[midnight-filth]

So desperately fucking lonely and hopeless

Not sure i can do this much longer

[midnight-filth]

Every time i post on here i think of what it will look like once I've killed myself

[midnight-filth]

I dont like the person im becoming, i don't even recognize her most of the time.

I'll do something i would consider other people selfish for doing and I'll step back from the situation and realize " oh i guess i am her "

I just feel so disconnected sometimes like who is she why did she do that and i just wish i knew what i stand for so i can stand for it but I've never known

[midnight-filth]

I'm starting to think I'll never find love

I know im not putting in the effort to find it, i want to snap my fingers and find myself on a sofa cuddling up to someone i feel safe with, but the steps that come before that seem daunting.

But I'm fed up with never having felt loved in that way it's actually starting to bother me and i dont know what to do about it

[midnight-filth]

Finally done with a hellish semester, last final was a huge flop and i also cut things off with my best friend of 4 years so this should be quite the cheerful break

[midnight-filth]

Please motivate me to get back on track im gaining like crazy

[midnight-filth]

Day 30 holy hell

1. I have 6 cats

2. I had a seventh but he ran away

3.im on my way to become a dentist

4. Its honestly exhausting more often than not i wonder if i made the right decision

5. Im running out of facts so moving on to the stats

Cw: 62 i wanna die

I'd gone down to 59.2 during this month but gained it all back🤡🤡🤡

[midnight-filth]

Day 29:

Uh it depends, it varies for everyone obviously, for me to see myself as beautiful i imagine a girl who is very skinny and delicate with sharp lines and soft, golden hair, with an angelic aura that feels a little unreal,

I know, very realistic

I dont have the same standards for other people obviously, everyone is beautiful in their own way, just not me🤡🤡🤡

[midnight-filth]

Day 28:

100% i dont know man my biggest trouble are is my thighs and i want them to distance themselves a little bit

[midnight-filth]

Day 27:

All foods are fear foods and i prefer not to have any food in front of me, otherwise i go ape shit

[midnight-filth]

I cant believe i finally went under 60 for the first time in my adult life and then allowed myself to gain back to 63

[midnight-filth]

Day 26:

The fact that i just know I would look better

You know how some people look better when they're heavier? That's not me, i just know i will look far better skinny, even though i dont know exactly how I'll look

Also, I've never been skinny so i really want to experience that for once

[midnight-filth]

Day 25:

Yes im bulimic

I dont remember my first time tbh i just remember i used to be terrified of throwing up and next thing i knew i was purging left right and center

Don't. If you ever thought about it just don't. Don't fucking roll your eyes at me I'm fucking serious don't. One day your gag reflex will shrivel up and die and it will be one of the most terrifying things so just save yourself the trouble and don't start

[midnight-filth]

Day 24:

Idk I'm definitely not pro but I'm supportive of ed'd people having an outlet

[midnight-filth]

Day 23:

Yeah ig, i always wondered, as a kid, why i didn't look like the rom com main character and often envied her,

More recently it's become kpop idols who are even skinnier

[midnight-filth]

Day 22:

59.2 kg, i lost my gag reflex somehow and gained 3 kg

[midnight-filth]

Day 21:

What are your clothing sizes?

Currently M with the odd S, im tryna see more of those