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this isnt so much a vent post as a musing that could potentially be taken the wrong way on the main dash but??? its weird how whenever I talk to a white person and make a reference to my being brown/to their whiteness/etc I always feel the need to be like LOVE YOU THO so they don’t assume that pro brownness=anti whiteness in the same way that pro whiteness has always meant antibrownness and get pissed off at me or whatever haha

#i rarely make jokes about it even tho im perfectly entitled to #because I have so many friends I'm really scared of losing any of them???#even if it means kowtowing to white feelings every single time ahah #roy was raised very much involved with a nonwhite culture so I'm pretty sure he wouldnt take it badly??? I think he's a little more #understanding..at least I'd hope so #but uh #yknow...#its a kneejerk thing that I do to protect myself from being Abandoned

It’s always embarrassing to need to ask my brothers for help with anything because I’m the oldest and I’m the one who always seems to have his shit together and I’M the caretaker so I always feel,,,Like ShitTM when I fail to function and need their support.

I’m supposed to be functional and efficient and useful. Exploitable.

But, I gotta admit--if I’m asking anyone, Jason is the best one. He never questions why I need it, or dwells on it too much or makes me feel any more embarrassed than I already am. Like, we riff on each other a lot but he can somehow just tell when I really need him to let something slide.

I love him a lot.

#this is Family Gay #he doesnt always react well to this kind of thing so I'm putting it here instead

Bruce: I love you kids unconditionally

Me: if ur so accepting why is it that I, your first child who has dedicated fourteen years of his life to earning your love without any signs of success so far,

Iiiiiii have waited so long for this waiting three more weeks was torturous lmao

I actually almost believed Jason when he said it was okay for me to not be okay sometimes but I was like The slightest little bit Not Cheerful and got immediately messaged "I'm worried about you this isn't like you" so I guess I just have to keep faking it huh :)

I guess I’m just really really sick and tired of half my dash being raven whining about people having fun because it doesnt involve her, and messaging everyone like ‘why wont anyone answer my messages’

the fact that you were evil for a while and tried to kill us and then turn around and make posts about how you wanna try cannibalism as if its a funny joke might have something to do with it

the fact that you try to rip kori away from my brother and his significant-whatever when they’re hanging out because you’re jealous and bored might have something to do with it

you’re making yourself really difficult to be around and then DEMANDING that we be around you

#you didn't even really ask me to hang out with you yesterday #you just TOLD me we were doing it #and said please AFTER you twisted my arm into saying yes #we've all changed since our titan days #but you most of all probably??#and I'm not just talking physical

DOn’t condescend to me

#:))))))#this probably has more to do with the fact that Raven's been getting on my nerves #and that I still haven't completely forgiven her for #yknow #killing the minister at my almost wedding #but im really agitated by her need to comment on it every time someone is having a good time without her

Everyone: shits on my happiness literally every single day

Me: Stands up for myself one fucking time

Everyone: GoD DOnt bE SOo draMaaTIC......................

#:)))

It’s not like I’ve ever talked about what she did to me before?? But if Isaid in the tags of that post that being around her makes me panic, why would you ask me?? about it?

me: I’m glad I’m on good terms with exes and old friends even when we dont talk a lot thats so nice I have a pretty good life all things considered

my brain: hey remember that time catalina raped you

me: uh yeah ahah why??.............

my brain: you gotta!!! [starts breaking things and screaming] YOU GOTTA YOU GOTTA YOU G

#there goes my mood lmao

If you don’t care about human lives, you’re in the wrong business.

#It really bugs me sometimes how many non humans think they can do this because they're powerful #but then flat out say they dont give a shit about human lives #like...dont do this if life isn't important to you??

jason: just kill the pieces of shit then it’ll be over

me: Will that guarantee freedom for our descendants? Or will the blood that we shed begin an endless cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants?

Yikes I didn't need to see James D//een on my dash

#he's a rapist

BANGS POTS AND PANS!! IM ALWAYS WRONG!!!! IM ALWAYS WROGN!!!!

:)

#ok.#thats..ok

I got that it was a joke. It just isn’t funny. It’s funny that she’s freaked out and scared and doesn’t know what to do and you’re pushing her to move faster out of selfishness. You were joking. I get it. I’m just not laughing.

Also, dumping on someone for jokes going over their head is Not Funny

The worst part about it is that just earlier today Kori threw me under the bus to stick up for Jason. She painted me like a piece of shit who didn’t want her around anymore. And nothing I do or say seems to matter. So. What’s the point of asking Jason why he ‘stole’ my friends when my friends have decided to pretend I don’t care about them anymore so they can angst about it to Jason and they can all have a big circle jerk pity party over how evil and terrible I am no matter how hard I try to please everyone!!

#I'm so!! bitter!

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