People say that sex hurts the first time you do it... but does it always have to? I've never had sex so I'm just wondering if there is something you can do to make it less painful?
NO NO NONONONONOOOOOONONSDKN;DFJNKGDFSVJKNFDVOJLKMDJBFDNDKKSLAMC,
Sorry, but no. SEX SHOULD NOT EVER BE PAINFUL. SEX SHOULD NOT BE PAINFUL THE FIRST TIME, THE LAST TIME, OR ANY OTHER TIME.
I know that we have this ridiculous lie going around our culture that penis-in-vagina sex should hurt the DFAB partner the first time you have it, but NO. It is such a horribly cruel lie.
The hymen (or vaginal corona) does not need to be “broken,” “torn,” “popped,” or “ripped.” The hymen is a thin band of tissue (kind of like stretchy skin) that usually runs around the inside of the vaginal canal in a ring. It should never tear or bleed. It can stretch happily with sufficient lubrication and preparation. Learn about the hymen here. See more photos of vulvas with hymens here.
The vagina isn’t disposable. You’re not born with it as tight as it will ever be, only to get stretched and loose with use throughout your lifetime. That’s just not how it works, because the vaginal canal is a muscle. It can squeeze tight or relax. Definitely read more about this here.
Dryness can cause pain during sex. If you are not excessively wet when you decide to have sex, either ask your partner to continue stimulating you first (sucking, licking, breathing on neck or ears, touching/sucking nipples, collarbones, stomachs, oral sex, fingering, rimming, etc) or use lube. There is no such thing as too much lube, and there is no such thing as not needing lube. You probably always need lube. Trust me, it’ll make it so much more fun. Types of lube here.
Anxiety, nervousness, not being ready can all contribute to pain during sex. If you’re not feeling it, listen to yourself and your body. If you have pain at any time when you have sex, stop having sex. Say to your partner, “Hey friend, can we slow it down for a sec? That’s kind of uncomfortable.” Or, “You know, I thought this was what I wanted, but it’s not satisfying me like when you go down on me. Can we do that instead?” Or, “I’m glad we tried this, but something’s not working right now. Let’s try again some other time.” Deciding to have sex.
Don’t forget that “sex” can mean a lot of different things, like touching or licking or touching yourself while someone else watches. Sex, even between people who have 1 vagina and 1 penis can include vibrators and dildos and strap-ons. Sex could mean giving each other mutual oral sex for the first year that you date, and after that it could be oral sex to orgasm for you, and then penis-in-vagina sex to orgasm for your partner. Or vice versa. There are so many components and possibilities, don’t think that once you move passed making out that you have to have a penis in your vagina.
So remember friends: SEX SHOULD NEVER HURT, ESPECIALLY NOT THE FIRST TIME. If it’s hurting, stop and try something else.
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