I almost hate to add another voice to the din, but I feel the need. The events were as follows, from what I can tell.
Hunter poured a drink. Jude teased about the lack of words. Hunter called Jude’s feelings guilt trips. Jude tried to prove that his feelings had merit by retelling some of the reasons that his feelings were valid. Instead of defending himself, which you’re implying Hunter was doing, he chose to belittle Jude further by calling his struggles a story. When you defend yourself, you say “I didn’t do that.” When you abuse someone, you attack their character– i.e. calling his feelings guilt trips and calling his struggles a story. Neither of those things were defenses. Those were offensive attacks. He didn’t even acknowledge anything that was said about what he was doing wrong, and if even one of the things listed is true… well..
I think what happened here was, unfortunately, a case of someone being in a bad mood and taking it out on someone else by trying to belittle things they find important. Jude’s feelings are obviously important to him, and it is never right to call someone’s feelings a guilt trip. It’s also never right to call someone’s struggles a story.
Case in point, one that might be up your alley too, there was a stripper that went to a party for the Duke University lacrosse team. She accused them of rape, racism, and abuse afterwards. People called her experience “a story” so many times that she dropped it.
Should she have dropped her story because the lacrosse players “were having a bad night?”
Hunter did wrong, and so did you, actually. You stepped in the middle of something you clearly didn’t have any information on and further oppressed someone that was already having a difficult time because they were being abusively oppressed elsewhere. He told you he was being abused and instead of first asking him how, you told him he had no right and had done wrong for standing up for himself.
So what gave you the right? If Jude had no right to tell Hunter he didn’t feel like he was being treated fairly, then what gave you the right to tell Jude that you didn’t think he was treating Hunter fairly?
I’m hoping this is something I never have to speak about again, because abuse is incredibly terrible and should be taken seriously. If someone says they’re being abused, I don’t care if you’re the person that’s being accused of being abusive, the whole world stops and you ask why? Why are you saying that you’ve been abused? Because no question or words are more important in that moment.
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