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i am joining the war on problematic age gaps on the side of problematic age gaps

Lawrence of Arabia asks: what if a white boy had motion?

Dune asks: what if a white boy having motion was bad?

Avatar asks: what if a white boy having motion was good?

My seminal work, 10,000 miseries and how to suffer them, asks: what if a white boy had a fat ass and big jiggly tatas and no significant character flaws? And he let you play with them? The tatas?

#what if?#hmmm I’m thinking about it rn #may need an illustration

Even if I were running for mayor I would still vote by mail

#unless of course #I could show off my hot wife

pulling increasingly archaic music playing devices and earbuds out of my pockets

i’m doing an akira slide in the pussy. my relationship to sex is so complicated even i dont get it

gently touching her shaved armpit, will you stop? for me?

#please grow them mama #please please please please please

they’re calling her mr legs

#mr big base

now look here: hits you with a brick

#ha got you!!

i think my dream job is having 15-20 women who pay for me hourly to hang around and they can show me their art or like memes or i can watch them game and say things like “that’s lovely honey” or “you’ll beat that boss next try sweetheart” or hit my most motherly giggle

#if they pay extra we can kiss or something too

ah the ocean. natures most gorgeous garbage can

#let’s throw things in the ocean #it’s fine from a scientific perspective

everyone loves to kill nuclear things by asking “but what if something that will never happen actually does happen in a million years?” sure what if? it won’t but whatever

#i don’t give a FUCK

FUCK harry reid me and everyone i know HATE harry reid

#let’s get this FUCKING guy!!

asking my search engine riddles just to see it squirm

#dance google dance

every now and again i catch unimaginable strays from highly unorthodox sources

#homeschooled christian loser

darling i must confess, i have far too much in my hands, it defies reason. this is going to end unimaginably poorly

#i’m dropping this shit #on both you and me #it’s over

you probably really only ever need three. think about it. points in a plane, entries in lists, legs on a stools, kisses on my forehead, number of hearts one has broken. three is perfect for all of them

#i guess the stool thing is still just planes in disguise

i think gaining 20lbs and becoming a sloppy woman would, well i dunno maybe not “fix me”. but a lot of pieces might start falling into place

#sloppy lady

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