You know, I’m not one to usually post long texts here on tumblr either about Melendaire or about anything else. Most likely because I love a good long ass essay and I know I get carried away.
Today though I will make an exception. I could just keep to myself (partly to myself) everything I have been feeling the last couple of hours but the truth is I woke up still on a adrenaline and anxiety rush, with a pit to my stomach which happens when my body is upset and doesnt know what to do with it. I woke up feeling deeply stressed and what usually calms me down a bit is writing and getting it out.
So yes, good morning to me who stayed up until 4 a.m to watch the ep, but coudnt get out of here before 7 a.m. That was the time I went to sleep last night (not that anybody cares about this, but just to state my point). I woke up 4 hours later as tired (if not more) as I went to bed.
But anyway…shipping is supposed to be fun right? that’s what I try to tell myself everytime I feel like I am getting too emotionally attached. What I say to myself when I see people still undermining and downplaying my ship when the character just died and we are all enraged and sad and bitter about it. But people’s lack of empathy with others really is nothing new nowadays so.
Shiping is fun, until it isn’t…you know, due to me being an introvert and being a anxious wreck, even though I have been shipping Melendaire since season 1, I never really had the courage to aproach people from this fandom. I wanted to, I wanted to talk with other people about something I really loved, do something besides just reading your posts and supporting in silence. I have been here when there were only just very few people on tumblr shipping Melendaire (I was so overjoyed to find them though) and when fanfics were so far between one another that I would re-read the same one over and over and over and over.
Actually I just want to thank those people. In my gut I always knew Melendaire would be canon or atleast explored…which is quite the contradiction since I am the most pessimist person ever, but everytime I feel a certain ship has chemistry, they always end up by doing something with them. I felt that with Melendaire since season 1. I knew it was a matter of time because you dont have to watch a lot of shows to recognize the stolen glances, the foreshadowing, the extra scenes they did not need to add. But they did, because in the long run they make sense and were meant to be there. It wasnt always easy to trust in this gut of mine though, so I turned to fanfiction.
Let me tell you that we, the Melendaire fandom are blessed with incredibly talented writers, those writers kept me afloat and made me keep on hoping and never forgetting how right these two were for each other. And you know why, because EVERY SINGLE ONE of the Melendaire fanfics out there, beyond well written (and you definately cannot always say that everytime nowadays), are so genuine, so real, so in character. Because every person who writes about Melendaire, knows them and makes things so organic it is impossible not to have it playing in your head. It’s impossible not to WANT that for them. A huge shoutout to them then!
I already got carried away, before even talking about the episode (I am still mustering courage to see it so I have been suffering with the livetweeting alone. I know…even worse but I am not emotionally good to watch things live) but the only polite and summarized way I am able to describe it right now is: an ungrateful journey. Why did they give us such a big build up on Melendaire? Why build a different direction to their relationship? Why did we have Claire lean on him for support and not someone else (actually WHY IN HELL has the girl go through two deaths in one season????), why having them telling each other how they feel only to minutes later he dies? JUST WHY, you know?
The ironic thing is that I am the most pessimist person but I never truly believed they would kill off Melendez. TGD did not have any history of that. Melendez was an important character, a main one…he had storylines to explore; tv shows these days are so big on baiting people dying I really thought, until the end, there was no way he was going to die. I was more worried the other ship would go back together or sometime stupid like that. I thought I was ready for the worse scenarios. Hell, if there hadnt been the interviews and all that I would still think this was just a big con. Not doubt I would be as angry by that, betrayed even, but well over time I would probably let it go.
I couldnt care less about Shore’s justification of well that is life, sometimes you die, sometimes you live (actually quite a few things Shore said about last night’s ep and Nick aswell not only made me sad but were quite hurtful aswell, but that is a can of worms to open some other day). Sure we like realism in a show, we like things to be plausible and death happens but guess what, a big part of those people also watch tv shows to escape reality, to dream a little bit, to see happy endings you dont always see in real life. So excuse me, if almost everyone wanted something else instead of this.
Like, I said…ungrateful. Ungrateful to have a character with a good development (and with no present parents and a two minute screen time sister apparently) thrown away; ungrateful to make other character constantly have to suffer everytime she has some glimmer of happiness; ungrateful to bait and play with people with something THEY KNOW, they have building up since forever and that A LOT OF PEOPLE want. Freaking ungrateful to rob these same two characters of just a CHANCE of being together. Guys, we did not even received a proper hug jesus, let alone a kiss for god’s sake.
Like, here you go…the love confession you wanted to badly to happen but now he dies. Idk if it would hurt less, if there hadnt been that scene. It happened, our ship is canon but at what cost? confession or no confession, they still werent able to experience a relationship together. And I was one of those people that could so clearly see Melendez and Claire with a family of their own someday, with Melendez being the father he always dreamed to be, with Claire being the best mother possible for her children to make up of hers. I wanted to see all of that. A part of that. And I did not get any.
I could write so much more. Maybe I will if the inspiration strikes again but for now here is a long ass text of me just being disappointed. And sadly not around for the next season
jbbartram-illu
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
