn’t really know how to play, but I kept saying there was something there deep inside them. I believed in my friends! Sure enough, once I taught Patarack how to properly hold it, he sank a few clean shots, it was MAGICAL. And Kent of course was a hilarious wild card, he did some behind-the-back shots [that missed, gloriously] but made so many accidental shots that we just ended the game and named him the champion. Afterwards we played basketball inside the lower-level court, and I haven’t been there since once of my first trips! Maybe it was my first trip, actually. Anyways it was really interesting to see them in a physical contest after so long. I was definitely the most confident in basketball, even though I never really play. But I hope they had fun with it, and I hope they were confident in themselves. I worry about them a lot, and I wish they would never have to worry about feeling less than. I know I’m reading a lot into a few basketball games, but I really love these brothers of mine and I want to share this light I’ve been given.
Kent and Patrick went back to the cabin after basketball, but I stayed with Angdy and Mohammed to try the bench press for the first time! It felt really really cool and hearty, being able to do a lift like that. I learned that a big part of it is actually in your head!! That’s so crazy to me, but I’m learning a lot about the world around me now and a revelation like this seems to make sense. It definitely relates to snowboarding yesterday, too! I benched 95lbs, 5 reps/set. I know that’s really small but I’m writing this down so I can look back and wonder how I used to live so skinny lol. Andrew wanted to take advantage of the extra gym equipment, but Mohammed convinced us to come back and enjoy the vacation. I saw where they were both coming from.
We got high, or drunk, or crossed...it was fun!
