How to Spot a Fake “Dom,” “Master,” “Alpha”
(Adapted and supplemented from posts by @londondaddydom and @dirtydaddythings)
Tumblr – like other Internet sites and dating and chat apps – is filled with make-believe “Doms,” “Masters,” and “Alphas” that don’t deserve to ever be called Sir or Master by anyone, because they are just losers, fraudsters, con men, or scam artists. I call them “Wizard of Oz Doms,” because, like the Wizard of Oz, they hide behind the curtain of the Internet, pretending to be what they are not.
For those of you who are new to this, it can initially be difficult to spot frauds. Do not be too down on yourself for getting deceived. Learn from your mistakes.
Here are some tips to spot a fraud early on:
He asks for nudes and insists you do whatever he says within hours (and usually less) of first chatting with you.
He quickly tries to monetize the relationship, as by “findom” (short for financial domination). Telling you to pay him “tribute” to his PayPal account, for instance.
His compliments exclusively focus on your appearance, so he says things like “you look great” but you never get a compliment on your personality or character.
He is suspiciously quick to punish you. You’re always being told you’ve “been a bad boy”, you always feel like you’re not doing enough to make him happy.
He’s only ever really engaged in the conversation when he needs something. At other times he’s distant and barely tolerates you, if he bothers to reply at all.
His dating site pic shows a dick, or a shoe, or a crotch, etc. If his profile pic shows a man with a “six pack” abdomen who looks like a porn star, you can be pretty sure the photo actually is of a porn star. Invite him to a two-way video chat. The chances of him agreeing to that are almost nil. Even if he says yes, the chances are that he will not activate his cam, claiming there’s a technical glitch, or does not have a cam. A sure sign of a scam.
The relationship feels empty and hollow. You still feel alone.
He calls you pet names so often that it becomes nauseating. Ends every sentence with “slave” or “boy” or “slut”; it comes across like he’s trying too hard.
He doesn’t seem interested about learning more about BDSM. You won’t find him re-blogging long text posts such as this on his blog (instead it’ll be 100% sexual content).
He can turn mean and hurtful, perhaps even threaten you with exposure, if you don’t do as he says.
Recognize the warning signs and trust yourself. Don’t be so desperate for affection that you ignore these signs. Don’t fool yourself into believing him when he says no one will love you like him. He’s right but that’s because his love isn’t love at all and virtually any other love would be better. You are far too precious and rare to allow charlatans to court your attention for too long.
I wonder if you know just how rare you are. There’s no one else quite like you. No one else with your combination of gifts, charms, wiles, or heart. No matter how similar you may feel to someone else, they aren’t and cannot be you.
That doesn’t mean there exists an “only chance” at happiness. There are indeed many who would welcome your gift, treasure it, and nurture it.
When someone comes along who makes you feel diminished, broken, or worthless: walk away. It’s not easy but it’s just that simple. Get out. Heed the warning in your heart, trust your intuition, and remember the content of this post. You’re worth more than you can know to the right person.
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