Jul 13
July 12, 2026
For some reason it was very important that I not cry at the vet. I felt claustrophobic and ill. I stared out the window and marvelled at everything, even though it was things I saw all the time - a yield sign, vines along a fence, a woman in an orange sweater. I raised my arms wide, to signal that I was ready. The sky grew brighter and I felt something like levitation. I was suspended between knowing and not knowing, and if I could stay there, I wouldn’t cry.
I thought, if I were someone who believed in God I would call this a religious experience. But I knew it was my ego being annihilated by grief. I was seeing my own insignificance. After that I was barely in the room, so small was I beside her death.