I knew going into this hiatus that the only thing that would change would be my stance on whether or not to come back to the blog. And while I am still not 100% certain about that, I needed to get a few things off my chest.
The reason I left is because I felt as though my blog was dying. And I’m sure there are tons of people who are going to ask questions, things like “how when you’re still getting new followers, notes, etc.” Yes, yes all those things are true. But that doesn’t mean that the blog doesn’t still lack interaction. More/less notes or followers does not equate to interaction levels either, so don’t assume a “bigger blog with thousands of followers” has it any better than one just starting out.
I did log-in here and there since I posted about that, and exactly what I had suspected would happen, did. Yes, I got a shower of concern and love from my mutuals and the handful or two of diehards whose usernames I know by heart because they like every fucking post I make. Those are what I am most thankful for, those are what had been my lifeline in not doing this sooner. I love and appreciate all of you more than you even know. <3
Before I left, I had been clearing out my asks for another reason and do you know how many I came back to after a few days? One. A single anon ask about the hiatus. Now the sad fact is, despite all of this, when I would log-in, I had tons of notifications–nothing on the reader side of things seemed to be affected at all. I knew it wouldn’t. I knew that chances were, had I deleted/deactivated completely, my mutuals might have been sent asks about me along the lines of, “oh no! What happened, so sad…blah blah blah.” I’ve watched it happen with others who have left.
And it will continue to happen just like this. Despite the posts about the writing community on here dying due to lack of interaction from our readers, here is the truth of the matter: no matter what we as creators do, it won’t change a goddamn thing. Even when we go on hiatus or delete, because you just run to the next newest blog. That’s just the circle of life, I can’t be mad about that. I mean I can, but what good does it do? Y’all crave instant satisfaction so when you can’t get it from one source, you flip onto the next without batting an eye. (And no, I’m not bashing newer creators getting support either. That’s the main reason I will never be mad about this truth.)
It blows my mind how posts like that can get thousands of notes, get reblogged by creators and readers alike, but nothing really changes. Same thing goes for how fast people are to like, reblog and send in asks for fucking discourse but you simply can’t be assed to do the same to your favorite fics, your favorite authors. Part of me believed, and still does to a degree, that things might get better when the new season drops. That y’all are just bored without that new anime content, too busy stirring shit pots and hopping fandoms to get your fix.
And before some of you take it upon yourselves to get shit twisted, this is not about notes. Even if it was, still a valid fucking reason some creators give up and leave, its something that literally takes maybe 5 minutes or less of your life. I, personally, did not leave because of lowered notes–that I was dealing with just fine. Its the lack of interaction: comments (whether on the fic or in a reblog, fuck even nice tags) and most importantly asks. Why? Because as it was proven during my check-ins, non-interactive (or silent) notes are always going to happen. But blogs will die out without interaction.
Let’s paint you a picture. I’m sure you’ve seen some of your favorite creators mention or post about having 50-100+ asks in their box. Yes it is daunting at times but it is still an amazing feeling and yes there is also a good chance not all of them will be answered for various reasons. What I have seen is this: you close your requests? Instant drop in asks, y’all move on to the next open person. If your ask is not answered after some time? Another drop. And so forth. Do you know how fucking depressing it is to watch what used to be a full inbox dwindle down to nothing?
Several months back I still had, on average, 50ish asks at any given time. For the last two or so months that number never got above 20 at any given time, most of which were asks attached to WIPs I was hoarding. Then I deleted most of it and now I have a whopping 4. Can you see how that might affect someone? Now, once more so you don’t get it twisted, I’ll explain why this is an issue because I can already sense people will want to scream about “needing validation, why should it matter if you love writing, etc.”
This is the part that most of you ‘silent readers’ do not get. You ready?
I love and enjoy writing. I, personally, do not need validation to love and enjoy my own writing. However, I can do do both without ever fucking sharing my work with others. Let me repeat that so it sticks: we do not have to share our work with you, the readers/community, in order to enjoy it.
So why do we? Well, I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I do it (or rather did it) because I wanted to interact with people who were just as excited, passionate and stoked on the same things I was. It didn’t matter if that interaction was in the comments or reblogs, via asks, thirsting or just generally chatting with you. And yes, I can acknowledge it is a two way street and I was sometimes shit at working on my end of things. But the issue that I struggled with is: it seems like once you lose that interaction, nothing you try to do to spark it back up works.
Before I posted that hiatus message, I had a different post planned, written out and still tucked in my drafts. I had a whole outlined plan for how to inject life back into this blog, one I was already working on behind the scenes, that would (hopefully) bring back some interaction as I became more consistent on my end. And as I ran through working my ass off to get things in place, spending hours in the mass post editor, I saw how drastically interaction on my blog changed. From the loss of all my emoji anons to just a general decline in any asks at all,I was able to watch it plummet all over again.
Then it hit me, it hit me fucking hard, that maybe all that work and all those plans were going to be for nothing. And you know what? I gave the fuck up. I did, why? Because I am only human. And over the last few months it was dawning on me that very few of you saw me or any creator for that matter, as humans. No, to the vast majority of people we are content machines, little cogs in the tumblr writing community and that if we break down or disappear, you just move on to the next. Most of the time not even giving it a second thought. That’s just fucking sad and it almost made me not want to write at all.
So I left, and started cross-posting on AO3 and I realized that I never stopped loving or enjoying writing. Just tumblr. That I missed that interaction between us so much, that I just no longer felt the need to share myself or my work. I’m sure some might ask why it’s such a big deal, and maybe you don’t believe us when we reply to things and tell you that your ask or comment or whatever it may be made our day. We are not being facetious when we say these things, even if it’s just tags on a reblog…that shit genuinely puts smiles on our faces. It can change our whole mood, our whole day or week around. I cannot count the number of times your asks flustered me or brought me to tears because they warmed my heart.
Perfect personal example is this: my shittest, most frustrating day of the work week is Sundays. They are usually hell in my store, they are so fucking draining that I would literally come home, eat and pass out for hours without the intention to. I came up with Thirst Church not only as a great way to interact more with y’all at the time but to give me something to look forward to. It was a small but very helpful remedy to my shitty Sundays.
I will admit, sometimes I got overwhelmed by them (as I was putting out anywhere between 5-20+ posts per session) or skipped them because my mood or energy levels just weren’t there. I let them die off, but I tried to bring them back recently (and had intended to make them a weekly event again) with poor results. It was a sting, and one that made me immediately drop the idea again because there just obviously wasn’t enough interest anymore. You had moved on. So I threw in the towel and decided maybe it was time I did too.
While there is a chance this post may impact some of you, an even slimmer chance it’ll spark a change in how you go about things, I know that for the most part it will fall on deaf ears. It won’t make a drop in the bucket that is tumblr. I’m not even sure if writing it all out made me feel any better. I just had to do it. Because just as much as hate anons, drama and/or lack of notes may drive creators to leave, so does lack of interaction and it’s not talked about nearly as much.
So next time you’re debating whether its worth your time or whatever other excuse you’ll undoubtedly make before commenting, or sending in an ask? Ask yourself if it could make a difference in that creator’s day, will it cheer them up or inspire them to start a new WIP or share more of themselves and their work with you? Because while I don’t think there will ever not be writers on tumblr, you may just cost yourselves your favorites or a wider selection of content to greedily consume simply because you couldn’t be assed.
Then what will you do? I guess at that point you’ll have to write for yourselves and join the cycle.
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