Mike

I'm so fucking cool

[pukicho]

Would you rather eat 5 tons of uranium or get got once

You'll never catch me getting got, son.

[mike-the-zookeeper]

Dad?

[pukicho]

FUCK. PEEL. WHY DONT YOU PEEL

[mike-the-zookeeper]

We have these in the zoo. The trick is to puff secondhand smoke at them. You're a fucking idiot for not trying that and I hope you collapse into a heap of skin.

[mike-the-zookeeper]

Growing tomatoes even though I fucking hate tomatoes just because it might attract tomato spider mites and I think they're cute

[mike-the-zookeeper]

I don't know how insane I should be on here because I would normally be completely incoherent to most of you which is funny from my perspective but like who's gonna give me funny Tumblr notes when all I post is "THE MONKEYS HAVE TAKEN THE WATER SUPPLY, WE NEED TO SOUND THE ALARMS" and pictures of Garfield phone number seven

[mike-the-zookeeper]

@jack-cass DONT LISTEN TO THE FALSE MIKE. HE WILL TRY AND MISLEAD YOU INTO BUYING CHICKEN FROM THE GROCERY STORE. I am the one true Mike, you need to get beefed up and fight Jon.

[jack-cass-deactivated20250403]

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

[mike-the-zookeeper]

The word of Mike takes far too long to travel. I will have to start sending my premonitions through bird noises.

OOOOAAAAAAAEAIEIEEAEAAIOOOOOO!!!! AAAA!!!! AEIEIEIEAAA!!!!

[mike-the-zookeeper]

They won't tell you about my wizard arc. It's been struck from the records. There is no evidence of it left, not even in my google docs. All because of that damned seagull.

[mike-the-zookeeper]

Wait I have a tumblr since when

[mike-the-zookeeper]

IM GOING INTO LABOUR

[mike-the-zookeeper]

Scott the woz should have an evil pro-pollution counterpart called smoke the smog

[skippyisntfunny]

[mike-the-zookeeper]

Who the fuck left this garbage on the floor

[mike-the-zookeeper]

@jack-cass DONT LISTEN TO THE FALSE MIKE. HE WILL TRY AND MISLEAD YOU INTO BUYING CHICKEN FROM THE GROCERY STORE. I am the one true Mike, you need to get beefed up and fight Jon.

[mike-the-zookeeper]

It's time you guys learn the truth.

I have no idea what zoo I work at, I'm completely fucking lost. I just get a paycheck in the mail every 5 years from "the zoo" and have an approximate knowledge of giraffe anatomy.